Getting married for the second or third time is almost commonplace in our society. Are there any second-wedding issues you should be concerned about? These ideas for getting married again should help you cruise through the planning stages and enjoy the smooth ride of finding the right person once and for all.
Second weddings can actually be much more fun and less stressful to plan than first weddings. A second wedding is typically your chance to do anything and everything you wanted to do at your first but couldn’t, because of either family issues, budget constraints, or the pressure of tradition. So have fun and go for it!
You may be able to save friends and family the hassle and expense of gifts (and yourself the time involved in registering), since you probably already have many of the things you will need as a married couple. This wedding can focus more on your celebration of love and happiness in finding one another.
The nicest benefit of a second wedding is that you have more experience, hindsight, and a second chance to have found your soul mate. Congratulations and enjoy the fun!
You can do this formally, as you would for a first wedding, by contacting local newspapers, friends, and family and even sending out announcements, or you can be more low-key and simply call those closest to you to share your news.
Consider and be sensitive to the impact that your news may have on your children from previous marriages or on your ex-spouse(s).
Because your second wedding may be significantly different in size or scope than your first, be careful about whom you tell of your news right away. They may assume that they are going to be included in or invited to your ceremony.
Consider announcing your wedding plans at the same time you share your news. For example, if you plan to do a reception only and to include just immediate family (or no one) in your ceremony, it may be good to be up front with your plans when you make your round of calls.
In wording your invitations, there are no rules you must follow. You can be really creative and even handwrite the invitations if that suits your style.
Do not feel obligated to send out a formal, engraved, traditional invitation unless you want to.
Many second weddings are paid for not by the couple’s parents but by the bride and groom. If this is the case for you, there is no need to refer to your parents in the invitation unless you choose to do so.
If this is a second wedding for only one of you, some parents may be involved in funding your event. If so, discuss with them the invitation wording or other parental references in your announcements, wedding program, or ceremony.
The biggest rule to remember is that there are no rules or set way to have a second wedding. Second weddings come in all shapes and sizes. Just go with your instincts.
Keep in mind that unforeseen issues may arise that may take a bit more patience and sensitivity than you needed when planning your first wedding. Complications regarding ex-spouses, children from a previous marriage, and even ex-in-laws have been known to emerge.
Keep your sense of humor and focus on what is really important: your love for your newfound partner.
Just as there are no rules to follow in planning second weddings, there are also no rules that govern how guests should react or behave with regard to your news or at your wedding. Expect that some, especially friends from your previous circle that included your ex, may not respond with gifts and heartfelt congratulations. Your new situation may take some getting used to, so perhaps congratulations may not come right away … give it time.
In some couples, only one of the two has been married before, which can pose some complications. Many women who marry divorced or widowed men, for instance, still want to have the big wedding. In this case, the groom should indulge his bride. She wants to do this once and do it right, so it’s only fair to let her lead the way.
When it’s the man who is marrying for the first time and the woman for her second, chances are you may be able to do something other than the large traditional wedding. Destination weddings, a smaller reception, or even eloping to Las Vegas may suit you just fine, and you’ll run into fewer hassles and complications. (Consult chapters 7 and 8 for ideas on creative ways to wed.)
Can the bride wear white? Most certainly, if that is what she wishes.
Some second-time brides prefer a simple suit or dress to a traditional wedding gown.
The majority of second-time brides choose not to wear a veil.
If either of you are still close to your ex-spouse(s), consider inviting them to the wedding if this is not too awkward a gesture and will not come as a shock to your fiancé. If you have children, it may make them feel more comfortable about your remarriage, too.
If you do choose to register for gifts, smaller-ticket items would be appropriate. Also, any appliances you have from your first marriage can certainly be updated with newer models. If you are divorced, you probably had to split many of your items with your ex, so you may want to start fresh with some new dishes or appliances.
Even if you register, though, don’t be surprised if some guests don’t bring you a substantial gift —or any gift, for that matter—especially if they attended your first wedding and gave you a gift then.
In lieu of gifts, request that your guests make a donation to the charity of your choice.
Avoid comparing your second wedding to your first. This can upset your fiancé, and it is better to focus on the current wedding.
Be sensitive when including children from previous marriages in your ceremony. While the idea may be a genuine gesture of love and openness, it may make your children feel guilty with respect to their other parent (your ex).
Communicate with your children openly to see if their participation would be detrimental to your relationship or difficult for the children to handle. First and foremost, be sensitive to your children’s feelings and needs.
Children can be given honors such as best man or maid of honor, flower attendant, ring bearer, or some other role to play that will make them feel special.
Give your children some other fun wedding duties. One bride put her son in charge of making the sign for the send-off car and decorating the wedding program. Another groom had his daughter give him away, and she walked him down the aisle.
Be sure that the duties you bestow upon children are age appropriate. For example, two- and three-year-olds aren’t big on walking down aisles alone unless accompanied by a sibling or parent.
Give your children a token or gift to show them that you are bringing them into your new marriage with open arms. It’s an excellent way to make them feel a part of things.
Ideas for children (depending on age) include a small wedding ring, necklace, or other piece of jewelry; a pet; something else they have been wanting for a long time; or an age-appropriate getaway, such as a trip to Disneyland or another theme park with you and your fiancé, to celebrate your impending family union.