My moodiness returned the following morning, but mood swings were a price I was now willing to pay. I couldn't wait to hear from Billy again. Days passed with no sign. Was he gone? Had his voice become so faint that it was impossible for me to hear him?
Ten days later, at dawn, I saw an oval-shaped blue light hovering high above my bed. I knew it was Billy. I focused on the light, and soon I could hear his voice, which had become even more languorous than before.
Can you hear me? I know I sound farther away but if you concentrate, you'll still be able to hear me. The more you try to listen, the more you'll be able to hear.
I'm feeling quite nostalgic. You sometimes feel that after you're dead, nostalgia. But no more neuralgia, arthralgia, fibromyalgia. None of those other “algias” plague you up here in heaven. Did I say heaven? I guess I did.
I was floating all alone enjoying becoming the Universe, and what happens? Along comes Ingrid, my first wife. I cannot convey the joy, which is way too small a word to describe what I experienced when I got my first look at Ingrid in spirit form. The last time I saw her we were both on earth and she was on morphine, dying of cancer.
Ingrid was now also becoming the Universe. Her suns and moons and stars were arranged in a constellation that resembled the shape of a woman. She was doing this very feminine dance of love, moving her gorgeous starry hips back and forth as she circled around my Universe with hers. Ingrid has always been quite a seductress. Seeing her like that almost tempted me right back into a body again. Almost.
As soon as I saw this dancing Universe, I knew right away it was her. I think each soul has its own particular qualities and when you've been really close to someone, you recognize their soul no matter what form it takes.
Ingrid's soul wasn't old or young, just what you might call ageless. As she got closer, I could see that the stars in her Universe reflected different phases of Ingrid and her story. All the ages and stages of her life were there.
In one star I saw an innocent blonde baby digging up sand on a beach. In another, a scantily dressed teenage Ingrid danced on stage in Las Vegas. God, she was gorgeous. There was a star that showed her strung out on cocaine, and one of her doing time in jail. I can see that's where she got her mean streak. Then, there was my favorite Ingrid, my voluptuous Swedish bride, looking at me with those big green eyes like I was the whole world. Ingrid the crazy tigress with the hair-trigger temper was also there in the stars, but it was blended in, so it didn't seem so bad [laughs].
Shining through all these different aspects of Ingrid was her soul. And her soul was, without question, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I never even had a vague idea of her Divine magnificence when we were alive.
If I could have seen the ravishing beauty of Ingrid's soul while I was alive, I would have been so overwhelmed I don't think I could have functioned. But here, I'm just drifting in space, floating around, becoming the Universe. There's nothing I really have to do.
If you have things you have to do, seeing people's souls could be a big impediment. If people could see each other's souls, the whole world might shut down. Think about it. You'd go into a store to buy something and get hung up for hours marveling at the cashier's soul. If you saw the soul of your so-called enemy, you'd probably fall in love with them, and then what? And if you beheld the soul of someone you already truly loved, like I did with Ingrid, the intensity of that experience might incapacitate you for the rest of your life. You can understand why seeing souls could be a problem on earth. It would become one big love-in.
I guess because Ingrid and I are now both Universes, we're ready to gaze upon each other's souls. There's nothing we want or need from each other except to float around and enjoy the light. That's it. No words, no attachments, no demands, just two Universes passing in the light.
Are we the Universe? Google it.
Billy was speaking even more slowly than last time, and his speech was slurred. I sensed it was becoming harder for him to communicate with me.
When I searched “Are we the universe,” a YouTube video of the late astronomer Carl Sagan came up. In it, he describes how we're all made of “star stuff”; how billions of years ago the elements of our bodies were formed from stars, and how our desire to explore the cosmos is really a longing to return to our celestial origins. Whoa! That's exactly what Billy was talking about. And it's not only Billy who is made of the cosmos. We are all literally made from stars. Becoming the Universe isn't just a poetic image. It's grounded in scientific fact.