ÉLIE: The killings were out of our hands, and so is forgiveness. We never properly discussed the killings at the time of the marshes; I do not know if we can talk adequately about forgiveness now that everything is over and done with.
Here is what I say: anyone who let his remorse be glimpsed before the cutting ended and who left the marshes of his own free will, abandoning the job unfinished, or anyone who in that way lost the benefits of looting and the respect of his colleagues—that person could be wholeheartedly forgiven.
But as for the rest of us, what we are offering is prison repentance, so they will give us a pardon of convenience in exchange. It is a pardon, in spite of everything, but the last one on the shelf. A leftover pardon, so to speak. It might turn out to be insignificant if the situation shifts; it might not hold up in the future, under threat of new bloody upheavals.
FULGENCE: To forgive is to erase the offense someone else committed against you.
But you cannot forgive unless you hear a great truth spoken without twisting and turning. Me, I begged pardon of the stricken families during the trial, and I told them of the evil I had done to them. So I think I shall be forgiven. If not, it can’t be helped; I will pray.
Forgiveness is a great good fortune: it can ease punishment, relieve remorse, and make forgetting easier. It is a winner for the
person who receives it. For the person who gives it, I can’t say, because the opportunity has never presented itself to me. I believe that for the person who forgives, it depends on if he is thanked with a suitable compensation.
ADALBERT: Begging pardon is first of all speaking a valid truth to people who have suffered. Secondly, asking them to forget the harm you have done to them or their families. Thirdly, offering to think of them as you did before, without hidden reservations.
If a person agrees at the first try, this is lucky. If not, try again. You should not be discouraged after all the troubles you have already endured. The more steps you take to seek forgiveness, the more often you will see a chance for forgiveness, and the faster you will catch up with it. Especially if the authorities support a program encouraging the survivors to forgive.
JEAN-BAPTISTE: In prison most inmates reject forgiveness. They say, “I apologized and I am still in prison. So what use is it, besides pleasing the authorities?” Or else they keep saying, “Look at that man. He asked forgiveness of everyone at his trial, and he still got a heavy sentence. Forgiveness, for us, from now on it’s a waste of time.” That is why they prefer to stand fast on their old opinions.
But I am very concerned with forgiveness. And I am certain of being forgiven, because I confessed, because I am convinced of my offense and determined to live in the right way, like before. If someone who has suffered cannot forgive me at first, time will help this person manage it on a better occasion. Forgiveness will help us to forget together, even though in both camps each person may hide away memories of deepest pain and sorrow.
IGNACE: Forgiveness is the grace of God that allows someone who has been pursued and struck to forget. Someone who has lost
his wife, his children, his house with all his belongings, his herd, someone who entrusts his grief to God—forgiveness will allow this man to go beyond what he has lived and lost in misfortune.
If the survivor is touched by faith, that is mercy; if not, it is mischance. I know that in the opposite situation, I would manage to forgive my offender, because through thick and thin I have always preserved a great faith in God.
ADALBERT: If I am pardoned by the authorities, if I am pardoned by God, I will be pardoned by my neighbors. It will take time, and the effort will be hard, but this forgiveness is necessary. Without forgiveness, terrible killings might start up again. This forgiveness is a decision of the new policy from the authorities in Kigali. It is too burdensome for neighbors who have suffered to oppose the justice of religion and their country.
PANCRACE: Speaking the truth to someone who has suffered is risky but not wounding. Hearing the truth from a killer is wounding but not risky. Both have their advantage and their disadvantage. So seeking forgiveness is as wrenching as granting it.
Therefore many prisoners prefer begging pardon from God rather than from their neighbors, and they push their way to the front during prayers and hymn-singing. They entrust their forgiveness to God and nothing to their neighbors. With God, words are less dangerous for the future, and more comforting.
ALPHONSE: Forgiveness—that is the favor granted by the person who has suffered the crimes. If the victim hears a proper truth from the offender, a sincere request, he can decide if he wants to
forget. If I am pardoned by the authorities and leave prison after my sentence is up, I could tell even more of the truth on my hill than I did at the trial. I will be able to add confessions and memories that I saved in secret for my neighbors. If I am free, I will be able to give details and accounts of the situation in the marshes. I will be able to visit houses and tell what happened to this one and that, to satisfy my listeners’ personal need to know and to receive their forgiveness.
But if I am too harshly penalized and must stay in prison too long, I will continue to live here as a killer, without forgiveness, or courage, or truth—in other words, like someone who has lost everything, and not just materially.
IGNACE: I say, if I am suitably pardoned, I will recover a normal frame of mind, my outlook from before; if I am not pardoned, I will keep the attitude of an offender. But it is not me who can speak the words of good intention, it is the survivors. That is why I am impatient. Forgiveness is always very advantageous for whoever receives it.
JOSEPH-DÉSIRÉ: What I did was more seen by others, because I was higher up. It is not a worse offense, but a more visible offense that caused the rejection of my pardon.
LÉOPORD: In the marshes, many Tutsis begged to be spared before the fatal stroke of the machete. They pleaded for mercy, for pity; they asked to escape death or the dreadful agony of the blows. Terror and suffering inspired their words.
They gave all their supplication, because they had nothing else to give. But we could not have cared less about whatever they were asking or even begging for. On the contrary, that could
spur us on. They were only Tutsis good for killing, and we were men without pity.
Therefore it is awkward to speak of forgiveness in prison. Outside, if I receive a tornado of fury instead of forgiveness, I will not show any spite. I will take my trouble patiently. I will simply tell people, All right: forgiveness, now it belongs to you, it’s on your side, you have certainly earned it. So from now on you can handle it however you like. Me, I can wait for your right moment. I will pick up my life again where it left off without whispering against you.
ÉLIE: There are some people who envy those who didn’t have to seek forgiveness, and who returned to their land without crossing the threshold of Rilima. Some people say that those who asked forgiveness have not been properly rewarded and are still in prison; they claim that pardon, for the prisoner, is a hazardous and useless expense.
PIO: Seeking forgiveness is a natural thing. Bestowing forgiveness is a huge thing. But who today can decide this forgiveness? those who did nothing, like the whites and such? those who arrived too late, behind the soldiers of the RPF, coming home with their savings and their memories of revenge? those who happened to elude death by sneaking into the papyrus? Even the mama of the child who was cut, what can she forgive in the name of her little one, who is no longer here to be questioned?
I see too many difficulties for us to exchange forgiveness on the hills. Too many bad memories will grow again on the fine words, like the bush in the middle of a plantation. Someone who grants you forgiveness on a day of mercy, who can say he won’t take it back some other day in anger, because of a drunken squabble?
I can’t imagine any forgiveness capable of drying up all this spilled blood. I see only God to forgive me—it’s why I ask that of Him every day. Offering Him all my sincerity, without hiding any of my misdeeds from Him. I don’t know if He says yes or no, but I do know that I ask Him very personally.