November 1939
Motherhood is your sacred duty,” the head matron of the school proclaimed. “It is not a burden or an unpleasant task, but the very reason for which we were born. We must embrace motherhood with joy and enthusiasm for the good of Germany and our beloved Führer.” Klara looked over at me with a wink. She was bored as ever with these lectures about duty and sacrifice. We didn’t sit at desks in stuffy classrooms, but rather in a solarium, each ensconced in an oversize woven chair. It was the start of winter, and we watched the gray clouds swirl over the lake as they threatened snow. Flames licked at the logs in the open fireplaces; the gentle roar and snap of the fire was the percussion to our matron’s diatribe.
The woman who ran the school, Gertrude Scholtz, was the sort that couldn’t be described as handsome or plain. She lived somewhere in between and seemed indifferent to how others perceived her. She was of middling height—shorter than me and taller than Klara—with light brown hair that she wore in a crown of braids. I imagined she was thin as a girl but had been made softer by childbirth. Rumor had it she had four children already and, despite her heavy involvement in party affairs, was eager to have more. She was the perfect German woman, according to the Führer, and her placement as our leader wasn’t a happy accident.
There were twelve women in our “class” and before this morning’s lecture, the most strenuous activity had been sipping coffee in the library with the others enrolled in the course.
There was staff to wait on us and the accommodations were as luxurious as those at Uncle Otto’s house. The ten women, apart from Klara and me, were all engaged to officers in the SS. Because Friedrich was the highest ranking among our fiancés, they spoke to me with a deference I hadn’t expected. The party loved hierarchy and everyone in it loved knowing where they stood in the pecking order.
“This is something we have lost as a people. A reverence for motherhood and an understanding of the sphere where women belong in the world. We see the Bolsheviks and their cries for equal rights for women, but it is degrading to our status as mothers of a nation. We were not born to take the place of men. To toil in a career, to have influence in politics and the outside world, that is the province of our husbands. While you are with us, you will remember what the world seems to have forgotten. That motherhood and the role of woman as the center of her household is not something to be degraded. It is something to be honored.”
There was an enthusiastic round of applause and I found myself joining in. Motherhood should be revered. It was a noble calling and one that demanded a lot of sacrifice. I just wasn’t convinced it should be a woman’s only option.
A few of the women were actually moved to tears by the head matron’s speech, and she looked at them with a beaming smile as they dried their eyes. They were the ideal women for marrying into the SS. They believed all of Frau Scholtz’s impassioned rhetoric.
We were dismissed to the lounge to await luncheon. I suspected we’d be subjected to a practical lesson on diaper changing or bread baking or some such.
“She’s an inspiration,” one of the other women—Hilde—said. She was a dainty thing in her mid-twenties. Sweet of temperament, but not exciting as a conversationalist. “The way she speaks. Every young girl in Germany should be made to listen to her. We’d see a blessed change in this country, that’s for sure.”
“Hear, hear. But I’m sure the Führer is working to spread her message throughout Germany. He depends on strong families for a strong Germany,” another said—Trina. One of the oldest in the group, and the most outspoken. I could see her becoming a leader in the women’s societies if given the chance.
“That sounds like a slogan for a poster,” Klara said. “Perhaps that’s what we’ll be doing this afternoon. Painting posters for the glory of the Reich.”
Trina chuckled. “Oh, you’re a funny one, aren’t you? Every group needs one, don’t they?” At least on the face of it, she was taking Klara’s sarcasm for flippant humor, and it was probably just as well for Klara’s sake.
“That’s what I’m here for. What’s a school without a class clown?” The rest of the women laughed, though none of it felt genuine.
“I think these weeks together are going to be quite useful,” Trina said. “It’s one of the best ideas to come from the party, and that’s saying quite a lot.” I nodded, knowing that anything less than fervent approbation would be noticed.
“My mother never had the chance to teach me much in the kitchen and I’ve only mastered a few dishes. I’m sure my Hans will be grateful for anything I can learn in the kitchen. One can’t live on fried potatoes alone,” Hilde said.
“Oh, they could, but they’d weigh as much as an armored lorry. Not much use to the SS in that case.” Klara was in full force, and I wanted to scream at her to bite back her jibes. If they fell on the wrong ears, she’d be in serious trouble.
“What about you, Hanna? What skills are you hoping to hone while you’re here?” Trina asked, her tone imperious as she drank her coffee.
“Oh, I think I’d benefit from help in a wide variety of ways. It’s one thing to help around the house. Quite another to run one.” She looked mollified at my sycophantic answer, while Klara failed to conceal the rolling of her eyes.
“Well said,” she replied. “We’ll all be ascending to the most important role of our lives soon. It’s best to enter into that state as well prepared as we can.”
“Absolutely right,” Hilde agreed. “I never dreamed I’d get to study in such a place. My parents are still speechless that Hans wanted to send me. They’ve not stopped talking about it for weeks.”
“It’s lovely here,” I said without artifice. “They couldn’t have chosen a lovelier or more restful spot.”
“They’re hoping to give office girls the chance to unburden themselves from the rigors of their outside work and help them transition smoothly into their new lives. To train up young girls who are fresh out of school. That they chose a haven for us was no mistake.”
“You’ll have to excuse me, I think I ought to lie down for a bit before the afternoon session,” Klara said, setting her coffee cup on a side table.
“Are you unwell? Should we ask for help?” Trina asked, setting aside her own cup and looking like she’d enjoy nothing more than to spring into action and save the day.
“I’ll be just fine,” Klara said. “Don’t fret about me.”
“I’ll come sit with you at least. Make sure you’re not in need of a doctor.”
“No, no. We don’t want to bother the medical staff for this. It’s just been such an exhilarating morning I think I need to lie down to process it all. I’ll be fit as a fiddle before long. I wouldn’t dream of having any of you miss any of the vital information they’re sure to pass on this afternoon.” Klara eyed me meaningfully. “But if it will make you feel more at ease, Hanna can walk with me to my room so you know I’m settled.”
Trina looked like she wanted to object. To take the honor for herself. But, of course, the fact that Klara and I had an established friendship took precedence over her overwrought desire to help.
“Can you believe these women?” Klara asked as soon as we were out of earshot. “Have they all been drugged? I’ve never seen anything like this.”
“They’re devoted, that’s for sure,” I said, putting my hand at the crook of her elbow for good measure in case anyone was looking at us.
“That doesn’t begin to describe it. It’s a mania,” she said, shaking her head.
“Well, such enthusiasm can’t last. Even for Hitler, his star has to go into decline at some point.”
“I don’t want to be within twenty miles of him when it does. Nor any of these kooks. The thought of spending another six weeks here with them makes me want to jump off the roof.”
“Klara, you have to be careful with that. I know your humor, but the girls here don’t. If they take offense to what you do, you’ll be taken from here and sent someplace much worse. Please tread lightly. And don’t kid yourself that it’s just six weeks. These women are marrying our fiancés’ colleagues. We’ll be stuck with them for years.”
“Perish the thought. What’s worse, you sound like a kinder version of my mother. She’s been after me my whole life to ‘play nice’ and I’m afraid I’m not very good at it.”
“Strange times give us strange tasks. But regardless of whatever we have to do here, it’s only a few weeks. They can’t change us that much. We can let them think they have, but we’ll know in our hearts who we truly are,” I said, though I wasn’t convinced of my own words.
“I think you’re being foolish in your optimism. This war is going to engulf all of us. They want us equipped to act, but so busy that we don’t ask questions.”
“You’re probably right, but we’ve got precious little choice. We might as well make the best of this, hadn’t we? Give it an honest chance? It’s what you always say, isn’t it?” I pressed.
“I don’t know, Hanna. All of this seems so strange to me. If it weren’t for Ernst, I’d run from this place screaming like a banshee. But being able to say his wife trained here was so utterly important to him, I didn’t want to disappoint.”
“You love him, don’t you?” I asked, suddenly feeling my lungs constrict with envy. I hated that I felt this way. I should have celebrated her happiness, but I could honestly say I didn’t begrudge her. I just wanted it for myself as well.
“I see that he’s a better man than most in the party. My parents wanted me to marry the highest-ranking party member who would have me. They would never have allowed me to marry outside it, no matter his pedigree or my feelings on the matter. I won’t let more romantic sentiments cloud my judgment on that score. I’ve wasted enough time pining after men who would never treat me as well as Ernst does.”
“You’re a walking contradiction, aren’t you? You scorn the idea of this school, but you’re here to please a man.”
“My life’s ambition, don’t you know? If you can’t beat ’em, confuse the hell out of ’em. That’s my motto.”
I wrapped my arm around her. “You know you’re better off, don’t you?”
“Friedrich isn’t unkind to you, is he?”
I went silent. I thought back to the fateful Christmas party the year before. “Not usually.”
“I swear, if he hurts you, I’ll throttle him myself.”
“You know you won’t,” I said. “You’ll make a pretty face just like I will and pretend it never happened.”
“We ought to get out of here, Hanna. We should. Ernst would come with us. We should escape to Switzerland and make a plan.”
“And you’re the one who told me to give up on childish dreams. You know I’m stuck. I’ve tried a dozen times or more to get out of this marriage. To convince Friedrich I wasn’t right for him. My course has been set for me since my mother died and I set foot on the train to Berlin. You know it as well as I do. I won’t finish university or be a doctor. I’ll just be the housewife in the neighborhood who’s handy with home remedies. Nothing more.”
“It doesn’t make it right.”
“That has nothing to do with things, I’m afraid. I should have been dealt a better hand of cards, but in the end, it’s all that I’m left to play.”
I looked at Klara, who appeared ready to shake me by the shoulders to bring back the version of me that had believed in a life beyond what our families prescribed for us. How the tables had turned for us.