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I wanted it to be Dakota’s heavy breathing in my ear. My neck, arms and shoulders ache. I open my eyes and shut them, covering my face with my arm. It's too bright.
‘Ugh!’ a groan sounds beside me. ‘Ava, how much did we have to drink?’ Sienna sits up and pulls the straps of her dress up. She rolls her neck and shoulders.
‘Shit. Did we sleep on the beach?’ I feel the soft gritty sand sift through my fingers.
‘Ah, yeah,’ Sienna's tone is sarcastic. She arches an eyebrow.
‘Will you girls shut up? Tryna sleep, here,’ surfie dude Matt calls out. He is lying on the beach on the other side of Sienna.
‘Don't you, like, have a motel room or something?’ I bitch at him.
‘Backpackers— more my style,’ Matt deadpans.
I nod. Of course backpackers had to be his style!
‘Sienna, babe, how ‘bout we hit the surf?’
Sienna's eyes light up like it’s Christmas morning. Surely he can see that you can’t surf here at Donny’s? Rocks all over the place. You can't even go out deep enough to surf.
‘Sure,’ Sienna gets up and starts marching towards the pathway that takes us back to town. I briefly remember these two kissing last night.
‘Hey Matt— don’t you have a car?’ Sienna asks.
His eyebrows furrow.
‘Uh, Levi does. Where is he anyway?’ Matt looks around and surveys the beach.
I shrug my shoulders and Sienna is looking around at the bodies that slept here last night.
‘What is he? Your manager?’ I sneer.
Matt’s face morphs from annoyance to flirty. His eyes travel up and down my body. The grin plastered to his face is one, I have seen Jeremy use when he looks at Sam.
‘Actually.’ Matt gets up off the ground. ‘He is my step brother.’ He dusts the sand off his board shorts.
He stands there with his body on display. Sienna drools which is weird. That's the first time I have ever seen that girl eye fuck a guy.
‘Oh, right. Well, I think he left. We can walk back to town— it's really not that far,’ I say.
Sienna nods and is looking like a bobblehead. Matt tucks his shirt into the back of his shorts.
Sundays are always quiet here in Butler, though everyday is quiet. It's just extra eerie on Sundays. I check my phone for any messages— none whatsoever. I blow my fringe out of my eyes. I think I scared Dakota off. Sam is a bitch. It's hard for anyone to go through. But I live with it, and Em doesn't really understand it much. And keeping her out of Sam’s idiotic way is all the better.
Matt walks next to me, and Sienna is on the other side of him. His salty smell mixes with something sweet. It's not my kinda smell, but I don’t mind it. He and Sienna are babbling about surfing spots. I want to roll my eyes; he saw how Donny's is. If they drive up the coast a bit, they will find somewhere good to surf.
I feel a pull. That woodsy smell hits my nose. It’s Dakota! A thumping mist floats over my skin. I look to the woods. Dakota runs towards us. Just out from us keeping, in the shadows of the trees.
‘We need to talk,’ Dakota’s voice says in my ear. His hot breath vibrates through my veins. The heat radiating off his skin.
I stop walking and inch closer to Dakota.
Sienna and Matt are still walking. They haven't even noticed that I have stopped.
‘Dakota—whatever you’re doing to me, it’s not right, but heaven help me, I want you to do it again. None of this is right. You left, and you’re an arsehole for that. But you’re right—we really need to talk.’
Dakota walks to the edge of woods. He nods his head, and I gravitate towards him.
‘Ah— Ava where are you going?’ Sienna asks. Doesn’t she see Dakota standing there?
‘I’ll catch up with you later. My house is this way so ... see you. Goodbye.’ I smile at her.
‘Sure, bye.’ She gives me a weird look but waves anyway and keeps walking with Matt.
Dakota leans down, and our noses touch. He inhales. We share our breath. He closes his eyes, and when he opens them, the green is more vibrant than ever.
‘Sorry about last night,’ he murmurs against my lips.
‘My home life is not for everyone,’ I reach my hands up behind his neck and play with his hair.
‘I should've handled it better,’ his nose touches mine again. ‘I was close to losing it and if I hurt you ...’ his hand pushes some of my hair behind my ear. My hand entwines with his. ‘I promise to never leave like that again.’ He pulls me into his embrace.
My body relaxes against him, and I feel like I finally fit. This is my home. Dakota is my safe haven.
We walk hand in hand back to my house through the dense forest because it is quicker than following the streets.
Dakota tells me about B1 and B2's antics and how they keep everyone busy. I chuckle because they seem like a real family compared to mine. I get him to stay out the front of Mrs Flannery's house while I walk up and knock on the door.
Jane opens it and calls out for Em. Jane has powder on her face, but she smiles at Dakota.
‘Aren't you going to introduce us dear?’ Jane asks.
Dakota walks up and holds his hand out.
‘Dakota Draegar,’ his rough voice says.
Jane puts her hand in his and shakes.
Em peeps around Jane as she takes in Dakota's size. Her shy smile spreads across her face. She steps out and holds her hand out for Dakota to shake. He crouches down to her level and shakes Em’s hand. Emerson has her backpack on and is ready to go.
‘Thanks Jane,’ I say, and I pull Em into my arms and hug her tight.
‘Ava, you're squashing me,’ she whines.
I place my hands on her small shoulders.
‘Okay, princess. I will see you tomorrow,’ Jane says. Her hands run through Em's hair.
‘Yep, bye Nana.’ Em starts skipping across the road, and I hold Dakota's hand as we make our way towards home.
Walking into our house, I smell the stench from spilled alcohol and cigarettes. Bottles upon bottles are scattered around the room. Packets from cigarettes, marijuana and other substances are littered all over the floor.
‘Em— go and play in our room,’ I say with the calmest voice I can muster. My shoulders slump when she walks to the room.
Dakota stands behind me and starts rubbing my shoulders.
‘What are you going to do?’
‘Clean this mess,’ I stress. Turning around, I throw my arms up.
‘Ava,’ Em calls out.
I relax my arms and walk towards the room. God, I hope she hasn't come across something she doesn't need to see.
‘The door is locked,’ Em is leaning against the wall in the hallway.
‘Can you wait with Dakota?’ I ask her.
She looks up and back down again. Em shakes her head.
I take her hand, and we walk through the laundry and out the back. ‘Em, I'm gonna slide the window up. Can you climb through and wait for me to come in after you?’
Em nods her head.
I push on the window and slide it up. Sam likes to annoy me by locking the door from the inside and leaving through the window. I lift Em up and heave her through the window, and then I hold onto the ledge and jump through.
Em is sitting on her bed when I climb in. I unlock the bolts on the door and open it. Dakota has cleaned the hallway of the remnants from the party scene it held.
‘Where is your bed, Ava?’ Em demands.
‘I threw it away. It was old,’ I tell her. I know it's a lie, but that's all I can come up with. She's too young to know the truth.
‘Oh,’ she murmurs and pulls her dolls out of her backpack. I leave her to the dolls and help Dakota clean up.
The amount of sweat that falls from my head is unbelievable. Dakota took his shirt off a while ago. His body is absolutely glistening with sweat. I watch as a bead trickles down his abs. He hauls the rubbish bag into the bin. Each and every muscle flexes with his movements. For someone who is seventeen, he shouldn't be so ripped. I mean, is that normal?
Dakota turns and starts walking with his head down. He looks up when he is only a few feet away from me, and those stupid dimples appear on his face. He steps closer. His woodsy smell engulfs me. Dakota runs a finger down the side of my face. I take his hand and hold it; we walk back into the room. Em is sitting on the bed, playing with her dolls.
The house is clean, for now. I look through the fridge for something to eat. All we have in there is an empty milk carton. And plastic film from sliced cheese wrappers. I look through the cupboard in the bedroom and find some noodle packets. I take them to the kitchen and start boiling some water. I run a hand through my hair as I look around the unused kitchen. I can still feel beach sand in my hair. I rip open the noodles packet and pour the contents into the boiling water.
Dakota is leaning against the bench.
‘Can you pass me a fork please?’
‘Uh, yeah sure,’ The drawers rattle as he searches for a fork. We hardly have cooking utensils. Sam never buys any, and if she did, it's most probably kept in her room. The water runs and then Dakota passes me a fork. I mix the noodles around.
Em skips to the table that seats three people with three chairs and sits down. I pour the contents into a bowl, and carry it over and place it in front of her. Dakota sits down and pulls me into his lap as Em eats.
‘I need to know that you're okay,’ he whispers in my ear.
I nod my head. ‘Yeah, I am.’
‘Not with this.’ He waves his arm around the room. ‘Us.’
I turn and look into those startling green eyes, which now have a yellow tinge to it.
‘I feel ...’ I start to say.
‘I know what you feel. I can feel it— you're on edge. Do you trust me?’ He searches my eyes, but I look away.
Do I?
Can I?
He walked away last night.
‘I don't know how to answer that?’ I look down at his bare chest. His arms loosen their hold on me. I get up and walk into the bedroom. Searching through the drawers, I find a change of clothes for Em. A hand touches my shoulder and stops me searching for anything else.
‘Ava, look at me.’ His voice is full of pain. Pain that my fucked-up life is causing. I turn and look at him. I can't bring myself to look into his eyes that immobilise me. My shoulders hang heavy.
‘I had to leave. If I didn’t, something bad would've happened. It took all of my strength to walk away.’ His voice trails off.
‘You mean you would’ve wolfed out?’
Dakota nods his head slowly.
‘What are we doing?’ I ask, even though I don't know how to label what we have. I see Jess and Lisa with guys all the time. Parker, Sienna and I have never shown any interest before now. Even Sam has a mutual understanding with Jeremy.
‘I don't know. All I know is that I can't be without you.’ His rough voice has a softness to it.
I feel his angst, worry and an aching feeling sitting just on the inside of his soul. A flush of adrenaline tingles through my body. I can feel his emotions. It feels as if the air has stopped filling my lungs. I place my hand over his thumping chest just above his heart. His hands cup my face as he brings his closer. And I can breathe again. I wait for his nose to touch mine the way he normally does. I close my eyes, and feel all the emotions that float around the room. Fear is the largest one. It consumes the both of us.
I fear that I will never be enough for Dakota and that he will eventually leave. Everyone always leaves.
And maybe, he fears me dying. He’s already said that he can’t live without me.
I feel Dakota's soft breathing as he gets closer. His lips touch mine, and an explosion ripples through me. Dakota's lips become hungry as his tongue runs along my bottom lip. I open more to allow him in, and his whole body swells. I feel the mist of his wolf spirit spread through me; his red and black colours take over. All the angst, worry and fear have been demolished by one single kiss. He pulls away and looks into my eyes. His dimples pop out as he gives me a breathtaking smile; he has that yellow glow nestled in his eyes. His nose touches mine, and he blows a breath into my nose. I feel alive as each particle of the breath spreads throughout my veins. The blood rushes as my body temperature rises.
I can smell everything— Dakota's woodsy smell hits me first, then the dust particles that sit in the room, the mould on the ceiling, the dampness in the air and the apple shampoo Em uses. I hear a chair scratch against the floor as it gets pushed out, the floorboards groan and a little flutter of a heartbeat enters the room.
Dakota's gaze is intense as he watches my face.
Can a kiss hold magical powers?
The mattress depresses as Em climbs on top.
‘You need to have a bath,’ I tell her.
‘Ohhh.’ She groans.
I grab her clothes and walk to the bathroom. I hear Em following as I place her clothes on a stool. The ratty mirror is small and seems like it's hanging by a thread literally. The walls are dark in here from all the mould and stains. I pull the door shut when I walk out.
‘Lock the door,’ I say through the closed door.
* * *
DAKOTA IS LEANING AGAINST the wall with one leg up. His arms hang by his sides. His breathing hitches as his pulse has increased.
I lick my lips remembering his were on mine just moments ago.
‘What was in that kiss?’ I ask.
‘I ...’ He swallows. ‘Our kisses are sacred. It ...’ He looks away.
‘That was the best first kiss I will ever have. It isn’t just what happened after we kissed, but I could feel your wolf,’ I muse.
‘We are bound together, forever.’ He steps closer and stands in front of me. ‘We have already begun marking each other. This is just another thing that makes us stronger.’
‘Have you kissed someone before? ‘Cause it feels like you hated the kiss.’ My brows furrow.
Dakota reaches for my hand and places it above his chest. His heart pounds beneath my palm.
‘That kiss ...’ Thump, thump, thump. His heart beats faster. ‘Amazing,’ he whispers.
‘Have ...’ I swallow. ‘... You kissed someone before me?’ I probe. A sharp pain hits my chest.
Do I want to know the answer?
No, I don't.
Then, why did I ask?
‘Angel,’ he whispers against my lips. ‘The answer is no.’ The sharp pain I was feeling before evaporates. ‘What do you feel?’ he implores.
My hand is still over his heart. I look up into his eyes that are now a cross between green and yellow. I feel adoration, passion, devotion, desire and lust under my palm.
‘Never question my feelings for you,’ He pulls me into his arms and kisses me with so much fervour that he takes my breath away.