James walked into Corey’s gun store, which was called Right to Bear. Corey said, “Hey there, partner. What’d I tell you? Two days. No more, no less. You’re all set. I appreciate you taking the time to wait. I’ll toss in a box of ammo and a cleaning kit because you were patient about it.”
James thanked him, and said that he’d also like some instruction on how to use the gun.
Corey said, “You never even fired a weapon before?”
James explained that he hadn’t.
Corey said, “Well, you’re in luck today, friend. We got a range here, too. I’ll be happy to take you back and show you everything you need to know.”
James paid for his new gun, and then Corey gave him some eye protection and earplugs. Then Corey pointed up to the wall behind the register and said, “Who do you want to fire some rounds into this afternoon?”
Taped up to the wall were several paper targets. Some were nondescript black silhouettes, others were images of generic criminals pointing guns toward potential victims. Others were more Middle Eastern in aesthetic, featuring men in turbans with AK-47s or rocket launchers. And there were several targets featuring the images of various military and political figures. There was a paper target of Osama bin Laden with one of his eyes shot out, as well as a cartoon version of Bin Laden at the bottom of the sea. There were two different Vladimir Putin targets, one featuring him on a horse, the other in a business suit. There was an image of Hillary Clinton smoking a cigar. There were three different Barack Obama targets, including one that had the words This Is for Benghazi printed across his face in a graffiti style. James selected a standard, faceless black silhouette.
Corey said, “That’s a good one. Standard, no frills. I like it.” As Corey went to the bin where the targets were kept he said, “What do you think of that Karen Holloway?”
James explained that he didn’t spend too much time thinking about her.
Corey said, “Good strategy. Doesn’t deserve a second’s worth of thought. I mean, can you believe that little piece of trash? Don’t get me wrong, though. You know what I’m saying?”
James had never thought of Karen Holloway in a romantic or sexual way, because he knew she wasn’t Christian, and for James that eliminated any possibility of finding her attractive. She was a person who was actively disobeying God and very clearly attempting to derail his glorious plan. She was in league with Lucifer, which meant that she was only an enemy to James, nothing more.
When James failed to respond to the innuendo, Corey said, “Well, whatever floats your boat, man, as long as it’s women.”
James assured Corey that he was only interested in women, but that Karen Holloway was not the type of woman he’d ever be interested in. Corey said, “Fair enough, boss. I mean, I can imagine givin’ it to her, but I can’t imagine being in the same room with her, so I guess that’d make it pretty tough. Anyway, let’s head on back and get you set up.”
Corey instructed James to put on his protective eyewear and his earplugs, as well as a pair of soundproof ear muffs, which Corey called “cans.” Corey then led James into a small room and closed the door behind them. Corey had to yell to James in order to be heard through the various ear protection they both were wearing. Corey said, “Now, when I open this other door, we’ll be in the range, and it’s kind of loud. We got a guy in there right now firing off a Desert Eagle, in fact, so it’s gonna be real loud. Takes a second to get used to weapons going off around you, but you’ll be fine. You ready?”
James nodded, and Corey opened the door to the range. James jumped a little at the first sound of a gun being fired and couldn’t stop himself with each new shot that was fired. Corey said, “Told ya. Nothing to be afraid of, though. You’ll be fine. We haven’t even had a suicide in here for over six years.”
Corey took James to an open lane. It happened to be lane number seven, and James took this to be a sign from God that purchasing this gun from this man was the right thing to do, the next step in God’s plan. James had thought that Corey might have been an angel, but his comments about being sexually attracted to Karen Holloway made it seem far more likely that Corey was just another person, like James, whom God was using in his plan, and there was nothing wrong with that.
Corey clipped the paper target into two brackets that were connected to a long wire running the length of the room. He pushed a button and the brackets moved away, taking the target along. Corey said, “We’ll put her at ten yards and see how you do,” then opened the box of ammunition and took the gun out of its case. He said, “Okay, let’s get down some basics. This is your new weapon.” Corey slid the top part of the gun backward, and it clicked into place. James had seen a gun set this way before, with the slide locked back, in movies when characters ran out of ammunition. Corey said, “All right, this part here is the slide. You can lock it back like this with this lever. You always want to check your chamber, this little part here, to make sure you don’t have a live round in it. So you lock it back like this, then you load your clip. I assume you haven’t done that, either?”
When James nodded again, Corey pushed a button on the front part of the handle, and a clip slid out. He said, “This little button here is your clip release. You just push it and the clip comes out.” Corey put the gun down and grabbed a few bullets from the box. He pushed one of the bullets down into the clip and then another. He said, “To load your clip, you just take a bullet, make sure the back, this flat part, is facing toward the back of the clip, push it down, and slide it back. Then you take another one and you do the same thing on top of the first one. So on and so forth until you get ten of them in there. Used to be that you could get a fifteen-round clip pretty easy, but times have changed. The libtards made it so we only get ten now. Anyway, here, give it a try.”
James took the clip from Corey and pushed a bullet in. He looked at Corey for approval. Corey gave him the thumbs-up and said, “Keep going. Do the rest of the clip.” James loaded a few more bullets into the clip before it began to get prohibitively difficult to push the bullet down far enough to be able to slide it all the way back.
Corey said, “It gets harder the closer you get to ten, because the spring in the clip gets pushed down more and it gets tighter, but if you ever forget how many you have in there already, just look at the back of the clip. There are little holes so you can see how many you got in there.”
James saw that he only had eight rounds in the clip and forced another two in, hurting his fingers slightly in the process. James handed it back to Corey, who picked up the gun and said, “Okay, now comes the easy part. You just pop it in like so.” Corey slid the clip in and James heard it click. Corey said, “Then you push that lever down.” As Corey pushed the lever down, the gun’s slide jolted forward. Corey said, “And you got a round chambered, and now you’re ready to kill a pregnant demonic slut. Come on over here.”
Corey led James over to the front of the lane and put the gun in his hand. James noticed that the bullets made it even heavier than before. Corey explained how to stand and how to hold the gun, then said, “But the most important part of shooting is learning to avoid anticipating the kickback. See, every time you fire, that slide blows back and your weapon will automatically eject the spent casing. Most people, the first time they shoot, have a great first shot. Then every shot after that is worse and worse, because they lean into the gun in anticipation of that kickback. You have to just get that out of your mind. You want to line up your sights so that the middle dot is between the other two, then just squeeze the trigger slowly. Don’t pull it. And don’t even think about the kickback. Just let it happen. Got it?”
James indicated that he thought he understood and Corey said, “All right, take your first shot, brother.”
James went through the steps Corey had just taught him, raised his gun, targeted the silhouette’s head, slowly squeezed the trigger, and nothing happened. He turned around and looked at Corey, who was standing behind him, supervising. Corey said, “Oh, and I forgot the most important thing. You have to click the safety off.” Corey came over and pointed to the safety on the gun. He said, “That little dude right there. Just click it down. That engages the firing pin and you’re ready to rock-and-rolla, Ayatollah.”
James disengaged the safety, took aim once again, and slowly squeezed the trigger. This time the gun fired a single shot. James expected the kickback to be much more violent than it was, but he did close his eyes in reaction to the muzzle flash and the sound, so he was unable to see where his shot went. Corey noticed this and said, “That’s all right, brother. You get used to the sound and the muzzle flash and everything. For a first shot, that ain’t bad at all.” Corey pointed downrange at the target and said, “You got him in the right boob.”
James looked and saw that indeed there was a small hole in right side of the target’s chest. He had missed the spot he was aiming for by maybe eight or ten inches. Corey said, “Keep on going, man. Empty that clip.”
James took aim and fired nine more times. With each shot he felt he got a little bit better at understanding how to shoot. He reloaded his new gun and shot another ten rounds. With each shot his aim got progressively better until he was landing every shot within a few inches of where he was aiming. Corey was impressed. He said, “Damn, boy, you’re a natural. I can’t believe you’ve never shot before.”
James felt that Corey was being honest, and he felt sure the only reason God would bless him with the gift of marksmanship was that he would need to use it at some point.