You have probably been through some tough times in your life. For example: Say your ex or current partner has been unfaithful. Major betrayal, right? I know, because it’s happened to me more than once. I was hurt, sad, scared, furious, ashamed, humiliated, and betrayed. No matter what’s happened to you, those feelings are common reactions to a host of terrible life circumstances. At one point, I even referred to and described myself as “destroyed.”
Yes, destroyed. By whom or what? My ex? The cheating? The other woman? The circumstance? I’m not even sure I knew. But it was easier for me to point my finger at him and say that he and what he did had destroyed me. It was a way for me to try to hurt him (didn’t work). It was a way for me to stay a victim. It was a way for me to garner pity from others and get them on “my side.”
Was it empowering? Not so much.
Did it help me move on? Nope.
Did it help me reaffirm that I still was and am, in fact, a great person? No, no, no.
Whether something “happened” to you, or you made a mistake yourself, remember: You’re human. You have feelings that take a while to work through and sometimes they need to be worked through over and over again. You can’t put an expiration date on them, or a deadline of when you want them to be done. But you also need to remember: Your circumstances surrounding your life, and the thoughts and feelings around them, don’t define you. They may shape you, but they don’t make you who you are.
Tell yourself this, and often: You are worthy of love, acceptance, and connection no matter who you are, what you’ve done, or what you’ve been through. You are not “damaged” or “destroyed.” (If you truly think you are, jump to Chapter 52.) Your feelings may be hurt, you may have regrets, but you as a sacred being are a whole person and you are still unimaginably magnificent.
If you’ve ever had a conversation with yourself or someone else that sounds like this, I’m talking to you:
Well, if so-and-so wouldn’t have done _________ to me, I could be ___________.
I would do ___________, but I can’t because I’ve been devastated by ___________.
No one is magic enough to give your feelings to you. No one. You determine them every second of every day. Your thoughts, your reactions to what other people do, your commitments to stories in your head, and your subsequent beliefs are what make your feelings. Not someone else’s words or actions.
Ever.
Think for a minute about a time when someone had done something that hurt you. Are you angry? Hurt? Scared? It’s perfectly fine to feel that way. But if these feelings are causing you to feel negatively about yourself or to make decisions in your life that aren’t serving you, there’s work that needs to be done.
Don’t let lingering negative feelings about what happened to you in the past limit who you can be in the future.
Everyone has baggage. Everyone has a past. No matter what yours looks like, you are still a person whose dreams should be realized. A person who deserves to be loved. A person whose life purpose — whatever it is — is important to humankind. Don’t let lingering negative feelings about what happened to you in the past limit who you can be in the future. Remind yourself that you’re legendary. You’re amazing. You’re … kick-ass.