My right fist connected with the thick leather—Smack! Smack! Smack!—till my shoulder burned. Vito glared at me from behind the hanging bag.
“Cazzo!” I raged at no one. At everyone. At myself.
I pivoted and took long strides away from the bag. I flexed my hand and inspected my red knuckles. I should’ve wrapped them better. They’d be a bloody mess by the time I was done. I didn’t care. I needed to pound something, and better the bag than Luca’s face.
Sweat stung my eyes. I grabbed a towel off the ropes and wiped it from my face. “Not a fucking word. Nothing. Not till we know whether Vinnie is involved.” I locked eyes with Carmine, then Angelo. They were in their shirtsleeves, leaning back against the ropes, watching me unleash my rage. I pointed at each of them with the sweaty towel. “Capisce?”
Angelo nodded.
“Not a word,” Carmine said.
I spun around and pointed the towel at Vito.
“Got it, boss.”
“I doubt Vinnie knows,” Angelo said and shook his head. “You’re not gonna like this, Marco, but it needs to be said. That kid’s volatile. Always has been. He’s a blind spot for you, and you know it.”
Rage swelled and made my head feel like it was going to explode. I let out a roar that would’ve made a wild animal jealous and lost control. My fangs descended and so much power surged through my blood, my eyes must have lit up like a goddamn satanic lighthouse.
Over the rush of blood in my ears, Carmine shouted, “Grab that bag, Vito!” right before I unleashed my fists in a flurry of hooks and swings. My power flowed freely, and I channeled all my unbridled anger, frustration, and pain over Luca’s betrayal into that bag. I drained myself before taking one final swing. I slammed my left fist into the bag with everything I had left. Vito grunted, and the cracked leather split, fraying at the edges of a fist-sized tear.
“Goddammit, Marco!” Vito’s eyes glowed red with effort and irritation.
I shoved my hands into my hair, panting with effort. They throbbed with the beat of my pulse. Blood soaked through the wrap around my left hand and dripped onto the floor.
Vito came up behind me and handed me a towel. “You owe me another heavy bag.”
“Send me the bill,” I growled and glared at him.
“Don’t be a dick,” he snapped.
I hauled back to punch him, but Vito was quick, and I was exhausted. He blocked my swing and pushed me away, eyes a dim crimson.
“You need to cool off, boss.” He pointed a finger in my face. “Get that rage under control. I know Luca is like a son to you, and I know this is bringing up all sorts of shit with Tony, but you need to get it together unless you want to tip him off.”
I wiped the dripping sweat from my face with bloody fingers. Vito was right, as usual. But fuck if Angelo wasn’t right, too. Luca was volatile, and I had always looked the other way. How was a father supposed to find fault with his son?
The rage coursing through my veins was directed at myself as much as Luca. I’d failed him. I’d failed Tony. And once again I’d failed Gina; this shit was going to kill her.
Vito’s eyes dimmed, and he joined Carmine and Angelo against the ropes, arms crossed.
I unwound the bloody tape from my knuckles and tossed it in the trash. “I take full responsibility for this mess. Not just Luca, but the other shit with the Irish and the feds.”
I’d told them about the conversation with Vinnie during my first round of pummeling the bag. They’d been a part of my crew since I broke with the Valenzanos, and it was time to stop pretending we were anything but what we were—a family in Cosa Nostra. It was all or nothing. Anything in between would get us killed.
“This half-assed shit stops today. Two weeks,” I said and pointed at each of them. “You have two weeks to figure out who else is involved.” I shifted my gaze between Angelo and Carmine. “I need the two of you to stick around till this is sorted. Ears to the ground. Call in favors but keep it discreet. I want to know what we’re up against before I decide what to do about Luca and how we move forward with Vinnie.”
“All you had to do was say the word,” Carmine said.
I looked between the three men—my capi, my brothers. They each gave me a short nod.
Spent from the bag, I ran a hand through my sweaty hair and turned for the locker room, but a shower and food would only do so much. I needed to feed. I also needed to see Anna. I hungered to see Anna, but there was no way I could control myself around her in this state.
Guilt punched me in the chest thinking of visiting one of my Sources. Anna’s voice when she’d asked about feeding and why I didn’t bite her… It had sounded so small, so hesitant. But for me, feeding for pleasure was a bond that would last eternity. I wasn’t ready to make that commitment. Especially when she was better off without me. I hated myself for letting things progress this far.
“Vito.” I leaned a hand against the entrance to the locker room and glanced over my shoulder. “Get one of the emergency blood bags out of the freezer.”
He lifted an eyebrow, and Angelo and Carmine cast suspicious glances at each other.
“Just fucking do it,” I snarled, and walked into the showers.
* * *
Anna opened her front door, and the tension in my chest eased. She wore black leggings and an oversized Harvard Hockey sweatshirt, so worn the lettering was faded and the cuffs were frayed. Between the messy bun on top of her head and the pair of round glasses that covered half her face, she’d never looked more beautiful.
I lifted the box I carried, wrapped my other arm around her waist, and picked her up.
“You brought Mike’s Pastry,” she cooed through a giant smile and held my face between her hands. I kissed her gently and walked us into the foyer, kicking the door shut behind me. I set her down, and she clasped her hands behind my neck.
“Ricotta pie.” I kissed her nose. “I didn’t know you wore glasses.”
“I don’t. I was reading. My eyes aren’t what they used to be.”
“Readers?”
“Yup.” She dropped her arms and took the box by its strings. “I suppose blood demons don’t have to worry about that when they reach their mid-forties.” She put the box on the island between the kitchen and her living room.
I quirked the corner of my mouth. It was as close to a smile as I could manage given the day I’d had and the dread pooling in my stomach at the reminder of her humanity and my immortality.
She tilted her head and scanned my face. “You look like you could use a drink.”
“That good, huh?”
She stood on her toes and pressed a kiss to my lips. “Handsome as ever. Why don’t you have a seat. Relax. I’ll pour you a glass of wine.”
She hurried off to the kitchen, and I stared after her in awe. The reassuring warmth of her presence. Having someone take care of me that wasn’t Gina. Quiet companionship on her couch. It was nice. Complicated and unnerving, but nice.
I hung my coat and suit jacket on the hook near the door, unfastened my cufflinks, and rolled up my shirtsleeves while I glanced around the condo. It had been dark the other night when I’d visited, and we’d gone straight to her bedroom.
The entryway and living room were decorated in muted blues and toasted browns. She had one of those fake fireplaces across from her plush, suede sofa, and it blazed and crackled like it was real. A big area rug covered the hardwood between the couch and the faux fireplace along with a square coffee table. Atop the distressed wood sat a neat arrangement of cream-colored candles, a bowl of fresh-cut flowers, and a coffee table book about the history of Boston. A paperback romance novel sat next to it, and the top of a glittery pink bookmark peeked out from between its pages.
Warm, inviting, and cozy, the space screamed Anna, and it was about a million light years away from the world I’d just left. A world of embezzling nephews, rival gangs, and federal surveillance. In her space, there was peace.
I sat at the end of the couch, and Anna’s cat appeared out of nowhere and climbed into my lap. “Hello,” I said and petted its gray and white fur. It started purring and kneading its claws into my custom-tailored slacks.
“Sophie!” Anna exclaimed and handed a big glass of red to me over my shoulder.
“It’s okay. I think she likes me.”
“She likes anyone who pets her. She’s an absolute attention whore.” Sophie intensified her kneading. “Sorry about your pants.”
I waved it off. “I like cats. They like me. Always have. There was a stray who used to come around our apartment when Gina and I were kids.”
The wine was more acidic than I preferred but the alcohol had an immediate soothing effect. Especially with the cat on my lap and Anna’s warmth at my back. They all conspired to create a sense of comfort and home.
“The wine isn’t nearly as good as the ones I’ve had with you.” She rested her hands on my shoulders and started massaging my stiff muscles. “But I like it. Gets the job done.”
“It’s perfect.” I tipped my head back. “This is perfect.”
She bent over and kissed my forehead. “I’m glad you came over. I thought you might—” Her hands froze. “Marco?”
“Hm?”
“You have… There’s blood on your shirt.”
I glanced down to where Anna fingered my collar. “Huh. Don’t worry. It’s not mine.”
As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew I’d fucked up.
She came around the end of the couch and sat facing me, folding her hands in her lap. Knowing Anna, they’d probably started shaking. “Whose is it?” Her question was small and tentative, and it squeezed my heart.
I’d promised myself I wouldn’t lie to her, and I planned on keeping that promise. “Someone’s. I don’t know. I needed to feed.”
Her face fell as if she suspected as much, but hoped I’d come back with a different answer. “Oh.”
That “oh” stabbed me through the heart and nearly killed me. She wasn’t angry or raging or throwing a fit. She just sat there, her hurt and disappointment wrapped up in a sad little “oh.”
I was the biggest fucking asshole on the planet.
“Who—Who is she?”
“It’s not important.”
“It’s important to me.”
“I really don’t know. I didn’t use a Source. It came from a bag.”
She lifted her eyes, and they were glassy with unshed tears. My heart broke, the look on her face twisting the knife.
“You didn’t have to do that,” she said softly. “You could have fed from me. I would have let you.”
Goddammit. I ran a hand down my face. The day was already fucked. Might as well finish it off. “No, Anna. No, I couldn’t.”
Her eyebrows drew together. “I don’t understand. I gave you permission.”
“I already told you. I don’t feed from people I’m fucking.”
She blinked and gave her head a quick shake, a flash of anger visible through the hurt in her eyes. “Is that what we’re doing? Fucking?”
I winced. “No. I mean, yes, but that came out wrong. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“How did you mean it?”
What a nightmare. My capacity to deal was already hanging by a thread after watching my tightly controlled world unravel. This conversation was sure to make it snap.
“You’re human,” I said.
“Last time I checked.”
“I’m a blood demon. An immortal blood demon. An immortal blood demon connected to the Mafia.”
“And?”
I ground my teeth. “I don’t feed for pleasure.”
“Why not?”
“Why not? Because it’s one or the other for me. Always has been.”
Because I’d never been able to get the image of a stranger drinking from Mamma’s neck out of my head. Because separating feeding from pleasure was the only way I’d been able to live with the guilt of her sacrifice. Because tearing down that wall meant committing to Anna, and committing Anna to risking her life. For me. I couldn’t allow her to make that sacrifice.
“If I start feeding from you, I won’t want to stop. I won’t want to feed from anyone else, and I can’t depend on you for blood. You don’t belong in this world.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” A sharp edge entered her voice, but there was no stopping this avalanche. It was barreling down the mountain at full speed.
I rested my elbows on my knees, shoved my hands into my hair, and stared at the carpet. “My life is dangerous. The only way I can protect you is to keep my distance, and I’ve already fucked that up. I was reckless at the gala. I risked your safety parading you around. Put a target on your back. The feds went after you for information even before the gala. They’ll be more aggressive now. I seized all the pictures of us, but I can’t erase people’s memories. People talk, and I have enemies.”
I shook my head in my hands. “You don’t want a future with me. You don’t want to give up your life as a human and bind yourself to a blood demon. You don’t want to be a pawn in this game, leverage the feds or the Irish can use to get to me. You deserve better than that. You deserve safety and security. If I failed you, if I failed to protect you…”
My voice broke saying those words out loud, and I didn’t have the strength to finish the thought. I’d failed so many people. If I failed her, it would kill me.
“You’re too precious to be a part of my world, Anna. I can’t allow it.”
I turned my head in my hands, finally able to face her.
All traces of sadness were gone. Red splotches of fury crept up her neck and her eyes flashed with anger. “You won’t allow it?”
Her heated tone snapped the final thread of my control. “No,” I clapped back. “I won’t allow it!”
She stood and shoved a finger in my face. “Fuck you, Marco DeVita!” Her face turned a fiery red. “You’ve got a lot of goddamned nerve.” She stalked to the other side of the room, fuming.
Before I could explain all the reasons she was better off without me, she threw her hands in the air and laughed hysterically at the ceiling. “What is it with people telling me what I can and can’t handle?”
She planted her hands on her hips and leveled me with a heated stare, tears spilling down her flushed cheeks. “Guess what, Marco? You do not get to make my decisions for me. In one day”—she held up a finger and started counting—“I found out supernatural beings existed, the man I’m falling in love with is one of them, and he’s in the Mafia! In one day! Barring the fainting spell, I think I handled it pretty fucking well.” Her chest heaved with the ferocity of her temper.
I got off the couch and gave her a slice of my own. “This isn’t a game,” I roared. “I’m looking out for you. Be reasonable. You could get hurt.”
“Don’t tell me to be reasonable! Don’t tell me what to do or how to feel or what I want! Don’t tell me what I can’t handle!” Her voice went shrill, shaking through each declaration. Hot, angry tears streamed down her face.
God, I’d fucked up. Pressed the worst possible button. And I was too exhausted from the ring and Luca and the shitstorm that was my life to figure out what to do about it. I opened my arms, needing to hold her, but she held up her hands.
“Why did you come here tonight?” Her voice went quiet. “If you never saw a future for us, why did you come here?”
“I wanted to see you. I need you.”
She nodded. “But not enough to bite me.” She canted her head. “Right?”
“That’s not fair,” I ground out through gritted teeth.
She hiccupped on a sob and swiped the tears from beneath her glasses. “You don’t get to come in here and dictate the terms of our relationship. There are two people standing here, and we both get a say.” She sucked in a deep breath, closed her eyes, and let out a shaky exhale. “Well, here’s mine.
“It’s taken me years to figure this out, but now that I have, there’s no going back. I’m done compromising what I want. I’m done short-changing myself because I’ve bought into someone else’s rhetoric. I know what I want, Marco. I want this.” She waved a finger between us. “I want you. And you might not feel the clock ticking, because you’re immortal, but I sure as hell do. My life’s too short to waste a single precious moment on something that’s not going anywhere.
“You need to decide what you want. Do you want to continue playing the martyr? The noble hero who sacrifices his own happiness for the sake of others? Or are you ready to start living your life for a reason other than making up for past wrongs?”
My jaw clenched and so did my fists, my temper rising to a vicious peak. I needed to get out of there before I exploded and made the entire fucked-up situation even worse. I grabbed my suit jacket and coat off the hook. “This conversation isn’t over,” I growled and put on my coat.
She wrapped her arms around her middle, and her face fell, the hurt and disappointment returning to drive the knife deeper into my heart. “Isn’t it? What’s left to say? You want this to end. I don’t.”
I pressed my lips together and shook my head. “I don’t want this to end. Not at all.” I opened the door. “But what I want will change your life and put you in danger. And more than anything, I want to protect you.”
Tears fell and her lip quivered, and I couldn’t handle her pain on top of my broken heart. I walked out the door before I lost my resolve and put the life of one more person I loved in jeopardy.