Hannah Worcester Hicks was the daughter of missionaries Samuel and Ann Orr Worcester. She became a member of the Cherokee Nation in 1852 by marrying Abijah Hicks, the son of an early Eastern Cherokee chief. On July 4, 1862, her husband was murdered near Lee’s Creek in what is now Oklahoma on his way back from buying supplies for his store, presumably by Pin Indians whose target was another man but who killed Hicks by mistake. The Pin Indians were supporters of the Union and opposed slavery.

Hicks began her diary on August 17, 1862, about a month after her husband’s death. From her entries, it is clear that she was unaccustomed to physical labor. When she went to get a load of wood, she “remembered her husband with renewed sadness” because he would never have allowed her to do such work. Yet women’s traditional work remained crucial to survival. She had to fend for herself.

Hicks’s diary offers a rare glimpse into a traumatic period. It also provides a counterpoint on the actions of Stand Watie and his men.

Sabbath, August 17th, 1862. Oh! What a year to remember will this year ever be to me and to us all. We thought we had some trouble last year, but how happy was that compared with this. Then, we saw our dear friends depart, to go where we have every reason to think they are living in peace and quietness. ’Twas hard to part with them, yet we knew they were better off than we if they could only get safe through. But this year! On the 4th of July my beloved husband was murdered, killed, away from home, and I could not see him. So far from it—he had been buried twenty-four hours before I even heard of it. Buried without a coffin, all alone, forty miles from home. Alas, alas, my husband. Still the cry of my heart every day, and every hour, is, oh, my husband.

On the 15th of this month my brother D. D. H. was taken prisoner by the Texas soldiers and today they have sent him off to headquarters at [Fort] Gibson.

God alone knows what next will become of him. But God is able to preserve him, and we will pray continually that he may be mercifully dealt with, and permitted very soon to return. I wrote to the Colonel asking his release, having no hope of gaining anything, but feeling that I could not have him taken off without my trying.

Oh God, preserve him. Another cause for trouble is that my darling little Herbert is failing; I fear he cannot be spared to me much longer. How can I give him up? But I must subdue my heart to meet this trial also. If he should grow worse fast, how terrible to have no kind physician to tell me what to do to relieve him. He has been worse today. My poor, poor baby. My house has been burnt down, my horses taken but I think nothing of that. How gladly would I have given up everything, if they would only have spared my husband and my brother. Truly now the Lord of Hosts is our only refuge. Oh that we may have grace to put our trust in Him, and calmly wait for the end…. His poor mother and father—I don’t know what they will do if he is kept long. They cannot live without him. But we must trust in God.

18th. Let me record tonight with heartfelt gratitude, that we have heard some encouraging word from my brother. One of the soldiers, who went with him to [Confederate] Gen. [Douglas H.] Cooper, came by this evening to let us know that he saw him safely ushered into his (Gen. C’s) presence, and that he was very kindly received. From what the soldier says, we may hope that he will be easily dealt with and not detained long. Oh God, grant that it may be so. Mrs. H. is very much relieved, for which I am truly thankful. My baby-boy is still sick, oh that I may be prepared for anything that awaits me concerning him. I know that God is merciful.

Leonard Worcester, Ann Eliza Robertson, Mary Eleanor Williams, Hannah Hicks (later Hitchcock), children of Samuel A. and Ann Orr Worcester circa 1897. Photograph by Robertson Studio, Muskogee, Indian Territory.

COURTESY OF RESEARCH DIVISION OF THE OKLAHOMA HISTORICAL SOCIETY

19th … Today the soldiers went to the house where Mrs. Vann’s things were, and turned them up at a great rate, took what they could and promised to come back for more. As they have gone with the Federals, they (the Ses) [Secesh] will not spare their property….

21st. This evening we have heard that my brother has been released. I hope I am thankful, but I don’t know whether to wish him to come home or not. I fear for him here, but my children are so sick. Herbert is worse still and Clara is very sick this evening. What shall I do for them? … They have sent to take Sally from me. I can do nothing to keep her. She will have to go. A great many of the medicines were taken from my brother’s office today, but if they have released him perhaps they will restore his property…. I must try to go to Gibson tomorrow. I am so distressed for my little Herbert. Must he be taken from me? …

Sabbath, 24th. What a Sabbath has this been. I was very tired and Herbert so very fretful that I could do nothing but fuss with him all day. My other children have been almost wholly neglected. Oh that I could do them some good. I went to Gibson, saw my poor brother, and it makes me so sad, so sad, to think of him there, along with such a herd of wretches, guarded like a criminal, with no comfort at all. Oh I am afraid he can’t stand it long so, and yet there seems no hope of relief. The report that he was set free was not true, nor likely to be. I went to see Col. Cooper myself, across the Arkansas in Rolly McIntosh’s house, and he told me he could not answer for his life, if he should set him free because of the state of feeling in the country. Yet they all say they can find no charge against him, only that he has confessed that his preference of opinion is for the North. There is no charge on which they can even found a trial, (Oh this free and happy country)…. A soldier told me today, that the chief’s daughter declares that her father was taken off by the federals, by force—against his will entirely. A Lieutenant died, down where the soldiers are camped (near Mr. Murrell’s) and was buried in our graveyard yesterday. A brother was since laid by his side. They say that the Southern Army will very soon be compelled to go on Northern soil to get anything to eat. Stand Watie has been elected (by whom?)[.] Chief Sam Taylor, second chief, S. Foreman, Treasurer, are now making new laws.

31st. It is very hard to believe that it is only two weeks since the Army was established here. The troops have moved to Tahlequah now to guard the Council in its deliberation. I hear of only one Law, as yet which is a Conscript law—compelling boys and men from 16–35, into the army. Oh the Cherokee people are ruined. I have been to Gibson again—had the pleasure of seeing my dear brother in a comfortable pleasant place. He is on parole—staying at Mr. Kerr’s. I hope I am truly thankful, that in the midst of affliction and distress there is still mercy. They visited the office again and carried off all the medicines, everything valuable. So now if we are sick we must suffer for want of medicine as well as for attendance…. Five Cherokees were condemned for desertion, and shot at Tahlequah, “before the command” Friday evening…. A great many soldiers are sick about here and a disease like Small Pox is spreading among the Choctaws across the Arkansas…. My little Herbert has been better the week past; I begin to hope again that he may recover.

September 1st.We have had such very quiet times today, it makes one dread what may be to come. It seems like the calm before a storm. Oh how I long to know what next will happen here and what is going on in other parts of the Country. But I try to believe that all will yet come out right. I know that it must be right whatever the result. But it seems long to wait in such suspense. I am so cast down, so discouraged, I don’t see how we are to live,—and my children—I am not training them up as I should. I do not pray half enough for that grace which alone can help me, and I fail every day and every hour. Oh for strength of mind, and of body too.

5th. I have had a hard turn of sick-headache which has made me useless for two whole days. Oh what a worthless life I do live. I do not make the effort that I might, to do something. Teasle (the Dr.’s horse) came home the other morning, was allowed to stay and be petted two days & nights & then, today, they sent and took him off again…. They decided that the horse was confiscated—anyhow, “they wanted him to haul cannon and couldn’t give him up.” Poor Teasle.

7th. This is the ninth Sabbath that I have been a widow. Two sad, weary months. How many times in past days have I wondered what my future would be—wished that I could have some idea. But oh I did not think it would be as it is. Left a widow, at twenty-eight, with five children growing up around me, and oh, most dreadful of all, my dear husband murdered. Oh the bitter, bitter repentance for my unkindness to him. I might have done better, have grieved him less. But the only comfort is, he is happy now, he sorrows not now for anything I have done, nothing can dim the brightness of his crown of rejoicing, in the presence of that glorious Redeemer whom he loved here and now loves in perfection. Oh may I be forgiven and enabled so to live and so to train our precious children that we shall at last join him there. He loved his children so, never a father better loved his children, I love to think of it, but oh how we miss him. God be merciful to us, and help us.

This weary, weary time of war. Will the suspense never end? I know not what is to become of us. Famine and Pestilence seem to await us. We can only stand and tremble, and dread what next may befall us.

On the night of the 31st of July, rather, the morning of the 1st of August, our house was burnt down, that was the first great trial that my husband was not here to share with me. But truly I hardly felt it a trial, so very little did it seem compared with what I suffered in losing him in such a terrible way. Oh for grace to submit in a right spirit to every trial. I believe my heart is almost dead within me.

10th … Today I went to the printing office. I did not know before how completely it had been cleared out. The Press types, paper & all carried off. By Watie’s men, with the help of the Texans. We hear today that the “Pins” are committing outrages on Hungry Mountain and in Flint, robbing, destroying property & killing. It is so dreadful that they will do so. Last week, some of Watie’s men went and robbed Ross’ place up at the mill; completely ruined them. Alas, alas, for this miserable people, destroying each other as fast as they can….The troops have mostly left Tahlequah, for Maysville, and Grand Saline. We have now only to wait as calmly as we can, and see what will happen next. I do hope the suspense will not last much longer.

14th. Sabbath once more. I have worried through the day with my children, trying to keep them from evil and to teach them some good. But oh how poorly do I succeed. It seems almost impossible to make any impressions on their minds. Only, for my oldest daughter I must have some hope. She seems to be conscientious, anxious to do right, and usually gentle and obedient. Oh that she may be indeed a lamb of the Savior’s flock….William Spears was killed some weeks ago. His wife has been searching, until yesterday she succeeded in finding part of the bones and the remnants of his clothing. It is said that they told him to pray, and that he did so, and was kneeling in prayer the second time when he was shot. Perhaps in that last hour he found mercy for his soul….

Friday 19th. To Gibson yesterday and back today. It seems that I can go for company better than anyone else and I am far from unwilling, more especially as I think it is a great help to Herbert to take the rides. He has improved very much. We found br. D. D. well and certainly in very good spirits considering the circumstances….

20th. A company of soldiers with Johnson Foreman for guide (I suppose) went down to Alex Ballard’s and took his wheat, yesterday. Leaving none for his family to live on except one barrel of “seed-wheat.” … I went today to help get a load of wood, which makes me remember my husband with renewed sadness as … I know that he would never consent while he lived that I should do such work. Oh the sad, sad changes that this year’s course has brought to pass.

24th. Hauling wheat and bolting flour, this week. I begin to find out what it is possible for me to do. Mrs. W. Chamberlin was here today. She had heard that we were going away and hoped to send some word to her relatives. So she had a long hard ride for nothing. On horseback carrying a baby four weeks old. She said that at home and on the way she heard that a Battle was in progress, and “the Federals were whipping the Southerners all to pieces,” but when she got to this neighborhood, she heard that the Southerners were whipping …

Sabbath, 28th. Oh how my heart has longed for my husband today. It is terrible, this bitter longing. I have been sick for several days and today, when Sabbath came felt utterly unable to attend to my children. Poor children, his children that he loved so much and now he is not here to attend to them when I am sick. I don’t know what I should do if it were not for the love and sympathy of his sister Sarah. I feel that I have her love, and look to her for sympathy and never fail to receive it. She is far kinder to me than I deserve. Oh my precious husband, are you allowed to know how it is with us, to see how all these trials shall end in good at last? May the Lord grant that he may still watch around us, and be to us a “ministering spirit.” Mr. Daniel Ross’ little boy died two nights since at Gibson, & was buried here, yesterday. Sometimes I think it would be better that mine should be taken now. I do so fear that some of them may fail of being saved at last. Oh God will Thou have respect unto Thy covenant, deal not with them according to my unfaithfulness, but according to Thine infinite mercy through thy dear Son our Savior….

Mon. October 6th … I have begun today to wean Herbert hoping it may do him good, as he has been much worse again for several days.

Oct. 22nd. I have been sick, so I have written nothing The Civil War for a long time…. Oh may a merciful God direct all aright. I know that he will, but oh for trust in Him. I hope we will soon know what our fate is to be. May God preserve us all.

27th. No relief yet, but tonight we hear by a “Pin woman” who has come in, that the Federals are at Beattie’s Prairie, preparing to come. She says she was run away from here at the time they came shooting the “Pins,” & has been out ever since. She is just now trying to get home, as she says they are getting cattle together, and when they are ready they will come quick. Repeating several times, “There are so many and they will come quick.” … Teasle has come home once more. I hope they will let him alone this time, but the poor fellow has been branded for the Confederate service. I do hope the next I have to write here will be something decidedly good. Oh my husband, why could you not have been spared to see this country settled in peace. It is supposed that Mr. Bishop was killed. Truly the ways of God are past finding out. We cannot see why two such good men as my husband and Mr. B. should have been allowed to be murdered and have their poor wives and little ones left helpless. For myself, I do feel that it is a judgment for my many repining thoughts. Oh may I lay it to heart and never cease to repent in dust and ashes, never cease to feel humbled that perhaps I may not have to suffer further chastisement. Oh if I did not know that he is perfectly happy, that no shadow of trouble can reach him now there would be no comfort for me. Alas this dreary, dreary winter that I am to struggle through alone. Oh! God be merciful.

November 7th. After all our expectations we are still in doubt and fear and suspense. Though the Federal scouts have been about here, & though an Army has been within 18 miles, they have all gone back to Bentonville [Arkansas] and we are left again. We are having bitter experience of that “hope deferred that maketh the heart sick.” Sick indeed our hearts are. How dreadfully we felt yesterday as we watched Col. Watie go by with a body of men & we didn’t know what they might be intending to do…. “The good hand of our God” was with us, and we were once more preserved in the midst of danger. Let me still trust in Him….

8th. Today we hear that Watie’s men declared their intention to come back and rob every woman whose husband has gone to the Federals, and every woman who has Northern principles, which would include us of course. Our only hope is in the Great Jehovah.

9th, Sabbath. Oh how little like the Sabbath it is, when instead of going quietly to the house of God, the country is full of bodies of soldiers passing along. Yet today we almost forgot the day in rejoicing that at last friends have come again. [Union] Col. [William A.] Phillips’ Brigade, mostly Cherokees, have come…. If they now succeed in holding the Country, as no doubt they will we may hope for more quiet times. Oh if we can only have protection.

11th. Col. Phillips got some information which caused him to change his route and go from here to Webber’s Falls. So they have not yet visited Gibson. We had an exciting time when they passed here, 2,500 of them, all mounted. It was indeed a glorious sight to us who had been so long looking in vain for friends to come…. My brother has been most faithfully taking care of Capt. Miner and his reward was, partly, in being preserved. Oh what cause we have for gratitude and praise. So many deliverances, so many mercies.

16th, Sabbath again … As we heard the other day of Southern men in Federal disguise coming down Grand River, the Dr.’s mother went in haste after him, and brought him home, so now we feel that he is again in extreme peril. I can only write once more, may God in mercy preserve him. How different—how different our feelings tonight from what they were a week ago. Our friends come and make us glad, then leave us again to misery & despair. Why is it so? … They travelled very fast, are without a provision train, and are killing cattle[,] hogs & sheep at a great rate. I expect many of my cattle will go. But oh I will be so thankful, if only they will not molest my brother again, or rob our houses. How shall we escape, “Sufficient is Thine arm alone, and our defense is sure.”

I did not write that I received (by Major Martin) a letter from sister Ann Eliza. It was sweet indeed to see her handwriting once more, and to read such warm expressions of love & sympathy. She knew my husband for what he was; a humble, trusting disciple of Jesus, and it was sweet to read what she said of him. She had just heard of his death. We heard also that Mr. Bishop was not killed, but after being abused a great deal & kept prisoner awhile, was released and has gone with his family. I am thankful to know that the “Pin Cherokees” are not guilty of that one sin. For oh how much they have done. They have utterly ruined many, many families. I don’t know what can become of them this winter. It is pitiful, pitiful to see the desolation & distress in this nation. Poor ruined Cherokees.

17th. Today we have had experience in being robbed, as I expected. As soon as it was light they came and began. They took many valuable things, and overhauled every closet, trunk, box, & drawer they could find. The leaders were Cherokees, those who have often eaten in my house, some of them. When sister N. went and reported to the Gen. (Gen. Marmaduke) he sent a guard at once, ordered them all away, & made them return what they saw. But the most valuable things are gone “for good.” Still I can rejoice[,] oh, I am so thankful, that life is still spared, that they did not find my brother. The hand of the Lord was in it, and officers were sent there by Him in time to make the robbers keep away, so they did not search the house as they did here. Still one of Watie’s men, a white man, lagged behind, and swore that he would “knock them all to pieces,” unless they gave three blankets, to himself and two others. Poor Teasle had to go again. The Confederate brand sealed his fate. I begin to think that we have no true friends at all. The Federals come and give us good words, then pass right on & leave us to a far worse fate than would have been ours if they had not come. When shall we be delivered? Yet tonight I feel that I can still say, “Praise the Lord oh my soul,” for in the midst of trouble & distress there is still such great mercy….

December 9th. We heard yesterday that five of “Livingstone’s [Confederate major Thomas R. Livingston’s] men,” with two or three of Watie’s, were at Gibson, professing to have orders from Watie & Cooper to rob the wives of all union men and to arrest for the Confederate service all boys and men between the ages of 14 and 50. The order for robbing union women of all their property, they said they were going to execute yesterday at Gibson….

10th. Poor old Teasle has come home again. He was taken by one of the Federals on the battle-field at Cane Hill, and when his master went with them he got them to let him go, as he was very poor and lame. He has gone through many adventures….

11th … We hear also that Watie’s men have begun to kill women and children, that four women & some children have been killed near Ft. Smith. Oh I hope it is not true. Mr. Palmer does not appear again yet. Perhaps he has gone to the Federal camp….

20th. Yesterday (19th) we heard—first, that Watie’s men were coming, to rob, they were starving & were coming to rob something to eat. Next, that they were at Mrs. Patrick’s robbing her, and would be here that evening. That, they had shot at Tom Ore six times & he had been seen running from them with all his might. Then when we were just beginning to hope that they might not come here at last, we heard that they had taken Mr. Kerr & his son, and that a company had passed Mrs. Nave’s. So we expected them every minute & busied ourselves in trying to save a few things, that we would suffer most to lose. But they did not come. We spent a restless night, most of us not undressing at all. Mother and Mrs. H. will not get over it for a month….

25th. Foes and Friends! Yesterday Col. Phillips passed again, with a large force. I spent last night in the camp, six miles from here on the road to Gibson, having gone there to see Col. Phillips, to beg him [to] find some way of deliverance from the danger that surround us when the Federals are not here. They have gone on today, earnestly hoping to come up with the enemy and to capture some wagons. The Col. said he could not tell whether he will even come back this way or not. But he seemed to wish to help us, if he could. Perhaps we will have to leave here in a few days. Oh how hard it will be to leave, and yet how hard to stay here in this way. May we be directed aright….

January 4th, 1863. We have entered upon a New Year, and are so far left in peace. I hope we are thankful.

Last Sabbath morning just after sunrise, Col. Phillips’ Army came in sight again. It proved that his negotiations with the Creeks had been very suddenly cut short, by peremptory orders from Gen. Blount [James G. Blunt], to return forthwith to head-quarters. So they hastened by—only brother Dwight, Col. P., & a few others, stopping for breakfast. They supposed that there was another Battle pending…. We have waited a week since they left here, and have heard not a word what has become of them. It seems a month rather than a week. Sarah Stephens, with her children, went with them. Her husband came with a wagon for her, and she found she must go. It was hard to part with her, but I suppose it is best so. Nancy stays for the present. The black women both started and left us without any help, but “Aunt Edie” lost her horse & had to come back—which I consider as specially ordered by a kind Providence. We have heard nothing the past week except by Capt. Gunter’s black man, Dred, who made his escape from the Southerners & was about here a day or two….

21st. No cheering news from friends yet. But the other day we heard that Watie’s men were all on this side of the Arkansas, that Jim Butler with a company stayed overnight at Scrimscher’s place, a week ago now. That he said, property had been respected, hitherto, but now they should respect nobody’s property…. But of our particular friends, and whether there is any hope of their coming—we know nothing. The women said that part of the Cherokees had gone north to meet a large company of soldiers, of another tribe of Indians. We have had rain, snow, and cold weather a plenty for a week past, which may have helped to prevent both friends and enemies from travelling. Today it is clearing off pleasant and warm again, so we would not be surprised to have a visit from some of Watie’s men any time. But I try to hope for the best. Have just been making me a pair of cloth shoes to help me along a little. In the cold stormy weather had to chop and carry wood, all that I could endure (which wasn’t much.) We had no wood and nobody to get it but Percy, but on Sabbath, the black men brought me a little. Oh sad times, when [it] comes to hauling wood for me, on the Sabbath.

29th. My birthday—I am 29 today, but it seems as though I had lived many years in the last one. We have come to such times as I never thought to see—and no prospect for a living ahead. But I must try to trust myself and my children in the hands of Him who has preserved us hitherto. We know not what next will become of us. I fear that I shall never even see my husband’s grave. Oh I do so long to go there, to see where he is laid, at least, but it is impossible. It is a comfort to know that he is not distressed now by anything that we may have to suffer.

Last Saturday, (21st) Lt. Col. [Lewis] Downing, with two or three hundred men—came down to bring flour for the needy. An eager crowd of hungry women and children soon gathered to receive it. They stayed only over one night, and sister N. E. B. went with them. So we separated, perhaps never to meet again in this world. Oh this cruel War…. There has been a terrible reverse to the Federal Army in Virginia, it makes one heart-sick to read of it, (in the papers which the Dr. sent down). We don’t know what situation sister Mary may be in now, but it is impossible to communicate with her, Brother Dwight wrote that Blunt’s troops plundered almost every house in Van Buren. She may have lost her all.

If the Confederate soldiers have the opportunity, they will most surely revenge themselves on us, for all these things. We hear that Jim Butler is still going about robbing, but they have not yet visited us. They, i.e., some of Watie’s men, are expected in, to move away Southern (rather, Secesh) families from Tahlequah. If they come they will give us a call, no doubt….

Feb. 20th. Since I wrote here—Col. Phillips has twice again sent flour for the suffering people. He is doing much for the Cherokees. A council has been [and] is now going on to decide some questions, on the relations of the people with the Government, I believe…. Have you heard that Ann Spears Ross, with one of her children—was killed, by Kechis [Kechi, or Kichai, Indians], some weeks ago. Shot through with an arrow. The same party went to Mr. Archer’s and were about to carry off Mary A. One was pulling and another pushing but her mother begged so hard they let her go. It is said they killed Ann because she would not go when they tried to take her prisoner.¹

ENDNOTES

¹ Manuscript of Diary of Hannah Hicks, Hicks Collection, Thomas Gilcrease Institute of American History and Art, Museum Archives, Tulsa, Okla. Included in the manuscript are notes to sister Ann Eliza that amplify Hannah Hicks’s entries. I have omitted them here. See the full manuscript for details. See Grant Foreman Collection, box 5, 83–229, Oklahoma Historical Society, Oklahoma City, Okla., for details regarding Hannah Hicks’s biography.