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Chapter 40

BOUNDARIES: YOURS AND THEIRS

Doors are good.

Doors with locks are even better.

But knowing how to knock on a closed door is the best.

Everyone needs, wants, and deserves some privacy in his or her life. That’s why doors come in handy.

When you were three years old, it probably didn’t bother you if people walked in while you were in the bathroom. The door to your bedroom was probably unlocked all the time. As you’ve grown older, your feelings have probably changed, and your privacy is probably a lot more important to you. Well, guess what? Just as you want some privacy every now and then, so do the other people in your home. You’re not a three-year-old anymore, and your parents and sister don’t want you barging into the bathroom without knocking first.

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YOU DO

Respectfully ask your family members to knock before entering your bedroom or opening the door to the bathroom.

YOU DON’T

Yell, “Can’t you knock?” when someone walks in on you without asking. It probably isn’t necessary for you to put a “Do not disturb” sign on your bedroom door. In most cases, it will do the trick if you simply say, “Mom and Dad, I’d appreciate it if you’d knock before coming into my room,” or “If you think I might be in the bathroom, please knock before opening the door.” If that doesn’t work, you can always lock the bathroom door.

Why

You are not a little boy anymore. It is okay for you to request your own personal space and to ask to have some time alone. If you explain that to your parents, more than likely they will understand and cooperate.

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YOU DO

Know that if you spend thirty minutes in a locked bathroom, people are going to want to know what’s taking so long.

YOU DON’T

Hog a bathroom that you share with other people.

Why

A gentleman understands that the family bathroom is not his private hideaway.

YOU DO

Show your family and your friends the same respect that you would like them to show to you.

YOU DON’T

Barge into their rooms when the door is shut, or even knock on the door, if you think they may be trying to have some private time.

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Why

Your parents and your brothers and sisters need privacy every now and then, the same way you do. If you respect their boundaries, they will be much more likely to respect yours.

A gentleman never asks anyone, “What were you doing in there? Why did you lock the door?”

A gentleman never opens a closed door without knocking first and waiting to be invited to come in.