Karen had instructed Tanya to pick her up at 10:00 A.M., an hour and a half after Paul left for work. Karen assumed this buffer time would ensure that Paul wouldn’t find out about her clandestine plan, preventing Tanya from having to lie about why she was at their place, if the two ran into each other. Tanya arrived on time and tried to stop herself from initiating any kind of conversation about the events at hand. She told herself she was just going to be a good friend. She told herself that she would remain neutral. She told herself this wasn’t about her or what she thought should be done. But she couldn’t help herself.
The drive to Planned Parenthood was silent at first. Then, about ten minutes in, Tanya said, “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I have to make sure you’ve really thought this through. It’s only been a day since you even found out. You can take some more time before you decide anything.”
Karen said, “I don’t need to think about it anymore. I’ve thought about this my entire adult life. I made the decision before I ever even got pregnant.”
“I know. I know. It’s just that there’s no harm in waiting another week, and who knows? You might change your mind. Some kind of motherly instinct might kick in or something.”
“That’s why I need to do it now. If there’s even the slightest possibility that some flood of mom hormones might make me change my mind, I need to make sure I take care of this first.”
“That’s a really shitty thing to say.”
“Why is that shitty? I think making an informed decision based on logic and reason is far better than basing it on hormonal fluctuation and emotion.”
“Okay, robot. I’m obviously here for you and I’m obviously supportive of you, but, I mean, don’t you think about the baby at all? That baby can’t speak for itself. Don’t you feel like as a human being you have even the slightest obligation to let it live?”
“Here we go. I still don’t know how or why you champion that pro-life bullshit rhetoric. You know the people at the heart of the pro-life camp—not you and the regular people who just don’t like abortion, but the ones who get laws passed and try to shut down Planned Parenthood—those fucking pieces of shit are the ones who started that whole line of reasoning. The baby can’t defend itself, so we have an obligation to defend them. Those fucks don’t give two shits about the unborn babies they’re supposedly saving. All they care about is control. They have to control women, and having women with the freedom to choose what to do with their bodies is a scarier proposition to them than letting women vote. Because on some very primal level, men see it as women controlling life, controlling the future of the species, and they certainly can’t have that. And somehow their bullshit has sunk into your head and stuck. I know this is just one of those things between us that will probably stay like this until we die, and I’ve learned to accept it, but please, for the love of your God, the one who tells you not to judge people and to be accepting and loving of everyone, can we just check this conversation today? Just today. Just let me get through this, and then you can tell me how bad it is to take the choice away from a blob of cells all you want.”
They drove in silence for a minute or so. Karen felt like she might have gone a little too far in her reprimand, but she felt she had no alternative. She just wanted to get through the day with as little stress as possible.
Tanya eventually said, “Sorry. It’s just tough to be a good friend in a situation like this, I guess.”
Karen said, “I’m sorry, too. I know how hard it is for you to even be driving me to get this done. I’m sorry I put you in the situation in the first place. But you’re my best friend, and I wouldn’t want anyone else with me, to tell you the truth.” This confession eased the tension between the two friends for a moment.
Tanya said, “Okay, last thing, and then I’ll shut up. There’s a compromise here that you might not be thinking of.”
“What?”
“You could have the baby and give it up for adoption.”
“Are you fucking crazy? If I’m worried about hormones changing my mind if I wait a week to do this, what do you think would happen to me after nine months?”
“I don’t know. I just had to make sure you were thinking about all of your options before we get to the place.”
“You know what would actually be hilarious? If I had the kid and gave it to a gay couple. How do you think your pro-life pals would feel about that? That’s exactly what I’m talking about, by the way. They don’t give a shit about the kid—they just want to force their moral agendas on everyone else. God, if I did that and blogged about it . . . Or what if— Wait, hold a second. Pull over.”
Tanya, sensing that Karen might be changing her mind, pulled over. “What is it?”
Karen said, “Turn around. You’re right. I’m going to think about this for a few more days.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah. But you’re still the only person who knows, and I want to keep it that way. Paul can’t know what’s going on.”
Tanya said, “Okay,” then made a U-turn in the middle of the street and headed back to Karen and Paul’s apartment, hoping that whatever Karen was thinking about would save the life of this child. Tanya couldn’t help but feel that God had a hand in whatever was going on.