When I began in my role as Detective Olivia Benson on Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, I was new to the idea of being an advocate. I understood advocacy in general terms—that certain individuals in our society are more vulnerable and that we have a responsibility to speak up for them. But that general understanding of advocacy barely scratched the surface of what that beautiful word now means to me.
My education came by way of the letters I began receiving as I worked on the show. They were much more than fan mail. The letters spoke of pain, fear, and isolation, of lives filled with deep uncertainty, deeper shame, and dim hopes for a future.
Many—if not most—of the individuals reaching out were very young girls, on the cusp of puberty. With each letter, my understanding of a “vulnerable population” came into sharper focus and took on deeper meaning. I was reading about incidents of a kind of violence that girls at this age should not even know exists. But indeed it does—too much of it, too often. These girls knew about violence because they experienced it. And then they reached out with open hearts and shared their wishes:
“I wish I had a detective like you when I was raped.”
“I wish you were there last week when my boyfriend beat me up.”
“I wish you were there to protect me.”
They needed to connect. They needed protection. They needed an advocate, in the true sense of the word: someone who would “call out” for them, someone with a voice, willing to use it to stand up for what is right.
That is exactly what Patti Giggans and Barrie Levy have done in their years of powerful work in the anti-violence field. Their commitment, passion, and wealth of experience have changed the lives of children and families. And I am deeply grateful for Patti, who has been a blessing and a teacher on my parallel path of actor and advocate.
The wisdom they share in When Dating Becomes Dangerous is timely and vital. They squarely address society’s ingrained victim-blaming attitudes, which are manifested in questions like “Why does she stay?” With expertise, clarity, and compassion, they help readers see the issues from multiple perspectives, all within the context of a deep understanding of the cumulative impact of trauma exposure, and the very real dangers that exist as survivors plan their exit from violent relationships. The book also offers insight from teen abusers working to address and change their behavior, an area of understanding that must deepen if we are to bring an end to teen dating violence. Particularly helpful is the chapter on healthy relationships and the responsibility of parents, educators, and professionals to ensure that children and teens have access to the information they need to build, evaluate, and maintain those relationships. Parents are the first and most important advocates in a child’s life, and this book serves as a tool to support them in this pivotal role.
And if those reasons aren’t enough to convey the value of this book, consider this: We all have an obligation to do everything we can to protect children and adolescents. As a mother of three, that is the most personal reason for my enduring admiration and appreciation for Patti’s and Barrie’s work. Every child deserves to live in a supportive, loving environment, free from violence. At this moment in time, far too many children don’t have that most basic opportunity. We must all deepen our understanding of what it means to be an advocate, what it means to “call out” and stand up on behalf of this vulnerable population who is explicitly or tacitly asking for our protection. This book is vital in equipping us to step up and become better advocates.
In Gratitude,
Mariska Hargitay
President and Founder, Joyful Heart Foundation
Actor and Advocate