I held Simone to my breast and prayed I could keep her warm enough. We didn’t have so much as a diaper for her, let alone warm clothing, so I did the best I could to keep her swaddled in a blanket and tucked inside my coat. I was wearing only a thin nightgown underneath and shivering so hard that my shaking was causing her to fuss. I only prayed that my body heat and the blanket would be enough to protect her. I fought back sobs that I knew would only cost energy and chill my face. I wondered if my struggle to survive at all was in vain. If these thugs wanted us dead, it would take precious little effort for them to ensure that fate. I was ready to curl up and let the cold have me rather than let them snuff the life out of me themselves.
But I wouldn’t.
For Simone’s sake I had to cling to hope.
I could hear the voices of the guards searching the grounds and was helpless to do anything but hope that the beams of their flashlights wouldn’t find us. I’d bundled up Simone and run with her as soon as I’d heard Klara’s and Hanna’s voices mingled with the rough growls from the guards, and only narrowly missed the patrol that had come to search the cottage. It had been the smoke from the chimney that had given us away, I was certain.
I hoped Klara and Hanna were safe, but I couldn’t spare more than an idle thought for their welfare. They had warm beds to return to, even if they’d meet with a lecture for being out-of-bounds.
The night was one of the most bitterly cold I’d ever experienced, and I knew that I wouldn’t escape unharmed if I remained out of doors much longer. Simone had even less time before the cold made a victim of her.
I found myself thinking like my lawyer grandfather. What were my choices?
I could stay where I was. But we would both freeze before sunrise. Unacceptable.
I could try to find shelter elsewhere on the island. But it was dark, and I ran the risk of running into guards and making my situation worse. Only marginally better.
I could sneak into the basement of the big house and try to find a corner where no servant would find us. We’d be warm, but it seemed reckless.
I could return to the cottage and hope that the guards would not return a second time. Not a good option, but it seemed the best at my disposal.
We wouldn’t be able to light a fire. We wouldn’t be able to cook on the stove. We wouldn’t be able to even light candles for fear of attracting attention. Simone still might freeze. But it would be better than staying exposed to the elements.
I moved as stealthily as I could back to the cottage, hiding behind every tree or bush I came to to look for guards, who had the training and experience to be even stealthier than I.
The guards hadn’t spent long in the house, and the small supply of food had gone unnoticed. The fire had been doused, but it was still markedly warmer than the outdoors. For this I offered silent thanks.
I set Simone in a small crate as near the smoldering fire as I dared and placed a kiss atop her head. She was still warm and breathing evenly, having barely stirred in the time we’d spent out of doors. I wasn’t sure if it had been an hour or three, but the sun was rising in earnest, and we’d managed to sneak back in before daylight had betrayed us. If she’d cried, we would have been discovered. I smiled down at her, now sleeping soundly and blissfully unaware of the danger she was in. I stood to assess the cottage and how to keep it secure.
I thought about barring the door, but there was nothing inside that would do any more than slow the guards’ entry by a matter of moments. Barring the only door would do more to slow a rapid exit than to protect us from intruders.
I felt myself grow faint and shuffled over to the lone chair. I looked down to find Klara’s nightgown splotched red with blood. I should never have been forced to stir from my bed so soon after giving birth. My hours-old daughter and I should not have been driven out into the biting cold just to remain safe. I summoned the strength to change out of the ruined gown and to replace the rags that Hanna had given me to stem the flow of blood. I even managed to eat a good portion of the bread and cheese Klara had left behind. For just a moment or two, I felt closer to human.
I knew I wouldn’t find a moment’s rest in the cottage, knowing the guards were hunting for the baby and me. I rocked back and forth wondering what I could do to keep the guards from spotting us.
Precious little.
If they suspected the inhabitants might come back, they would surveil the place. I couldn’t keep quiet enough or still enough to avoid detection if they were determined to be vigilant in their oversight of the property.
All I could do was defend us. I looked about the cottage and wished the caretaker had been the sort to keep a metal poker by the fire, but apparently he used some other implement to stoke it. The only potential weapon I found was a scrap of wooden planking from the burn pile. It would be useless against a group—even a pair—of guards, but if a lone soldier approached the door, it might buy me some time.
I pulled the board from the pile and stood it up at my side. It seemed like bringing a tugboat to a naval battle, but it was a little better than being completely defenseless.