‘For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly grateful.’
That was said before all our family meals. It’s puzzled me for a long time, that one. Why can’t it be ‘We are truly grateful, Lord, for what we are about to receive’? Why do we ask that the Lord ‘make’ us? Do we assume that we’re miserable, ungrateful sinners, so would never be able to spontaneously thank the Lord for the bounty, the veritable ambrosial feast He’s laid before us… so we have to beg Him to MAKE us grateful? Go on, God, I’ll never be grateful of my own accord, I’ll never be good of my own accord, so please MAKE ME. Go on, whip me, make me deeply, pathetically grateful, even if all that’s on my plate is beans with two overdone pieces of toast (sorry, mum, that’s not what you did really, you put in many long hours preparing fresh, balanced meals for us).
But, you know what? I get it now. Because ‘grateful’ is one thing that we’re not very good at being. Whether life is good or bad, whether we’re on an upper or a downer, we’re very rarely ‘grateful.’
However, this is good news because being grateful is an astonishing Magic Trick for enabling you to walk through walls. And if you’re not using this trick regularly, which you’re probably not, you’re about to experience a heck of a lot of magic very quickly when you do.
So, what is gratitude all about? Well, it simply means being grateful, consciously grateful, for what we have. It means saying a definite ‘thanks’ or ‘cheers’ for many of the things that are going well in our lives (and even the things that don’t appear to be going well, too, but more of that in a minute).
And we’re not talking about manners here. I know you’re all very well mannered out there. When someone gives you a gift, you say ‘thank you’ and (usually) are genuinely grateful. When the waiter brings you your food, you say ‘thank you.’ When the masseuse has finished you off, you say ‘thank you.’ You say thanks when a door is held open for you, or you wave thanks when another driver lets you out. Most of us are polite in our day-to-day relations. But that’s not the gratitude we’re talking about.
We’re talking about a non-object-specific ‘thanks’ for everything in our lives. Sure you can talk about ‘God’ or any range of gods, angels, or spirits, or ‘the universe’ or ‘Life.’ But it’s a general ‘thanks.’ And what are we saying thanks for? After all, have you seen what a miserable time I’m having of it at the moment? Chuck’s been made redundant; we can hardly make the mortgage payments; Joline is acting up at school; the price of food is extortionate, not to mention the fuel; and this government is appalling, they’ve got no idea; and my mother-in-law just wants to stick her nose in; and my back is really playing up; and if I’ve told Jerry next door not to play his music late at night once, I’ve told him a thousand times; and people around here just aren’t what they used to be; and it’s all me, me, me nowadays, all money no manners. What was that you said about gratitude?
Well, there’s always something to be grateful for.
Yes, always.
So, here’s how you start building the magic of gratitude into your life: start building the magic of gratitude into your life, tee hee. Yes, set aside some time to write down all the things you’re grateful for. You could decide to write 18 things every day that you’re grateful for. If you can’t be bothered to write it down (and please do if you can, because it does really help), then add some Gratitude Recitation to a daily activity. For example, when I run, I say thanks for something in the rhythm of my running.
Like this:
‘I’m grateful for being able to run.
I’m grateful for this beautiful countryside.
I’m grateful for my pumping heart.
I’m grateful for my darling wife.
I’m grateful for my lungs.
I’m grateful for my beloved boys.
I’m grateful for my imagination.
I’m grateful for my balls.’
And so on. In my case, and so on, for 30 minutes every other day.
I wonder how much such ‘Gratitude Running,’ as I call it, is amplifying the benefits of my running alone (i.e., by being conscious of, and grateful for, and loving the various parts of my body, those parts of the body will be benefiting from those thoughts, as well as the exercise of running).
Decide to do such Gratitude Recitations while doing a daily activity… doing the dishes, or the ironing, or on your daily commute, or while scoffing down your breakfast, or having a shower, or having sex, or masturbating (‘I’m grateful for my hand. I’m grateful for my…’).
List the mundane as well as the spectacular: ‘I’m grateful for running water. I’m grateful for my Ferrari.’
List what you wouldn’t usually be grateful for: ‘I’m grateful that I’m tired. I’m grateful I’ve been fired.’ As even these recitations create something interesting in your life. Your brain will go, Why the F**k are you grateful for being fired? What good has that done, now that you’re sat at home, spending your time gardening, and sitting around, and reading again, and learning how to paint, and… oh!
And watch the magic begin.
I’d prefer it if you went away and practiced some gratitude for a few days before reading the rest of this chapter. It won’t ruin the magic, but it’s nice to experience the magic before reading about how some of the magic is working.
One obvious psychological reason for the magic is that, by introducing gratitude into your life, you’re taking your eyes off the negative things, the things to moan about, even for ten minutes a day. You’re creating a new habit in your brain – you’re seeing that, even if things look and seem crap in your life, there are blessings everywhere. And just like when you’re thinking about buying an orange pickup, you suddenly see LOADS of orange pickups on the road, when you’re thinking about the things you’re grateful for, you suddenly see more and more things to be grateful for. In fact, the things to be grateful for crowd into your consciousness so much that the things to moan about hardly have any room to move, and they eventually get so uncomfortable that they bugger off1 to clutter someone else’s consciousness instead. That’s the psychological magic. And it’s no less magic because it’s psychological. The brain is a magical thing.
By being grateful, we’re effectively saying F**k It to all the things that we should be upset and moaning about.
But gratitude is more than a psychological thing.
You know I mentioned the God, gods, universe, and Life thing? Well, it doesn’t seem just to be your ‘perception’ of reality (i.e., psychology) that changes. It appears to be that you change reality, too. When we give thanks for stuff, we seem to be showered with more stuff to give thanks for. So it’s not just that you start seeing more to be grateful for in your life (‘oh, I hadn’t really appreciated that just being able to walk or talk is in itself a wonderful thing’). But the things to be grateful for actually multiply. Is it that you’re more positive, more open, and therefore attract more from other people? Yes, but it’s more, too. And this is where you’ll find the real magic (magic being magic it’s hard to explain). But God seems to like it when you’re grateful. Life seems to respond well in return when you go ‘Cheers for sending that downpour, it really freshened things up,’ by saying ‘Okay, John, I’m enjoying your gratitude, so I’m going to grant you those wishes you had a little while back.’ The universe just wants to be loved. The universe seems to say, ‘You know, so many people just moan about what I give them, even when it’s brilliant, that I just think ‘F**k It, let me reward those who appreciate my work.’
I am grateful that I can write about things that mean a lot to me, and enrich my life in a way that people understand.
I am grateful that more of you have the opportunity to experience real magic by doing something so simple: just saying ‘thanks.’
I am grateful for this wonderful place where I’m writing. I am grateful for this trusty laptop. I am grateful for the miracle of boiled water in the kettle over there. I am grateful for these legs that will get me over to that kettle. I am grateful for the wondrous taste of Earl Grey tea. I am grateful for the invention of sugar. I am grateful for the delicate china cup I am about to use.
I am grateful for everything I am. And I am grateful for everything you are.
For what you have just received, may the Lord make you truly grateful.
1 A rather impolite and familiar way of saying it’s time to leave one place for another.