The honeymoon is over, the wedding but a memory. Now what? While you don’t have to come down from cloud nine entirely, there are some tasks and details that you have to attend to: gift returns, thank you notes and name change issues. Welcome to the world of Mr. and Mrs.
Any duplicate items you receive should be returned for a full refund or store credit immediately.
If you can get cash back for a gift, choose that option. Be sure to put the money into a bank account specifically designated for items you’ll need for your new life as husband and wife (unless, of course, you’ve both agreed to spend the money on tickets to an event or dinner out).
Check the store’s policy on spending unused credit. Some allow you only one year to spend it.
If your gift comes from a small boutique or non-chain store, in lieu of store credit, try to pick out an alternative gift in exchange. Smaller stores may not stay in business forever, so it’s better to spend your credit on a gift now than to lose the credit later.
If your china, crystal, or silver registries have been completed, consider getting a few additional place settings to allow for future breakage, loss, or damage. For example, if you registered for twelve place settings of china, you may want to purchase two extra sets, since patterns can be discontinued and dishes may break through the years. You’ll keep yourself covered for a while by having some extra on reserve.
Just because you registered for something months ago and received it as a wedding gift does not mean that you’ll necessarily like it today. Tastes and needs change. If you have doubts about something, by all means, return it and get something you really want.
Note that some gifts are not returnable. Artwork, special-order items, and personalized pieces are yours to keep.
If a gift is not your taste but the giver is special to you, tuck it away; if that guest ever comes to your home and expects to see it, pull it out of your closet to display.
Hand-write thank you notes. Computer printing, e-mailing, or calling will not suffice.
Have stationery printed with your new married names or, at a minimum, your and your husband’s first names. This is a very classy touch and your first opportunity to use your names together.
Try to hand-address your envelopes rather than use computer labels. It’s perfectly okay to order envelopes with preprinted return addresses, though, and you’ll save the time that you would have spent applying return address labels or writing the return addresses by hand.
Have a three-ring binder, index card, or computerized system in place where you keep a master list of each guest’s name, the gift you received from him or her, the date of receipt, and the date you wrote the thank you note for the gift.
Your gift record organizer will become an invaluable reference for your future gift giving, as well as a useful memory aid to help you personally acknowledge the gifts of guests you see in person after the wedding.
Don’t wait until after the wedding to write all the thank you notes. For gifts that arrive prior to the wedding, try to write notes before the big day.
Pace yourself when writing notes. Set a goal of ten notes per day or week depending on what you can handle, in order to preserve your sanity and keep the messages in your notes fresh. Don’t feel that you have to get through all of them in a few sittings.
Keep in mind that modern brides aren’t solely responsible for writing the thank you notes. Grooms should do their share, too.
At a minimum, if you write the majority of the thank you notes, assign your groom the tasks of licking and stamping envelopes, helping you come up with catchy thank you phrases, and mailing them (if you fully trust that he will!).
If there are certain guests that only one of you knows well (for instance, one of your bosses, a college roommate, or a childhood friend), that person should write the note.
For gifts that are solely monetary, it is nice to include in your thank you note what you plan to do with the money. For example, if you are putting it toward something big or using it to save for the future, indicate that in your note.
If a gift does not have a card attached, immediately contact the store where it was purchased (if that information is available). They may have a record of the purchaser. If not, after you have recorded all of your other gifts and noted who gave them to you, see if you can figure out by process of elimination who gave you the mystery gift.
If you receive a gift and you are not certain of its use or even what it is, contact the store where it was purchased (if that is evident) to see if they can assist you.
If you aren’t able to determine what some gifts are, in your thank you notes, just thank the givers for their generous gifts, and use the remaining space to discuss the givers’ role in your wedding celebration—or, if they did not attend, cite some wedding highlights.
Etiquette states that guests have up to one year from the wedding date to purchase your gift. So don’t be surprised if gifts dribble in for months after your wedding.
Always write a thank you note for any gift received.
Give gifts to your parents to thank them for their contributions to your wedding—whether fiscally, emotionally, or just generally.
Give a token of thanks as well as a nice note to anyone who organized a brunch, shower, bachelor or bachelorette party, or rehearsal dinner.
If the priest, caterer, florist, photographer, or musicians clearly exceeded your expectations or went beyond the call of duty at your wedding, consider sending them a token of thanks as well as a personal thank you note citing specific examples of how they assisted you.
Your hired help will be pleased to use your notes of thanks as references for future brides and grooms, so be sure to give credit where it is due.
Appropriate gifts, depending on what you want to spend, include a nice bottle of wine or champagne, a fruit basket, a ceramic or glass memento, a paperweight or piece of glass with your wedding date engraved or etched on it, a gift certificate, or flowers.
Inquire at bridal shops or wedding magazines about companies that specialize in invitation preservation. This is a wonderful souvenir that you two can give to each other or to your parents as a thank you gift.
Send in all the necessary documents as soon as possible.
Make many photocopies of your marriage license so you can fax or mail your name change to the appropriate parties.
Notify all your credit card companies, your bank, the Social Security Administration, your health insurance provider, your alma mater, your employer, and any other necessary parties.
Obtain an extra original, notarized copy of your marriage license. It is easier to order an extra one now, when your original is being processed, than to reorder one later.
If you have children whose names will change as a result of your marriage, deal with this changeover promptly.
If you are opening or have opened a joint bank account with your husband, be sure the bank has your married names in its system so both of you will be able to access funds.
For fun, order new stationery with your married names on it and have things monogrammed such as sheets, towels, and robes to celebrate your new status as husband and wife.
Some couples ease smoothly into married life, while others struggle with new issues of shared expenditures, living arrangements, and geographic issues. Remind yourselves why you got married in the first place.
Remember to laugh a lot.
Communicate often.
Court each other again and again.
Say “I love you” or demonstrate your love daily.
Cherish each other.
Keep your sense of humor.
Don’t go to bed angry.
Try new things together.
Savor the passing moments.
Watch your wedding video whenever you need a glowing reminder of why you two got married in the first place.
You have survived one of the toughest, most emotional highs (or lows) of your relationship: getting married. Now enjoy building the future that lies ahead as husband and wife.