Comfort zones, to many people, are like crack to crackheads. They get addicted to their comfort zone. They don’t want to be away from it. When pulled away from their comfort zone, they break out into a sweat, throw fits, and just plain freak the hell out.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be safe in your life (as for crack, that’s a different story). As human beings, we are wired to want and need safety. Safety can look like seat belts; like looking for cars before you cross the street; like avoiding zombies; like not eating raw meat — stuff like that. But the real magic in building your biggest, most kick-ass life happens outside of your comfort zone.
Think about it. Attaining anything in your life that has made you really happy and fulfilled has probably made you a little uncomfortable.
You’ve had to stretch your limits, go against limiting beliefs, and endure a little (or a lot) of fear. Whether it was running for student body president, asking for a date, or applying for a job, all of those things require a bit of a stretch.
You might look at other people and think they have had it easier than you. News flash: They didn’t. I don’t believe for one hot second that anyone you admire has had smooth sailing when it comes to his or her decisions and actions. They’ve been scared. They’ve had that nauseating gut feeling. They’ve had those dramatic, tear-filled phone conversations with their besties. It happens to everyone.
Answer these questions:
I’m going to assume it’s because of that four-letter “f word”: FEAR. Let’s look at some of the different types of fear that stepping out of your comfort zone can elicit:
The list could go on and on. And if I had to guess, you have all of these fears.
I hate to break it to you, but you’re not the only one who has a list of fears about going after what you want. Maybe you can find some comfort in the fact that we all do. The only difference between those people who go after their dreams and step out of their comfort zone, and those who don’t, is … action. Flipping fear the finger and finding the courage and confidence either while you’re doing it or even afterwards.
It’s true.
So I invite you to air out your fear story. What are you afraid might happen? I want the whole enchilada story. Drama and all. Go ahead.
Now that you’ve gotten it all out, I lovingly ask you …
Do you really think this will happen? Could this really be a true story? And even if in some crazy alternate Universe where fear stories actually come true, would it kill you?
For example: I had a client who wanted to quit her job to start her own business. She hated her job and was in love with what she really wanted to do. Months after declaring to the Universe that she really wanted to change, she was offered an early retirement with a five-month severance package. Or she could stay at her job. Awesome opportunity, right?
But she was afraid she would run out of money; that her new business would fail; that she would look stupid and foolish. It was all just too scary and too far out of her comfort zone.
So I asked her: What if you run out of money? Can you get another part-time job?
Her answer: Yes.
Me: Do you really feel in your heart that this business will fail?
Her answer: No.
Me: And even if by some unforeseen chance that it does, would the world stop turning? Could you just start over?
Her answer: Yes.
Once she was able to look her fears in the eye and question them, the catastrophic stories took the shape of what they really were: bullshit. I’m happy to report that she gleefully took the package, left her job, and started her own dream business. Was she scared shitless? Yes. But she did it anyway.
So when you consider your fears of going outside your comfort zone, ask yourself: Are you going to regret not doing this? I ask my clients this all the time: In one year from now, will you wish you had started right now? Or when you’re eighty, are you going to regret not doing it? Seriously …
On your deathbed, are you going to be okay with the fact that you didn’t step out of your comfort zone and do the thing your heart so desperately wanted you to do?
If you answered, “Yes, I’ll be totally fine and content not following my heart,” I have to ask … why are you reading this book?!
My “thing” was roller derby. I remember seeing those ladies on TV when I was a little girl back in the ’70s, thinking they were the toughest, coolest, rowdiest ladies ever. And now I’m almost forty years old and roller derby has made a comeback. My inner critic says I’m too old. I’ll get hurt and probably look stupid. But you know what? I did it anyway. Was I scared? Yes. Did I gather all the courage I could before I went? Nope. I just went and figured out the courage later.
Because never in a million years did I want to tell my children and grandchildren this story of how awesome and badass I think it would have been to do it, and follow it up with, “But, I was too old, so I didn’t do it.”
That’s a lame-ass story.
Truth be told, I wanted to do it for about seven years before I finally decided it was time. I was too scared, too busy, too pregnant (well, that’s actually a valid excuse not to play roller derby), too whatever for seven long years.
And besides, isn’t it way more awesome to be the one who isn’t the “ideal person” for whatever your big thing is and to go out and do it anyway? To be the seventy-five-year-old woman running a marathon for the first time? Or the person with no photography or business background starting his or her own photography business? Aren’t they the most badass people anyway? The underdogs, the unexpected?
Stepping out of your comfort zone doesn’t mean doing something major and crazy. Some people love jumping out of airplanes. Those aren’t necessarily the types of things I’m talking about.
What if you painted your room the color you love? Or completely changed your hair to a new style you’ve been eyeing? Or join a co-ed softball team, or a quilting club, or take up again a hobby that you let go of a long time ago because “life” got in the way.
There will always be excuses. There will always be fear stories. We are all masters at coming up with them. Hell, we should be able to add that skill to our resumes by now. It’s up to you to call yourself out on your own bullshit and move your butt.
What would it take for you to do this? Letting go of your dramatic fear story for just five minutes, maybe? Start there. And see what happens.
The thing is, many times the excuses come up because the things out of our comfort zone seem so scary and big. And they very well might be. But if you look at the whole mountain, you’ll always be scared and maybe try to get out of climbing it.
Instead, just look at the first step. The first step might be doing a simple Google search to research something. Or telling someone about it (see Chapter 5 for more on that). The point is that doing little things out of your comfort zone helps you gain momentum. You have no excuse not to start doing little things. The best part about little things is that they lead to bigger and bigger things. Pretty soon, you’re farther up the mountain than you ever thought you could get.