She invites Iris over on a day that she is off school and Michael isn't. She needs to talk to her and would prefer to do it alone.
“Hi hen.” She enfolds her in her arms as soon as she steps through. “Well what is this then?” Chloé isn't usually a touchy feely girl.
“So much. It is good just scary.” Confessed against her shoulder.
“Come Chloé and tell me about it.” They take seats. Iris watches her fiddle with her hands. “Talk to me.”
“I started back with therapy.”
“How wonderful!”
“It is. She is great. Really wonderful. As is Michael. We kissed.”
“What is this now?” her eyes get huge. “Well this is news.”
“Yes. It was so good. So very good. I want… oh how I want. But I am terrified.”
“Of course you are love. Completely understandable.”
“He is so sweet. God! So bloody patient. Mrs. Robin, my therapist asks me to journal. One thing I am to do there is write something positive about myself each day.”
“Good for her.”
“Yes but I struggle with it. He doesn’t.” She explains about the lists. “He adds more than I do.”
“He love you.” She softly says.
“I know. I fear I feel the same.”
“Yes you do. You know he isn't like he who shall not be named. Or your father. He is a gentleman who adores you.”
“I know. I do. I don’t fear him. I fear myself. I fear that I will freak and hurt him. That is one thing we are working on in therapy. Self esteem.”
“Good.”
“But will it be enough?”
“Is it enough today? You have to take it day by day. You can trust yourself today. Right?”
“Yes.”
“It will get stronger every day. As you work out the past in therapy, I promise girl. It will get better day by day.”
“God. That is exactly what I needed to hear.”
“Always available to assist. I have news too.”
“Yes?”
“Are you ready to be Auntie Chloé? I am pregnant!”
Chloé squeals and hugs her tight. “How extraordinary! Such wonderful news. You are so going to rock motherhood.”
“It is going to be grand! Devin is over the moon.”
“Does Michael know? I would love to tell him.”
“Not yet. Tell him. Just tell us of his reaction.”
“I promise.” They spend a few hours discussing names and other things.
***
She is bouncing with excitement when he walks in. The frantic excitement in her eyes has him a bit worried for a moment.
“Chloé? What is it?” He places his knapsack in his room. She has made him neater. He then joins her. She sits on the edge of the seat, her legs bouncing. “What has you so excited?”
“I saw Iris today.”
“Had good girl time did you?”
“Yes. I spoke to her about therapy.”
“I imagine she was excited to hear you had restarted?” he is still trying to figure out what has that maniacal glean In her eyes.
“Oh she was. I also told her we kissed.”
“Oh!” was that it then. “What did she say?”
“She was right shocked. I told her I was scared. Scared of hurting you.” He came over and knelt beside her. He took her hands in his.
“Why love?”
“That I will freak. It will get to be too much and I will run away from it.”
“What if I won't let you? If your own heart won't?”
“Oh god!” She rests her head on their clasped hands. “Oh Jesus. I need to tell you Iris' news before we finish this part of this conversation.”
“Yes?” She lifts her head. Her smile is back.
“They are expecting. Her and Devin are to be parents.”
“Oh wow! That is incredible news!. Just incredible.”
“I thought the same. Iris is going to be an awesome mum.”
“As Devin will be a dad. Oh man! I am so happy for them.”
“Yes. I am already planning the baby shower.” He laughed. “Do you think me silly?”
“No, because I am already thinking of all the stuff I want to teach him or her.” They laugh together.
“Ready to talk about us?” He asks when the giggles die down.
“Yes. We need to. I told her of the lists. How you add more than I do. She said that you love me.”
“I do.” A soft confession.
“Oh god! I fear I do too.”
“Yaeh get the fear. Really. But I promise, I swear, I will not hurt you.”
“As I said earlier, I fear hurting you. You are so bloody sweet. So caring and giving. I couldn’t bear to hurt you.” It is all he can take. He lifts himself up and takes her lips.
A kiss of reassurance. Of gentle passion. Of strength held in check. Her whole body shudders at the feelings her is rousing in her, both emotional and physical.
She slips off the chair and joins him, her body leaning into him. He presses against her lower body, moving her closer. Her hands are in his hair, all tangled up in his curls.
He needs to stop them. They don't have the excuse of being out in the open. In public. As much as their bodies want it, he knows her mind isn't ready. He slowly pulls away.
They stare at each other, catching their breathes. He matches his breathes to hers instinctively. When they are both calm, he says, “This is real. You can’t hurt me as long as that stays true. I can’t believe it won't. Can you?”
“No. I can’t.”
“Give me a second.” He stands up and heads into his room. He returns with a knife. “A dirk. It is what my ancestors swore loyalty on.” He explains. “My dad taught me the oath when I was three and ten.” He sits her back on the chair so he can kneel at her feet. “Chloé, I swear on the cross of my Lord Jesus Christ and by this holy iron I hold,” he holds the shaft out to her and turns the blade towards himself, "to give you my feality and pledge you my loyalty. I promise to walk through the darkness with you and bring you into the light. That your past will not be just yours to carry. I will always be your side as long as you will have me. I do swear.”
“Oh Michael.” He drops the knife on the table and hugs her close.
“Okay now?”
“How can I not be? Jesus Michael, I have had anyone treat me this way.”
“It is what you deserve, what you have always deserved.” She begins to cry happy tears against his chest.