Several years ago, I attended a weekend training session to be a life coach. My wedding was the very next weekend, so, needless to say, I was not mentally present in my training weekend; I was extremely conflicted. As much as I tried to focus on what was in front of me, my mind kept wandering to my upcoming wedding.
At a break, I pulled aside one of the leaders and told her my situation. She paused and said, “What if you just gave yourself permission to have a C+ weekend? To not do A+ work and just be where you are?”
But the truth was, the other way wasn’t working, either. I couldn’t concentrate, and beating myself up about it wasn’t helping. So I begrudgingly decided to take her advice, try giving myself a break and let go of being an honor student, at least just for the rest of the day.
And the funniest thing happened.
I ended up relaxing and absorbing more than I thought I would.
The thing is, none of us can fire on all cylinders 100 percent of the time. No one is the Terminator. We all have hard days, distractions, pressures of life, etc. And having a C+ day is all about perspective. It’s also about having the attitude of “good enough.”
Ahhhh … good enough.
So, what is good enough to you? How good do you think you have to be at something? At some point you (or you adopted it from someone else) made a mental list of criteria that is the definition of your “good enough.” The problem is that many people confuse “good enough” with “perfect.” Because most people’s “good enough” is never actually enough for them. And “perfect” is something no one ever can attain. So from that perspective, it’s a lose/lose situation.
I’m not saying throw your hands in the air with a “fuck it” mentality, going against what you believe in and what’s fundamentally comfortable for you. But keep in mind, a C+ day for a perfectionist is probably an A day in realistic standards. Determine objectively what is standard A excellence, and then where you cross the line into unrealistic perfectionism. If you start to think about this, you’ll start to notice your triggers and be able to catch negative spirals more quickly.
So, how do you practice being “good enough”?
It starts with making a decision. When some people hear this, they want to punch me in the face — and no, it’s not as easy as just waking up one day, deciding, and it’s a done deal. First try accepting that you are absolutely the only person who can decide you are “good enough.” It probably feels powerful and scary at the same time.
If you keep falling into perfectionism, try redefining what perfect is. For example, when I was training for my first triathlon, I was terrified of the open water swim. I’m not a great swimmer, plus I had a fear of open water (I mean, what’s in there? Jaws? How deep is it, 100 miles? Blechhh). I began placing time goals on myself, and feeling scared, pressured, competitive, and needing to not only do this triathlon, but also do it perfectly. Which wasn’t fun at all.
Finally, knowing I couldn’t do it perfectly, I changed my goal to just finishing the damn race. Try my best not to drown or get eaten by a sea creature, not worry about my time and where I was placing, and just finish. And trust me when I tell you it was waaay more fun that way. It was my C+, good-enough race.
The bare minimum in feeling good enough is to practice self-kindness. It might mean repeating a mantra that is simply, “It’s good enough” when it comes to projects, actions, and decisions, and saying, “I’m good enough” over and over again to yourself. Most times, it’s a one-day-at-a-time practice. Sometimes one-hour-at-a-time. The bottom line is to give yourself a break and keep on truckin’.
The bare minimum in feeling good enough is to practice self-kindness.
One exercise I give to my clients is to create a to-do list that their inner perfectionist, or inner critic, would make. Don’t hold back. If your inner critic thinks you need to go back and finish your master’s this year even though you just had a baby, put it on there. Or maybe on the list is that you need to be successful and making six-figures this year, even though last year you made 30k. Then, make another to-do list that is realistic. That’s your “good enough” list. While I’m all for the law of attraction and manifesting what you want … it needs to feel good, easy, and peaceful energetically speaking.
Your goals, aspirations, and to-do list shouldn’t feel stressful or destined for failure. If it does, your inner critic is making that to-do list. Instead, you want to feel motivated, powerful, and inspired. Your “good enough” list can help you find those feelings. Take back your power and make your own.