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I pull my legs up onto the seat and wrap my arms around them. I rock back and forth on the chair in the hospital room at Avalon Regional Hospital. I had to talk to a counsellor. I was hysterical. It seemed to calm me down a little. Em was admitted early this morning because her vitals didn’t improve in the emergency department. At least, I have been placed in the same room as Em. Her little body is lying in the middle of the bed. The heart monitor beeps every second, and the slow whooshing sound of the machine pumps air into her lungs.
Sam paces in the hallway. A primal scream leaves her mouth as she starts to cry again. This is a whole different side to Sam I have never seen.
Why is she so upset? She’s never cared before.
Why hasn't my mother come to the hospital? She should be here; this is her daughter, lying so lifeless on the bed. I can’t wait for the day she takes her last breath. I hate her so much.
My heart pounds in my chest at the same time the monitor beeps to signal Em's heart.
Jane had sustained bruises and scrapes. I haven't spoken to her since being in hospital. I overheard Sam telling Jeremy about the accident. That's what is was an accident. Some sort of animal ran across the road, and Jane swerved and hit the oncoming traffic. There was no way to dodge it.
Sam creeps into the room and wraps an arm around me. I look up from my knees and stare at her. This is the first time she has ever shown me any kindness. I can smell the salt as it sticks to her face. The dry tears are still visible.
The disinfectant, chemical drugs and sanitised air overwhelms my senses. I’ve been trying hard to block out the other smells in the hospital because they have been making me feel dizzy.
‘Ava,’ Sam voice is barely noticeable. This is the first time she has called me that.
‘I ...’ Her shoulders shake. Her hand lifts up as she wipes a tear away. ‘Ahem.’ She clears her throat. ‘We um, both need to be tested. The doctor wants to check our blood compatibility. I told him that ...’
I get up out of my seat, and stand by the window and look down at all the cars parked in the parking area.
‘Told him what?’
Sam swallows.
‘Em lost a lot of blood yesterday, Ava, and the hospital doesn’t have enough.’ In the reflection I see Sam look toward the ceiling, and I hear her swear.
‘Why hasn't Mum come?’ I demanded, knowing full well that our mum only cares about herself. And why isn’t Sam wondering where she is?
‘Fuck, Phoebe?’ Sam screeches and takes a calming breath. ‘The nurse will come soon to test us,’
I look at Sam, then at Em, lying on the bed so still, and then out the window. I nod my head.
Why is Sam being so nice?
‘What's gotten into you?’ I sneer.
Sam scrunches her nose and snorts. ‘I am your guardian.’ She folds her arms over her chest and crosses her legs.
‘You've never cared before,’ I mutter to the window.
The doors open and a vanilla smell hits my nose, when Em’s nurse who has been looking after her is pushes a trolley into the room.
* * *
I BRUSH THE BLONDE strand out of Em's face. She has bruises, scratches and large gouges from the impact of the crash, along with some broken bones and internal bleeding. I can't believe she went through the windscreen.
Wasn’t she wearing a seatbelt? I have so much hate for Jane at the moment. I don’t want to see her, even though she has been around to check on us, but Sam wouldn't let her anywhere near. All of my friends have been here too, though I don’t remember what we talked about.
I look out the window that looks directly into the forest in the distance, and I wish I was there and not here in the hospital. In the reflection of the window, I notice Sam has her knees up on the chair and Jeremy has his arm around her shoulder. The heavy door is pushed open, and an older-looking doctor walks in.
‘I won’t have the results of the blood test for a day or so, because we are in a rural area.’ He looks at the both of us. ‘Emerson’s blood type is O positive.’
Sam gets up out of the seat.
I walk over with my arms wrapped around my body.
‘Avander, I know you were keen to give her your blood, but ... you weren't a match. Your blood type is A negative.’ His voice has sympathy in it. I frown.
‘What do you mean, I'm not a match? That's my sister lying there.’ I point to Em on the bed. ‘The test is wrong!’ I hold my head in my hands. ‘Can we do it again?’
The doctor looks at Sam and then at me.
‘I’m sorry Avander. These test are conclusive,’ He gives me a tight smile.
My feet move and I start pacing the floor again. The doctor looks at the file again. His smile lights up his face.
‘Samantha, your blood was a match though because your blood type is O positive ...’ he continues. A nurse starts pulling the tourniquet around Sam’s arm again to take some more blood from her.
I stop pacing and look up. ‘How can she be? She's only our cousin.’ I sneer.
‘Now Miss Michelson, given that O positive is extremely rare, only a sibling or a parent will be a match, and the results show us that, Samantha is indeed a match. A perfect match.’
‘So ... is she?’ I point to the bed Emerson is lying on. ‘Not my sister?’ I snap.
‘Oh for fuck sake, Avander,’ Sam jeers. ‘Emerson is my daughter, so naturally we would be a match.’
Did she just announce that Em is her daughter?
I look at Em, and then at the doctor and run for the door. My feet struggle away from the small room, down the long cold corridor and out the sliding doors in the front entrance. I run out in front a car that slams its brakes, and the person sitting behind the wheel beeps the horn. I keep running past the parked cars and houses, letting my legs continue into the forest. The tears stream down my face, and stick to my cheeks as I run.
My sister, the one I have been looking after, is that slag's daughter.
But is she still my sister, and is Sam still my cousin?
* * *
THE FOREST COMES TO a clearing, and I find myself at the front of Jane’s house.
‘Hold your horses,’ Jane’s sweet kind voice yells.
I keep banging on the door. My breathing is erratic, and I can't control my heart. The pitter patter sounds of feet move towards the door. Then the locks unbolt, and the door swings open.
‘Ava, what are you doing here?’ Jane asks. She takes in my stance. ‘Is it Em? Please tell me she's okay?’ Jane says all at once.
I place a hand on my heart and cry even harder.
‘Come in,’ Jane orders as she places an arm around my shaking shoulders. She leads me to the sofa.
I curl up in a round ball. While Jane is strokes my hair. ‘Is Em?’ she utters.
I shake my head and wipe my nose on my forearm.
‘No, she's still the same,’ I say in-between sobs.
Jane nods her head.
‘Shall I make you a cup of tea?’ She offers.
‘Not ... yet.’
‘Okay, when you’re ready, we will talk.’ She plants a kiss on my temple.
All I keep hearing is 'Emerson is my daughter' replaying over and over in my head.