Have you ever been the guest of honor at your own pity party? I thought so. While it’s completely normal, and I think healthy, to feel bad about a situation you’re in, to feel sad, or frustrated, or whatever feelings you need to feel about your current circumstances, if you’re setting up residency there … you might be living in victimhood.
This type of person is committed to the story that she is destined to live “this crappy, hard life.” She can never seem to catch a break and it’s always someone else’s fault. She thinks everyone is out to get her, as if people put in extra effort to make her life suck. She thinks she got dealt a bad hand from the start and can just never seem to get ahead of the game.
If you just read your own biography, keep reading. This chapter is for you, my dear.
Victimhood is the killer of your highest self. You are literally handing out your power to other people. Handing out your power to circumstances. Handing out your power to the atmosphere — pretty much handing it out to nothing. Giving it away. Flushing it down the toilet.
Things happen. Shit happens. We all have everything from unpleasant to downright catastrophic things happen in our lives.
Living in victimhood wears on you (not to mention the people around you), feeds on itself, and will give you more of the same. The more you complain and are convinced you’re destined for failure, the more of that you will get. And even if your life looks different to other people, even if you’re on the upswing, you’ll still feel like your life sucks.
It’s like a gum wrapper on the floor of the Sistine Chapel. Most people would think nothing of it, because they are focused on the beauty and awe of what is around them.
But then there’s that person who only sees the trash. He complains about it, tells everyone there about it, misses the beauty of the Sistine Chapel, and doesn’t remember anything about the art. He only remembers the gum wrapper. If this person had shifted his perspective, simply moved his eyes away from the wrapper and looked up and around him, he would see a completely different space. One that would quite possibly leave him breathless and awestruck.
My point is that you always have a choice when it comes to your perspective. Gum wrapper or Sistine Chapel? Endless possibilities in your life, or a victim of your circumstances?
Victimhood is suffering that you are essentially putting on yourself.
Ask yourself: What am I getting out of being addicted to suffering?
And here’s another hard truth: People don’t like to be around other people who act like victims. It’s exhausting. It’s sad. It’s emotionally taxing. There’s nothing fun or exciting or loving about it.
Honey, I’m sorry if you’ve had a hard life. But if you want it to stop, quit looking for everything else around you to change and start with yourself.
Here’s how. You’ll notice that a lot of these themes are starting to sound familiar. That’s because they’re true, and they’re important.
Maybe some people are just born pessimists, chronic “downers,” but I don’t think so. If you feel that way, I want you to know that you can change. Read books like this one, join support groups, ask your doctor if you need meds for your depression or anxiety, change your diet — just don’t use excuses or bullshit stories.
You deserve the best, my friend. Victimhood is not the best.