Gabriella
Several weeks pass. Javier and Chloe have asked Lena and me a lot of questions about Twisted Hearts activities and members. Whatever I know, I’ve told them, but most of the people I met are all dead or in jail now.
I try to make peace with Kate. I don’t excuse what she did to Hudson, but I attempt to allow her to help Lena and me.
Hudson pulled me aside the night she got here and told me if he could deal with it, then I should. I figured he was sacrificing for Lena and me, so the least I could do was try my best.
Lena is making quick strides, and she and Hudson often go for walks on the beach. From time to time, I catch Kate shaking her head. She says it’s not in Lena’s best interest to get attached to Hudson, but I think she’s jealous.
Hudson seems like his old self around Lena until Kate comes into the room. He usually leaves, but sometimes he gets stuck in a situation, and I see his anger come back out. Then there’s times I think he’s possibly forgiven her, and red flags rise quickly in my mind.
I’m ready to move back home with Javier. Besides a few times we’ve gone to the condo to get clothes, we’ve spent most of our time at Hudson’s.
I have joint sessions of therapy with Lena and also Javier. And Kate makes all three of us have individual sessions as well.
The guilt I feel about giving myself to Sid goes away at times but then comes flying back with a vengeance.
Kate said that’s typical. But nothing feels normal anymore, except when Javier holds me in his arms. It’s the only thing that calms my shaking insides sometimes.
Javier and I make a lot of progress in therapy, but we can’t seem to get past our beliefs about Sid. And sometimes, I can’t get past my distrust of Kate in order to do what she says is needed to move forward.
No matter how big a monster Sid was, I also know there was some good in him. I know he loved me. His love doesn’t excuse his actions, but his actions also don’t negate his devotion.
At least in my mind.
And if he didn’t love me, then why did he die trying to protect me?
I’ve not told anyone what happened in the stairwell of the club. Kate told me I didn’t have to disclose everything to Javier, but she wants me to divulge it all to her. She assured me some things were okay to take to the grave minus telling her. But I keep it to myself and I don’t even give her a glimpse of it.
I don’t know if I’ll ever tell Javier about it. He’s stood by me, loving me through all the things I’ve chosen to disclose. I even told him about my “wedding” night with Triker and how I told him I wanted him when I gave myself to him.
Through everything, Javier has never wavered about nothing being my fault or his love for me still being as deep as before I became Triker’s.
I’m no longer afraid Javier won’t love me anymore if I tell him about the stairwell, but I don’t want to hurt him.
But there is something I do need to tell Javier, and it’s the one thing I’m not sure he’s going to be able to handle. I won’t blame him if he runs.
The secret I have to tell Javier about I’ve only known for a few days. But it’s another reason I don’t tell him about the conversation in the stairwell. If Triker hadn’t died, and I hadn’t been rescued, I’d like to think Sid would have kept his promise to me to try harder and that we had some sort of real love between us, even if it was screwed up.
It’s crazy, and I’m pretty sure my thinking would be classified as Stockholm syndrome, but I don’t think any amount of therapy will ever make me believe differently.
In the last few days, I’ve thought a lot about my future. Nothing has changed regarding who I want in it. Javier is the only man I can ever see myself fully loving or being happy with. But after tonight, when I tell him what I found out, I don’t know how he’ll be able to even be in the same room with me again.
I sent him a text earlier today, telling him I needed to discuss something with him when he got home from work. I knew if I didn’t, another night would pass and I would chicken out.
“Hey, baby,” he says when he comes home and kisses me.
I kiss him harder, not sure if it’s the last kiss I’ll ever get.
He pulls back. “What do you want to talk to me about?”
Tell him it’s nothing.
It isn’t fair for him not to know.
“Can we go sit on the beach?”
He scans my face. “Sure. Let me put my gun away and change.”
“Okay. I’ll meet you outside.”
He kisses me again, and I blink back my tears and spin quickly so he doesn’t see them. “See you outside.”
When I step outside, Kate is on the deck. “What’s wrong, Gabriella?” she asks.
“Nothing.”
She peers at my wet eyes. “You can tell me.”
“I’m fine. See you later.” I quickly get away from her. I don’t know why, but I don’t want her to know anything about what I’m about to tell Javier.
I find a spot on the beach not far from the house and sit down. I’m wearing a sundress and am barefoot. The water is warm from the summer air, and it’s going to be a beautiful sunset.
A perfect night. If only I had perfect news.
Javier quietly sits next to me and holds my hand, kisses it, then pulls me into his lap and patiently waits for me to speak.
I don’t know how to say it, so I blurt out, “I just found out I’m pregnant.”
He nods.
Why is he nodding?
Tears fall out of my eyes. “It’s not yours.”
He blinks hard and nods again then smiles at me. His hands push the hair off my face and behind my ear.
“I’m sorry,” I sob, and he pulls me into his arms.
“Shh. Don’t be sorry.”
“I made him give me birth control. I don’t know how this happened. I swear I took it,” I cry.
“I know you did.”
I pull back.
“I figured you were pregnant since you’ve been getting sick. I pulled the lab reports on the narcotics found in the house and they showed there were sugar pills in your birth control pack discovered in the master bathroom.”
My pulse races. “I don’t understand.”
“It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. Triker gave you placebos instead of real birth control.”
“What?” I whisper.
How could he do that to me?
Javier kisses me. “You’re going to be a great mom.”
I start to cry harder.
Javier holds me in his arms tight. “Shh. Everything will be okay, I promise.”
I don’t know how long I sob in his arms. When I finally stop, he kisses my forehead. “Do you want to plan a new wedding date before the baby is born?”
Fresh tears race out of my eyes. “You still want to marry me?”
“I told you nothing would ever make me not want to marry you, and I meant it. I’m not living if I’m not with you.”
“But it’s Triker’s.”
“No. It’s your baby. It’ll be our baby,” he sternly states.
Tears fall everywhere, and he holds me tight, caressing my hair, murmuring his love for me.
We stay out on the beach until the sun sets, and when I finally move out of his arms, I say to him, “I’m ready to go home.”
“Tonight?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Let me make sure Kate is okay with it.”
I cup his face. “No. I don’t want to work with her anymore. I’ve tried, but I don’t trust her. And I don’t want her to know about the baby.”
“Did something happen?”
“Nothing particular, but I don’t get a good feeling with her. I can’t explain it, but I can’t have her help me any more than she has.”
“Gabriella, you need to stay in therapy.”
“I know. I will. I spoke with Lisa, my therapist from the mental hospital. She gave me a list of therapists she said were best suited to help me. I called and spoke with several. There’s a lady in Sarasota I want to work with.”
He licks his lips.
“Please. I can’t work with Kate. Lena can keep working with her if she wants, but I can’t.”
“Okay. Does she only work with you or both of us?”
“She can work with both of us.”
He pecks me on the lips. “Whatever you need to feel comfortable. It’s been longer than the two weeks I asked you to agree to.”
“Thank you. Can we go home? I want to go home.”
“Then let’s go home, baby.”