Chapter Eight
LaMeka
Why did I still care so much? While a part of me hated what Tony did to me, it wasn’t enough to keep me from overseeing his care. He was still in a coma, and while the doctors weren’t optimistic, I tried to instill hope in his parents. It was a constant uphill battle with his condition, with some days being better than others, but I stayed by his side. Which brings me back to my original question: why did I still care so much?
Honestly, I still loved Tony. No, no, no. I was not, let me repeat, I was not in love with Tony. I simply loved him. I loved him because despite the hell he unleashed in my life, our relationship brought me my two greatest joys, Tony Jr. and LaMichael. I’d never known love like that before. My sons had been the center of my joy and the true loves of my life. If it weren’t for all of the shit Tony put me through both mentally and physically, I wouldn’t know that I was strong enough to stand on my own two feet, nor would I know exactly what I didn’t want in my next man. My bad experiences had turned into life lessons, and my life lessons became my steppingstones, so in the end, I could thank Tony. If it weren’t for him showing me what a bad man was like, I never would have learned to appreciate a good man.
“Still no change, huh?” Gavin’s voice floated into Tony’s room.
I jumped and turned to face him. “You scared me. Stop doing that.”
“Sorry.” He smiled and walked inside.
“But no, there’s still no change,” I confirmed, turning my focus back to Tony’s motionless body.
“He’ll pull through,” Gavin encouraged.
“Hopefully you’re right. From your lips to God’s ears.”
He looked at his watch. “It’s time for us to get off. You wanna grab something to eat? There’s a diner not too far from here that sells the best burgers and shakes.”
“Are you asking me out on a date?” I asked with a grin.
“LaMeka, if this were a date, I’d be picking you up from your spot looking fresh, dressed like a million bucks, and I’d take you out somewhere nice, like Woodfire Grill or Chops Lobster Bar, and we’d get toasty on a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. Asking you to the local diner in our hospital scrubs hardly qualifies as a date. What kind of man do you take me for?” he asked seriously.
“I’m just playing with you. I know your game is tighter than that.”
“Oh, you do?” he asked with mock excitement and a smirk.
“I’m just saying I would assume so.” I tried to backpedal.
“Ahh, it’s too late. You’ve already admitted it.”
“Okay, I admit it. You’ve got some game for a white boy.”
“Girl, I’m Cablanasian. What you talking about? Ain’t that what Tiger said? That man said he was a Cablanasian. We should’ve known he had issues right then.” We both burst into laughter.
“You’re a fool!”
“Hey, what can I say? I’m pretty fly for a white guy,” he joked, referencing The Offspring song from back in the 90s, as we walked out of Tony’s room.
After I clocked out, I called my mom and asked if she would watch my boys while I went to eat with Gavin. She agreed, so I followed him to the diner, where we were quickly seated, and we both ordered the new peach-flavored shakes and a cheeseburger.
I bit into my burger and closed my eyes. It was too damn good, so good that I moaned aloud.
“Didn’t I tell you it was good?”
I nodded my head in agreement. “I really don’t need this. I’ma have to walk the neighborhood an extra hour,” I declared, then took a sip of my shake.
He waved off my comment. “Ain’t nothing wrong with indulging every now and then. Besides, you’re perfect the way you are.”
“You’re just saying that.” I looked downward to try to hide my blushing.
“No, I mean it. You curve in all the right places. A real man likes a woman with a little meat on her bones. We like something to hold on to.” He winked.
I nearly choked on my burger. “Boy, stop.”
“Stop what? Telling the truth?”
“Kicking that bullshit,” I joked. “I gained about thirty extra pounds after I had LaMichael, and it took a lot for me to get it off.”
“So, what you’re saying is that you got it off, but you still don’t think you look good?” he asked inquisitively.
“No—”
“Oh, so I just make you uneasy when I notice,” he countered, interrupting me.
“No, I mean, men these days are looking for those model types—the Beyoncés and the Selina Eubanks of the world. What kills me is that an average-looking man will have the audacity to expect his woman to be Beyoncé. I’m like, dude, until your ass can look like The Rock, miss me with that bullshit. If I had millions of dollars, I’d look like that too. Money can turn the worst ugly into the best pretty.”
Gavin laughed. “Well, I don’t look for model types. Like I said, I like something to grab and hold onto. I ain’t looking for Beyoncé. For one, I don’t have bank like Jay-Z, and I ain’t signing no pre-nup if I do run up on her ass. Secondly, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You beat Beyoncé and Selina every day of the week in my opinion.”
“Yeah, and only to you.”
“If it’s only me and you talking, then mine is the only opinion that matters. You’ve got to learn self-confidence. Be proud of your curves, LaMeka. I’ll bet there’s a 300-pound woman out there wishing to God she had your body.”
The pause I had to take jarred me. Well, damn. Did he just put me in my rightful place? He had. Had I been put down so much by Tony that I didn’t even know how to take a compliment? Or worse yet, not think I was deserving of one?
“That’s true. I can’t argue with that,” I conceded a bit embarrassed.
He bit into his burger and gazed at me. Once he swallowed, he pointed and stated, “Let me ask you a question, if you don’t mind. Why are you so damn hard on yourself?”
Leave it to him to ask a loaded question. “Well, I’ve been through so much and had so many let downs and negativity in my life that I just learned to expect the worst. I guess I expect it so much until I don’t know how to recognize the positive.”
“Yeah, but you’re confident with nursing and school. You’re confident in your abilities as a mother, especially a young mother with a special needs child. It only shows when you’re talking about your self-image and relationships. So, what’s that all about?” he quizzed.
“Damn, who are you supposed to be, Dr. Phil?” I laughed.
“Whatever,” he said with a chuckle. “I’m just making an observation.”
“You white people are just fucking nosy,” I joked. “That’s why y’all be getting fucked up and shit.”
He burst out laughing so hard it brought him to tears. “You may have a point about that! From fights to natural disasters, it’s always the white people getting fucked up or needing rescuing on the news,” he admitted, causing me to erupt in hysterics.
After the moment of laughter, I took a deep breath and decided to answer his question. Regardless of the fact that he was interested in more, Gavin had become a friend, and I didn’t mind being honest with him about my ordeal. “Well, since your nosy ass must know, I was in a very abusive relationship with my kids’ father. He beat me down mentally and then physically until I didn’t know which way was up or out. But I’m thankful to be out of that situation.”
Gavin gave me a knowing look and then broke it down. “Yet you still let his twisted actions affect you. You may be out of the situation, but you need to work on being out of that abusive state of mind.”
Maybe Gavin was Dr. Phil in disguise because once again, he was positively correct. What was funny was that up until that very moment, I didn’t realize that was exactly what I was doing. It was a shame the bad experiences and negativity had become so much a part of my life that I’d begun to accept that as my lifestyle and my way of thinking. I was so stung by his revelation that I just sat there and stared at him.
“What?” he asked nervously. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”
I shook my head. “No, nothing like that. It’s just that I never thought of it that way, and I guess I really needed to hear that.”
He reached across the table and gently grabbed my hand. “I’m not trying to be mean to you, but we all need someone to give us the diehard truth. That’s what’s wrong with the world today. You are a strong, intelligent, and sexy woman, and I need for you to know that,” he said, gazing into my eyes.
I didn’t know what fire Gavin lit up under my ass, but I was definitely feeling it, and I was feeling him too. Just the touch of his hand was sending me over the edge, and I was fighting to stay in control. As Gavin and I began twirling and interlocking our fingers, the fire growing in my hotbox made me want to put one of his damn fingers between my legs until he found that gushy spot. I crossed my legs and tried to fight my growing desires. Something about this man was doing something to me!
“I swear you know just what to say sometimes.”
“So, why don’t you let me take you on a real date so you can see how I would treat you all the time? Or did ol’ boy ruin any man’s chances of showing you that not every man is bad?”
A blush rose on my face. I palmed my cheek to cover it as I nodded my agreement. “Okay, Gavin, I’ll let you take me out as long as I get to choose where we go.”
An excited grin spread across his face. “That’s what’s up! I can do that. So, where do you want to go and when?”
I stood up and pulled out my wallet to pay my bill, but Gavin put his hand up to stop me. “Next Saturday the Hawks have a home game against the Lakers. Get us some tickets and let’s check it out.”
He looked at me sideways. “I was kind of hoping for something a little more—”
I interrupted. “I like basketball, and if you make it past this date, we’ll see where the next one takes us.”
“Playing your cards right, huh?”
I winked at him. “Always, Mr. Randall, always,” I said and walked off.