| |
––––––––
MY house is in darkness. No surprises there. The back steps groan against our feet. I unlock the backdoor, and we walk in through the laundry. I pull Dakota down the hallway and into my bedroom. I flick the switch, and the light doesn't come on. I let go of Dakota’s hand and try the switch in the hallway.
Nothing happens.
I grab my phone out of my bra strap and hold the on button down. It doesn't come to life. It’s eerily quiet. My heart beat races, and the adrenaline surges through my veins. I place my back to the wall and move along it back to my bedroom. My hands are spread out, feeling their way along the rough wallpaper surface.
Hot air breezes past my face, and I bite my lip to stifle a scream. Dakota’s woodsy smell is immersed in the darkness, so I know he is near, but the panic still bubbles in my stomach.
Fuck, did Sam forget to pay the power bill?
The hot air on my face feels like it’s going to suffocate me. I shut my eyes tight.
I can't concentrate on anything.
‘Ava,’ someone calls out from the darkness.
‘Angel.’
I concentrate hard on that husky voice.
‘Move along the wall.’ His voice sounds urgent, even desperate.
I creep along the wall slowly.
‘Keep coming, I'm not far now.’ He says in the darkness.
‘Oh, shit. My phone,’ I hear Dakota say, and then a clapping of hands on clothing. I hear a click, and then light from the screen of the phone illuminates the darkness. Dakota grabs my hand and pulls me against his chest.
‘Your panic was so overwhelming.’ He swallows.
‘That just took over everything. I couldn't move until the very last moment I thought of my phone. Even my super werewolf sight couldn’t focus. Everything was just a blur.’
His heavy breathing is blowing in my hair. ‘Are you scared of the dark?’ His dark green eyes look down at me.
‘I like the dark just fine,’ I snap.
‘Well, what was that?’
‘It's um ...’
‘Ava,’ he groans.
‘It's the no-noise thing that creeps me out.’ I cross one arm over my chest. ‘You know, no whirring of the fridge or any other electrical things in the house. It's creepy ... without noise.’
He studies my face for a moment.
‘Fuse box?’
‘On the wall, out the front,’ I say.
Dakota stalks past me and grabs my hand on the way out. His phone is lighting the way. Dakota lifts the lid on the tin box and checks that all the switches are correct. One of them is down. He flicks it the right way, and the kitchen light comes on.
Dakota walks back inside and then stops dead in his tracks. I walk into his back.
‘Don't move,’ he tells me, but I didn't hear the words come from his lips. It was as though it came from a thought. I look up at the back of his head.
‘I said, don't move Ava. There's someone here, sleeping on your couch,’ he says again. His voice is in my head but this time with more urgency. I blink a few times while processing this.
Someone is asleep on the couch.
I peep around his shoulders and there, all curled up in a ball of platinum blonde hair and rags for clothes, is my mother. I step around Dakota and slowly walk over to her. She is lying in the telltale posture indicating she has entered her break-from-reality phase. She just lies there in a foetal position until her depressed state is over. I lean over, and Mum’s eyes are shut.
I take a lung full of air and breathe it out again. My shoulders slump as I walk into Sam’s room and snatch the rug off her bed. She is going to kill me for this, but I don’t care. I cover Mum up with the blanket and then run my hand over her greasy hair.
‘Is she okay?’ Dakota asks as he helps me make the bed on the floor in my bedroom. We pull the sheet up over the doonas.
‘Yeah, it’s like she’s coming down from cocaine, heroin or speed.’ I shrug. ‘Sometimes, she can lay there for days, and other times she snaps out of it and she is all hyper again.’ Why did Mum come here now after all this time? How did she find Sam’s house?
‘Ava?’ Mums croaky voice calls out from the lounge room.
I leave Dakota in the bedroom as I make my way to my mother.
‘Yeah, Mum,’ I say softly.
She lifts her arm and calls me over.
I crouch down beside her.
‘Ava, I’m sorry love. I have nowhere else to go.’ Her voice is low and tight. ‘Your father and I were in love once. Before my bipolar got bad and I was diagnosed, he was all I needed. Then you came along, and Gary, well, he was proud the day you came home. I became more depressed as the years went on, and then your dad told me that he’d had enough, and was leaving me. I was so angry. I forgot to take my medication.’
Mum stops talking and wipes the tear from her cheek. I reach out and stroke her hand.
‘You see, Gary loved you unconditionally, and you must remember that. But he couldn’t handle my episodes anymore. So he left, and I burnt the house down. I can’t remember what state I was in— only from what people told me. I’m sorry that it was my fault he left you, and you ended up with Sam.’ I watch Mum take a deep breath as though a whole weight has finally been lifted from her shoulders. ‘You know, he set up your bank account all those years ago. You activated it when you went into the bank to open your very own account. Gary asked the bank to deposit money into your account each fortnight from his wages. So that’s what has been happening.’
Tears form in my eyes and start to fall as I lean my head against Mum’s knees. All these years, I thought he left me and that my parents never loved me. My dad— I barely remember what he looks like— and he is still looking out for me after all these years. Putting money into my account— money that I thought had come from my Mum. I sniffle and wipe away the tears.
I feel Dakota before his woodsy scent reaches my nose. I think me being upset has drawn him closer. He lingers in the background, waiting patiently.
I stay close to my mum a little while longer. Her hand strokes my hair. My butt starts to feel numb, and I get up off the floor and stretch. Mum’s eyes are closed when I look down at her. I tiptoe over to Dakota, grab his hand and we fall into an easy walk back to my room.
Once we’re in the room, I wrap my arms around Dakota’s waist. His arms copy mine. I smile as I engulf his woodsy smell and feel his heart thundering under my cheek. He is my home. I close my eyes, sigh and savour the moment.
After a while, I let go of Dakota and finish making the bed on the floor.
‘She smells ...’ Dakota says after a while.
I stop what I’m doing and look up at him. He looks thoughtful as though he is trying to figure out something.
‘You smelled my mum?’ I raise an eyebrow.
‘How can I not! I smell everything, Ava.’ He frowns.
‘Sorry, I forget sometimes about your abnormal large nose.’ I smile.
Dakota drops the pillow, stomps across the bed and lifts me up. His strong arms are holding me tight, so that I can’t move my arms. I feel breathless; he is holding me in his arms. I giggle as my heartbeat races in my chest.
‘Take that back,’ he warns. His face is overshadowed with a challenge, replete with desire and heat, and yellow streaks stream through his now green eyes.
I shake my head.
Dakota runs his nose along my neck.
A moan escapes my throat.
‘Did my large nose excite you?’ he asks.
I rear back just enough to look at him.
‘No,’ I say with as much conviction I can muster. ‘What about my Mum?’
‘She’s asleep. I can’t help myself when I’m around you, Angel. I’ll be quiet if you will be. With any luck, she won’t hear us.’ He brings his nose to my neck again. ‘Do you want me to stop?’
My mouth goes dry, I shake my head.
‘I know you were lying. My nose excites you,’ his hot breath whispers against my skin.
My heart or, his heart— I can’t tell which one— has picked up a notch. They beat in unison deafening us. Dakota’s hold around me relaxes, and I bring my arms up. I wrap one around his shoulder, and with the other hand, I run my fingers through his rough hair. He continues his soft assault on my neck, and an evocative growl erupts between us as I wrap my legs around his waist.
What was I saying before?
Dakota kneels, and one of his arms hold me securely as he crouches on the bed.
My legs hold on tighter as he lowers himself slowly. He leans on his elbows, and then trails his nose along my jawline and then down my neck. His other hand loosens my legs from his waist. His presses a kiss to my neck.
I lean my head away so that he has easier access to my neck.
Dakota kisses me harder and nips my shoulder. His lips sears my skin.
I pull him closer, tighter. I need him in a way I have never needed anyone before. I reach for the hem of his shirt, but he stops kissing my neck. His green eyes are alight with fire and need as he looks into mine. Dakota reaches back and pulls his shirt up over his head. His skin is hot like flames. The glow— his glow— just sits on the surface. It has the most beautiful colours I have ever seen. Red and black colours swirl out from his body. His eyes watching me as he leans down and covers my lips with his.
The mist of Dakota’s wolf spirit flows through us; it is brighter than the sun. It illuminates the room and glows with love, admiration and strength. The feeling of euphoria fills my whole existence as his mist flows through me and around me. Each thread of our bond is melding together. Our souls entwine. We are spellbound and mesmerised by each other all at the same time.
I run my hands over his chest and stomach. Taking in each of his muscles, I learn about his body. The beguiling feel of his heart beneath my hand thumps as the beat grows faster. His hand slips under my shirt and touches my hip; his hands and fingers are on my skin. I push my hips up to meet his, and his hand tightens on my waist. He stops kissing me and leans his head on my forehead.
His honeyed, summer-breeze breath is on my face. I inhale, savouring the taste. Taste? I mean smell.
God, my brain is mush.
‘We um ...’ he stumbles with his words. ‘I can’t go any further than that,’ he apologises.
I frown.
‘We were only kissing,’ I say.
He rolls off me and onto the bed. He places both of his hands behind his head.
‘That felt like more than ‘just kissing’.’ He air quoted.
I sit up next to him.
‘Have you done more than just kiss?’ I ask, my voice betrays me and sounds more hurt than curious.
‘Ava.’ He groans. A red bloom blossoms in his cheeks. He looks at the wall. I nod my head, stand, and then climb onto Em’s bed and lean against the wall.
‘How do you feel about doing it?’ I probe.
He turns his head sharply in my direction.
‘I can’t,’ he says after a while.
‘Have you ever?’
‘The answer is no, Ava.’ He sighs. ‘No-one has ever been that way for me, ever. You’re the first girl— woman, young woman— to ever make me fall deep. I can’t sleep unless it’s near you. I can’t think unless I’m with you.’ He continues in a strained whisper. ‘It’s hard to breathe without being close to you.’
He sits up and moves towards Em’s bed. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close to him. ‘You make me a better person and a better wolf ...’ he says in a low, husky voice.
I search his face for doubt or a sign that he is lying. But I find nothing. A tight ball knots in my chest.
‘Please, Ava. It’s you who I love, you—’