CHAPTER 42


Cut Yourself Some Slack Already

I have a tendency to put pedal to the metal. I’m a go-getter, an overachiever, a crosser-off-of-the to-do-lister. So giving myself a break sometimes looks like trying to give a cat a bath in the tub. I desperately cling to the sides, trying to get away from break time.

But here’s what I’ve learned from my countless crash-and-burn meltdowns: I’m human, as we all are. And if I don’t cut myself some slack every once in a while, life will speed by me and at the end of it I’ll think, “Was this it? Did I do it right?”

The point of life is to actually live.

(Now I’m not here to talk to you about carpe diem and living in the present moment, which I think is totally a load of crap because no one can seize and sink into every moment, which just makes us all more crazy and stacks up our to-do list and makes us feel guilty … not to mention, write in run-on sentences. However, I digress.)

You probably already know that on our life’s journey, there is technically no destination. But when goals get set, ambitions get within reach, and our lives get better, sometimes the whole “destination” thing can seem like it is this dreamy place that really exists. And what’s even funnier is that just when we think we’re starting to get there is usually the time we get knocked on our asses.

During those times — here are some things to think about:

• Setbacks: You’re going to have them. I would bet even Oprah calls Gayle sometimes and tells her about how she’s having a negative self-talk day. Even the most evolved people still have hard times and need to work on their own stuff. No one is wrong for still having setbacks and stuff to work on, no matter how much personal growth and development hours they’ve clocked. So when you have a setback, try not to label it as “bad”; it just is. Fix your lipstick and forge ahead.

It’s all a process. All of it. And sometimes included in that process is just having a fucking plain ’ol bad day. Or week. Every once in a while my best friend Amy and I have these conversations that Amy has lovingly nicknamed: “Shitting Glitter.” We get on the phone and we bitch, moan, vent, cry, shake our fists in the air, and, well, basically have shit-fits. We listen to each other, and mostly don’t try to fix it unless the other one asks. In most cases, if it’s a real shit-fit, it’s not about fixing it, but more about just getting it out. These don’t happen very often, and when they do, we are totally aware of what is happening.

If you pretend to never have times like these, you’re lying to yourself and to the world. Pants on fire. Feel your feelings, but if you’re having a “shitting glitter” time, don’t let those feelings take over your life, and, by all means, don’t make big decisions during these times. Just be aware, get it out, learn, and move on.

• Set reasonable goals, and then back up from those. Then be flexible still. I get all excited come New Year’s in my goal setting. I used to set lofty goals and be damned if I didn’t accomplish them. What I do now is look at the goals I’ve set and take them down a notch. And even then, I remember things come up and I may need to change plans.
• Take breaks. On days where you’re so overwhelmed and don’t feel like getting out of your jammies … don’t get out of your jammies. Generally speaking, your body knows when you need a break. It’s best just not to argue with the vehicle that actually houses you. I believe that when I don’t give myself a break when my body asks for it — it’s like throwing a drink in the face of a host who’s been nothing but awesome to you.
• Get some perspective. When you find yourself in one of those ohmygodIhavesomuchtodoIcanttakeanymore days, ask yourself these two questions about whatever you think it is you can’t cut yourself some slack over:

1. A year from now, will this matter? And …

2. What if it just wasn’t a big deal?

You may answer the first question as a yes, and that’s fine (*cough bullshit*). But if you do, follow it up with figuring out how to make it not a big deal. Most of the time, it’s just deciding it’s not a big deal.

• Keep the big picture in mind. When we think (even subconsciously) there’s a destination somewhere in life, it’s also easy to lose track of the big picture. We might get tunnel vision and become fixated on productivity and business. In these moments, we tend to feel resentments: Resenting all we have to do. Resenting even the things we created at one time in the name of following our dreams. For example, maybe you started your own business, or created a workout regime. After a while, this creation seems to need us. Without us, everything would fall apart. In times like that, it’s helpful to sit back and ask yourself what all the suffering is for. I’m not asking you to reflect on the complete and total meaning of your life, but when you get narrow vision, remind yourself what it’s all really for. It’s probably partially for you, for your family, for you to feel good, and maybe an act of service in there somewhere.

When you cut yourself some slack, you will probably enjoy renewed energy, reinspired vision, and reinvigorated dreams. And you never know … you may find yourself carpe-ing the diem. Go figure.