The Sunday after Thanksgiving is always reserved for our annual leftovers feast. Daddy had been hosting it ever since Caroline and I were little girls. As he got older and became more and more reclusive, Caroline and I had insisted on having it, even if the list of people he invited had shrunk. It was good for Daddy to have some connection to his past life before his compromised immune system and his tendency toward hypochondria led to a never-ending tug-of-war between his thinking he was sick and his actually being sick.
Parker was the first to arrive that night—no surprise since his definition of punctual meant fifteen minutes early. I didn’t mind. I needed an extra hand anyway. As usual, I’d underestimated how long the food prep would take.
“Make some gravy magic happen,” I said, handing him a whisk and pointing to the pot on the stove.
He looked in the pot then back at me. “Do you mean warm it up?” He turned a knob with a click, and whoosh—a fire ignited under the gravy. “Is that the magic you were looking for?”
I lowered my chin and raised my eyebrows. He pushed his glasses higher on his nose and responded with an unrepentant grin.
“Just stir.” I went back to scooping my reheated sweet potatoes into the serving dish that matched my mom’s china.
Parker was about two minutes into his gravy stirring assignment when the interrogation I should have expected began.
“Seems like you and that Blake guy really hit it off,” he started.
“Yeah, he’s a nice guy.”
“How long is he in town?”
“I don’t know.” I nudged him away from the drawer with my hot pads in it.
“Does he have a job?”
“He’s thinking about it.”
“Thinking about it?” Parker stopped stirring and took the gravy off the stove. “Must be nice to ‘think about’ having a job. What does he do?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged and opened the oven to check on my turkey casserole. We always served it, but this was the first year I’d made it. It had always been Caroline’s job, and before that, Daddy’s.
“Hmm.” Parker leaned against the counter and crossed his arms.
“What else do you want to know?”
“What makes you think I want to know more?”
“Your ‘hmm.’” I took the casserole out of the oven and scooted around him to set it on a trivet. “That’s what you always do when you’re thinking about how to phrase your next question or piece of advice.”
“Is it?” He hmmed again. “Anything else I should know about myself?”
Before I could answer with my long list of Parker-isms, the doorbell rang.
“You answer the door,” I ordered. Because sometimes it was nice to boss the guy who thought he was the boss of me. “I’ll get Daddy.”
He pushed away from the counter and grabbed my wrist as I walked by. “I know your heart’s all aflutter for this Blake guy, but I hope you won’t ignore Jami.”
His words rushed out barely above a whisper. His grip was light, but I was intensely aware of his fingers wrapped around my wrist and his arm pressed against mine. Our faces were close enough I could see where he’d nicked himself shaving, and I wondered if it had hurt.
I breathed in a cacophony of smells. Cinnamon and garlic, yeast and onion; but also the clean, crisp scent of him. It reminded me of sitting on Daddy’s lap, resting my cheek on his freshly laundered shirt as he read to me before going to work. It brought out a longing in me I didn’t know existed. A longing to be safe and loved. A longing to have a turn being taken care of instead of always being the caretaker.
I pulled my arm back, and he released me. “There it is,” I laughed, pushing away my ridiculous memory-induced emotions.
“There what is?” He stepped back.
“What you’ve been waiting all day to say to me.” I brushed by him as I walked to Daddy’s room, snapping, “And my heart is not all aflutter.”
I helped Daddy down the hall and got him settled into his chair while Parker showed Martha, Nancy, and Jami in. The too-skinny, buck-toothed ten-year-old I remembered had grown into a tall curvy woman with dark hair spilling down her back. I took the dish she’d brought, and we exchanged an awkward hug, politely acting like our childhood friendship had been strong enough that we were excited to see each other again.
“How long are you in town?” I asked Jami after I set the dish on the table and we’d all taken a seat in the family room.
“At least a few months, if Grandma and Aunt Nancy will have me,” she answered, glancing at the two women seated on either side of her, both glowing with admiration.
“We’ll keep her forever if we can.” Nancy took off talking, and I prayed we were in for a sprint, not a marathon. “We only need to find somewhere for her to work. She’s a school teacher, you know. She’s so good with children. Any school would be lucky to have her. Even a preschool. Or a high school, although you probably wouldn’t want to teach there, would you?” Nancy patted Jami’s knee.
“I don’t have the right credentials to teach anywhere in California right now,” Jami answered.
“She wants to go to grad school, but it’s too expensive, and she hasn’t passed the test yet to get in.” Nancy patted Jami’s knee while Jami’s cheeks matched the tomatoes in my fruit bowl. “We would have paid her tuition if we could have, wouldn’t we, Mother?” Nancy raised her voice to get her mother’s attention, but Martha only nodded. “College is so expensive these days. I’m not sure how anyone goes . . .”
Every conversation with Nancy was like déjà vu. She talked so much I could never remember what she’d said, but it always felt like I’d heard it before. When the doorbell rang, I rushed to get it, as much to escape Nancy as because I knew it had to be Blake.
I opened the door to find him laughing about something with Taylor and Weston. I didn’t know what it was, and it didn’t matter. Hearing them reassured me we were in for a fun night that not even Nancy could ruin with her babbling.
“Come in!” I kissed them each on the cheek, even Blake—that’s how excited I was to see him—then handed the dish to Weston that Taylor had carried in so I could stick my arm through hers. “Martha and Nancy are already here,” I whispered to her. “I was seconds away from slipping into a coma before the doorbell rang. Jami isn’t any better than the two of them.”
“Be nice,” she whispered back.
“I’m trying. It’s so hard.”
We walked into the family room, giggling like we were fourteen again, which, for some reason, elicited a glare from Parker. Blake and Weston were behind us, and I happened to glance at Jami, whose eyes rested on Blake. I looked at him in time to see his eyes meet Jami’s. A flicker of recognition passed between them, which I brushed off until I introduced him to her.
“You look familiar.” He stuck out his hand for her to shake, which she did reluctantly, but her face didn’t register any emotion. “Where are you from?”
“Utah.” The two syllables came out curt and short.
“Did you go to BYU–Idaho?” He still held her hand, which she jerked away.
“Yeah.” She tipped her head to the side and set her mouth in a straight, serious line. “Did you?”
“Just graduated.”
“Wow.” I moved between them. “What are the odds?”
“I think I remember you now,” Jami said, ignoring me. “You hung out with the bros who were always too loud in the library, right?” There was no teasing in her tone, and the air in the room went tight. I stepped out of her line of sight, not wanting any shade thrown my way.
“Bros?” He stared down at her, and there was something in his eyes that sparked a moment of jealousy in me. “Yeah, that sounds right.” He laughed, and the rubber-band-stretched tension snapped.
“What a coincidence! Can you believe it, Mother? Jami has a friend here . . .” Nancy launched into a new monologue, and everyone’s eyes moved from Blake and Jami to Nancy.
“How crazy is that?” Taylor whispered to me.
“Unbelievable,” I whispered back. My eyes were having a hard time leaving Blake. “How did he even remember her? She barely says a word.” I watched the two of them carefully while Nancy asked question after question about where and when Blake had seen Jami, not waiting for answers. Blake nodded politely, occasionally stealing a peek at Jami.
“The world is a smaller place than we realize,” Daddy said. “Even smaller now with all this Internet stuff.” He moved his hands as though waves of information were floating there waiting to be captured by the World Wide Web, a thing that still mystified him despite his computer proficiency. His comment, though, had finally shut Nancy up.
“Are we ready for our leftover smorgasbord?” I seized the opportunity to get a word in while I had it. My stomach was growling, and if Nancy started talking again it might be another hour before we ate. I motioned everyone toward the table and told them where to sit.
Parker was supposed to sit by me, but he took the seat next to Jami instead. I saw Jami’s first and only smile of the night as she talked to him, which sent a wave of nausea over me. It didn’t feel like when I’d seen Blake look at her, so it couldn’t be jealousy, but I didn’t have a name for whatever it was.
“I can’t believe you know Jami Fairfax,” I whispered to Blake, who had followed directions and sat next to me.
“Barely,” he answered. “The Mormon world is a small one.”
“What do you think of her?” I knew I shouldn’t ask, but she’d just refused the scoop of mashed potatoes Parker had offered her. Who does that?
“Undecided.” Blake answered, his breath hot on my neck.
“I thought Idaho was the potato state. Why isn’t she eating mine?” Technically they weren’t mine since I hadn’t made them, but that wasn’t the point.
The real question was, why did I even care? Why did I feel like I was in a competition with her and she had the upper hand? It made no sense.
“Maybe they’re too exciting for her.”
I giggled loud enough for Parker to reprimand me with a deep crease of his brow, which only made me giggle again.
Before I could take the first bite of my food, the doorbell rang.
“That must be Hailey and Xander,” I said and pushed away from the table to go let them in.
“I’m so sorry I’m late!” were the first words out of Hailey’s mouth as I answered the door. Xander, on the other hand, squealed with delight when he saw me.
I took him from her as a burst of laughter from the dining room floated toward us. “I’m not good at meeting new people,” she said, pausing mid coat removal.
“You don’t need to be. Everyone’s going to love you and Xander.”
“I wish Elton was here. I need some breathing tips.” She finished taking off her jacket and clutched it in her arms. “I’ve been trying not to think about him, but I can’t help it.”
“It’s only been a few weeks.” Closer to a month, but who was counting? Me, obviously. But only because I was hoping she’d be over him by now.
I guided her to the table and introduced her. She mumbled hellos to everyone and then sat down and filled her plate to overflowing, which meant she probably hadn’t eaten much that day. Money was always tight by the end of the month, even when she stuck to the budget I’d made for her. Of course, budgeting wasn’t my greatest talent. Lately I’d been considering asking Parker to help her, but I was afraid he’d take it as an open invitation to tell me what I needed to do differently too.
I sat down with Xander on my lap so Hailey could eat. I tried to take a bite of my already-cold food, but he kept sticking his fist into my mashed potatoes. I laughed, but I really wanted those potatoes. The third time he did it, nearly knocking over my drink, Jami stood and held her arms across the table.
“I’m finished. Let me take him.”
Parker looked up at her with a smile that made me want to say no, but the hunger pains in my stomach were more persuasive.
“Are you sure? He’s squirmy,” I said, handing him to her before she could change her mind.
“I can handle squirmy.” She wiggled her fingers in Xander’s face, and he flapped his chubby arms in return.
“If you’re positive.” I glanced at Hailey, seated next to Nancy, to make sure she was okay with it. She was too overwhelmed by Nancy to do more than blink at the barrage of questions coming at her. She didn’t even notice me hand off Xander.
“How old is he?” Jami asked as she moved behind her seat to bounce him up and down. She was more relaxed than I’d seen her all night.
“Six months or so.” I couldn’t remember exactly. I probably should have, considering how much time I spent with him.
Within minutes Xander had settled his head onto Jami’s shoulder and looked ready to fall asleep. She reminded me of the perfectly backlit moms in diaper commercials who didn’t look anything like the frazzled ones I saw in real life. She’d probably be one of those ad-ready moms someday, with a perfect, blond-haired, blue-eyed, Warby-Parker-glasses-wearing husband by her side. There was a candidate in the room who, a quick glance told me, was watching me watch her.
I tore my eyes away from Jami before I was tempted to walk further down Comparison Lane and turned my attention back to Hailey. Her red cheeks and eyes tipped me off that something was wrong. It only took a few seconds to determine the something threatening to make her cry was Nancy.
“Seventeen is so young,” Nancy said. “Why didn’t you give him up for adoption? Are you still together with the father? Or was it a one-night thing? Your son must look like him; I don’t see much resemblance to you. Do you get welfare? I know a lot of single mothers have to be on welfare to take care of their babies . . .” Nancy’s questions came one after the other, with barely a breath in between. Not that Hailey would have wanted to answer them anyway. She looked to me for help, but before I could say a word someone else did.
“Hailey, tell us about school. You’ve been taking some classes at Saddleback, right?” Parker’s voice boomed across the table, silencing Nancy. Hailey’s face flooded with relief, and after a deep breath she answered him.
“I’m taking a math class and an intro-to-business class. Those are both pretty hard, but I like my English class.” She attempted a smile.
“She’s doing so well,” I said. Nancy’s mouth had opened. I had to spit words out before she did. “I can’t believe all the stuff she tells me.”
“I’m not surprised.” Parker had skills when it came to making people feel comfortable. He’d only talked to Hailey a few times, but her shoulders relaxed as he spoke. “If you need some help with your math and business classes, let me know. Those are my specialty.”
“Thanks. I will.” Hailey took her first bite of food and even smiled at Nancy, who had started talking again.
Daddy got up from his chair and patted his stomach. “Delicious, Eliza.”
“It wasn’t only me. Everyone brought something.”
“But you planned it, and it’s been excellent.” He padded over to Nancy and held his arm out. “Why don’t you join me in the other room if you’re finished eating. I could use some good conversation,” he said to her then gave me a wink.
That was why he was the best. Sometimes I wondered if he noticed anything beyond his newspaper, but then he would do something so thoughtful and remind me why I’d never find anyone who could live up to him.
I went back to eating my dinner, looking around the table and into the living room. Parker had taken Nancy’s spot and was talking to Hailey about her business class. Nancy sat next to Daddy in the other room, telling him a story he’d probably heard a million times, but he smiled and nodded like he’d never heard it before while Martha sat silently by his side, her mouth occasionally curving into a half smile. Jami still held Xander, who slept on her shoulder, but Blake had moved closer to them and ran his fingers over Xander’s pudgy fist. Jami didn’t look entirely comfortable with him that close, but she didn’t look as uncomfortable as she had at the beginning of the night.
The fire flickered behind Daddy. The lights were low, and the smell of cranberry drifted through the air. With a room full of old and new friends—even those who talked too much—and the sounds of conversation filling the room, I couldn’t help but feel content. I had a perfect life, and I didn’t want to change a thing about it.