This chapter may be a bit controversial. You may love it or hate it.
A confession: I’m married to a nonbeliever. Sometimes I wonder when the day comes to meet my Maker and I’m standing before him, will he say, “Great job on your life! But … marrying a nonbeliever? What the hell was that about?”
Point being that I don’t judge what anyone believes about spirituality. Most of us are praying to the same God in my opinion, so I choose not to argue. My husband and I have discussions about what is really “out there” after death. He firmly believes in “the big bang theory” and when we die, we die. There is nothing else.
I, on the other hand, think differently, partly because I grew up in a Christian home, but mostly because I choose to believe there is something out there greater than me. I believe that there is something out there that gives me the wisdom I ask for. Something that gives me pretty much everything I ask for, when the time is right and I am ready to receive it. And I’ll tell you what — everything I’ve learned in the last seven years, the heart and soul I’ve poured into this book and into my business, my marriage, parenting, and everything, I know has been handed down to be from a Higher Power.
In the most difficult times in my life — my parents’ divorce, my own divorce, my sobriety (more on that next), and more — I felt lost, hopeless, and desperate. In those moments, I turned to my spirituality. It was essential in me being able to let everything go, to let go of pain and suffering and to heal.
Now, I really don’t care what or who you believe in or don’t believe in. The bottom line is I think it’s imperative for people to be able to give up control. To be able to give away their pain.
A few days after I found out my ex-husband was having an affair and that he wanted a divorce, my mom and stepdad came to stay with me from out of state in my little apartment. I came home from work one day to find out my mom had been on a walk, tripped and fell, and had badly scraped up her face in the street. She wasn’t badly hurt, but the sight of her with the side of her face looking like hamburger meat was too much to bear at that moment. I shooed them out, sent them back home to get better, and closed the door. I then fell to my knees and cried.
I said out loud: “I don’t know what is in store for me … but I know this isn’t it. I cannot take this pain and suffering. My heart cannot bear anymore. Please help and take some of it.” My life didn’t magically change at that moment. No clouds parted. No lightning struck. But what did happen was my spirit shifted. I felt hope that I didn’t have to live like that forever. That something better and bigger was planned for me. All I had to do was stay hopeful instead of hopeless, even if it was just a slight tip of the scale in the direction of hope.
In times like those, the power in believing there is something out there bigger than ourselves, looking out for us, can be life changing. Call it angels, spirits, God, the Universe, whatever you want. There is something out there made entirely of love.
And if you look at it that way — a giant energy of love that is looking out for you — isn’t that the best thing ever?
I’ll admit I tend to be the type of person who calls on my spirituality when I’m reaching for my parachute. Not just reaching for my parachute, but also yelling, “Shit! Shit! Heeeelp!” I do practice gratitude on a regular basis, but I could really use some sprucing up of my everyday practice of spirituality. The thing I’ve learned is that spirituality doesn’t have to look a certain way for anyone. I know even the term “spirituality” makes people uncomfortable, and “religion” makes others want to run and hide. So call it what you want. Call it love, unearthly presence, grace, essential nature, whatever makes you feel good. Because in case you haven’t gotten the message yet … what makes you feel good about something is generally good for you.
I’m not asking you to adopt any kind of religion if you don’t want it. All I’m asking is for you to find some place in your life where you can give up control, pain, angst, hopelessness, desperation, stress, and anything else that makes you feel like you’re drowning.
Because anything that makes your life more peaceful and easier is just that much more energy you have to live your kick-ass life.
Truth.