Have you ever said, “I’m sorry, but this is just how I am”?
Think about that for a minute. Would you ever say, “I’m sorry for being my true, authentic self. For acting on the personality that is embedded in my DNA.”
Really?
I have two children. When I was pregnant with my second, I knew even from her activity in the womb that she was going to have a distinctly different personality than her brother. I imagined she was in there hip-hop dancing and doing somersaults while I listened to J Lo. From practically the day she was born, she’s been running circles around her brother.
You were born the way you are. Yes, there is some aspect of nurture that plays a part in your personality, but for the most part, who you are is who you are. Even Lady Gaga agrees.
I love the scene in the movie, The Family Stone, where Luke Wilson’s character says, “Everyone has a freak flag, they just don’t fly it.” What he’s saying is that everyone has something unique about them — something they are hard-wired to do, or to be. It might be unpopular or against social norms, but so what?
It’s probably something that in the past, or even now, makes you uncomfortable because it isn’t “perfect” or what everyone else is doing. For instance, I have what some may call … a big mouth. I talk and laugh loudly, and blurt things out. I used to hate this about myself, and tried with all my might to be quieter, to be a watered-down version of what I knew I was. I tried to be what I thought our society wanted me to be. I was afraid to speak my opinions for fear of people disagreeing with me or being offended.
Does all that make me a freak? Maybe not to others, but to me, in my head, I felt like a freak. Not “normal.”
So, think about your freak flag. It may come to you instantly. It may take some thinking. But here’s something I know to be true: Once you recognize and embrace your freak flag, it starts to seem less … freaky.
Start by compiling a list of all the things you think you need to apologize for, or defend, or that make you weird. Then turn them around and ask yourself how these things have been gifts to you and what you’ve learned from them. For example, my “freak flag” of having a big mouth has ended up being imperative in what I do for a living, as well as in writing this book and getting it published, which was a dream of mine since I was a kid. In all honesty — as soon as I embraced this part of me, I started having better relationships, saw more success in my business, and was just generally happier.
Also, your true posse of a family, the people who truly love you … they don’t care about your freak flag. They love you for who you are as a whole. Pinky swear. And here’s some food for thought: That thing that makes you feel self-conscious, most likely … no one even notices. Since most, if not all of us, are focused on ourselves, we assume that others are watching and taking note of our freak flag, too, but truth be told everyone else is too concerned with their own problems.
I had a client who started working with me when she was twenty-seven years old. She was an introvert who preferred staying home on weekends, watching movies with her parents and younger brother. She had, a few months prior, broken up with her boyfriend who was emotionally abusive. She confided that nearly everyone around her thought she was “weird” for not wanting a relationship, not wanting to go out and party on the weekends, and the fact that she was unmarried and without children was not commonplace where she lived. Many times she felt the need to defend or be ashamed of who she was.
It’s no coincidence that people who tend to apologize for who they are have low self-esteem, are constantly trying to be someone else, and have shoved themselves into a box of conformity.
It stinks in there. Get out.
When you apologize for being who you are, you’re rejecting yourself. Rejecting who you naturally are, rejecting your best inner superstar. The more you reject yourself, the farther away you get from your dreams and the farther away you get from the life you were meant to live. On the other hand, not apologizing for who you are is about self-acceptance and fulfilling your life’s purpose.
The more you reject yourself, the farther away you get from your dreams and the farther away you get from the life you were meant to live.
Flip the bird to whatever or whomever makes you feel you need to apologize for who you are. Remember, these particular people are simply dealing with their own insecurities, opinions, and projections of themselves. So, in essence, you’re apologizing because someone has a different opinion than you.
Please stop.
The world needs us all to be our true, authentic selves, freak flags and all. No, we won’t all get along and agree with each other all the time. But every step we get closer to our true DNA-embedded selves, the less inner suffering there is and the less we put up with things that aren’t serving us. Your freak flag is yours. Love it. Wave it proudly.