Proverbs 12:11: Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense.
This was the opening line of James Dobbs’s profile on ChristianMingle.com. James had studied this specific line from the Bible since he was a child. It had always held special meaning for him. Throughout his childhood and early adulthood he had felt contempt for his peers because he felt that many of them followed worthless pursuits while he worked his metaphorical land. He felt that this proverb was the simplest and best way to describe himself, the life he led, and the future he hoped to share with a wife. The work ethic he created based on these words was something that he tried to apply to every aspect of his life.
Even though his year-long membership on ChristianMingle.com had yielded him only two dates, neither of which led to a second date, James logged in to his account every night before work and made a habit of sending at least five personal messages to women with whom the site had matched him. He felt that God would not simply place his wife in front of him. He had to show God that he was ready for her and that he was willing to work in order to get her. God had to know that he was deserving of such a blessing.
In the first six months James was active on the site, he sent a standard cut-and-paste message to every woman he felt was a good match for him. It read:
“Hello. My name is James Dobbs. I haven’t been on this site for very long, but after reading your profile it seems like we’re a pretty good match and I’d love to get to know you more. If you find my profile interesting, please message me back. —James”
The message took James several nights to craft. He was unsure of what a good first message on an Internet dating site should include. In the end, he decided that keeping it short was the best strategy. He never received any replies to this message, however, and after reading complaints on several prospective matches’ profiles that they were tired of having their inboxes filled with meaningless cut-and-paste messages from guys who clearly hadn’t taken the time to read their profiles, James abandoned his standard message strategy. He rationalized that if he was sincerely going to work the land of ChristianMingle.com, he should put in the time required to personalize each of his messages.
His first message of the night was sent to a woman with the username “ChicaDeJesus.” She was five foot three, Caucasian, twenty-five years old, had a bachelor’s degree, and worked as a nurse. She described herself as having a goofy sense of humor and loving animals, including her two cats. She claimed to be looking for a hard-working guy who would be a good provider for the family she wanted to start as soon as possible. Jim imagined himself married to ChicaDeJesus, sitting in the backyard of some house he didn’t yet have, watching their children run around after church squirting each other with water guns.
He wrote:
“Hi. I saw your profile and it seems like we have a lot of things in common. I really like comedy movies and it seems like you do, too. I don’t have cats but I really like them and have no allergies or anything like that. Where do you nurse at?”
James felt that ending the message with an innocuous question about something he could only have learned by reading her profile increased his chances of receiving a response. He sent two similar messages to two similar profiles before he saw the small Christian Mingle instant messenger window open up in the bottom right of his screen. James was receiving an instant message from a user named “Eyesofblue.” He saw that she was five foot seven, Caucasian, twenty-eight, and had graduated from high school, though she listed no job. James had always initiated first contact with women on this site, and he began to wonder if this could be the sign from God that he had been waiting for.
Eyesofblue’s message read, “What do you do for a job? You don’t have it listed.”
James explained that he worked at the mall in Topeka.
Eyesofblue replied, “Like in a store?”
James explained that he worked at the Dillard’s department store.
Eyesofblue replied, “Do you sell stuff? Like suits or something?”
James explained that he worked nights as part of the cleaning crew for that store, mainly, but sometimes they also cleaned other stores in the mall or the mall itself if the regular mall cleaning crew was unavailable, which happened a few times a year.
Eyesofbue replied, “Are you trying to save up money to move to Kansas City or something?”
James explained that he was not.
Eyesofblue replied, “Are you going to school?”
James explained that he was not.
Eyesofblue replied, “Oh. You just want to clean Dillard’s forever? Lol.”
James explained that the job paid his bills, and if the Lord had different plans for him, then James was sure the Lord would let him know.
Eyesofblue replied, “True. So what do you do when you’re not working?”
James explained that he spent his free time either in church or reading for the most part. He then asked Eyesofblue what she did in her free time.
Eyesofblue replied, “Watch TV, I guess. So are you busy this weekend?”
James explained that he was not.
Eyesofblue replied, “Maybe you should ask me out, then.”
James had never encountered a girl so forward. He wondered if God had sent her his profile and then compelled her to message him. He wondered if Eyesofblue was his soul mate. He asked her if she would like to get dinner with him.
Eyesofblue replied, “OMG! You read my mind. Lol. I’d love to.”
They exchanged phone numbers, made plans for their date, and then James logged off. As he polished the floor in Dillard’s that night, he prayed to God to help him decide what he should wear on what would be his first date in almost a year.