Chapter Twenty-seven

LaMeka

“Surprise!” Everyone yelled at Tony as I rolled him inside the front door. A couple of his nurses were there, as well as my mom, his parents, Pastor Gaines, and our kids.

He smiled gleefully and looked back at me. “What the hell is this?”

“It’s for you. It’s your surprise welcome home party.”

His parents walked up to him, and each hugged him for a long time.

“I love you so much Mom and Dad,” he said.

His mom pulled back, and instantly, the floodgates opened. “I’m just so happy and blessed to have you home. Thank you, Jesus,” she shouted, hugging him again with tears streaming down her face. She choked up damn near everybody in the room.

Tony had successfully completed his drug and alcohol rehabilitation, and he was on a consistent medical treatment program for his HIV. He was still a little weak from his surgery and in some pain, but he was doing very well, all things considered.

He slowly stood up and looked around. “Thank you all so much,” he said to everyone. “I owe all of you so much, and I put my right hand to God that I will get my life together this time.”

“Dada,” LaMichael said as he toddled away from my mom.

Shock filled Tony, and instantly, tears fell from his eyes as LaMichael staggered toward him and he picked him up. I grabbed Tony Jr., and Tony hugged all of us in his embrace. “Yeah, little man, it’s Dada,” he cried. “I swear to God I’m going to do right by y’all. I love you little boys.”

That’s when everyone’s floodgates opened. It was so emotional and cleansing to know that after all Tony and I had been through, we could stand there together as a family. That was God’s work.

“Enough with all this crying. This is a party. Let’s go ahead and turn up some music and get this food together. I know my son. He’s ready for some fried chicken, collard greens, macaroni and cheese, and cornbread,” Mr. Light said.

Tony pointed to his dad, nodding his head in agreement. “That’s what I’m talking about, Daddy.”

While Tony mingled and played with the boys, I took the opportunity to call the two people who were on my shit list: Misha and Lucinda.

“Misha, where you at?” I asked as I stepped outside the house. “You were supposed to be at Tony’s parents’ house for the welcome home party.”

Misha huffed. “So, he actually made it out of the hospital? Damn. Was that nigga a cat in a former life? He got fucking nine lives, I swear.”

I gasped. “Misha. I know you don’t care for him, but all things aside, Tony has changed. He’s better now. There are no more drugs and alcohol. He’s going to do right this time, and he needs all of our support, especially since he’s living with HIV.”

“Yeah, that I gave him, so why the hell would I want to hang with his ass? Really, Meka? You are the loony one. Gavin has called here three times to speak with you this week, and you’ve been so far up Tony’s ass that you can’t even see that you’re passing over a good man. If you want to throw your life away dealing with that lowlife nigga, then go ahead, but don’t ask me to. Hell, I was trying to get rid of the nigga, not be his damn buddy,” Misha said nonchalantly.

“You know they are locking people up for intentional manslaughter behind that shit you did, so you might not want to get too loose-lipped about it,” I said.

She sighed, and I could practically see her rolling her eyes through the phone. “So what? Are you gonna tell on me? Please. This is me and you talking. I know he’s li’l Tony’s and LaMichael’s daddy, but damn for real, sis, you need to let that nigga go.”

“Goodbye, Misha.” I hung up to dial Lucinda’s number.

“What’s good, chica?” Lucinda answered her cell phone.

“I know what ain’t good.”

She gasped. “Ay, lo siento. My bad, Meka. I forgot all about Tony’s welcome home party. Girl, it’s just so much going on right now between Aldris, Jennifer, and me. Not to mention that foolishness between my dad and Raul. My mind has been all over the damn place. I’m sorry.”

“So, do you think you can still come? I think it would mean a lot to Tony to see his old crew of folks who were with him before he got hooked on drugs,” I pleaded.

“I wish I could, but I’m at the skating rink with Nadia. I promised her I’d do a mother-daughter night with her.”

I sighed, disappointed. “I understand.”

She let out a slow and deliberate sigh. “Meka, check it, mami, I understand that Tony is different, and he needs support, but don’t you think you’re too involved in this? I get that you want to be there for him, I do, but I’m just saying maybe you should back off just a bit. I saw firsthand what you went through while you two were together, and I really don’t want to see you hurt again.”

I threw my hands up. “Is that why you’re not here because secretly you don’t want to deal with Tony?”

“Chill, chica,” she said firmly. “I honestly forgot, but you’re avoiding my comment and my question.”

“I don’t have time for this. All I asked was for a little support from you. You have plans with Nadia, so do your thang. I will be just fine,” I said with plenty of attitude. Actually, a lot more than I really needed to give to her because I knew Lu meant well.

“Fine. Do you, boo. Holla,” she huffed and hung up in my face.

I hung up my phone and slipped it in my front pocket, heading back inside. Everybody was making their food, so I grabbed my plate and started too. As everyone laughed and joked around, I really didn’t feel up to it. I was disappointed in my sister and gut-checked by Lucinda. Of course, there was a part of me—the hurt and scarred part—that wanted to tell Tony, “Adios, muthafucka.” Yet, I also understood that a lot of the way Tony used to be was because of his depression and substance abuse issues. The real Tony—the one I fell in love with—would never have done the things he did.

Don’t let that fool you, though. I missed Gavin and all the possibilities of what we could be, but emotionally, I wasn’t ready for Gavin. I had so much to clear up in my own life and in my own mind about my relationship with Tony that I knew it’d be unfair to date Gavin at this point in my life. Unbeknownst to my sister, I’d actually called Gavin back once that week and explained just that to him. He felt as if I was hiding under a false sense of obligation to Tony. Ugh. Was I really that wrong for wanting to be there for my babies’ father? Everyone was so against Tony, as if he’d personally violated them. Hell, I was the one who got degraded, beat on, cheated on, and left to raise two boys on my own, so if I could let that go, then they should too.

I sat out on the screened porch with my plate. I wanted to be by myself so that I could think about what I wanted to do about Gavin and Tony.

“Can I sit out here with you?” Tony asked, coming out the door.

“Sure.” I jumped up and grabbed his plate for him so that he could step down.

“Thanks. It’s hard to move around still,” he said as he finally sat down. “But I ain’t complaining, though. I could not be moving at all.”

I giggled. “That is very true.”

“Guess who called me?” he said, taking a bite of his macaroni. “Mmm-hmm. Girl, you were always the best at making macaroni and cheese.”

“You know how I get down, for real,” I joked. “Who called?”

“Ryan. I haven’t heard from that cat since I started wilding out with them drugs and shit. I understand. He has a reputation to uphold. He couldn’t uphold that hanging out with junkies and dope dealers.”

I nodded. “Yeah. A lot has happened since then,” I said, reflecting back on the events of last year with Ryan and Charice.

“So I heard. I can’t believe what happened to little Charity. And how the hell did he go from playboy to married to Charice? Was I that zooted?”

I chuckled. “Man, that’s a long story. In between that, there is another dude Charice was engaged to named Lincoln. I’ll have to tell you about that shit one day.”

He put his fork down and looked at me. “Lincoln? As in Lincoln Harper? Ryan’s-best-friend-from-the-Cowboys Lincoln?”

I looked at him weird. “You know Lincoln?”

“Yeah, I met him when I went on that nine-day vacation with Ryan right before I got really strung out. That nigga was something else, just like Ryan. Man, how the fuck did Charice hook up with him? And you said they were engaged? I’m surprised them two niggas didn’t kill each other.”

I laughed. “Yeah, like I said, it’s a long story. It’s a lot of shit that’s happened over the past year. You wouldn’t believe half of it. Hell, I wouldn’t believe half of it if I didn’t know these people personally.”

“I can tell. Lucinda is in college with a good job and engaged. Pooch is locked up. Trinity is gone out of state, and Ryan and Charice are married. Man, I feel like I was in a coma or some shit and I’m just waking up.” He shook his head in disbelief.

“I guess in a way you are, huh?”

There was a long pause as I awaited his response. When I looked over at him, he was staring directly at me with the most sincere look on his face. I could tell that this conversation was about to switch up into something very serious.

“Yeah. In more ways than I’d ever imagined.” He placed his hand on top of mine.

“Umm,” I said, unsure of what he was doing.

He smiled at me and held my hand tighter. “I love you, LaMeka. Despite all that I’ve put you through, you’ve been right here for me as if I’d never hurt or betrayed you. I’ve done so much fucked-up stuff to you that it’s a blessing you’d even be in my presence, let alone be there for me the way that you’ve been. I’ll always be indebted to you for that. Always.”

“You don’t have to be indebted to me. It’s just important that you get through this, you know?”

He turned to look at me and placed my face between the palms of his hands. “I need you, LaMeka. I can’t make it through this without you—”

I interrupted him. “I’ll help you. You know that.”

His eyes shone as the brightest smile appeared on his face. “I know I have your help, but can I have your heart? I know that I don’t deserve it, but I would love the chance to be the man you’ve always wanted and needed me to be.”

He couldn’t be asking me what I thought he was. I coughed to clear my throat, which suddenly was extra dry. “What exactly are saying, Tony?”

Eying me sweetly, he grabbed my hands. “I would like for us to be a family again. I want to be the man you need me to be. Maybe one day I could be your husband even,” he said, getting choked up. “I know that I have HIV, but I’ve done some research, and if we both use protection—the male and female condoms—and as I continue to take my medications on time and on a consistent basis, the chances that you’d contract it are extremely slim. I know I’m asking a lot of you, and I understand if you need to think about it, but I love you, and I want to be your man again. You and the boys are all I have in this world to live for.”

I damn near drank all of my tea in one gulp. He really went there. He was asking me to make the ultimate sacrifice and put my health at risk to be his woman again. As a woman with a sister who was HIV positive and a future medical professional, I knew that many people did this sort of thing. He was also right about the intercourse. Sex practiced extremely safely, combined with a strict medical treatment plan, could be successful at ensuring that the virus wasn’t passed to the non-infected person.

Then, there was so much he didn’t know, like the fact that my sister gave him the virus. He just accepted that he had it because he’d slept around with junkies and used drugs. He never questioned how he contracted the disease. Shit, he was so messed up that he thought he was the one who gave it to Misha. Only my mother and I knew differently, and I would never in my life tell him or anybody else anything different. Not to mention that he thought I didn’t like Gavin since I wasn’t dealing with him. Not the case. I had my concerns about interracial dating, and I came with some extreme baggage, but seriously letting go of the possibility of being with Gavin wasn’t something I was ready to do just yet. Yes, I was putting him off and denying myself that chance, but I’d convinced myself it was only temporary, until I could help get Tony better and up on his feet. Now, Tony was asking me to be a family with him.

Hell, I didn’t know. Maybe I should. What man wanted to deal with all the things I had going in my life? Yeah, Gavin may have thought he wanted to try, but he didn’t know my entire situation. To me, being a nurse was not just a job—it was my life. For him, being a nurse was a profession—just a part of his life that he got to leave at the ER at the end of his shift.

Perhaps God had spared Tony so that we could be a family. There were always sex toys and masturbation if I chose not to have intercourse with Tony. Truth be told, a woman could please herself ten times better than a man if she knew just how to please her erogenous zones. At any rate, I did love Tony, and we did have sons together, so maybe . . . perhaps . . . it could work.

“Don’t answer now.” Tony sealed my lips shut with his index finger. “Just think about it and let me know.” And with that, he picked up my fork, scooped up my macaroni and cheese, and fed it to me.

A little bit of cheese drizzled on my chin, and he bent over and wiped it off with a napkin, then he kissed my chin where the cheese once was. I caressed his face. It was the first time in a very long time that Tony had actually been this nurturing to me, and it felt good.

He rubbed my chin with his thumb and looked me in the eyes. “I love you, LaMeka, and for the first time in my life, I can honestly say I know what it means to truly love someone.”

I just sat there and finished eating, in awe of the man that Tony was trying to become. The only question in my mind was, was I really ready to let him be my man regardless of the possible consequences?