Chapter Twenty

Charice

No, I didn’t lie for Lincoln to protect him, so you can get that out of your mind right now. I lied to make sure my husband didn’t end up in the penal system. With the way he reacted when I told him that Lincoln only hugged me, I couldn’t risk telling him it went any further.

Shit, we were already having our share of problems as a residual effect from the whole incident. I’d noticed Ryan questioning my whereabouts more and more, and on top of that, there were the issues in the bedroom. Isn’t make-up sex supposed to be the best sex? Key word supposed. The two times Ryan and I had attempted it had been the worst experiences in our lives. So, needless to say, we had enough on our plates to worry about for me to go confessing the whole truth and nothing but.

However, I felt so horrible for lying. I’d never lied to Ryan about anything the entire time I’d known him—aside from not telling him about Lincoln and me, which really wasn’t a lie—and now that we were married, this was what I was reduced to. This was not how I had envisioned my marriage. I was mad as hell with Lincoln for forcing me into a situation where I’d have to lie to Ryan. Okay, sure, perhaps I had little room to be angry with Lincoln since I was lying to him in a major way, but Ryan was my husband, and my loyalty lay with him. The way I saw it, it wasn’t like I was actually lying to Lincoln about Lexi. I just never told him. If I ever had to tell him about Lexi, I wouldn’t deny that he was the father, but my goal was not to be put in the situation where I had to admit that.

Anyway, I was madder with myself for allowing Lincoln to get inside my mental like he had. Ryan actually took the whole situation a lot better than I expected and a helluva lot better than I would’ve. I couldn’t believe I’d allowed myself to get so caught up in old memories that I would do some disrespectful shit like that.

I would never admit this to Ryan or anybody else, but a part of me—a very tiny, micro-morsel part of me—would always care for Lincoln. So, I guess that was why he was able to affect me the way he did. Just being honest, Lincoln was the first man I was going to actually marry, so of course I’d have some residual feelings, but damn, I never expected that to happen. I don’t know. I guess a part of me liked to see him groveling for me. Hell, it made me feel better to know that he was enduring the same heartache he put me through. Still, there would be no more times like what happened that morning between Lincoln and me, and I put that on everything I loved.

To clear my mind of any thoughts of Lincoln, I stopped by the center before it opened. I wanted to do a little dancing for my exercise routine, and I had to come up with a new dance sequence for the girls. I’d been at it about ten minutes when my cell phone rang.

“Hello.”

“Hey, baby,” Ryan said.

“Hey, you.” I giggled into the phone. “What are you doing?”

“Getting dressed to go meet Brendon about this new endorsement deal. Johanna will be in later today, so Ms. Lorraine from across the street is here to watch Lexi for us until she gets here, and I’m going to drop the boys off at school. I was just checking on you. You’re still at the center, right?”

“Yes, baby. I am. When I leave here, I was going to do some grocery shopping and then head back to the house and go through the gazillion emails I know I have from the consulting firm.”

“Sounds like you have a busy day.” He paused as if something caught his attention.

Not wishing to hold him, I stated, “Well, I guess I will see you later on then.”

“Why are you rushing me off the phone?” he asked quickly, his tone getting tense instantly.

That tone let me know that this thing brewing between us was definitely going to have to end. I couldn’t take his condescending ways, and I hated being ridiculed on every word that came out of my mouth. As each day passed, his attitude got progressively worse, and it was slowly beginning to choke the life out of our relationship.

“Baby, we really need to go somewhere just me and you. We’ve got to—I don’t know how to say this—reconnect.”

“So, there was a disconnect?” he asked.

This shit was on my last fucking nerves. I rubbed the back of my neck. I couldn’t do this shit right now. He was going to throw me off my mode, and I had to get this routine together for the girls.

“Baby, listen. I can’t imagine how hurt you still must be, but we have to find a way to work through this. I just want us to be how we were before. Is that really asking too much?” I asked softly into the phone, trying to soften his mood.

After a few moments, he released a deep sigh. “I’m sorry, Charice. I’ve just really been buggin’ lately. I know that you want to try, and so do I. It’s just hard for me right now.”

“I understand.”

“Look, we’ll talk about it some more when we both get home,” Ryan said.

“I’d really appreciate that.”

“Okay, well, I’m going to let you go so you can finish up.”

“Okay, babe. I love you.”

“Yeah, I love you too.”

I drank a swig of my bottled water and stretched. Life with Ryan had been so blissful before Lincoln showed up and straight fucked up everything. All I wanted was my husband back. Lincoln could never, nor would he ever be able to come between us. The residual feelings I felt for him were just due to having my love scorned by him. What happened was because of Lincoln and his feeble attempt to remind me of a past that had long since died. So, it was simple. Stay away from Lincoln and stay out of drama.

At any rate, I was determined to get this routine together, go shopping, and finish my emails so that I could be free to discuss things with my husband. As I turned the music back on and began to dance, I heard clapping. I spun around and saw Lincoln.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked angrily.

“What the fuck is up with you and your husband with these fucking attitudes?” Lincoln shot at me. “Damn. I was giving you a compliment, ma.”

“I don’t need no fucking compliments from you. What I need is to know how the hell you got in here before I call the police,” I yelled with my hands on my hips.

“For what?”

“Breaking and fucking entering,” I said, rolling my neck.

“Pipe down, ma. Rob let me in.”

“I will not pipe down. Why’d he let you in?”

His condescending smirk turned into a light chuckle. “He’s in his office, and he and I were going to work out together. He stopped here first, so I came to see you shake your groove thang while he finished up some paperwork.”

Squinting my eyes, I spat, “I don’t believe you.”

Nonchalantly, he shrugged. “Call his office or go see for yourself then. Do you really think I would break in the center? I’ve done some foolish things in my past, but I think I have a little more sense than to break into a community center. I mean, if I really needed to see you that bad, you are only three houses down, ma.” Lincoln chuckled.

Well, that tidbit was mostly certainly true, and it was highly unlikely that Lincoln would break in. He just got under my skin so badly, especially since all the drama popped off at my house.

“Fine. Stay in the center as long as Rob is here, but get the hell out of my classroom.”

“Why are you so sensitive?”

“I’m tired of being bothered by you, Lincoln. Isn’t that enough?” I asked in frustration.

“Perhaps, but see, your husband reacted out of character too. I know you all don’t want me around, but attacking me off the rip and him pushing on me the first moment he saw me leads me to think something went down between you two and I’m smack in the middle,” he said, walking in the classroom and shutting the door. He walked up toward me. “Be honest. Did you tell Ryan about last week?”

“Leave now,” I commanded tensely.

“Oh, did I strike a nerve?” he pressed. “So, you actually told him, huh?” he continued in disbelief.

Disgusted, I shook my head at him. “Get out and stay out,” I yelled, pointing toward the door.

He threw his hands in the air in surrender. Then, he turned and walked to the door. Once he reached the door and opened it, he snapped his fingers. “You didn’t tell him about the kiss.”

“What?” I asked, caught off guard. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you need to go, and you need to go now.”

“Yes, you do. I know Ryan. If he knew I touched you that intimately, he would’ve been the one breaking and entering into my house. And I know you, Charice. If you had told him, you would’ve gladly gloated that in my face. You didn’t tell him for a reason. What was the reason?”

“I got your ass.” I walked over to my purse and picked up my cell phone. “Nine . . .one . . .” I said aloud as I pressed the buttons.

“Hey. Hey. Whoa. Don’t do that. I’m going.” He relented, and I paused with my thumb in midair, ready to press the next 1.

“I see you’re serious about this,” he said.

“As a heart attack,” I said in a no-nonsense tone.

We stared at each other for a second, and when he saw I wasn’t going to back down from my threat, he exhaled in defeat. I didn’t really want to call the police on Lincoln, but I’d do what I had to do to keep my nose clean. That meant that these chance meetings between Lincoln and me were going to have stop immediately. With my marriage being on pins and needles, I didn’t need anyone getting the wrong idea about us, especially not Ryan.

Just as he was about to walk out the door, Lincoln turned around with a serious expression on his face. “Just tell me one thing,” he requested, looking intently at me. “Did you lie to Ryan about what really happened to protect him, or to protect your true feelings?”

The gasp that escaped me couldn’t be denied. Lincoln knew both Ryan and me far too well, and that was going to pose a problem. Regardless, I had to stand firm. I didn’t want to give him any tidbit of information so that he could have an opening, since he’d already proved he could take any opening and run with it.

Recovering quickly, I crossed my arms with a smirk on my face. “You know, Lincoln, what my husband and I discuss is none of your business. It’s our marriage, and we are the only ones privy to the information discussed in it. For your information, however, I told Ryan. The reason he didn’t pummel you is because neither of us has the time to waste on you. We have a life—together. Now, you need to get one of your own.”

Lincoln looked at me as if I’d hurt him to the core. “Damn. Hmph. Well, I guess I was wrong. You have a nice day, Charice. I’m sorry to bother you.”

“You have a nice life, Lincoln,” I said harshly.

Just then, Rob walked up to the doorway. “Everything all right in here? You all look really intense. Linc isn’t plaguing you, is he Charice?” Rob tried to joke.

“As a matter of fact, he is. Next time, leave your company in the car,” I snapped, walking to the door and shutting it in both of their faces.

As they walked by the glass, Lincoln looked inside at me again, and I could feel his heart breaking. I looked away and sat down on the floor. As soon as I hit the floor, tears sprang to my eyes. I wish I could say they were tears of frustration or anger, but they were tears of loss. I felt just like I had the first time Lincoln and I broke up. The pain of that moment had come alive again for me in this moment as I looked at Lincoln’s heartbroken face. So, the true question for me became, why did I even care?