Whether we like to admit it or not, most of us want love and respect from everyone around us. It’s all about that tribal vibe, that feeling of fitting in, of belonging, of being appreciated and loved.
But for many people, reality strikes and life doesn’t always play out the way we might have hoped.
Have you ever felt misunderstood and all alone?
And are there moments when you say to yourself, “Why doesn’t anyone get me?”
And does it sometimes seem like your parents have no clue about the problems you’re dealing with?
And does it get to the point where you think you could just bail out and no-one would notice?
Sadly, many people feel that way. Maybe you do right now, or maybe you have in the past.
But now that you know THE SECRET, you can totally flip the script, tapping the law of attraction to attract new and more exciting relationships. And you can also heal and rebuild existing relationships – even the ones that have blown apart or drifted away.
Truth is, your relationships either work or don’t work because of one major reason: the thoughts that you hold in your head.
Did you ever notice that when someone rubs you the wrong way, it’s just too easy to get caught up in the blame game? You point out what the other guy did wrong – how he messed up. Truth is, you should be pointing the finger at you. Sure, he might have done something uncool, but ask yourself, what did you do to attract this scene and this behavior?
What were you thinking?
Because that’s what everyone else is responding to. And that’s what you’re attracting.
It’s true for every relationship – with parents, teachers, your so-called friends, or anyone who’s giving you a hard time. They’re all responding to your vibe and giving you back what you’re attracting.
So be aware, if you’ve got a messed-up relationship in your life, then there must be something messed up in the way you’re thinking.
For instance, let’s say you’re looking for love and respect but you’ve got some issues with low self-esteem. In that case, you’re projecting a vibe that says, “I’m unworthy of love and undeserving of respect.” And guess what you’re attracting?
Not love and respect, that’s for sure.
When we’re feeling disrespected, unloved, and miserable, it’s normally a one-way ticket to Lonely Street. I mean, who likes to be around anyone who’s miserable? You’d think no-one, right? Wrong! Other miserable people do … because misery loves company.
Remember, the law of attraction is always working, so when we feel sorry for ourselves, we attract other downers who are feeling sorry for themselves. People who whine about stuff love nothing more than finding others to have a pity-party with.
You have to get out of these situations as quickly as possible because you can never change anything by complaining. In fact, you simply get more of the stuff that you’re complaining about!
So the first step is to change your tune – quit the drama and stop spreading your own misery. As for your pityparty pals: they’re not helping you and you can’t help them. Well, not unless you’re a qualified emo-therapist.
Speaking of therapy, you’re the only one who can heal your own issues with self-esteem. Shift your focus to feeling good within yourself, and you’ll naturally attract positive people and positive relationships into your life. And you’ll also be well on the way to attracting the love and respect you’re craving.
HEROES
Leisel Jones
Leisel Jones was a precocious fifteen-year-old when she burst onto the world stage, winning a silver medal at the 2000 Olympics in Sydney. Having been crowned the new teen idol of swimming, the pressure was on when Leisel came back to compete in Athens four years later. But in Athens she struggled to earn a bronze medal and didn’t do a very good job hiding her disappointment. Unfortunately, the media and the general public took notice, criticizing her for being immature and ungrateful.
What no-one knew was that Leisel was totally distraught by her loss. She felt she had let everyone down, especially her single mom, who’d literally given up everything for Liesel. With her dreams in ruins, she was emotionally ravaged.
Leisel grew up in the public eye with no time for friendships or dating, and like many teens, she also had low self-esteem. She ended up shutting herself off and considered quitting her sport. As she said, “It got pretty dark.” Eventually Leisel knew something had to give. She came to realize she needed to learn to love herself before anyone else could.
And so from the depths of depression and despair, Liesel Jones re-emerged. While it was hard work getting there, within twelve months she had completely turned her life around. And now that she had come to love herself, others started to love her too. She finally had her first steady boyfriend, sponsors were climbing on board, and even the public had forgiven her.
And then there was her swimming; faster, stronger, selfconfident, and determined, Leisel Jones smashed several world records on her way to accomplishing her life’s dream – a gold medal at the 2008 Beijing Olympics. And she attracted it all by generating thoughts of love within.
It makes perfect sense if you think about it – to find love and earn respect, you have to be love and be respect. You’ve got to feel it within yourself before others feel it for you.
Okay, so now you know that feeling good is the key to love, respect, and great relationships. But you may be thinking, “Yeah, right. Easier said than done.”
Well, it all starts with just one positive thought of love and respect for yourself. It could be something as simple as:
I’ve got a wicked sense of humor.
I’m smart and thoughtful.
I have a unique perspective on the world.
I’m witty and fun to be around.
I’m a great listener.
I’m a loyal, stand-up kind of friend.
Dig deep and find the one thought that resonates with you, that feels true to you. Focus on that thought, and then say it to yourself in the morning when you wake up, at night right before you go to sleep, and many times in between. As you do, the law of attraction will start showing you even more cool things about you, because you’ll be attracting more of what you’re thinking about. You’ll attract more “like” thoughts and stronger feelings, and before you know it, you’ll be so self-assured you could tutor Will Smith on confidence!
Self-confidence is just filling yourself up with love and feeling good about you. Want proof? Check it out….
You may have noticed at every party, gathering, or social situation you’re in, that the most confident guy in the room is surrounded by girls and guys the minute he walks in the door. Why is that? It’s because he projects cool; he feels good within himself. He’s having fun, and, most important, he’s fun to be around. So he attracts a crowd – it’s magnetic.
But how did this guy get so confident? Well, no doubt he would have started with just one good thought about himself, and it grew from there. As for all the guys and girls surrounding him, they’re all attracted by his confidence, charisma, and self-respect. Don’t you see, they love him because he loves him.
And this is one of the biggest secrets of the lot. Most people think happiness and being cool comes from the love and respect of others. They seek out love and respect to make themselves happy and to feel cool. But that’s backward. You make yourself happy, and that attracts love and respect. Look for the positives inside you and focus on those things with appreciation, and then radiate that vibe. Then step back and feel the love.
REAL STORIES
Cassie’s Secret
I lived with my mom until I was twelve years old, and that is pretty much where it all started – my problems with my low confidence and self-esteem. I remember my mom always saying how fat she thought she was, even though she was stick-thin and hardly ever ate.
A couple of years ago I was forced to move to my dad’s house because of my mom’s personal problems. I have struggled for the past few years with my own eating habits, even though I have been in such a healthy environment living with my father.
I read The Secret about a year ago but somehow did not fully absorb it, because I continued to struggle. A few months ago my dad and I visited a therapist to try to help with my near constant sadness and low self-esteem. It has helped somewhat, but not until I read The Secret again did I truly begin to love myself.
I’ve realized that I am beautiful and perfect as I am. I’ve tried to show my now recovering mom the miracle of learning The Secret, and how it could help her, but she doesn’t seem to care. But one day I know she will see how beautiful she is too. Although it’s hard sometimes, I do my absolute best to stay positive every day, and will continue to use The Secret in my life.
You must learn to love yourself before you can truly love anyone else.
Cassie, age 16
Michigan, USA
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
Oscar Wilde – playwright, poet, author
When you love yourself, you automatically attract feelings of love for others around you. And likewise, when you love others, that attracts feelings of love from them toward you. Your love for yourself literally attracts love from others; it gives them reason to love you.
On the other hand, if you’re determined to project an image of self-loathing, that’s all people see. And to be completely honest, self-loathing isn’t so lovable. Especially if thick eyeliner and black sweaters don’t suit you.
So focus instead on the positive aspects of who you really are. Stick yourself on a pedestal, smile for a change, and let your unique bent, your warmth, and your humor light up the world.
A word of caution: your old pity-party pals who aren’t used to this new you might take awhile to get it. Some may never. They may even get mad that you’re no longer miserable, self-loathing, and whining.
And you know what? That’s okay. People change. Sometimes they drift apart. If that happens, it needn’t be a sad thing. Just know that friends sometimes drift away to make space for others to come into your life. And for sure these new friends will be totally in tune with the new, happy you.
Of course, the law of attraction doesn’t work just on your relationships with friends and family; it can also give your romantic life a serious boost. How? You guessed it – through the power of your thoughts.
Have you ever had a total crush on someone but were too afraid to ever do anything about it, to take the first step or to make the first move? Maybe you were scared of what might (or might not) happen when others found out about your feelings. Maybe you were worried that you weren’t good enough or that you’d look kind of stupid.
I bet you’ve been there, right? Everyone’s been there. It’s like you turned into Tobey Maguire’s character from the movie Spider-Man – terrified of the consequences of asking his crush, Kirsten Dunst, on a date (and totally clueless to the fact that she’s kind of into him, too).
But why? Why are people so afraid to take a chance? Usually it’s because they don’t feel worthy or they’re scared they’ll be rejected. Fair enough; who likes rejection? No one. But if that’s what you’re thinking, then welcome to Rejectville, population: you.
On the other hand, let’s say you do build up the courage to overcome the fear of rejection. Then, as you approach your new crush, you’re probably nervous and sweating and shaking and stammering. Let’s face it, you look desperate. And as everybody knows, desperation is “date repellent.” Your crush may not be able to put his or her finger on what it is, but their instinct will scream out, “Avoid at all costs – weird emotional baggage.”
So what you need to do is this: instead of rejection, think affection, think selection, think a change of direction, and, above all, think perfection.
Change your thoughts and realize that you deserve the attention of this person. Then visualize yourself out with him or her, having a great time, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. See the end result that you want first and then take the plunge!
If it’s meant to happen, then it will happen. Best-case scenario, you end up madly in love in a Hollywood-style happily ever after. And if not, don’t stress. If it’s not quite happening for you when you’re in this state of mind, it’s because the Universe has something better cooked up. And no doubt other great opportunities will be coming your way now that you’ve elevated your thinking. You’re no longer buried in gloomy thoughts of rejection; you’re all about affection, selection, a new direction, and perfection. So crush or no crush, something hot is bound to happen for you.
Now, that last part might feel like it’s a bit hard to take, especially if you’ve got the dreaded One-itis (that is, when you’re obsessing on someone in particular). And if you’re in this situation, you might be confused over why you can’t use THE SECRET to win your heart’s desire. You might even be thinking the law of attraction has failed you, or there’s some kind of flaw with the law. After all, THE SECRET tells us that what you think about, you bring about, right?
Okay, what you have to remember is that you can only control your own thinking and your own feelings. You can’t control the thoughts or feelings of others. Seriously, this is not Star Wars…. THE SECRET is no Jedi mind control. You can’t make anyone do anything – like fall in love with you – against their will.
It’s just like in Disney’s Aladdin when Genie explains the rules about the three wishes. Remember? He says you can’t force someone to fall in love with you. Well, whoever wrote that really knew about the law of attraction, because it’s the exact same deal in life: you can’t force someone to fall for you against their own free will.
Think about it: What’s your real desire? What’s your wish? Is it love and romance? Do you want to find your perfect match? Or do you want to hook up with a particular person, even if that means being with someone who just isn’t that into you?
How do you think that would turn out? Resentment, a messy breakup, and heartache guaranteed. That’s not what you want. You want love and romance, but also happiness. You want your perfect match.
So try forgetting about anyone specific for a moment. In fact, don’t think of anyone you know, or anyone you don’t know. Don’t even think about people. Instead, focus on a feeling, a vibe of your ideal hookup, your ultimate date. Just imagine how that experience would be – your senses, your heartbeat, how it would feel.
Who knows, you might end up with that crush of yours. Or maybe there’s someone else you know who’s perfect for you, only you never thought of that person like that before. Or maybe there’s someone even better about to walk into your life.
Trust that the Universe will come through for you. Put the right vibe out there and allow the ideal attraction to come … whoever that may be.
When scriptwriters write romance, their greatest challenge is to create compatible characters – the perfect match. So they spend a ton of time fleshing out these characters by describing who they are, where they come from, what they’re into, and so on. And you can cast your own romance by doing the exact same thing.
Grab your notebook and take a few minutes to describe your perfect match. Hold an image of this future “soul mate” in your head and start writing. Get as detailed as you like – whether you write a few sentences or a couple of pages is completely up to you. But don’t forget, the point is to steer clear of describing an actual real-live crush by thinking about the “who.” That’s not your job right now. Instead, focus on your “type,” and what they’re like and what they’re into.
You can describe physical details if you want: hair color, eyes, skin, height, weight, measurements. It’s your call. But don’t get stuck just on the physical – personality is also key. And common interests are essential. Remember, you’re casting your perfect match.
Here are some ideas for the kinds of details you might want to think about:
Sense of humor
Intelligence
Athleticism
Fashion sense
Hobbies
Volunteer interests
Taste in music
Favorite movies
Done? Great!
Now that you’ve got a description, it’s time to feel the vibe of what you described on an emotional level … like you and your brand-new soul mate have already met and you’re totally into each other. How would that feel? Close your eyes and totally feel the excitement of connecting with this dream date/soul mate. Feel it in your heart. Feel the warm fuzzies.
Put your attraction into action by writing about the things you imagine you and this person doing together: dancing, movies, walks on the beach, texting each other fifty times a day … whatever comes to mind. Don’t forget to include lots of details, like how you relate to each other, how this person treats you, and how he or she makes you feel.
As you write out these scenes, visualize them happening and imagine the sights, the sounds, the smells, in fact, all the sensations. If you can make this a multisensory experience, feel it on so many levels and really plant that thought-belief in your mind, you’re well on the way to making it come true.
You might think it’s a little strange to spend so much time describing a relationship you’re not even in yet. Well, it might be strange, but it works! Writing about your ideal match will help you feel the feelings that go along with being in that perfect relationship. And if you can truly imagine these experiences in your heart and your mind, you’ll start to project a whole different vibe. Keep it up, and you’re sure to attract romance beyond your wildest dreams. And not just any romance … since you’ve cast the role to perfection, you’ll attract a match practically made in heaven.
This “casting” trick doesn’t work for just romance. You can apply the same technique to all of your relationships, from family and friends to teachers and classmates, or even someone at school or work who’s giving you grief. The only difference is, you are not actually recasting these roles; you’re not necessarily looking to replace these people in your life. You’re simply rewriting the way you choose to relate to them.
And that’s crucial in all your relationships. No matter what anyone does to aggravate you, it’s always your choice how you react. You can choose to get upset or you can brush it off. If you do choose anger, then ask yourself, “What is my next move?” Are you going to stay ticked off or are you going to get over it? Do you choose to focus on the bitterness or appreciate and be grateful for anything positive this person brings to you? It’s your call.
The bottom line is simply this: relationships are all about relating.
LIKE ABOUT YOUSo next time your parents give you a hard time, or a friend suddenly turns to the dark side, give them some space and try to relate – try to understand the situation from their perspective. Then put pen to paper and write out any positive thoughts you can come up with about the person. This is like the exact opposite of a burn book – you’re filling it with good thoughts.
Sure, thinking good thoughts about someone who’s making your life miserable is easier said than done. So start small. Try writing down seven things you fully appreciate about this person. (You might need to be creative, but you can do it.) Do this for a few days in a row, and genuinely feel the appreciation and gratitude as you do it, and the relationship will change before your eyes.
REAL STORIES
Jason’s Secret
I have gone through a really rough and busy year. There has been a lot of stuff being said about me, and there was this one guy who seemed to have a mission to make me miserable. He seemed to be going out of his way to make me miserable!
I found out about The Secret and read the book first, and then watched the movie. I started sharing The Secret with my friends, family, and teachers.
My main goal was to simply be happy at school. According to The Secret, all I had to do was see it, and then have it.
I started visualizing myself being popular at school, having great relationships with my friends, and not being accosted or confronted by anyone.
Amazingly, everyone is being nice to me now, and even my enemy has turned! This is how it happened….
He was sitting with a whole lot of his mates, and I had to get past. I expected the worst. Then I remembered what I had visualized. I walked past without a problem. On the way back past them, my enemy called me to him. I went to him and just hoped he wouldn’t do anything bad. He started chatting to me as a mate! His mates started praising some of my achievements. It was awesome!
I attracted this and other things to me through the use of The Secret. You can begin NOW to change EVERYTHING.
MAKE YOUR LIFE WHAT YOU WANT TODAY!
Jason, age 15
Johannesburg, South Africa
At the end of the day, it’s really quite simple. The key to success in any relationship is just to keep real, be true to yourself, and feel great. That’s it. If you’re doing that, then you can’t help but project a positive, attractive vibe. You’ll start to feel as though the entire Universe is doing everything for you, and that you’re attracting cool people to you.
And, most likely, even your worst frenemies will get with it and find themselves on your side before they even know what’s hit them. Don’t believe it? Give it a try. You just might be amazed at how quickly change can happen.
So make it a goal to see the best in everyone, and the best will come back to you. By changing your thoughts, you have the power to change all your relationships, and you’ll be all set to hook up, hang out, and have a better life. And that is THE SECRET … to relationships.