BREAKING THROUGH THE WALL OF SERIOUSNESS
We all start off as kids. And kids don’t take things that seriously: they play, they’re spontaneous, they laugh a lot, they do as they fancy.
And we end up as adults. And adults usually take everything very seriously: they work hard, they worry a lot, they don’t play very much, or laugh very much, and they – more often than not – do what they think is their duty, rather than what they fancy.
So, what happened?
We listened to the voices outside, is what happened. The perpetual broadcasting – which C-Blockers are subjected to – is what we get as we grow up. For a while we just have to listen to other kids and their silly broadcasts. But then adults get to insert their message more often. Schools are set up to bring adult messages to kids and thus help them make the transition from kids to adults. And look how successful schools are. They may struggle sometimes to get kids to read and write very well. They may struggle sometimes to persuade their pupils not to fight or carry knives. But what they’re very, very good at is turning children from playful, spontaneous, care-free kids into serious-intentioned, care-ful adults.
That’s how it is. And it all seems so natural. We train our kids to care: to care for the environment (well that can’t be bad, can it?); to care for their family and friends (ditto); to care about doing well; to care about passing exams so they can go to college, get a nice job, to earn nice money, to buy a nice house, to have a nice family, to go on nice trips away, to get a better job, and earn more money, and buy a better house, and enjoy better trips away… And, along with all this, we ask them to care about their health – to eat right and exercise – be a good wife or husband, mother or father, daughter or son, and to be good in the kitchen, and around the house, etc., etc.
We’re taught to care, because where would we be if we didn’t care?
We’re taught to care because adults care.
Why do adults care? Because they like all the stuff that surrounds them and don’t want to lose it. And not just the stuff: every aspect of their lives. An adult very quickly gets attached to stuff he or she likes. As we become adults, it’s as if we wear Velcro clothing – everything sticks to it. We appropriate everything we like, from stuff we want to the qualities we think work for us, to the idea of being a certain way, or a certain weight, or healthy. It’s only natural, but we become deeply attached to everything as we get older. As much as we become attached to, say, our home and a certain standard of living, we become attached to ideas that life should be a certain way.
We’re all attached, so we all care. Of course we care. If you don’t want to lose something, you care. If you weren’t bothered about losing it, or not even having it in the first place, you wouldn’t care. And because you care, you’re serious about it. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be so serious, would you?
So what on earth is the problem with caring – even if it makes you a little more serious?
The problem is that we care too much about too many things. And that’s usually unsustainable – not in the sense of environmental sustainability; though, of course, our deep care for all that stuff is also environmentally unsustainable. In fact, it looks as if our global warming predicament is a bit of a catch-22 on these terms: environmentalists want us to care more all the time, to take things more seriously, yet if we cared less in general, and didn’t take things so seriously, we’d probably work less, earn less, spend less, have less stuff, travel less, use less energy… all really naturally.
No, if we care so much about so much, then we’re exposed when things change. And things always change. Shares can go down as well as up, of course. And life goes down as well as up. Health goes down as well as up. Relationships go down as well as up. House prices go down as well as up. Job prospects go down as well as up. Weight goes up as well as down. Boobs go down as well as up. Erections go down as well as up. Kids grow up. Global temperatures go up. Ice caps go down. Sea levels go up. The Eastern economy goes up, the Western economy goes down.
But don’t get down.
Because, of course, there are things that you’ll always care about, and take seriously (and you’ll all choose different things).
But the problem is caring too much about too many things. That’s why you’re working too hard to keep the whole show on the road; that’s why you’re stressing so much about bits of the show breaking down; that’s why you’re getting sick of doing the first two things.
So here’s a couple of exercises you can do to see what’s really important for you.
Go on, do it, you lazy arse. It works a treat1, believe me. In fact, I’ll go out for dinner now, do the exercises again myself, and see what comes up. See you later.
John x
Okay, I’m back again.
Well, I don’t know what you found out, of course, but the basic message to me was the usual one – jettison the stuff that’s weighing me down, stop worrying about things that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things… blah, blah, blah.
Think about what it would be like if you took your own advice: imagine what it would be like to care LESS about lots of things in your life (and watch the miracle happen as you’re then able to spend more of your care energy on the things that really do matter).
This act is saying a big F**k It to lots of things in your life that you’re currently worrying about.
For us, one of the core meanings of F**k It is this: it doesn’t matter so much.
It’s one of my favorite F**k It mantras, and I do say it again and again (as you would, with a mantra):
F**k It. It doesn’t matter so much.
F**k It. It doesn’t matter so much.
F**k It. It doesn’t matter so much.
Sing it. Tattoo it on your belly, upside-down so you can read it when you look down.
It’s magic I say… it’s a magic mantra.
And you know what happens as this magic starts to work? You start taking things less seriously. In a big way. Not because you’ve had a drink or two, or watched a good comedy, but because you care less.
You’re lighter, freer; you, my friend, are becoming a F**kiteer.
Sing that, too, if you fancy…
‘I’m lighter, I’m freer, I’m finally becoming a F**kiteer.’
1 Works brilliantly and is pleasantly surprising.