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Chapter 28

RESPONDING TO INVITATIONS

Parties are a great way to have fun with your friends, a great way to make new friends, and a perfect way to celebrate special occasions.

When you were younger, your parents knew about all of the party invitations you received. But now those party invitations are probably coming directly to you. Sometimes a friend will simply say, “My birthday party is next Saturday. Can you come?” Other invitations will be written and will come to you through the mail, or as an e-mail.

Either way, it is important for you to respond to the invitation as quickly as possible. (If you or your parents have ever hosted a party, you know how important it is for the hosts to know how many people to expect, so they can have enough food for everybody.) If a friend simply invites you to a party face-to-face, it might be best for you to say, “That sounds like fun. Let me check with my parents.”

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A gentleman may not want to go to every party to which he is invited. But even though it is fine for him to say no, he makes sure he does not hurt another person’s feelings. He never says, “Don’t count on me. I’ll probably have something better to do,” or “I don’t think so. That doesn’t sound like much fun to me,” or “I don’t know if I want to go. Who is going to be there?”

Instead, he simply says, “I’m sorry but I won’t be able to make it to your party. Thanks for the invitation.” There’s no reason to say anything else.

There are two different types of written invitations. Here is how you deal with each type.

YOU DO

Nothing, if the invitation says, “Regrets only”—unless you are not planning to attend. “Regrets only” simply means “Let us know if you’re not going to be there. Otherwise, we’ll be expecting to see you.” If you are not planning to go to the party, you must call the host and let him know you won’t be attending.

YOU DON’T

Wait until the day before the party to decide whether you will attend.

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Why

The hosts are probably already counting on your being there. Just think what it would be like if ten people waited that late before they declined the same invitation. That could mean four or five large pizzas going to waste.

YOU DO

Call and let the hosts know whether you are planning to attend the party, if the invitation says “RSVP.” (RSVP is short for répondez s’il vous plaît, which is French for “please respond.”) There will probably be a deadline for responding to the invitation. Be sure to reply before the deadline has passed.

YOU DON’T

Simply assume your hosts won’t care if you just show up.

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Why

It is very inconsiderate not to respect the deadline for replies to a party. Of course, there’s always the chance that an emergency will come up and keep you from attending. People understand when that happens. But they will have a harder time understanding if it appears that you’ve simply changed your mind at the last minute—or if you were simply too lazy to respond to the invitation by the deadline.

A gentleman feels free to accept or decline a party invitation by e-mail if an e-mail address is provided.