Further Resources

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CONNECT AND REDIRECT REFRIGERATOR SHEET

No-Drama Discipline
by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.

FIRST, CONNECT

• Why connect first?

• Short-term benefit: It moves a child from reactivity to receptivity.

• Long-term benefit: It builds a child’s brain.

• Relational benefit: It deepens your relationship with your child.

• No-Drama connection principles

• Turn down the “shark music”: Let go of the background noise caused by past experiences and future fears.

• Chase the why: Instead of focusing only on behavior, look for what’s behind the actions: “Why is my child acting this way? What is my child communicating?”

• Think about the how: What you say is important. But just as important, if not more important, is how you say it.

• The No-Drama connection cycle: help your child feel felt

• Communicate comfort: By getting below your child’s eye level, then giving a loving touch, a nod of the head, or an empathic look, you can often quickly defuse a heated situation.

• Validate: Even when you don’t like the behavior, acknowledge and even embrace feelings.

• Stop talking and listen: When your child’s emotions are exploding, don’t explain, lecture, or try to talk her out of her feelings. Just listen, looking for the meaning and emotions your child is communicating.

• Reflect what you hear: Once you’ve listened, reflect back what you’ve heard, letting your kids know you’ve heard them. That leads back to communicating comfort, and the cycle repeats.

THEN, REDIRECT

• 1-2-3 discipline, the No-Drama way

• One definition: Discipline is teaching. Ask the three questions:

1. Why did my child act this way? (What was happening internally/emotionally?)

2. What lesson do I want to teach?

3. How can I best teach it?

• Two principles:

1. Wait until your child is ready (and you are, too).

2. Be consistent but not rigid.

• Three mindsight outcomes:

1. Insight: Help kids understand their own feelings and their responses to difficult situations.

2. Empathy: Give kids practice reflecting on how their actions impact others.

3. Repair: Ask kids what they can do to make things right.

• No-Drama redirection strategies

• Reduce words

• Embrace emotions

• Describe, don’t preach

• Involve your child in the discipline

• Reframe a no into a yes with conditions

• Emphasize the positive

• Creatively approach the situation

• Teach mindsight tools