Gabriella
Javier killed Sid.
The bullet in Sid’s head was Javier’s bullet.
It’s like a new meditation I have running on rinse and repeat. I try to be rational and remember Triker was a bad person and didn’t deserve an ounce of my affection.
But then I remember there were good parts to Triker, and pain sears through me.
Triker wasn’t the only one who died.
A part of me withered away when he put out a declaration, kidnapped, and forced me to marry him. Then when he got shot, a part of my heart died as much as I don’t want it to be true.
Javier didn’t escape death, either. Everything Triker put him through since the day he put out the declaration has slowly killed him. And now I’ve murdered a piece of his soul by grieving Triker and not allowing him to take me home.
For over six months, I imagined what it would be like to see Javier, to touch him and have him hold me in his arms.
It feels better than what I imagined all those months. But I didn’t anticipate grieving Sid or that I had any love in my heart for Sid.
We haven’t spoken about me sleeping with Sid, but I can see in Javier’s eyes he knows. And the shame of giving myself to Sid, knowing that I could have said no to him on our wedding night and chose not to, or any of the other times I slept with Sid and didn’t tell him no, is more painful than I could ever imagine.
The love I feel for Javier hasn’t gone away. My desire to be with him and spend my life with him and only him is still the reality. But the guilt of what I’ve done makes me feel unworthy of his love, and I don’t know how to change that.
We haven’t spoken since the doctor came into the hallway and told me that I was released to go home. I slowly walked back into the room and helped Lena walk out of the hospital with me.
I told Javier to sit in the front with Hudson so I can be with Lena. She’s in shock, her rib is broken, and she doesn’t have anywhere to go.
Hudson has been very gentle and sweet with her, which is how I always remember him being before Kate cheated on him and left him. After that happened, he became an angry guy a lot of the time.
The ride from the Tampa hospital to Anna Maria Island is about an hour. It’s late at night, so the drive goes by fast with no traffic. From time to time, Javier glances back at me, or Hudson gazes at us in the rear view mirror.
I can only imagine what they are thinking.
When I first arrived at the hospital, I was in shock. After several hours, I came out of it, and my parents, Connor, Gracie, Beckett, and Mia were all there. They eventually went home, but Ryland, Chloe, Hudson, and Javier stayed.
The pain of not being with my family and Javier was horrible when I was with Triker. He would tell me all the time to forget about them and that he and the Twisted Hearts were my family. It always made the pain worse. Nothing and no one would ever replace my family, and seeing them again brought happiness to me I hadn’t felt in over six months.
When Hudson came in to see me, like the rest of my family, we both cried. But he’s my oldest brother and has always been the one to make everything right. I knew he would let Lena come with me because he is a protector and fixer. It’s what he does and who he is, so in my crazy way of thinking, I thought if I went with him, then he could help make everything right.
But I know he can’t.
He can’t stop the pain I’m feeling, or guilt, or confusion.
He can’t put Javier and I back together again. As much as I want to brush everything under the rug, I can’t, and I know Javier can’t, either.
And I can’t even touch him the way I want to because, earlier in the day, I had Triker in me.
Half of me wants to scrub Triker away, and the other half wants to keep whatever piece of him I can.
The first thing Hudson will tell me is to take a hot shower when we get to his house. The hospital did what they could, but I still have Triker’s blood on me. It’s stained my skin and should mortify me, but it’s comforting to know that there is a piece of him with me.
Any rational thought left in my head is telling me that I’m crazy and have officially entered the looney town. Part of me wonders if I need to be locked up again in the mental hospital.
Hudson pulls into his garage and shuts the door. The lights come on, and, when I get out, I focus on the corner. It’s a three-car garage similar inside to Triker’s, but there is no plastic in the corner to “maintain order.”
“The plastic is missing,” Lena mumbles, and I turn to see her staring as well.
“There’s no plastic here,” I tell her.
“How will they maintain order?” She furrows her brows in confusion.
I put my arm around her. “We don’t need to maintain order here.”
“Oh?” She tilts her head at me.
“No. No one gets hurt here.”
She lets out a shaky breath.
I hug her tighter. “Let’s go see the new house.” I turn to lead her inside. Javier and Hudson are staring at us, expressions of sympathy, horror, and curiosity plastered on their faces. It makes me want to cry again, and I’m trying to be strong for Lena.
Gracie had gone to Javier’s and packed us overnight bags. She added extra clothes for Lena and dropped everything off at Hudson’s. Lena is my size, and I hand her some pajamas and show her to her room. All of Hudson’s bedrooms have en suites. I turn the shower on for her and help her get undressed and in it. I stay in her room until she’s out and dressed then I tuck her in bed.
“Gabriella.”
“Yeah?”
“What time does Hudson want me to leave by tomorrow?” she asks me with fresh tears in her eyes.
I wipe the tears away. “He doesn’t want you to go. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“But I don’t have any money.”
“He doesn’t want any money from you. It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”
“But I can’t stay here forever.”
“No. But we don’t have to worry about this tonight. Everything is going to be okay.”
There is a knock on the door.
“Come in,” I say.
Hudson sets a bottle of water on the table. “I thought you might want this.”
Lena sniffles. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He starts to leave.
“Hudson,” I call out.
He spins. “Yeah?”
“Lena wanted to know what time she needs to leave tomorrow.”
His eyes widen before he realizes it, and he recomposes himself. “No time. You’re welcome to stay as long as you want to, Lena. No one is using this room, so consider it yours.”
More tears fall. “Thank you.”
“Good night. I’m down the hall if you need anything.” He leaves.
“See? I told you he doesn’t want you to go. Everything will be fine. Let’s get some rest, and tomorrow we can walk the beach, okay?”
“Okay. Thank you.”
I kiss her on the forehead and hug her again. “We’re safe now. Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night, Gabriella.”
I close her door and run into Javier in the hallway.
“Lena okay?” he asks.
“She will be. She’s stronger than I am.”
Javier tilts his head. “I doubt that.”
I briefly close my eyes, filled with guilt.
An uncomfortable silence follows.
“I need a shower. Do you want to go first?” he asks.
“You go. I need to talk to Hudson about something. I’ll be in soon.”
He’s about to say something and stops. “Okay.” He kisses my forehead and goes into the bedroom.
I knock on Hudson’s door.
“Come in.”
I step inside and close the door. As I figured, he’s sitting on the couch, staring at the night sky, tapping his fingers together.
“Everything okay?” he asks.
I sit next to him. “Yeah.”
He tugs me into his chest then kisses the top of my head. Tears fall on my head.
I tilt my chin up. “Hey. You okay?”
He wipes his face. “Yeah. I’m just glad to see my little sister.”
“I’m glad to see you, too.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t find you,” he sobs.
I turn and pull him into me. “Shh. I’m okay. It’s not your fault.”
He cries on my shoulder and, when he stops, says, “Sorry about that.”
“Understandable. It’s me we’re talking about,” I tease him and wink.
He chuckles.
“Thank you for letting Lena stay.”
“She can stay as long as she needs to, but I’m not a therapist and don’t want to cause her more harm. If I do or say something wrong, tell me.”
I dramatically sit up straighter as if in shock. “Why, Hudson Brooks. Are you saying that you don’t know what’s best for everyone at all times?”
“Ha, ha. Funny.”
“Just be you, Hudson, and everything will be fine.”
We lock eyes for a moment, and then he says, “Javier spent every moment searching for you. I don’t think he’s slept since you’ve been gone.”
I fidget with my fingers, trying not to cry for the millionth time.
“Gabriella.”
“Hmmm?”
“Do you still love him?”
I jerk my head toward him. “So much that if he were ripped away from me again, it would kill me.”
“Then you need to talk to him. You can stay here as long as you want, but don’t hide from him. Whatever happened with Triker”—he takes a deep breath and releases it—“tell him then let him process it and work through it.”
“There are things I’ve done that are unforgivable,” I say through tears.
Hudson tugs me close to him. “No. There aren’t.”
“You don’t know what I’ve done.”
“It doesn’t matter. Nothing that happened while you were with Triker is your fault.”
“I had choices.”
“No, you didn’t. You don’t have choices when your freedom is taken away. I don’t know the details about your time with Triker, but whatever they are, tell Javier what you think you need to tell him and work through it. He loves you.”
“Since when are you such a Javier fan?”
He pounds his chest several times. “He’s my brother.”
It’s a gesture all my brothers make to each other. They never have told Gracie and me what it means, but I know it represents something important.
I lean in and hug Hudson. “All right, dear wise brother. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“One more thing, Gabriella.”
“Hmmm?”
“Don’t think twice about the shower. His blood needs to come off you.”
“How did you—”
“Don’t ask. Just get in the shower.”
I jump off the couch. “Good night.”
“Night.”
I walk down the hall to the bedroom and lock the door. Javier is in the shower, and he’s crying. His arm is against the wall, and he’s sobbing into it.
My hand flies to my mouth. What’s left of my heart shatters as I watch his chest, heaving with emotion, and hear the wail he’s trying to cover up. I quickly strip off my clothes, get in behind him, and put my arms around his waist then kiss his back.
He freezes then shudders with sobs again.
I hold him tighter. The water pounds my flesh, and blood-stained water colors the tiled floor and flows into the drain.
I kiss his back and push my body as close to his as possible. “Forgive me. I’m so sorry, just forgive me.”
He straightens and spins into me. “You don’t have anything to be forgiven for.”
I place my hands on his cheeks. “I do.”
“You’re alive and back. And I know you went through hell, but I’m just—” He gets choked up and can’t continue.
“Shh.” I pull his head to mine.
“Tell me what to do. I’ll do anything to fix whatever is broken between us.”
“Shh. We aren’t broken. I’m broken. He broke me.”
“No. You aren’t broken, baby. You’re strong. So strong.”
“But I did things...with him...I...”
Javier puts his finger over my lips. “I know. I’m not mad at you. I could never be mad at you. That wasn’t your fault.”
“What if it was?”
“No. It wasn’t.”
“How can you forgive me?”
“There isn’t anything to forgive. It wasn’t your fault, Gabriella.”
My tears once again fall, and he pulls me into his arms. They are the arms I’ve craved for over six months, wondering every day if I would ever feel them around me again.
“I need you to wash his blood off me. I need him off me,” I sob.
“Okay, baby.” He works the wedding rings off and sets them on the ledge.
“Thank you,” I whisper and cry some more.
“Shhh.” Javier kisses me while he unlatches the diamond necklace from around my neck, removes it, and places it next to the rings. He picks up the loofah and pours soap on it then diligently scrubs every part of me, kissing my skin once I’m clean, making sure I no longer have any of Triker’s blood on me.
When he’s done, I take the loofah and do the same to him then kiss his tattoos on his chest and trace my finger along them.
“God, I missed that,” he breathes.
“Me, too,” I whisper.
Triker had tattoos. More than Javier, and I never once traced any of them.
It’s a realization that as much as Triker wanted my love and adoration, only one person truly got it. No quantity of sex or jewels could replace my attraction or intimacy with Javier.
He leans down and kisses me, breathing fire into my soul, creating a chain reaction of bubbling zings in all my veins. And my loins burn for him deeper than any kiss Triker ever gave me.
When I kiss Javier back, I mean it. I want him, and it’s nothing false or for a show. It’s only for us because we are all that matter.
I moan in his mouth, my toes curling, his arms tight around me, and I feel safe.
Finally, I’m home where I belong.
“Can I still be your wife?” I ask, and an ocean of tears escape my eyes.
“Nothing about how much I want you or what I want from you has changed, Gabriella. I’m as obsessed with you as the day I met you.”
“You are?”
“Yes. Nothing will ever change that.”
“Javier, take me to bed. Please.”
He reaches over, turns the water off, and dries me from head to toe then gently squeezes the water out of my hair. When he’s taken care of me, he dries himself then crushes his lips to mine.
We shove our tongues in each other’s mouths, needing, wanting, desperate for the other. He walks me backward while kissing me until we reach the bed then lays me down and feasts on every part of my body.
And the heaven I knew existed, that I thought I had lost, is now my reality again, and nothing is more right in the world.
“Javier, I missed you so much,” I whimper as his lips frolic on the curve of my neck.
“I lived in torture without you,” he murmurs.
His tongue flicks down to my breasts, traces my areola and around the edge of my nipple, making it pucker and harden before sucking lightly then harder.
“Oh...”
He takes his time, devouring and worshipping me all at once.
Heat courses through my veins, mixed with adrenaline, tingles, and flutters. He kisses my inner thighs, licks my sex then lifts my legs around his shoulders.
His dexterous fingers fill me, one at a time, then together, rolling against my sweet spot, fucking me as his tongue and lips send me to the edge of the cliff.
“Oh God! Javier...oh...oh...don’t stop...oh God,” I cry out as he takes me up to the very spot right before I orgasm and down a bit before edging me back.
My skin glistens with sweat, and my loins hum with energy.
“Please, Javier...oh...please...I need...oh God...please,” I scream out as he sucks me harder, and I fly over the edge, shaking in his mouth, squeezing my thighs against his cheeks, my toes curling and chest heaving.
“You’re still the most beautiful woman,” he mumbles as his lips travels up my body and then meet mine.
The taste of my orgasm still on his tongue fills my mouth. I buck my hips, wrapping my legs around him, pushing his ass hard to get as much of him in me as possible.
I start to rock quickly, and he stills. “Hold on, baby. Let me just feel you for a minute.”
“Sorry, I forgot—”
“Shh.” He consumes my lips with his own and kisses me so intensely, I gasp for air.
He slowly thrusts in me, and I rock to meet his speed, loving every sound he makes, or flex of his body, or the way he studies all my expressions.
I lace my hands through his hair. “I missed your hair.”
“I missed your hair,” he says as his fingers weave into it.
I move my hands down to his back.
“I missed your hands on me,” he murmurs.
“Where?”
“Everywhere. I dreamed of you touching me.”
I caress his spine then cup his ass and push him against my thrusts.
“Baby...do that...yes...right like that,” he mumbles.
I circle up, whimpering from every feeling of pleasure rushing through my body.
“Oh God...Javier...oh...I’m...I’m...oh...”
“I got you, baby,” he growls and slides his arms under me, holding me tight and licking the back of my ear.
“Oh,” I cry out, convulsing under him.
“That’s it,” he coos.
I bite his lip, and he groans then I suck on it.
He thrusts deeper.
I rock faster.
Our chests collide, trying to find air.
“Hold me tighter. I want to stay in your arms forever,” I murmur.
He tightens his embrace, and our lips and tongue create a fire so hot, it could melt lava.
“Oh God...I’m going to come again,” I breathe.
He slams into my G-spot, and I explode. He erupts with me, pumping hard into my body as my spasming walls grip him.
“Gabriella,” he growls as I scream out his name.
He kisses me through our climax, and when we’re finished, we’re panting hard, full of sweat. I’m exhausted but still want more.
He never pulls out of me. Our kisses become so consuming, he hardens inside me again, and we make love a second time.
All night and into the early morning, we reunite. And one thing I was right about was that Triker might have broken me, but he didn’t break us.