There’s a big, nasty word out there and I’d like to talk to you about it: conformity.
I believe our culture does not make it easy for us to embrace who we truly are. And if you’re a woman (I may be biased), it’s even harder. We’re told how we should look, act, and talk; what is “beautiful;” how to “succeed.” Hell, even the definition of success is given to us.
In this way, a “box” of conformity is created. It looks pretty much the same for everyone. And the reason many of us get in this box is because we want to be accepted and this seems like the easiest way to do it. Usually this happens right around middle school for many of us. We adopt the opinions, beliefs, preferences, and hobbies of others. And then we grow up and these conforming habits stick with us. And we can’t figure out why we’re unhappy.
Did you get in the box at some point in your life? If you did, you had a lot of company.
I finally got out around thirty-one years old. At that point, I defined my own success, happiness, fulfillment, values, future, and everything else. And it’s my biggest wish for everyone to do the same.
If you don’t define yourself, it’s easy to go through life like a sheep, following the crowd, not knowing what you like, what you want, and who you truly are. Not knowing what it is that makes you shine.
That is a tragedy.
I meet people all the time who don’t feel like there is anything special about them. They spend so much time, money, and energy trying to be like someone else. Someone they think has a fantastic life. Someone they think has it easier than they do. Even if you’re not doing that right now, maybe you remember a time when you did.
What’s that like, trying to be like someone else? Comfortable? Easy?
I didn’t think so.
Forgive me for sounding so cliché here, but I truly believe that if everyone realized the power of their special uniqueness, the entire world would be a better place.
If you realized that there is absolutely no one like you, what would you embrace? What would you stop apologizing for? Would you know there is nothing “wrong” with you? That you are not broken, that you don’t need to be more like so-and-so, that you can say “no” to people and things you don’t like, and say “yes” more often to the things that light you up? That you are absolutely 100 percent perfect exactly the way you are? Imagine the power within you!
I’ve written this little manifesto for you on how to embrace your soul’s uniqueness. It goes like this:
Love yourself. With all your heart and with all your soul. There might be days when this is hard, and that’s okay. Just pick up where you left off the next day. Our time here on this beautiful earth is short; do with it what you want. Stop before you do things you think you should do just because other people are doing them, or telling you that you should. What’s important to you should be important to you, period. Don’t compromise your feelings and values. And if you do, promise not to tell yourself, “I told you so.” Listen to your heart and soul. It often speaks to you in whispers. I promise if you follow it, you won’t be disappointed in the end.
Love yourself. With all your heart and with all your soul.
Who you are is who you are. There is not a single soul on earth or beyond who is exactly like you. Instead of running from that knowledge, try grasping it. It’s perfectly okay to be you, and if people don’t like it, trust me when I tell you (again) it really has nothing to do with you, but rather their own opinions and insecurities.
Try your best not to be careless with other people’s hearts. Yours will get broken at least once in your life. We all have scars on our hearts; it’s what makes us human and beautiful and unique. Forgive yourself often. Daily, if you must. You’ll spend much of your life being too hard on yourself, so try to catch it quickly and give yourself a break. You don’t have to do it all. And you especially don’t have to do it all at the same time. If you think that everyone else is doing it, trust me, they aren’t. Everyone struggles. No matter how good they look on the outside, and no matter how much they brag about it. And those girls and women that make it look so easy, they struggle, too. And hurt. And have fears just like you and me.
And last, embrace other women. Be compassionate. The “mean girls” are hurting, too, so try not to hate them. On that same note, no one is worth hating. No person, no institution, no idea. Kindness and love will get you everywhere your dreams want, especially when you love and are kind to yourself first.
I invite you to just plant a seed in your mind that says, “I am me, and I am amazing, kick-ass, courageous, and lovable exactly how I am.”
Just as you are.