I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard women tell me they have no idea what their passion, purpose, or life mission is. And who can blame them — identifying a “life mission” sounds so intimidating! (Fantastic. Let’s add more pressure on women.)
Sarcasm aside, let’s look at this for a moment. I’ve always thought it was crazy to ask sixteen- or seventeen-year-old kids to pick a college major. To actually pick something they want to do as a career. Forever. When I was seventeen, all I wanted to do was pick a cool bodysuit and matching scrunchie to wear. That was about the extent of my vision — it did not include what I wanted to study for four years, and then do as a career. I envied my peers who did know and felt badly about myself that I did not. Clearly there was something wrong with me and I was a flake.
Fast-forward twenty years, and I am on my fifth career. People tell me, “It’s so awesome that you’ve found your thing.” In all honesty, this “compliment” makes me feel panicked. Is this my forever thing? My one true life-calling purpose? I think it is … but the one thing I was put on this earth to do? What if I got it all wrong? How scary is that?!
I’ve realized that I’m not alone. When it comes to their life calling, people often worry:
Frankly, all of that is bullshit.
Let’s look at each scenario. First, it really bothers me when people go through life panicked that their “thing” doesn’t stack up to someone else’s. They’re afraid it’s not important enough, or selfless enough, or whatever enough. Just because you’re not a bestselling author or traveling the world helping orphans doesn’t make you any less of a human being. And it certainly doesn’t mean that you matter any less.
Maybe your life purpose is that you learn about yourself and the world on this journey of life, you do your best to be a good person and be kind to people, and help some people who need help. The end. Maybe doing those three things for the entire ninety-nine or so years of life is really what you were meant to do.
Second, I firmly believe that many of us won’t just have one “thing.” And that’s okay. Many women feel uneasy if they want to change their mind every few years, afraid that they’ll seem uncommitted or flighty. But what if you think something is your “calling,” you go after it, and turns out it’s not? Oh shit, right? Well … maybe not. Imagine for a sec that it’s actually no big deal.
Think about it this way: How many times have you bought something from a catalog or online, tried it on, and decided that it wasn’t right? On the return form, usually there are boxes that say wrong color, wrong fit, not as pictured, and changed mind. It’s just not a big deal to them, apparently. Just a box to check.
Bottom line: If you want to change your mind, give yourself a break. Personally, I think it’s braver to admit you want to change course and then make it happen than to suffer a passionless life.
Finally, some of us never find a specific vocation or career-based calling. If you’re stressing the hell out about that, relax. It doesn’t mean you’re less of an important person. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure if you don’t find it. All it means is that your purpose might not be something specific that you do. Don’t worry:
Who you are and what you represent is purposeful enough.
If you’re unsure where to even start finding a life purpose, ask yourself this:
What is that thing you love doing?
You know, the thing you can get lost in and lose track of time. The thing that in a perfect world you could make a living doing (and P.S. It’s possible. Just sayin’.). Is there something you love to read about, research, and find out everything you can about it?
Maybe it’s something you used to do as a kid but haven’t in a while for whatever reason. I started writing as a kid and wrote all through my teen years. In my twenties, I stopped. When I picked it back up in my early thirties, I had no idea how much I had missed it. It was as if the floodgates had opened. I gorged on writing. Even if you think it’s silly, try to reconnect with those things you used to do as a child.
Or maybe it’s not a “thing” you have but a message. Take a moment to imagine you’re with an enormous group of people sitting in front of an empty stage. Suddenly there is an announcement that you will be giving a thirty-second speech to the crowd. You have thirty seconds to tell everyone what’s in your heart. What will you say to them?
Here’s another angle. Many times people feel a calling toward, and become passionate about, the very thing that has caused them pain and suffering. Hard times can be pivotal points that shape us and make us stronger. What if you could help people who are dealing with the same circumstances you once did? Or help create awareness and become an advocate for a particular condition or situation? Many times, these opportunities are right in front of our faces.
Keep in mind that whether you find your passion or purpose today, next month, or in ten years, it’s the right time for you. The timing and the process of it all is your own unique recipe.