February 13, 2006
What time will my husband be coming over to my apartment to have dinner on Valentine’s Day? I wondered. We were separated at the time, and in limbo about what would happen to our marriage. It was up and down — one day would be great and we’d be talking about working things out, and the next it wasn’t looking so good.
I called his cell phone and a woman answered. I had suspected for months he had been having an affair, which was one of the main reasons for our separation. For months he denied it. But the moment she answered his phone, I knew.
I asked her name; she told me.
Without hesitation, I asked her, “Are you sleeping with my husband?” She replied, “If you’re asking me that, we need to talk.”
At that moment, I knew it was over.
October 2006
I was alone at my soon-to-be ex-husband’s parents’ house pulling boxes of my things out of their attic. As I walked down the stairs awkwardly carrying a large box, I saw the front doorknob turning. The next second, someone walked in. It was my husband, with his girlfriend in tow. And she was seven months pregnant.
At the time of our separation, we had been discussing conceiving our first child. And here was this woman, standing in front of me, pregnant.
They had a house together and even a dog. And now they were having a baby. Seeing her that day, I wondered if a person could die from heartbreak.
The months that followed were my own proverbial awakening. The world took me by the shoulders and shook the shit out of me. Told me to Wake the hell up! I had spent our entire relationship, all thirteen years, suffocating myself. Building a life around someone else because I was simply desperate for love. Was it his fault? No.
I had to take responsibility for the life I had 100 percent participated in creating. On the outside I was happy. But on the inside I was screaming. Convinced something was wrong with me, convinced if only he would change, everything would be great. Perfect, even.
In October 2006, the Universe gave me a one-way ticket to my life. It was up to me to get on board or stay where I was … bitter, resentful, blaming, and a victim.
I devoured everything I could to help myself. This book is everything I’ve learned from my own healing from this incident, plus more.
• • •
I knew healing wouldn’t be easy. In fact, one of my least favorite things to hear is, “That’s easier said than done.” Granted, I’ve said that line myself many, many times in the past, but for some reason over the last few years I get a physical reaction every time I hear it.
Here’s my response to “It’s easier said than done”: NO SHIT. That is the most obvious statement that has ever come out of my mouth and I vow to you and Jesus that I will never say it to anyone again. Even worse, that statement always seems to follow a piece of wisdom or advice about life or healing or moving forward.
So, before we go any further: LIFE IS HARD. HEALING HURTS. MOVING FORWARD IS SCARY FOR MOST PEOPLE.
You can talk and talk and talk about what you want to do with your life. You can complain about anything and everything — but when it comes to real-life changes … well, that’s easier said than done. Instead, people sit and talk and blow smoke out their asses and complain that they’re not happy because of so-and-so and their circumstances. And to change or work on themselves is easier said than done. So they don’t.
Well, I for one call bullshit. No more cop-outs. Everything is easier said than done. Words are meaningless unless they are backed up with action. Everyone knows that. I know one thing to be true: A fulfilled, happy, amazing, kick-ass life takes work. Work on yourself, work on your past, work on your issues, work on your addictions. If it were easy, in my humble opinion, there would be way less wrong with the world than there is now.
Yes, it’s hard. But there is so much help out there — books, therapists, coaches, support groups. Help online and offline. There is not one single person I know who has an amazing life who hasn’t found help, then taken hard action and worked on themselves. A LOT. And none of them will tell you that it was easy, nor did it look like a tampon commercial.
But you can do it. Start with this book. Wherever you are in your life … whether you have a heartbreaking story exactly like mine, or your own version … I wrote this book for you. I wrote it for all the women out there who are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Who are ready to take the bull by the horns and get shit done. Who are ready to play a bigger game. Yes, living a kick-ass life takes work, but I know how you can get there. Follow the advice in this book, examine yourself honestly, grab the bull by the horns, and go get that amazing life.
You are the most precious thing you’ve got. You are priceless and worth all the work in the world to make you happy and fulfilled. This life you have is short. You have such an immense amount of loving power within you. All you need is an ounce of belief that you can create what you want. Look for that crack in the door and run for it.
Live, love, and learn on your terms.
Hugs and ass kicking,
Andrea