I didn’t catch Parker until he got to the lineup. In the time it’d taken to rescue Hailey and make sure she was okay, a dozen other surfers had shown up. We’d be waiting a while for our turns to catch a wave. Which was fine. I’d paddled hard to reach him, and I needed a few minutes to catch my breath before I’d be ready to take on the larger-than-usual waves T-Street was spitting out that day.
“This will have to be my last,” Parker said after I sat up on my board. “Too much of a lineup now.”
“Wave period’s pretty short though.” I was hoping for a little more time with him than the quick waves were going to allow. A couple of surfers in front of us had already dropped and were riding a pretty sweet wave. “I bet we could get one more in.”
“Some of us have to work for a living. We can’t hire people to do our jobs for us.” He squinted at the sun, and I winced.
“You think it’s a bad thing I hired a single mom who needs a job?” I pushed back the lump rising in my throat. All I’d wanted to do was spend time with him, and now he was being mean to me. It was bad enough Taylor kept ditching me for Weston. If Parker didn’t want to hang out with me anymore, Hailey and Jami would be the only friends I had left, and who knew how long Jami would be here.
“I think you could have watched Xander to give Hailey some time out here,” Parker answered in a gentler tone. “You can surf any time you want. How often does she get a chance?”
I thought that over. He was right, but it didn’t make me any less hurt by what he’d said. And then another thought hit me, and it was even more right than what he’d said, “You know, you could have offered to do the same thing.” I raised my eyebrows while his mouth fell open with the weight of an answer he didn’t have. Seconds passed, and I waited for him to reply, but then my board dipped. I looked over my shoulder to see what kind of swell was coming. A good one. And I was going to break every surfing etiquette rule in the book and snake it from Parker.
I dropped to my belly, paddled to the crest of the wave, and popped up. I rode frontside, running my fingers through the wave and forgetting about Parker, Hailey, and everything else that didn’t have to do with that moment. That’s what I loved about surfing. It took all my focus, leaving no room in my head for the stupid things people said.
When I hit the flats, I tried to cutback in order to catch more of the wave, but I had to bail to avoid a total wipeout. I let the rest of the wave go over me before I popped out of the water to see where Parker was. I spotted him riding with his back against the inside of a wave. He rode goofy-footed, so he was always easy to spot. When he got to the end, he kicked out of the wave, making a much more graceful exit than I had.
I hoped he’d change his mind and paddle back out, but when he hit knee-deep water, he picked up his board and headed to shore. I debated whether to follow or catch another wave. I’d burned him pretty bad, though, by snaking his wave, and with things already being rocky between us, I decided I’d better apologize.
“That was a pretty nice ride,” I said when I got to the spot on the beach where he was drying off.
“Not as good a wave as yours.” His eyebrows moved just enough to let me know he wasn’t happy about me burning him but he also wasn’t mad about it. “Too bad you couldn’t take the whole thing.”
“I always do.” I grinned. “Even when I don’t.”
“That makes no sense.” He peeled his wetsuit down to his waist, and I enjoyed watching every second of it—even though I probably shouldn’t have.
“It makes total sense.” I unzipped my suit and stuck my hand out for him to hold the sleeve while I tugged my arm out of it. “You’ve got to find a way to enjoy every moment, even when that moment isn’t what you wanted.” I held out my other arm and he grabbed the other sleeve. “I rode as much of that wave as I needed to. I’m not going to waste time thinking about how it could have been better.”
He let out a laugh. “I guess that’s one way to get everything you want.” He pulled his board out of the sand and tucked it under his arm. “Maybe that’s why things always come easily for you.”
I blinked as I processed what he’d said. “You think things come easy for me? Like I don’t ever work hard for anything?”
“It’s not that you don’t want to work hard. You don’t ever have to.” He slung his towel over his shoulder and headed for the stairs.
I thought about how much I’d studied to get into San Diego State. Sure, it wasn’t Stanford like him or UCLA like Caroline, but if I’d wanted to take harder classes in high school, I could have gone to those schools too . . . probably.
So maybe that wasn’t the best example. But I had a better one.
“What about my shop?” I grabbed my board and followed him. “That hasn’t been easy. How many twenty-four-year-olds do you know who have their own business?”
He slowed down enough for me to walk next to him and looked at me. “About as many as I know who have fathers willing to bankroll them.”
I stopped. “Why are you being so mean to me? Did I do something to you?”
He stopped too, with a look of genuine surprise on his face. “I’m not trying to be mean, Liza—”
“Then what are you trying to do? Everything you’ve said to me today has been some kind of criticism.” Wind stung my eyes, but that’s not why they watered.
“Look, don’t cry—”
“I’m not crying!” I wiped my eyes with the end of the towel he held out to me. “I have sand in my eyes.”
I let go of the towel and walked around him.
“Eliza, I didn’t mean to be rude.” He ran ahead of me and blocked the path. “I’m sorry. And you’re right. I could have offered to watch Xander so Hailey could surf. It was really sexist of me to think you should be the one to do it.”
I met his gaze and let my lips pull into a tight smile. “It was really sexist. You’re showing your age, Old Man.”
“Now who’s being mean?” A grin spread across his face. He stuck his board in the sand and took mine to plant next to it. Then he pulled the towel off his shoulder and laid it on the sand before dropping to the ground and taking my hand to pull me down. “Sit down for a second.”
I dropped down next to him, and he let go of my hand. “Think about your life for a minute compared to Hailey’s.” He took a breath. “Do you know why she was in foster care?”
I blinked and shrugged. Taylor had told me enough to know Hailey’s life had been rough, but I'd never asked Hailey for details. “Do you?” I asked, not sure I wanted the answer.
He shook his head. “I know how bad things have to be for a parent to lose custody though.”
“Yeah . . . so are you saying I should ask her?” I scooped out the sand trapped between my toes and kept my eyes pointed at my feet.
“No.” He took a deep breath. “What I’m saying is . . .” He touched my hand. “Be careful about making her a project. She doesn’t need someone to run her life. She needs a friend she can rely on. Someone she can trust, who won’t hurt her.”
Heat crept up my neck. Maybe from Parker’s touch but mostly from embarrassment. Had I treated Hailey like a project? Someone for me to fix?
“All I wanted to do was help a girl who wouldn’t be able to go to college on her own.” I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.
Parker moved like he was going to touch me again but then rested his hand behind me and leaned back. “I’m not saying giving her a job and encouragement isn’t generous, but even with financial aid, anything beyond community college is going to cost her more than she can afford. She’ll have to take out loans for living expenses, and she may never have a job where she’ll earn enough to pay them back. Not everyone is cut out for college. After helping her with basic math, I think she may be one of those people.”
I whipped around to face him. “First of all, she doesn’t need financial aid or loans. Second, how is my believing in her worse than you basically saying she’s too dumb to go to college?”
Parker sat up. “I didn’t say she was too dumb. Don’t put words in my mouth.”
“You said she’s not cut out for college.”
“Plenty of smart people don’t go to college,” he shot back. “There are a lot of trade schools she might be better suited for, not because she’s dumb but because she’s got a huge educational deficit to overcome.”
“How do you know what she’s got to overcome?”
“Because I’ve listened to her. Do you know how many high schools she went to?”
He didn’t wait for me to answer. Not that I could have anyway. “Ten. In four years. That’s just high schools. How many middle and elementary schools do you think she went to?”
I had no idea, which made heat creep back up my neck and settle into my cheeks. They felt hotter than the time I’d thought I didn’t need sunscreen on a cloudy day and I got more burned than I’d ever been before.
“She didn’t have the opportunities you did that made college easy for you.” He’d taken a gentler tone, but there was still a hardness in his voice. “Why not encourage her to do something she can be successful at?”
“That’s what I’m doing!” I jumped up. I didn’t know what else to do. I only knew I needed to be able to look down on him instead of the other way around. “I’m paying for her college so she can have her own nail business someday. She wanted to just work in a nail shop. I got her thinking about owning her own business instead of making money for someone else.”
“You’re paying for her college?” Parker asked as he pushed himself up from the ground. So much for me looking down on him. And so much for me keeping my “scholarship” fund secret.
“Yes.” I tilted my head up to look him in the eye.
“Is that why the shop’s not making money?” His brow wrinkled, and his gaze penetrated through me.
I nodded.
He pulled me back from the path as three surfers walked by us. Once they’d passed, Parker spoke. “Does she know?”
I shook my head. “I wrote a check from the charitable organization I set up to pay her tuition.” Not that it was any of his business, but I’d already spilled my secret, so there was no reason not to tell him everything.
“Why?”
“Xander.” I shrugged. “She needs a way to take care of him.”
“That’s really generous.” He laid his hand on my shoulder. “You’re very generous.”
“Thanks.” I smiled, thinking I’d won him over, but with Parker there was always more.
“But are you sure you’re not giving someone a pair of shoes when what she really needs is food?” He let his hand drop, and his eyes pored with meaning I didn’t understand.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” With each word I lost confidence I’d won our argument. Or debate. Or whatever it was. “Why would I give her my shoes? Her feet are smaller than mine.”
“It’s an analogy.” He picked up my board and handed it to me then grabbed his own before wagging his head toward the stairs. “Remember those trendy shoes everyone bought because the maker donated a pair to kids in need for every pair bought?”
“Toms?” I hoisted my board higher, securing it under my armpit, and followed him.
“Yeah.” He nodded. “You probably had a closetful.”
“Have.” I’d possibly provided shoes for half of sub-Saharan Africa.
“A reporter went with him for one of his deliveries.” He stepped aside and let by a couple coming down the stairs. “Know what she saw?”
“A guy passing out shoes to kids who needed them?” I started up the cement steps first.
“A guy passing out shoes to hungry kids who were wearing brand-new Converse.” His voice echoed against the metal caging surrounding the staircase, reminding me of the preacher with a wireless mic and a primo sound system at the megachurch I’d gone to once. The loudness of the message had made the whole thing seem impersonal to me.
“What’s your point?” I glanced over my shoulder at him. “They didn’t need two pairs of shoes?”
“My point is they didn’t need what Tom, or whatever his name is, thought they needed, but he was hailed as this great philanthropist by all the people buying his shoes who thought people who’d never worn shoes would need footwear more than they needed food.”
“People need shoes.”
He stopped at the top of the stairs next to me. “People only need three things: food, shelter, and—”
“Love?” I don’t know why that popped out. It sounded right in my head, but once my ears heard it, I knew it was wrong.
He stared at me, tilting his head in a question. “Clothing . . .”
“Oh, yeah.” My ears burned. “That’s what I meant.”
“Sure.” He nodded like he believed me but kept staring like he had mind-reading powers he was secretly using on me.
I hoped he didn’t because I really didn’t want him to know I was thinking about those blue eyes flecked with gold. My face grew hotter just thinking about anyone, especially Parker, knowing how those eyes broke down my defenses. If anyone else had talked to me the way Parker had—and did—I would have pushed him down and kicked sand in his face. Parker made me stop and think about whether I could do better. Whether I could be better.
I readjusted my board and stepped in front of him. “What does any of this have to do with Hailey?” I asked as I walked ahead of him.
In two quick steps he was by my side. “If you want to give her something, give her what she needs, not what you think she needs. Otherwise she’s your project, not your friend.”
He tossed me that grenade like we were playing a game of touch football and not talking about saving a young mom and her son from a life of poverty. Every good thing I thought I’d been doing for Hailey exploded in my face.
I’d tried so hard not to treat her like a project, but maybe I had. Maybe I’d needed something to do without Taylor and Caroline around. I thought back through the past six months with Hailey. I’d helped her get into school, I’d taken care of Xander when she needed someone, I’d encouraged her to find the kind of guy who deserved her. Those were all good things. Right? And maybe she had been a kind of project, but was it so bad to make someone a project if they came out better in the end? Wasn’t that a kind of friendship?
Parker walked ahead of me while I thought through the questions tornadoing through my brain. He glanced back once and asked if I was coming. I shook my head.
“Go ahead.” I told him. “I’m wiped out.” Which wasn’t a lie, but his words and the chain reaction they’d caused, not the ocean, were the cause of my exhaustion.
Luckily once I got in my car I could have driven home blindfolded because I didn’t pay attention to anything around me. The only thing I could focus on was Parker and everything he’d said about my relationship with Hailey. I finally landed on the one question I had to find an answer to: Did I want a friend, or did I want a project? Because Hailey couldn’t be both.