Chapter Thirty-Seven

Mai

Mom and Dad are standing by the door when I come in.

“It’s over,” I say. I move to walk around them.

“Wait one minute.” Mom holds up a hand. “What exactly is over?”

“What exactly has been going on?” Dad adds.

I need Josie right now. And possibly a good cry. I can’t do this with them. I can’t be perfect-daughter Mai and listen to a lecture. Not now. “Can I please go to my room? We can talk later.”

“We’ll discuss this now,” Mom says.

Discuss. It’s not going to be a discussion. I draw in a breath. I know they’re upset. I know I messed up, and I need to apologize. I want to make it okay. I will want to. But right now, I’m so overloaded that I’m mostly numb. My voice sounds almost robotic as I begin, hoping to get it over quickly. “I met Anthony over spring break. We hung out. I broke it off. We met up again at graduation. Started hanging out. He asked me to be his girlfriend last night. I said yes. We broke up today.”

“You’ve been hanging out?” Dad asks. “When?”

I fold my arms over my chest. “At night.”

“You said you were at the library.”

Might as well tell them everything. “I met him there. And then we went out.”

Mom lets loose a startled noise. She paces away and then back. “You’ve been lying to us.”

“Did you do your research at all?” Dad wants to know.

Is that what he cares about? My research? “Not much.”

“You not only let us down,” Mom says, “you let yourself down.”

Dad nods. “You are not to see that young man again.”

I blink at him. “I just told you. We broke up.”

“You also told us you were going to the library, and do not take that tone with us.”

“Sorry,” I mumble. My shoulders hunch. My head feels too heavy for my neck. I feel like I’m folding into myself, turning back into a little girl. Their words keep coming. I hear it all through a fog.

“Did you think this through at all? Your future depends on the actions you take right now.”

“You are jeopardizing your future over a crush.”

“You lied to us. Repeatedly.”

“You were not raised that way. That is not who you are.”

“You are a Senn. We thought that meant something to you.”

Finally, they stop. I can feel them waiting for me to say something. “It does,” I say. “Of course it does.”

“Then show us with your actions.”

I know what they want. I’ve wandered off again, and now I need to find my way back. Their words are supposed to show me the way, squeeze me back onto the narrow path I’m meant to follow. They’re counting on me to make the smart decision. The way I always do.

The way Anthony knew I would.

The thought stabs me with shame.

“You will go with us to the fundraising dinner. You will represent your family as a Senn, and we will put all of this behind us.”

I nod. “Can I be excused?”

They exchange looks and then clear the way for me to pass. “Think about what you’ve done,” Dad says. “How you can repair the damage. You’ve lost our trust.”

I move past them, nodding because I know I’m meant to. But it feels like I’ve lost a lot more than that.

I close the door behind me. I pick up the lipstick on my desk and drop it in the trash. Then I crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and cry.