I ran away from the barn, wiping my face dry with the end of my T-shirt. I probably had mascara all over my face. My shirt and jeans had dirt all over them and somehow I had to get home and shower. Everybody was still out on the trail. I followed the path toward the lodge. I couldn’t quit crying. I didn’t know where to go. Daddy was going to be so mad at me.
My knees were all wobbly, and when I breathed in, my insides shook, too. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t stop the tears from squeezing out my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. A light-colored horse in a pen beside the barn walked over as I passed, poking its big old head over the fence. I moved to the other side of the path and kept on walking. That horse followed me with these great big eyes.
I kept having this memory of galloping down that path, almost falling off the horse, and tree limbs scratching my face. I saw myself, over and over again, falling and trying to hold on to the reins, and something in my shoulder kind of making this crunching noise, like before. That time, when they helped me up, my shoulder was at this funny angle. It hurt so much when the doctor had to push it back into place. I just hate it that I get so scared about this.
There was no way to keep Daddy from finding out. Maggie was bound to tell him. At least Diana had been nice enough to bring me back. I couldn’t believe Nick had seen that whole thing. He must have thought I was the world’s biggest baby.
I wished Mama was here. She wouldn’t have made me ride.
I about died when I saw Nick’s parents heading down the steps from the lodge. If they saw me crying, I’d be embarrassed to death. I ducked down a fork in the path with a little wooden sign that said “To the Pond.” By the time I realized that the path led right into the woods, it was too late. I glanced back, and Nick’s parents were still standing there looking at the big wooden ranch map, so I just gritted my teeth and kept right on going. I saw flicks of water through the trees, kind of flashing like mica in a rock, so maybe the pond wasn’t far. I walked through shadowy places and then into patches of sun where those sweet little pink flowers bloomed.
The path wound deeper into the quiet of the woods. Cool air raised chill bumps on my arms. The only sounds were my own footsteps, muffled by the pine needles. Crawling sensations on my face made me think I’d walked through a cobweb. I was about to turn back when suddenly the pond was right in front of me. I heard gurgling somewhere near the other end and figured that was the stream that fed the pond. The water was dark, almost black, and the surface was like a mirror reflecting the trees along its banks. I knelt down and touched the water with my fingertips. Freezing!
The reflections reminded me of something Maggie had said on our trail ride about the Cherokee Indians. They believe every person, animal, river, and rock in the world is a reflection of a star in the sky. And they call the Milky Way “The Path of Souls.” Maggie had said that souls enter the path by Sirius, the Dog Star. They leave by the star Antares, the Great Mother Wolf. Souls can get trapped in the Milky Way if the spirits don’t like them.
I sat down under a tree, took a deep breath, and stared at the still surface of the water. What was under there? It looked so dark. Today I’d felt trapped by being so afraid. Cool air from the pond kind of swirled across my arms. I got up and hurried out of the woods, hugging myself and staring at the long shifting shadows behind every tree. My riding boots hurt. Daddy had given me a key to the condo. I’d go back and take the boots off. Get the barn dirt and cobwebs off. Wash my hair.
The door to the condo was unlocked when I got back, and I headed upstairs to the loft. I pulled my new boots off over big old leaky blisters on both heels. Diana’s were beat-up, but at that minute I realized she probably didn’t have a single blister. I lined up my shower gel, shampoo, and conditioner on the bathroom counter, took a deep breath, and got in the shower.
The water pummeled my body, streamed through my hair, and made me feel more relaxed. Just as I was getting out, I heard Daddy’s voice downstairs. I held perfectly still, not breathing. If Daddy found out I was here, he’d know that something happened on the trail ride.
“Do you think Stephanie was okay riding today, Norm?” Lynn was saying. “I think she was pretty nervous.”
I stood as still as a mouse, holding my breath.
“Well, maybe she was. She’s always been kind of a scaredy-cat, Lynn, and I really want to get her out of that.”
“It’s hard, though, if you’re scared. You can’t just ignore the fear.”
I heard somebody open the refrigerator, then a cabinet door shut. “I think she just needs to get control of herself.”
I felt dizzy.
Something inside me was shrinking. I was shrinking. I felt smaller and smaller.
“I don’t think it’s that easy, Norm. Fears can be hard to overcome. We’ve all got them.”
“Stephanie’s a pretty girl; she’s got a great little personality; good grief, she’s so smart. Never less than an ‘A’ in school. She gets along well with everyone; the girl’s got it all. I’m trying to understand why she’s so afraid of everything, but it’s hard. Part of me wants to say, ‘Suck it up, kiddo, this is life.’”
My stomach started to hurt really bad. I took two Tums.