Speaking at the shower, rehearsal dinner, bachelor or bachelorette party, and reception is an important way for wedding participants to share their feelings about the bride and groom, as well as to introduce both poignant and humorous anecdotes about them to the other guests. Many people speak publicly at the rehearsal dinner, wedding ceremony, and reception. This chapter speaks to most anyone who plans to share words about the happy couple—including parents, friends, wedding party members, and others. The bride and groom also give toasts to their parents, extended family, friends, and often each other.
Writing your own vows to exchange during the wedding ceremony is a meaningful way to personalize your love for one another in the presence of family and friends. Your vows are also a public testimony of your commitment to one another.
More and more brides are giving toasts at their rehearsal dinner and reception. Typically, the rehearsal dinner toast is dedicated to the in-laws, bridesmaids, and any out-of-town guests who have traveled great distances to share in the celebration.
Grooms should be prepared to say a few words at the rehearsal dinner, too. In fact, the bride and groom may choose to do a joint toast to their parents and in-laws at the prenuptial event.
At the wedding, brides are now toasting their grooms in special tributes and reflecting on highlights of their relationship. Brides also toast their family and friends who contributed time and energy to the wedding.
Tell your fiancé in advance if you plan to say a few words to him at the reception. That way he can be prepared to return the gesture (rather than be embarrassed).
If you choose to toast at your reception, have extra copies of your speech in your maid of honor’s possession. Also, remember that many contributors can be thanked in notes after the wedding, so save your toast for the most important people.
When considering what to say in your toast, roast, or speech, try to incorporate real, memorable anecdotes about the person you are honoring. These stories are great nuggets for guests and help them learn more about your special relationship with the honoree.
Your toast should not include too many inside jokes that only the person you are talking about will understand; many guests will feel left out and uncomfortable.
At the rehearsal dinner or reception, be careful if referring to the bride or groom’s past relationships or telling stories involving their previous significant others. This can be hurtful and embarrassing for the couple. Better to save these types of reflections for guys- or girls-only bachelor or bachelorette parties or showers. Be tasteful at the big events.
There is a huge difference between a well-planned, well-thought-out best man speech and a drunken, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants roast. Think long and hard about what you want to say, before you say it.
If you or anyone else decides to give an impromptu speech, try to keep it short, sweet, and to the point.
In writing your vows, remember that there are no hard-and-fast rules as to what can and cannot be done. Poetry, music, anecdotes about your relationship, religious or famous quotations, and your wishes and dreams for the future can all be incorporated into your declaration of love.
Consult books, Web sites, and wedding magazines that offer samples of vows. Feel free to use portions of these if they appeal to you.
Some couples don’t want to write all of their own vows but do want to exchange some personal thoughts during the ceremony. You can use the traditional vows provided by your officiant as the basis for your wedding, but ask him or her to recommend a time during the ceremony when you can exchange your special words.
Practice, practice, practice … but not with each other. Have a bridesmaid or your mother give you feedback.
Speaking publicly can be overwhelming—especially if you do not do it often—but if you have prepared in advance, it will be much easier.
Say your vows to one another for the first time at the actual wedding (unless, of course, you have decided to write them together before the ceremony).
Reciting your vows on your wedding day will be more emotional than when you practice before the ceremony, so have tissues on hand.
One couple wrote their vows in the form of letters to each other. For the ceremony, they each assigned to a special friend the honor of reading their letter aloud. One of the groom’s friends read the groom’s letter to the bride as the groom gazed into his betrothed’s eyes, and a female friend read the bride’s letter to her groom. This way the couple were free to get choked up without worrying about not being able to finish reading their letters.
Write down your vows and have your maid of honor carry them until it is time for you to read them.
Try not to read the vows right off your cards, and be sure to look into your partner’s eyes as much as possible when you say them.
Speak slowly. These words are meaningful and express your promise and commitment to each other from this day forward.
Breathe deeply.
Take your time to savor the passing moment.
Smile.