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Chapter 11

KNOWING WHEN TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT

Although a gentleman tries very hard not to hurt other people’s feelings, there probably will come a time when—even without meaning to—he will say the wrong thing and make another person feel bad. When that happens he will feel embarrassed, the other person will feel mistreated, and the gentleman will end up having to say, “I’m sorry.”

Most of the time you can avoid that sort of painful situation by being very careful what you say. Many times, that means using discretion, which basically means knowing when to keep your mouth shut. Sometimes, after all, the best course of action is to say nothing at all.

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YOU DO

Use discretion when talking about upcoming parties.

YOU DON’T

Tell another person about a party if you aren’t sure if that person has been invited.

Why

You don’t want to run the risk of making the other person feel that he or she has been left out. And you definitely do not want people to think that you are bragging.

YOU DO

Know how to keep a secret.

YOU DON’T

Tell your mom that your dad has bought her a diamond necklace for her birthday.

Why

The necklace is your dad’s gift to your mom, and he wants it to be a surprise. It is much cooler to be the guy who can keep a secret than the guy who can’t keep his mouth shut when he should.

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YOU DO

Know when you shouldn’t keep a secret.

YOU DON’T

Keep your mouth shut when you’ve learned that someone is going to do something wrong or something that could cause someone to be hurt.

Why

If you learn that a friend has been stealing other people’s property, using drugs, or doing anything else that could get him in trouble or cause other people to be hurt, it is your responsibility to speak up. You do not spread rumors, but you do tell your parents, a teacher, or a counselor that you are concerned about your friend’s behavior.

If a friend asks a gentleman if he wants to hear a secret, a gentleman thinks twice before he says yes.