In the best tradition of British holiday weather, the next day was a washout. Cat drew back her curtains to reveal a wind-whipped sky, the washed-out clouds moving across it like drifting smoke. Fat drops of rain landed with some force on the windowpane. Even Finn the adventurer had to concede that this wasn’t a day for going out.
‘We can have a movie day. We’ve got popcorn.’ The kids agreed enthusiastically. The problem came when they tried to decide what to watch.
‘Frozen!’ chorused Daisy and Ellie.
‘No way,’ said Charlie, folding his arms.
‘How about,’ suggested Finn, ‘Charlie chooses three films and you girls pick one of them.’
‘O-kay,’ said Ellie suspiciously.
‘Skyfall,’ began Charlie.
‘They need to be age-appropriate, mate,’ said Finn.
Charlie rolled his eyes. ‘I’m not watching a baby film.’
Ellie frowned. ‘We are not babies.’
‘You like babies’ films,’ declared Charlie.
‘Shut up, Charlie,’ shouted Ellie.
‘You shut up, squirt.’
‘Don’t call me that!’
‘Why, squirt?’ replied Charlie with a smirk. Ellie launched herself forward, pummelling her brother with her fists.
‘Okay, that’s enough,’ said Cat, taking hold of Ellie’s shoulders.
Charlie scowled at her. ‘What’s it got to do with you? You’re not our mum.’
‘True. But I am in charge while you’re with me.’
Charlie gave a derisory snort. ‘You’re not in charge of me.’
‘For the record, young man, I am in charge and I can leave Ellie here and take you home if I need to.’
‘You wouldn’t do that,’ said Charlie but there was something about his tone that suggested he wasn’t sure.
‘Try me,’ said Cat. ‘Carry on with this attitude and rudeness and I’ll have you in that car before you can say “99 Flake”.’
‘Ooh yes please,’ said Daisy dreamily.
Charlie was staring at Cat now. She could see hurt behind his eyes and knew he was troubled. ‘Look, I know you miss your mum,’ she ventured.
‘You don’t know anything!’ cried Charlie. ‘About me or her or any of us! You’re just here while Mum’s away and then you’ll leave. You don’t care what happens to us.’
‘That’s not true,’ said Cat, gently touching him on the arm. ‘I do care. Is this about the boys in the park? Are they bullying you?’
Charlie looked up at her, his face betraying anger and fear. ‘Stop trying to interfere. You don’t know anything about my life. You’re a bloody bitch and I hate you.’
‘Charlie, that’s enough. Stop it now.’ Finn’s voice was direct and fierce. It made them all stop in their tracks.
Charlie flushed red with embarrassed anger; it was one thing to argue with his aunt but to be the subject of Finn’s disappointment was a different matter. Seconds later, he rushed from the room without looking back. They heard him stomp up the stairs and slam his door.
‘Well that went well,’ said Cat after a pause. She felt as if she’d been hit in the gut. Cat had been under the misapprehension that she and Charlie had an understanding but obviously they hadn’t even made it out of the starting blocks. Ellie began to cry and then Daisy started in solidarity. Cat looked desperately at Finn. He gave a reassuring smile before bundling the girls into his arms.
‘Now come on, you two. No tears. Charlie’s just missing his mum.’
‘I miss my mum too,’ said Ellie, fearing exclusion from their sympathy.
‘So do I!’ wailed Daisy.
‘I know you do but you will see them again soon and we’re on holiday so let’s try and have some fun eh?’ They stared at him wide-eyed and awed before nodding bravely. ‘Good girls. How about we put on Frozen and make some popcorn?’
‘But what about Charlie?’ sniffed Ellie with more loyalty than he probably deserved.
‘He’ll be fine,’ reassured Finn. ‘I’ll go and make sure he’s okay. You girls watch your film, all right?’
‘Can we dress up?’ asked Daisy.
‘Of course. You can both be Elsa.’
‘I’m usually Elsa and she’s Anna,’ said Ellie, ever in charge. Daisy nodded shyly. The girls went upstairs to find their costumes while Cat joined Finn in the kitchen. He set about making some popcorn in the microwave. Soon the space was filled with the satisfying sound and smell of popping kernels.
‘Thanks for that,’ she said after a pause.
‘For what?’ he asked.
‘For intervening with Charlie.’
He smiled. ‘No need to thank me. You were handling it perfectly. I just didn’t appreciate his choice of language.’
‘No – not ideal in front of six-year-olds.’
‘True but I didn’t like the way he spoke to you either. You don’t deserve it.’ He turned to face her, his expression serious.
She looked past him towards the window. ‘Well thank you.’
‘Cat, can I say something?’
‘Sure,’ she replied, although she felt a rising dread. She had wanted to avoid these ‘cards on the table’ type exchanges with Finn.
‘I get the feeling that you don’t really like me,’ he began.
‘That’s not true,’ protested Cat. ‘It’s just that you – ’
‘What?’ asked Finn, holding his palms open. ‘Help me out, Cat. What am I doing wrong?’
She stared at him. He actually gave a damn about what she thought. She took a deep breath. ‘You know how to do all this,’ she replied, gesturing round the kitchen.
‘If you mean washing up, then that’s not true. You should see how I leave an egg pan. Ask Ronnie,’ he joked.
She rolled her eyes. ‘You know what I mean. This! This world of kids and their extra-terrestrial behaviours.’
‘Can we have some Maltesers in with the popcorn, please?’ called Ellie from the living room.
Cat shivered. ‘See what I mean? Who has Maltesers in their popcorn? They are aliens living among us.’
Finn laughed. ‘Well that particular concoction is actually surprisingly delicious. You should try it.’ He turned to face her. ‘To be honest, that’s kind of what I’m talking about.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean,’ he said, taking the bowl of popcorn out of the microwave and emptying a packet of Maltesers into it, ‘give in to it. I don’t have all the answers about kids, I’ve just had more experience of it. But I do know you’ve got to stop resisting it to be able to enjoy it.’
‘Am I resisting it?’ she asked with genuine curiosity.
‘You’re clinging onto your old world like a life raft. My advice, if you want to hear it, is to jump in and swim with us for a bit. You might surprise yourself.’ Cat held his gaze for a moment. It was a perfectly reasonable suggestion and she could see that he meant it in an entirely friendly, non-preachy way. ‘And I’m sorry if you think I’m a know-it-all. Ronnie tells me the same so I’ll try not to laud my brilliance over you,’ he joked. ‘But I will tease you if you fall into the sea again.’
Cat laughed. ‘Okay then.’
He held out the bowl. ‘Dive in,’ he said. She regarded him for a second before sighing and helping herself to a clump of popcorn mixed with melting Malteser. She closed her eyes as she put it into her mouth, anticipating complete revulsion. It was weirdly delicious, like something Heston Blumenthal might serve up, although probably only after he’d vacuum-packed it in a balloon.
‘And?’ asked Finn amused.
‘Not bad,’ she declared, claiming the bowl.
He grinned. ‘I thought I might go and check on Charlie, unless you want to?’
Cat was grateful for the offer. ‘Be my guest. I think I’ll just annoy him if I go.’
‘You’re always irritated by the people you care most about,’ said Finn taking a handful of popcorn as he passed. ‘If you didn’t give a damn about them, they wouldn’t annoy you as much.’
A thought flickered across Cat’s brain like a candle in the breeze but she snuffed it out before it could take hold. ‘Thanks,’ she called after him, carrying the bowl over to where the girls were watching trailers before the main event.
‘Ooh, popcorn!’ cried Ellie. The two girls picked up a handful each and crammed it into their mouths. Cat was always amazed at how messy children actually were.
‘Mind your lovely dresses,’ she told them.
‘Chill, Auntie Cat,’ said Ellie. ‘There’s nothing you can spill that can’t be cleaned with a baby wipe.’
‘It’s true.’ Daisy nodded sagely.
‘Well still, go easy eh?’ she said, reaching forwards and picking up some scattered popcorn pieces from the floor. Ellie took another handful, dropping more onto the floor in the process. Cat realised that it was pointless trying to clear around children – like shovelling snow whilst it was still snowing. Finn appeared on the stairs.
‘Is he okay?’ asked Cat, glancing up at him.
‘He’s fine. Embarrassed but fine. He’s listening to music and drawing. He seems pretty happy. I think you might get an apology later.’
‘Thanks,’ sighed Cat. ‘I just wish I could download a manual so that I knew how a child’s mind worked.’ She glanced over at Ellie who was balancing a Malteser on her nose. ‘Or maybe I don’t.’ Ellie flipped the sweet expertly into her mouth, receiving an impressed round of applause from her friend.
‘Every parent wishes they had that manual too if it’s any consolation. It just doesn’t exist. You can’t control every aspect of your life.’
‘I used to be able to,’ said Cat ruefully.
‘But was that a good thing?’
‘I liked it,’ said Cat looking at him.
‘You might grow to like this version of life too.’
Cat wasn’t so sure. ‘Maybe.’
‘You don’t have to run the world, Cat. Sometimes you just have to exist and see what happens.’
‘Is that what you do?’
‘Mostly. Obviously I have my job and looking after Daisy but I’m not a big planner.’
Cat laughed. ‘You and I couldn’t be more different if we tried.’
Finn shrugged. ‘Different strokes for different folks. Doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.’
‘I guess not.’ Cat smiled.
‘Shhhhh!’ hissed Ellie. ‘The grown-ups have to stop talking now. The film is about to start.’ Cat and Finn exchanged amused glances. Daisy clambered next to Finn and put one arm around his neck. Not wanting to miss out, Ellie sat the other side. Cat felt like a bit of a gooseberry and had half a mind to fetch her book but she decided to watch with them for a moment or two. A while later she found herself joining in with Daisy and Ellie’s enthusiastic rendition of ‘Let It Go’, and by the end of the film she was wiping a surreptitious tear from her cheek.
‘Something in your eye?’ teased Finn.
‘That’s right,’ she replied with a smile.
As the credits rolled, Cat glanced out of the window. The pelting rain had slowed to a thin drizzle. Cat turned to Finn. ‘What do you fancy for dinner?’
He shrugged. ‘Not sure. Why?’
‘I thought I might cook.’
‘That would be cool. What’s your signature dish?’
Cat looked unsure. ‘Erm, ordering someone else’s signature dish? But I thought, you know, dive in and give it a go.’
‘Sounds good.’ He smiled.
‘What sounds good?’ asked Ellie nosily.
‘I’m going to cook dinner for us all,’ replied Cat.
‘Ooh can I help? I love cooking.’
‘Me too,’ cried Daisy with great enthusiasm. ‘Especially jelly. I’m really good at jelly.’
Cat hesitated. This hadn’t been part of the plan. It was going to be stressful enough as it was without ‘helpful assistants’. She glanced over at Finn, who shrugged. ‘I think you should go for it. I’m happy to risk whatever you put in front of us.’
Cat realised she had no choice. ‘Okay then. Girls, get your coats on. We’re going shopping!’
‘Oh yay!’ they chorused.
Cat’s initial mistake was to allow the girls to choose what they would eat. Daisy was adamant that sausages dipped in Marmite would be delicious, whereas Cat was pretty sure that this was the devil’s own food. She managed to persuade Daisy that the sausages would be happiest served au naturel and they opted for a classic supper of bangers, mash and carrots. There was something very pleasing about visiting the butcher and then the greengrocer; Cat felt an unusual sense of satisfaction as they trooped from one shop to the next. The shopkeepers were polite and particularly friendly with the girls. Cat gave them the money so that they could pay for the groceries themselves. She noticed how Daisy and Ellie grinned at one another with brimming pride as they carried their goods out of the shop and proudly held them up for Cat’s inspection.
‘What lovely girls you have,’ observed a passing old lady with a tiny boggle-eyed dog. ‘An absolute credit to you.’
Cat was about to correct her when she remembered Finn’s advice. ‘Thank you,’ she beamed. ‘Okay, what next?’ she enquired, turning back to the girls.
Daisy peered at the list that Ellie had written. ‘We need “jolly”,’ she said with a frown.
‘Jelly! Duh,’ retorted Ellie.
‘Well I can’t read your writing,’ declared Daisy. Ellie frowned at her.
‘You two are like an old married couple,’ laughed Cat.
‘Thank you,’ said Daisy. ‘Because we probably will get married, won’t we, Ellie? Girls are allowed to get married now.’
‘Yes, but only if they are het-er-ro-sec-shual,’ said Ellie carefully.
‘No, that’s not right. It’s civil ceremony,’ replied Daisy knowledgeably.
‘It’s not. It’s heterosecshual.’
‘No! It’s civil ceremony.’
‘Heterosecshual!’
‘Civil ceremony!’
The lady who had complimented Cat moments earlier looked up in alarm from the basket of beetroot she was browsing. Cat gave her a gracious smile before ushering the girls towards the local supermarket. As they were searching the shelves for jelly, Cat spotted the packets of Angel Delight.
‘I haven’t had this since I was little,’ she murmured, plucking a sachet from the shelves and holding it up for the girls to see. ‘I had no idea they still made it.’
‘What is it?’ asked Daisy.
‘It’s a sort of pudding you make with milk. It’s like a mousse,’ said Cat. ‘My mum…’ and then she stopped.
‘What?’ asked Ellie.
The girls were staring at Cat now and she knew she had to answer. ‘She used to put raspberries on the top,’ she said, feeling her heart quicken at the memory.
‘Let’s do that!’ cried Daisy.
‘But I thought you wanted jelly?’
‘No. We should get that,’ said Ellie. ‘It sounds nice.’
Cat smiled at them both. ‘Thank you. I hope you like it. I saw some raspberries in the greengrocer’s so we’ll stop and get some on the way home.’
They finished their shopping and walked back through the town, turning down the echoing alleyway that led to the churchyard and home. Ellie and Daisy skipped alongside Cat.
‘That was fun,’ said Ellie. ‘Much better than going to the big old boring supermarket. Mum never lets me pay or choose stuff.’ Cat felt her chest swell with pride.
‘Me neither,’ agreed Daisy.
‘Well your mums are probably very busy trying to fit it all in. You always have more time on holiday,’ said Cat reasonably.
‘Well I love holidays,’ declared Ellie.
‘Me too,’ agreed Daisy.
Ellie tapped her friend on the arm. ‘It!’ she cried before darting off happily along the path. Daisy squealed with joy and ran after her.
Cat watched them go and smiled to herself. The late afternoon sun was leaking through the clouds, bringing the promise of brighter skies. Cat felt her body lift as if carried along by something new and rather wonderful.
Returning to the cottage, she was secretly relieved to find Finn and Charlie had gone out. There was a note on the table. ‘Gone to beach for a kick-around. See you for dinner.’ She put the sausages in the fridge and turned around to find Ellie and Daisy standing right behind her like eager puppies waiting to be fed.
‘Shall we make the dinner now?’ asked Daisy.
‘I’m hungry. Can I have a biscuit?’ said Ellie.
‘How about a piece of fruit?’ suggested Cat. Ellie frowned.
‘Banana, please,’ said Daisy, receiving a scowl from her friend for the betrayal.
‘Fine, I’ll have a banana too then.’
‘What do you say?’ asked Cat.
‘Please,’ huffed Ellie.
Cat passed over two bananas and rummaged in the cupboard for a teabag. Finn had brought along all manner of weird teas. She spotted a box of rooibos and opted for that; she recalled being mildly addicted to it a year or two ago when the Huffington Post declared it to be the next big thing. She sniffed the mug; it smelt like hay but it wasn’t unpleasant. She turned back to the girls, who had already finished their fruit.
‘Let’s make the pudding then.’ Apart from a minor incident with a balloon whisk (Daisy felt that Ellie had been taking too long with her mixing and clocked her friend over the head with said implement) and the tiny cut that Ellie sustained (and about which she complained bitterly) whilst peeling potatoes, everything else ran smoothly. By the time Finn and Charlie returned, dinner was well underway and Cat felt rather proud of herself.
‘This looks great, girls,’ declared Finn approaching the dinner table, which Ellie and Daisy were in the process of setting.
‘You put the knives, forks and spoons in order of how you are going to eat your courses,’ Daisy told him earnestly. ‘But we’re only having two courses so we’ve got a knife and fork and then a little spoon for pudding,’ she added, pointing at the cutlery.
‘Don’t tell him!’ warned Ellie. ‘Remember, we are the waitresses.’
‘Oh yeah, sorry,’ replied Daisy, an excited glint in her eye.
‘Well it looks very professional.’ Finn smiled, reaching out to ruffle his niece’s hair.
‘Cat taught us,’ said Daisy with pride, gazing over at her teacher in awe.
‘I think you might have a fan there,’ whispered Finn, stealing a carrot from Cat’s chopping board.
‘Oi! Hands off,’ scolded Cat. ‘You should never get in the way of a woman with a knife,’ she added, waggling it at him. She turned to see Charlie standing in the doorway between the living room and kitchen diner. ‘Hey, Charlie. How was the beach?’
‘Good,’ said Charlie, taking courage from her greeting and sidling over.
Finn took a step back and ushered for him to move nearer. ‘Don’t be shy, Charlie. Cat’s got a knife but I’ll protect you,’ he joked.
Charlie gave a small smile and came to stand close by Cat. She looked down at him; the anger was gone, replaced by a deep desire to be forgiven. ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered.
‘It’s okay,’ she said, giving him a nudge with her arm. ‘Really.’
‘I picked this up on the beach. I thought you might like it.’ He placed a shell on the work surface. It was almost perfect – smoothly rounded with a pink pearlescent shine and a tiny chip in one edge.
‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I shall treasure it.’ Charlie nodded shyly. Finn ruffled his hair as he walked past. ‘Did you talk to him about this morning?’ she asked when Charlie was gone.
‘A bit. There is something bothering him but he doesn’t want to talk about it at the moment. We just played footie and chucked stones into the sea. You know what boys are like. He wanted to bring you that shell though – it was all his own idea.’
Cat was touched by the gesture. ‘Fancy a glass of wine?’ she suggested.
‘Why not?’ said Finn. ‘Red or white?’
Cat would have usually insisted on white but something about the course of events today made her say, ‘You choose.’
‘Are you sure?’ he teased.
‘Ye-es.’ She smiled.
‘Well I reckon this will go well with the sausages,’ he said holding up a bottle of red wine.
‘Perfect,’ said Cat without hesitation. ‘Girls? It will be ready in about five minutes. Do you want to seat our guests?’
Daisy and Ellie jumped to attention. ‘You look after Charlie. I’ll look after Finn,’ said Ellie.
‘But I want to look after Finn. He’s my uncle,’ replied Daisy possessively.
‘O-kay,’ conceded Ellie.
The girls approached their designated guests. ‘Would you follow me, please, sir,’ said Daisy before glancing over at her friend and falling into helpless laughter.
‘Yes, this way, please,’ giggled Ellie, taking her brother by the arm.
Charlie and Finn took their places obediently at the table and were presented with specially designed menus decorated with prodigious quantities of glitter. Finn immediately took on the role of co-operative paying customer with aplomb. He peered at the menu with pursed lips before turning to Daisy.
‘Thank you, waitress. I shall have the sausages, mash and carrots, please, followed by Angel Delight topped with raspberries.’
‘Very good,’ squeaked Daisy. ‘And to drink?’
‘Red wine, please,’ said Finn.
‘Not too much,’ warned Daisy. ‘Otherwise you’ll get a hangover.’
‘Very well,’ said Finn, glancing at Cat who was watching with amusement. ‘I like a waitress who encourages moderation.’
‘And for you, sir?’ said Ellie to her brother.
‘Do you have any chips?’ teased Charlie.
‘No, just mash. Take it or leave it,’ declared Ellie.
‘Okay, I’ll take it.’
‘And to drink?’
‘Red wine, please.’ Charlie grinned.
Ellie snatched the menu from his hands on her way to the kitchen area. ‘You can have water,’ she announced.
‘It’s so refreshing to have your decisions made for you.’ Finn smiled. Cat laughed. She dished up the food and the girls carried the plates with great care to the table.
The sausages were a little burnt and the carrots were a little raw but once smothered in gravy, it all tasted sublime.
‘Best meal ever,’ declared Finn, standing up to clear the plates from the table once they’d finished.
‘No, no, no! We are the waitresses. We will do that,’ said Ellie, nudging her friend. They managed it with only one fork dropped.
‘Well done, girls,’ said Cat. ‘Shall we have dessert now?’
Ellie and Daisy grinned with pride as they carried the glass bowls of Angel Delight to the table. Finn stared at his raspberry-topped dish. ‘This is so professional. I would pay at least eight pounds for this in a restaurant. What do you think, Charlie?’
‘Belifous,’ declared Charlie through a mouthful of pudding.
Cat nursed her wine and watched them all with a growing sense of satisfaction. When they had finished, Finn turned to Charlie. ‘Want to help me with the washing-up?’
‘Okay,’ agreed Charlie.
After the clearing up was done, they sat in the living room and Finn picked up his guitar. He played a few experimental chords before launching into ‘Four Seasons In One Day.’ He had a beautiful melodic voice and Cat felt the music and a sense of calm wash over her. When he had finished, Ellie leapt up.
‘Can you play something we can dance to?’
Finn smiled and started to strum the chords to ‘Wanna Be Starting Something’ by Michael Jackson. Soon the girls were pogo-ing along in time to the music. Even Charlie smiled and clapped along.
‘Come on, Cat,’ cried Daisy, catching hold of her hand.
It might have been the wine or the music but soon Cat was dancing and singing along. She held hands with the girls and they grinned at each other as they bopped in time to the beat. Something in Cat’s heart surged as she threw back her head and sang. She closed her eyes and gave in to it. When the song finished she opened them to find Finn smiling up at her.
‘You have a great voice,’ he said.
‘Do I have a great voice, Finn?’ asked Ellie.
‘You do, Ellie,’ said Finn but he kept his gaze fixed on Cat.
Cat turned away, grabbing Ellie and tickling her under the armpits. She giggled in delight, making Cat’s heart lift with joy. ‘I think it might be time for bed, ladies,’ she said with a grin as Daisy flung her arms around Cat’s shoulders.
‘Awwww!’ chorused the girls.
‘It’s really late,’ reasoned Cat. ‘And being tired on holiday is not fun, so come on.’ She coaxed them towards the stairs.
‘Do you want me to tuck you in, Dais?’ asked Finn.
Daisy ran over and kissed him on the cheek. ‘Can Cat do it tonight?’ she said shyly, stealing a glance at her new best friend.
‘Is that okay?’ asked Finn, looking up at her.
‘Of course.’ Cat smiled.
‘I had fun today,’ yawned Ellie as Cat tucked them into bed.
‘Me too,’ murmured Daisy dreamily snuggling down.
‘Yes,’ agreed Cat. ‘It was lovely. You two are great helpers. Well, night-night.’
‘Can I have a hug, please?’ asked Daisy.
‘Me too,’ said Ellie.
Cat couldn’t refuse. She hugged Ellie first; it was a tight fierce hug, intense and passionate. Daisy’s was more gentle, warm and sweet. It was still a novelty to be hugged by a child and Cat felt that sense of reassuring calm descend again. ‘Night-night.’ She smiled, pulling the door closed behind her.
As she reached the top of the stairs she could hear Finn playing softly. She recognised it immediately as another Crowded House song called ‘She Goes On’. It was a beautiful song that Cat hadn’t heard for years; she’d always assumed that it was about grief and the death of the songwriter’s mother. She listened for a moment and as the words reached her ears, she felt her body stiffen. It was a lament and a song of hope for lost love. Cat grasped the banister at the top of the stairs as her legs sank beneath her.
She sat down and hugged her knees to her body. She had forgotten how much she loved this song and it made her realise how deeply she had buried certain other feelings too. Cat had thought she would be relieved when Finn had finished but something inside – a newly unlocked box of long-ignored sadness – was now open. It was up to her if she wanted to slam it shut again or allow herself to take a peek inside. As she sat at the top of the stairs, she could feel her heart thudding in her chest because for almost the first time in her life, Cat Nightingale had no idea what to do.