Tea with G. Pollini
We do exercises on our F**k It Retreats that have to be seen and experienced to be believed. Imagine sitting on the floor with your legs stretched out in front of you, then three people lying across your legs – or as many people as you can have lying across them without the pain being too great. In fact, make that as many people lying across your legs that you know (by trying) that there’s no possibility of you being able to move these people off your legs and getting up. If you can even move your legs a little, then we’d ask for one more person to lie across your legs. And you try again. So you’re stuck. And it’s not very pleasant, because those people are very heavy. And it’s not very pleasant for them either. The person, or people, underneath really start to feel the weight of those above them. And your knees are jutting into their ribs. And you can feel their tension, as well as your own. But before we call the whole thing off, we ask you to try something.
To Neutralize It is to be entirely neutral around something and, maybe, everything. You have no judgment of it; you don’t even have an opinion of it. You don’t bring any experiences you’ve had in the past to this current situation (that involves this thing). You’re not interested in what anyone else might think – of this thing or of you. You are completely fresh to the situation. It’s as if you have been born in that moment, but born as a fully functioning (physically, at least) adult human being. Like a car in neutral (or park, if you drive an automatic).
You’re not going anywhere, you’re not looking forward or backward, and you’re certainly not traveling forward or backward. You’re just in neutral, ready. Ready, but not anticipating anything. Blank, if you want: a blank canvas; a fresh white page; a beach first thing in the morning, after the tide has washed over it, before people and dogs, joggers and beach-ballers trample the sand. That’s you – fresh, open, not engaged, but fully present.
We ask you to get a taste of what it’s like to be neutral. We give you some words and thoughts that might edge you toward that place or no-place. We suggest that it’s possible to be unbothered by this situation. We ask you not to think about what’s blocking you (the heavy people lying on your legs), or the pain, but to think about what you want to do (get up and out) yet without it being a big thing. In fact, not only is it not a big thing, it’s the most natural thing in the world, as easy as getting up in the morning: just tossing off the covers and getting up. And if you relax, and don’t think too much, you’ll know when the moment is right to do that, and that moment is probably very soon, and you just have this impulse, it’s not a big thing, to…
And with an ease that shocks everyone, especially those people lying on your legs, because they’re thrown off, you’re free in a second and stand up easily.
We do many of these exercises. And all of them teach us something very profound and (probably) counter-intuitive: that we can be stronger and achieve more if we’re relaxed, at ease, and in this ‘neutral’ space. Not that, in reality, it’s so easy to pin down (just like you, when you get it right): the moment you think you’ve cracked it (i.e., you’ve got yourself into a ‘state’ that you think works), it suddenly doesn’t work. That’s because this stuff (energy) doesn’t like being pinned down (just like you).
Incidentally, if you want to try any of these exercises (they are very hard to teach in a book), do join one of our F**k It Retreats or events, or do something with Master Karl Grunick: he’s the most powerful Qi Master we’ve found on this planet; he does things you really won’t believe; he’s an awesome man who lives in neutral (though he’d never be so simplistic or boastful to say so). He teaches workshops around the world, including as part of our program of F**k It Retreats.
But this isn’t, of course, about being able to throw people off your legs. It’s not a practical everyday skill…
You wouldn’t BELIEVE what happened to me today… I was in Starbucks, sitting on one of the leather sofas, minding my own business and Tweeting on my SmartThing, when this couple came over to me and just lay across my legs. Other people started looking – as you would. And as I started to struggle and protest and try to move my legs to get them off, and it was clear I could move my legs, another two people came over and lay across the original couple. Yes, REALLY. So I’m pinned to the sofa. And just as I’m thinking it can’t get any worse, the somewhat porky guy that works there, yes, him, he comes and lies on the four of them. It was murder. And now the four of them are in pain and complaining (not that it was anything to do with me). They even had the cheek to say I had knobbly knees. And then, like a flash, I remembered this thing I read once in one of Parkin’s F**k It books about going neutral. So I tried. Or rather, I not-tried. I turned the Frappe-Latte-Cino’d head of mine, in that moment, into a glass of crystal-clear water, and I just had the thought ‘I will get up and go home.’ And that’s what I did. And here I am. And those four dodge-heads1 are probably still sprawling on the false-aged floorboards of Starbucks where I left them.
No, but Neutralizing It is, because you can neutralize everything, and it’s magic.
Resistance is futile, he says swinging the bright bare bulb into your eyes. Resistance IS futile. Give into reality as it is, just as it is. Don’t bother fighting it, resisting it, judging it, questioning it, trying to plan it or learning from it, seeing its higher plan or greater purpose. Get out of gear and slip into neutral.
Imagine someone very F**k It. And you have someone who can neutralize things at will, like a Jedi warrior with another skill to add to their force-using skills. In fact, Neutralizing It is the primary way to use ‘the force.’ Just don’t go over to the dark side.
If they made a movie about this, it would be a very boring one. But then they could pass it off as being arty and reminiscent of Andy Warhol.
A group of people sit around a low table, sipping tea from tiny cups. An Italian woman pours the Chinese tea (this is already a bit strange). Everyone’s eyes are slightly glazed; smiles appear on faces, expressions get soft. Someone lies back and seems to fall into a half-sleep, ’til their cup is filled again, and they come back to life to empty it.
Occasionally someone says how time seems to have disappeared, how the tea is doing stuff to their heads, or that their hands are tingling; how they feel content and don’t know why.
Then more tea is poured.
This is why I make this tea.
I think I have seen people getting this de-focused just at the beach. But perhaps only after a week, after they’ve finished all their books, done all the crosswords, and eaten all the ice creams. Then they give in to just being.
The tea only takes a few minutes to get there.
Brains go soft, minds get not bothered, bodies fill with energy, and then just being is the only option (really, after an hour or so, for some people speaking is a hassle).
This is how we spent most of our early childhood.
That was before all the prodding and pushing, teaching and guiding. After that, we agreed to spend the rest of our lives focusing, concentrating, solving, resolving.
When I finish with the tea, no one wants to move (what is there to do anyway?). Not even when there’s another amazing Italian lunch awaiting us at the restaurant in the F**k It Retreats venue…
So in the absence of my magic tea (not ‘magic’ in the same way as magic mushrooms – this is just tea of the purest, loveliest form), just remember that next time you get defocused, you don’t need to snap out of it in order to ‘get on with it.’ This is the most natural way to spend a fair amount of our time. And it’s very lovely indeed.
1 An original description, and possibly a term of endearment, not recognized by any worldly lexicon.