W
ard approached the clubhouse, with Zara tucked under his arm on one side, on the other side was Max trotting along on the lead. ‘Because we won, there’ll be no this-is-where-we-stuffed-up speeches and it’ll be a light training session today. Are you sure you don’t want to hang out at my place before I take you home?’ Why didn’t he call his place home?
‘This’ll be good for Max,’ she said.
‘Are you trying to con me into keeping the dog?’ Max adored Zara, the way the pit bull carried on last night like a kid needing attention, when he’d brought the lady home with him after dinner.
‘No, but you didn’t take him for a run this morning.’
‘We were busy.’ They’d both slept in and lazed around in his bed that neither of them had wanted to leave.
‘His week’s almost up, huh?’
Tomorrow he’d decide about Max. ‘Is Max going to be okay with all these people?’ He nodded towards the scattered fans who’d arrived to watch their training sessions.
‘If he wasn’t, I wouldn’t bring him. Remember, Max used to walk into a shed full of screaming men like crowds at a football match and not hear it, same as you.’ Zara pointed to the oval where the assistant coaches were putting out orange cones in a pattern across the grass. ‘This is calm compared to what you feel in the game.’
‘No way.’ Ward stopped and stared at the dog realising the common link.
‘There’s a reason Max likes you, you both go to battle in your own way.’
The scarred pit bull sat at his side without instruction. ‘I’ve never played with him and stuff, all I do is feed him and run him, that’s it.’ His housemates played with him, fed him, and bathed him.
‘You’ve taken Max for a drive and on dinner dates too.’
‘I haven’t said yes or no.’ He walked them to the side gate that led to the stands.
‘That’s your decision to make. Either way, Max has a place at home as long as he likes, and this could be his idea of a holiday.’ She gave a meek grin that accompanied her shrug.
‘Yeah, no pressure.’ Although, it sure felt like it. ‘How come Max chose me and not someone else?’
‘How come you’re closer to Sam, Nick, and Mills, than the other men on this team?’
‘I dunno, we just get on well,’ replied Ward, as he nodded to the gatekeeper to allow Zara and Max through to the practise field.
‘And yet you and your sister don’t?’
‘Tina’s a pain.’ Even if they’d shared a few adult conversations these past few days, they’d never be besties who braided each other’s hair and swap recipes. Nope, he couldn’t see his vegan-loving sister arm wrestle him for the next round of beer and beef burgers either. But at least they were talking, which made his mum happy. ‘Max won’t burr-up out here?’
‘Not unless he’s challenged or doing it to protect those he cares about,’ said Zara.
‘Has he? You’ve said he’s done it with Toby?’ Toby was a cute kid, not that Ward knew about kids.
‘In the past, when I’ve brought out a few dogs that carried on, Max would show up and do this low guttural growl, and they soon behaved. Come on, who’d tussle with Max when he’s so scary looking.’
‘Mills says Max’s ugliness makes him look good.’ Mills and his unfiltered mouth had made for entertaining dinner conversation last night with Zara’s family of misfits.
‘I like Mills,’ Zara said with a laugh.
‘Don’t let him hear you say that or he’ll climb into your ute and go home with you like some stray.’ Ward grinned at his stowaway who waddled calmly alongside as people gave him a wide berth, like he was some traffic controlling mini-bouncer who cleared the path. ‘Does Max help you with the dogs the way Middy helps your dad with other horses you rehabilitate?’ It sounded like a prison farm, but it wasn’t.
‘It’s Max’s choice to be involved like he chose to run away and be with you.’
‘P-p-p-pressure. I’m sure they made a song I should download.’
‘Max listens to you, and he’s never attacked except fight in self-defence, it’s his protective nature of being part of a pack. You might not get on with your sister, but if someone was to say—’ She winced and licked her lips. ‘If Tina got hurt, you’d help her, right?’
‘Yeah.’ He stopped and held her hand and said, ‘I’d never hurt you, Z. I know it’s none of my business, but Adam told me what happened to you.’
The colour rose in her cheeks and her lips tightened into flat line. ‘No secrets in our family. I want no pity.’
He leaned his forehead against hers. ‘Hey, I’d be the same as your family, I’d destroy anyone who’d ever hurt you like that.’ On their date night, he’d kissed each scar on her back and ribs, as if trying to heal her and to show her how much he cared. What kind of bastard would do that to her!
‘We all have our own battle scars from the past. But you have to pick yourself up and keep moving forward.’ She tried to step away from him, but he refused to let go of her hand. ‘Come on, you’ve got practice. I’ve got a paper to read, a coffee to drink, and time to work on my winter tan.’
‘Sure. I’ll show you a great spot to watch me, which is also the best place for me to watch you.’ He slid his arm over her shoulders keeping her close where she fit so well at his side. She might tell him the story, but would he have the strength to hear it?
***
With practice over, Mills strolled into the locker rooms with a towel around his waist, using another towel to dry his mullet that he’d blow-dry to perfection over the next two hours. He approached his locker next to Sam, and began his grooming routine. ‘Hey Ward, my mum wants to bake a cake for Zara and her people. Is that okay?’
Seated two lockers down, Ward slid on his boots. ‘Can’t see why not, Zara’s got a household to feed.’ Mills’ mother baked a cake a day for the team and all the boys loved it.
‘Do they foster those kids out there?’ Sam asked, slipping on his jeans.
‘Billy, Stacey, and Toby are fostered to the Phelps,’ replied Ward. ‘Tim and Adam aren’t.’
On the other side of Ward, Nick rolled up his towel like a yoga mat and asked, ‘How many others have they helped out?’
‘Ten, I think? All boys, except Stacey. One’s studying to be a vet out west, another one’s a fisherman up north, and there’s a stable-hand at the track. I’m not sure about the rest.’
‘Tim was telling me he’s got a few weeks left on parole and Adam’s got another year to go. You wouldn’t pick it with that pair,’ said Mills, re-wrapping his mullet-mop in a towel. ‘Billy’s a funny kid too.’
‘I like Billy,’ said Sam.
‘Everyone likes Billy.’ The kid had that type of personality that matched his cheeky grin.
‘What’s a Billy?’ asked Greg, their captain, at his locker opposite Ward.
‘A fifteen-year-old kid they’re predicting to be a champion boxer,’ replied Nick.
Ward stamped the soles of his boots as he stood up and tucked in his shirt. ‘Billy will be. The kid’s got me a few times, and he’s quick, with a long reach.’
Greg slapped on the deodorant and picked up his collared shirt. ‘Hey, I saw that dog of yours, man. Scary.’
‘Max isn’t mine, he’s just having a holiday,’ Ward said as he slid on his jacket and spotted Nick, Mills, and Sam’s frowning faces. ‘Zara said if I didn’t take Max, he’d keep helping her rehabilitate other dogs. He’s useful out there.’ Why would the dog want to stay stuck in suburbia staring at a fence when he had acres of countryside as his daily view?
Sam sighed as he sat before his locker slipping on his socks and shoes and said, ‘If Max listened to me like he does with you, I’d take him, but it’s obvious he likes you.’
Greg tucked his shirt into his slacks. ‘By the way, Ward…’
Ward ran fingers through his wayward hair and zipped shut his duffel.
‘Your girlfriend’s Zara, right?’
He hoped so. ‘Why?’ Slinging his bag over his shoulder he faced his captain.
‘The Magpies’ coach is here,’—all those nearby stopped and stared at Greg—‘and he’s outside talking to your lady. Reckon they’re trying to convince her to do her thing on Sheldon.’
‘He’d better not!’ Ward dashed for the door.
‘Zara’s already said no,’ said Sam, closing his locker.
‘What’s the drama if she’s fixed Ward?’ Mills asked. ‘If Ward asked Zara, I bet she’d do it for Ward.’
‘Not when it comes to Sheldon,’ said Greg, looking to Nick and Sam.
Their words echoed behind him as Ward dashed outside and found Zara in the stands with Max beside her on the bench. Three men stood before her, his team’s doctor, then recognising the opposition’s coach and their team doctor. ‘What’s going on?’
‘Ward,’ said the Doc, ‘do you know Mark, he’s the coach of the Magpies.’
‘There’d only be a rare few who wouldn’t know who Mark is.’ This man was the coach in the league, a living legend. The God of Gods.
‘We’ve never met, but I know all about you, young man. You’re a helluva midfielder.’ Mark shook Ward’s hand as his black eyes scanned over him the same way Mitchell checked out a player’s physique.
‘Thank you.’ Normally he’d be doing some back-patting-revel-in-the-moment, but not today. ‘Are you here to see me?’
‘We’re trying to talk Zara into helping Sheldon like she did with you.’
‘That’s Zara’s choice. Ready to go, Z?’ He didn’t like Zara surrounded by these men. Ward then noticed Max had positioned his bulk in front Zara as if protecting her from the other men. Good dog.
Zara tucked her newspaper into her bag and shared a polite smile. ‘Nice to meet you, gentleman.’
‘Look, Zara, here’s my card. All my numbers are on the back and I’ll double your normal fee, whatever you want. I don’t want to see Sheldon in the pain he’s in,’ Mark said, holding out his business card. ‘I’m aware you only practice on horses, but Ward’s proof of what you can do. From our research, you’re the best in your field of expertise, and my men deserve nothing but the best.’
Aaand let’s add another thick, wadded, lumpy layer of glue to the hard-spun sales-pitchy plea that Ward wasn’t buying into. Instead, he grabbed Zara’s hand, ready to escape.
She looked at Ward a little confused and slid the card into her pocket. ‘Can I think about it?’
Mark sighed with relief as if he’d held his breath. ‘Sure. Call me anytime, day or night. Just say when, where, anything, and we’ll set it up for you. Thanks for hearing me out and, hopefully, I’ll hear from you soon.’ He nodded, and with the doctors flanking him, they headed down the concrete steps of the stands.
‘She didn’t say yes,’ mumbled Ward under his breath, watching them leave with squinting eyes.
Ward led Zara and Max to his car, and they were soon on the road. ‘What was that all about, with Mark and the Doc?’ Ward asked.
‘Your team doctor just asked me what I did on you. He seems nice.’ She smiled, but Ward turned away and gripped the steering wheel so tight his knuckles went white.
‘What else?’ His breath sharpened and pulse quickened.
‘He asked if I’d be available to help out on the odd occasion with your teammates.’
‘And Mark?’ He gritted his teeth, bracing himself for it as he steered through the minimal Sunday traffic.
Zara stared at her fingers clutched in her lap. ‘Mark asked if I could help this guy, Sheldon.’
‘You’ve already said no a few times, so there’s no problem is there?’ His eyes narrowed at the road ahead, pursing his lips, he stopped at the intersection. He swiped viciously at the scar on his chin and waited for the lights to change.
‘What if I agreed to help this Sheldon?’
‘What? NO.’
Her eyes widened, pressing herself against the passenger door.
In the blink of an eye, she’d unclipped her seatbelt and was out the door running across the road.
‘ZARA?’
He could run after her and catch her, but the car behind him tooted its horn as the traffic lights changed green. He reached across and closed the passenger door as she sprinted down the alley way. He drove around the corner, but she was nowhere in sight.
Oh no. What had he done?
***
Zara ran in blind fear like a rabbit dodging a fox. She turned right down one alley, left down the next, and then right into another. Until she went around a corner and found herself at a dead end.
Her palms slapped the wall in anger as hot tears trickled down her face. She hated how the fear had filled her so fast that her heart threatened to jump straight out of her chest.
She bent over, hands on knees and gulped for air, unsure if to cry, scream, or throw up in the alley that stank of rotten vegetables, piss, and decades of black sooty mould. Too scared to leave the shadows, her legs trembled as she heaved air, swallowing the acidic taste of fear, forcing it back where it belonged.
Her mobile rang in the back pocket of her jeans, and she shut her eyes tight trying to deafen the sound.
But still the phone rang.
The skyline was blocked by tall buildings offering window views of grimy brick walls. She tried to lean against the wall but her legs trembled so much she crouched to the floor where the vile stench of rotten vegetables floated from the gutter.
Silly girl, always running into a blind corner.
But at least this time she’d run.
Forcing a slow exhale through her rounded lips, she focused on relaxing her toes hidden in her shoes, to her feet, ankles, shins, calves, knees and then all over.
All while her phone rang. Again.
She swiped at the sweat mingled with unrealised tears, snatched up her phone and blinked at the screen flashing one name. Ward.
Switching it to vibrate, she dumped the mobile and watched it vibrate along the ground.
She’d seen Ward’s expression darken. His white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel. The clear precise words as he spoke. The sharp breathing. The white flat lips. All the signs of anger building, and she wasn’t sticking around for a backhander across her face like she’d done in the past.
At least this time she’d run.
Not like before.
Again, her phone vibrated on the concreted lip where the road met the pavement where she sat on the gutter’s edge staring at Ward’s name.
But Ward was different.
Ward also had the ability to harm another person. On the field shouldering other men, elbowing them, charging for a ball, he didn’t care who blocked him for what he was after. If he reacted like that to a ball in a game, what was he like with people in his life?
A text message flashed on her phone’s screen from Ward: I’m so sorry, Z, I never wanted to scare you. I’m sorry.
They were always sorry after.
She hugged her knees and lowered her cheek to the denim of her jeans. She’d left her bag and jacket in his car—stupid girl.
Now she shivered. Was it the adrenalin passing or the coolness of the shade?
Then she heard the tap-tap-tap on concrete accompanied by some heavy panting that approached the blind corner. Where could she hide?
Nowhere.
With her back to the wall, she held her breath and waited for what was coming.
‘Max?’
The scarred pit bull rushed around the corner. his black tongue lolling out of his mouth, dragging Ward who’d released his lead as the dog rushed towards her.
‘Good boy, Max, you found her.’ Ward stopped and watched the pit bull rush to Zara and she hugged him.
‘You brute, Max.’ She found comfort in the dog’s short coarse fur and through her fringe she watched Ward stand in the centre of the walkway with a water bottle in hand. At least he kept his distance.
But he also had her trapped.
***
‘I’m sorry, Zara.’ Ward crouched down, his heart squeezing to see her like a timid bird that had fallen from the nest with a broken wing. This was his Zara, sitting on the edge of the gutter at the end of a dark alley, who’d fled from him in fear.
He hated himself for doing that to her.
‘I’m so, so, sorry, Z, I didn’t mean to scare you.’ He wanted to rush up and hug her but forced himself to stay. Crushed that she could only peek at him through her long fringe while hiding behind the dog. ‘I’m sorry, Z. I’m jealous, that’s all.’
But she said nothing.
‘Please don’t ever be scared of me. I’m such an idiot.’ He scrubbed palms hard over his face. ‘I didn’t mean that, and…’ He sighed heavily and readjusted his footing in his crouched position. But she didn’t flinch, which he took as a good sign.
‘Do you know I get tongue-tied with you?’ He wiped his mouth that refused to work when it came to talking about life away from the game. ‘I have no idea what to say, or how to say it, except I’m sorry I reacted like that. Believe me, Zara, I’d never hurt you. I swear it.’
But he’d stuffed-up, never seeing her look so fragile.
‘Please believe me, because it’d kill me if I ever hurt you. I’ve never ever raised a hand to a woman, and, come on, we all know how annoying my sister is. She’s an expert at stabbing my angry button, but even as a kid I never thumped her. Sure, there were times I wanted to, but I never did.’ Was that the right thing to say?
If only she could give him another sign, instead of using Max as a shield.
‘Did you know, for years we’ve lied about Tina’s mung-bean stew that tastes like peppered dirt because we didn’t want to hurt her feelings. And if I do that for my sister—who I clash with consistently—there’s no way I’d ever do anything to hurt you.’
She raised her eyes to meet his and it filled him with more hope.
‘You know, through our first date, it made me have an actual adult conversation with Tina. Sure, we argued, or as Mum says, we debated. Although we sounded like bickering kids again—but we had you.’
‘Me?’ Her voice so soft and frail it hurt, yet she’d spoken while Max lay on the road before her, relaxing. Another good sign.
‘Yes, you, Z. Tina’s going to apologise when she sees you next.’
‘Why?’
‘For being judgemental and rude to you, especially when you’re the only reason I bothered talking to Tina at all. You see, I wanted to impress you so much with our first date, I got my sister to help me and she knows all about dating because…’
Her head rose and her eyes narrowed at him as she said, ‘You. Don’t. Date.’
That was cold.
He sighed and his shoulders drooped as his soul dropped lower than the crappy concrete he was crouched upon.
‘It’s true, I don’t date, and you deserve to know why.’ His thumb wiped down the scar on his chin. ‘The reason I overreacted like that, is because…’ He let out a deep breath trying to halt his frown, not at Zara, but at his own past.
‘Because?’ Her head tilted and those ice-blue eyes were watching.
But he wanted her eyes to shine and to see her double-dimple smile again, no matter what it cost him or how much it hurt to say.
He licked his lips and began. ‘Sheldon and I were once housemates. We’d started the same time together with the Saints and we were best of mates for years.’ He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and looked at her as he continued. ‘And, well, Sheldon has always had the women flock to him. I’ll admit it, like most blokes, I wanted that too, but not now, no way.’ He shook his head, catching her sceptic expression he raised his palms in surrender. ‘Honestly, Zara, since I’ve met you, I’ve haven’t looked at another woman because I’ve never felt this way with anyone but you. This,’—patting his heart that hurt for her— ‘scares the crap out of me.’
‘How?’
‘I haven’t experienced this before, and I’m worried you’ll reject me.’ Now suffering his biggest rejection with her fleeing from him.
But he couldn’t let her go. Not without her hearing his heart speak first.
‘I know I’m an idiot, and I know you tried to push me away in the beginning with that Florence Nightingale thing, which I’m not suffering from when it comes to you. I’d thought about it too. You see, I felt like this from the first time you walked through my front door. Believe me, I had visions of some old weatherworn, haggard-looking horse doctor with these yellow gnarly fingernails strong enough to tear horseshoes straight off of horse’s hooves.’
She gave a slight smile, thank god for that.
‘You tilted my world from the first time I saw you standing in my doorway. You made me smile and laugh when I was in pain and hadn’t slept in a week. Yet, every time I saw you, this feeling intensified where I forget everything except you. You’d become my number one priority and— Damn it.’ The words wanted to spill from his chest like melted metal pouring from the bowl hanging above an inferno. ‘I’m gonna say it and it might be the wrong place,’ he said, glancing at the scummy alley. ‘Wrong time…’ With her huddled behind a dog because he’d scared her. But he had to, and with a deep breath he said, ‘I love you, Zara.’
Her gasp echoed in his ears, making it his turn to flinch.
‘I’ve never said that to anyone before, but it’s true, I fell in love with you, and I’m in love with you, Zara.’
‘Oh god.’ Her palm covered her mouth, and she flicked her fringe to reveal the vulnerability in her eyes.
He shifted a little closer in his crouched position, just a little, with palms out front. He didn’t want to scare her any more than he’d done. He wanted to gain her trust, even if it was the steps of a baby bug, he’d take it. ‘You don’t have to say anything. I understand you’ve been hurt in ways I can’t comprehend. I just don’t know how anyone would do that to you.’
‘Not your problem.’ She sat taller, her chin jutted out and her pride was on show. Another good sign.
‘But it is, Z.’
‘How?’
‘Your problems are my problems and I want to help you anyway I can. If you’re hurting, I’m hurting.’ He clutched his heart that squeezed at the sight of her pain. ‘I’ve scared you over something that isn’t your issue, it’s mine. It’s my past that’s now biting me.’
‘Really?’
He nodded at her, again shifting that little closer towards her. ‘You see, I liked this girl, a lot. She was the first one I’d ever taken on a dinner date in this restaurant where the waiter asked me for ID to check if I could legally drink the cocktails I’d ordered.’
That brought a limp twinge of a smile to her lips, but it wasn’t enough.
‘I’d never even slept with her and we were dating, proper dating for a month. I was this awkward nineteen-year-old, I mean no virgin, but I liked her a lot.’ He blinked at the alley’s stained tarmac and couldn’t remember the woman’s face. She was a brunette, that he remembered, but not much else.
‘What happened?’ Her voice was so soft and timid, but he was relieved she’d asked.
And he’d answer her to the best of his ability. ‘I was meeting her at home for dinner, and that’s when I found her on the couch being screwed by Sheldon. That bastard didn’t even stop when I’d showed up,’ he said with a scowl.
‘Oh no.’ Her palm slapped over her mouth and her empathy shone like a star. ‘What did you do?’
‘I kicked his naked butt and punched the crap out of him. We destroyed the house trying to kill each other, until the cops showed up because the neighbours heard us fighting, and they arrested us to keep us apart. We didn’t press charges against each other so they couldn’t book us for anything.’ Ward, again, thumbed the scar that ran down the left of his chin.
‘Did Sheldon give you that scar on your chin?’ She mirrored his movement.
‘Yeah.’ Under his thumb the scar burned. It was his weak spot, an ugly reminder of why he didn’t date and why he hated Sheldon. ‘They had to stitch it three times.’
‘Why?’
‘After the first lot of stitches, Sheldon and I crossed paths in the corridor at the hospital, where we brawled again. The same cops pulled us apart along with hospital security. We got banned from that hospital, so I had to go to another hospital to get the second set of stitches.’
‘And the third time?’
‘Next day at the clubhouse, where we’d been hauled in to explain ourselves. Greg, our team captain, Sam, and Nick had to stop us, and after that we were split up.’
‘Over a girl?’
‘I thought she was special,’ he admitted with a shrug. ‘But you know what? I can’t even remember what she looked like. But I remember the spiteful things Sheldon said about her, and I know he’d seduced her on purpose because of how I’d felt about her.’
‘Why?’
‘It’s just a game to that bastard. The women don’t really matter to him, and somehow, he’s got this gift with them. Whether it’s because he’s rich or good looking, I don’t know. But ever since then, all I want to do is wipe that smug side-smirk off his face with my fists.’
‘That bad?’
‘Oh yeah. We had to pay fifteen grand each for the damage to the house. It ruined my rental history, which is why I rent a room off of Nick and Sam through the club because I can’t lease through a real estate again.’
‘I thought you were equal tenants.’
‘We are, but not on paper because the lease is in their name. I’ve been saving for my own place but I’ve always liked living with the boys. Until now.’
‘What changed?’
He shrugged with a slight grin and said, ‘I bought crockery.’
She hid a shy smile beneath her scarf. Her nervous habit, and the one and only thing he’d want her to change because he adored her smile.
In his crouched position, he shifted to his other leg and got one step closer. ‘Anyway, that summer, Sheldon transferred to the Magpies and I stayed with the Saints. Only a few people know why we hate each other, which is Greg, Nick, Sam, and Mitchell, who was an assistant coach back then. It happened out of season and, thankfully, we were still considered a nobody as far as the AFL and the media were concerned. Since then, they haven’t put Sheldon and me in the same room, except at the hospital in this special spinal unit where we were in traction and couldn’t move. But he irritated me the entire time.’ He ran his fingers through his misbehaving hair, curbing his anger over Sheldon. ‘You know, if the coach asked you to work on my housemates, even Mills, I wouldn’t worry, but with Sheldon I do.’
‘Don’t you trust me?’
‘I don’t trust Sheldon. I could never work out how or why, but he sucks females in and uses them. He can have all of them, when I only want one—and that’s you, Zara. I don’t want to lose you.’ Even if he was on that knife’s edge of never having her commitment. ‘I want you in my life, permanently. I’d give up everything else, but not you, I can’t let you go—that doesn’t mean I want to own you either, ugh.’ His bloody mouth and mind couldn’t get it together and he clutched fingers through his hair. ‘There’s nothing I want more than for you to be happy, to share in your happiness by having you in my life because I’m a better person with you.’
‘It’s only been a few weeks.’
‘It’s been life-changing for me, Z.’
‘You’d suffered a serious fall.’
‘Which woke me up.’
‘In what way?’
‘I’ve started to take more responsibility for myself.’ He looked at the dog he had yet to decide upon. ‘I’ve had my mum teach me how to do my laundry because of you.’
‘You didn’t?’
‘I did, and I make my bed daily, which all started after you told me how your Dad couldn’t look after himself. Guess what? I’m the same, I’m spoilt.’
‘I said you can afford not to bother with that stuff.’
‘But it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t learn how, I’m not ashamed to.’
And there it was, a smile. A small one—but it gave him hope.
‘Before I met you, Z, football was my entire world. I was living in some AFL bubble where my coach was God, and I followed all their rules like a good little boy. But since I’ve met you, I’ve seen a bigger world.’
‘The world’s always been there.’
‘Not how you’ve shown it to me. Wherever I go, it’s all about football. All we talk about is football. But with you, conversation topics are endless and I have something new to talk about, experiencing new things with you. We rescued a pony. I’m babysitting a runaway pit bull that has a criminal record. I’ve checked out the staff entrance of a racetrack. I rode bareback on a Clydesdale and ran with greyhounds. I’m tempted to mess up my sock drawer to wear odd pairs like you do, and I’ve never looked at pebbles the same.’ He pulled the painted pebble from his pocket and held it out in his open palm. ‘You make me want to be more than just a footballer.’
‘But you are a footballer.’
‘You know, my biggest fear when I woke up after that fall was never playing football again, and I love the game, I do. But I’ll only be a footballer at this level for a few more years. After that, all I see is you.’
‘Me?’
‘Yeah. This stage of my life will only last as long as my body holds out. If I’m lucky, I’ll play past thirty, but after that, I have no idea. Yet, I’ve found hope. I have hope that whatever my life will be after I retire from the game…’ He crouched on the other leg, taking another step closer. ‘My future will always include you.’
Her hands covered the scarf that shielded her lips while her eyes searched for an answer he didn’t know how to give.
‘Remember when we met, I was at my most vulnerable,’ he said.
‘You were in pain.’
‘I was at the weakest point of my life, Z. My sister was taking charge of things and I was powerless to stop her, and that mung-bean stew, from entering the house.’
Was that a giggle she hid beneath her scarf?
‘At that first introduction, you held out your hands to me.’ He stretched open his palm that hovered above the dog that lay between them. ‘You asked me then to trust that you wouldn’t hurt me. I’d just met you and I was hurting. Yet for the first time I took a risk on something that was outside the club’s rules and realm, and put my trust in you.’ He lowered himself to gaze at her with hope. ‘Now, I’m asking you to trust me.’
***
She’d stopped breathing, letting the trapped air roll around her stilted lungs, staring at his open hand.
Her palm itched, and she rubbed her fingertips together. Did she dare?
On the verge of tears, so dry in the throat that it hurt to swallow, she bit her bottom lip as her fingers uncurled and slowly reached out. She touched his palm and his hand enveloped hers, where the warmth travelled up her arm to the top of her head.
But he didn’t rush her. Didn’t push her. Didn’t pull her. Just held her hand and shared a soft smile that hid the scar on his chin.
‘I’ll try to trust you,’ she whispered.
‘And I’m honoured you’re willing to do so.’ He pressed his lips against the back of her hand and another chink of her inner wall fell, causing her to blink back tears.
‘Hey, don’t cry, Z, I’m sorry.’
‘I’m okay.’ Stupid tears, trying to swipe them away.
‘Are you sure?’ He sat next to her, as his thumb stroked the back of her hand sending liquid warmth through her veins.
She shrugged. He held out the water bottle. ‘Thanks.’ She drunk thirstily, watching a newspaper page float like a magic carpet on the wind. It somersaulted across the pavement and disappeared around the corner.
It was like a page of someone’s story, gone, but never truly forgotten.
She screwed the lid onto the bottle and handed it back, hugging her knees. ‘Do you know why I only work on animals?’
‘Because they don’t back-chat and respond better to your treatments?’ His grin warmed her soul and the care in his amber eyes made her want to share. He’d shared with her and she now understood him better. How else was she going to get over this if she didn’t share with Ward? But would he understand?
Only one way to find out.
‘I only worked on animals at the farm as a favour to Dad. Other than that, I’d only ever treated people at Howie’s surgery and in the city practice.’ She hugged her knees tighter and whispered, ‘It was there, a man walked in named… Paul.’
Ward grabbed her hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. ‘You don’t have to tell me, Z, if you don’t want to.’
But for the first time she wanted to.
‘Paul was this high-flying businessman, who dazzled me. He was strictly a patient only; and then he wasn’t my patient anymore. We caught up in town while I was out with some of my girlfriends in the city, partying like any other single girl.’ How simple life was back then, so free of horrors.
‘You dated him?’
‘Yes. Although, I’m useless at dating too.’
‘No way! You’re gorgeous.’
She lowered her head as the heat rose from her neck to her face. ‘It’s true. I didn’t have a boyfriend all through school.’
‘How come?’
‘The boys in town were more like brothers and my dad can scare the crap out of anyone, when he wants to.’
‘I’ll admit,’ he said with a grin, ‘I took a step back when I met your father, he’s a big man.’
‘My older brother was bigger.’
‘So that must’ve changed when you moved out of home?’
‘It did. But I was hopeless at it. I didn’t know fancy restaurants. My dress sense sucked, lacking that city-chic I wanted back then. People didn’t take me seriously when I told them what I did for a living, expecting me to have dreadlocks and wear tie-dyed clothes.’
‘Like my sister.’
‘Yeah,’ she said, sharing a grin with him. ‘Paul didn’t care about that. He taught me about the restaurants, fine dining, the best shops, as if giving me an education of city living. It was fun too. I even learned to speak clearer and not do the nasal lazy twang.’
‘To change who you were?’
‘Experimenting. I was trying to find who I wanted to be. At that stage I was saving to go overseas because I’d received an exclusive invitation to study at this place in Japan. But then, I deferred it.’
‘Why?’ Ward asked.
She gave a half shrug pressing her lips to her shoulder.
‘Did Paul know?’
‘Paul asked me to move in with him and not go away.’
Ward lowered himself down to meet her eyes and said, ‘I would’ve let you go, Z, and I would’ve tried to visit when I could.’
‘You would?’
‘Yeah. If it’s something you wanted, and if it makes you happy, I’d help you get there. Of course, we’d have to learn how to Skype nightly and you’d have to answer your phone more.’ He picked up her mobile where the screen displayed his ten missed calls, giving her a cheeky grin.
Oops. She shrugged, tucking her phone into the pocket of her jeans. She had to admit Ward was adorable. So different to Paul—or was he? ‘Paul got jealous of me with my work too.’
Ward sat straighter and his brow flickered into a frown for only a second. ‘I see.’
Did he?
‘When Paul picked me up after work, he’d see the patients I’d treat and would complain about my male clients. I told him it was my job, and I didn’t think anything of it. I’d never realised how jealous Paul was. He hated me touching another man’s bare skin, and I honestly didn’t see that when I worked on a client. I just saw the body, the muscles. Nothing more.’
‘But he did?’
‘I worked on this plumber who was having regular weekly sessions for a back injury. Every week I walked him out of the treatment room on a Thursday night, he asked me out and I said no and told him I don’t date clients. And that was that. He’d re-book for the next week, and I’d walk him out. Locked the door. Turned around to clean up and found Paul in the waiting room.’ She frowned at the asphalt that spread like a cracked black carpet beneath her boots. It was the background screen for another replay of her recurring nightmare. ‘Paul shouted at me, accusing me of having an affair with this guy. He pulled me by the hair and dragged me into my treatment room and…’
‘God no.’ Ward wrapped his arms around her and held her to his chest. She breathed in his aroma, feeling his steady heartbeat, and with his arms surrounding her like armour it gave her strength.
‘He beat me,’ she whispered, not scared, but angry at what Paul had done. After all these years the memory was still vivid. ‘Before that he’d shouted at me, called me names, and slapped me around for over a year. He was always sorry after, but that time, he beat me. My boss found me the next morning, and I woke up in hospital.’ Her palm pressed on his heart and she wanted to push away. It was her habit to push away. To remain on the edge. To never get involved or hurt again.
Instead she looked up at Ward, with his messy auburn hair the same colour as his eyebrows. The tan blended with his freckles that surrounded his amber eyes that clearly displayed his worry and fear. Was she also seeing his love for her?
‘It was Dad who got me to work on the animals because I didn’t want to leave the farm. I couldn’t talk to anyone or touch another person. It was that comfortable silence of an animal, and how they looked at me as I worked on them, it also gave me a lever of comfort, too. My parents accepted the invitation on my behalf and sent me overseas to do some soul searching.’ But back then, it never stopped the nightmares that woke her with a scream frozen in her throat.
‘Since I’ve returned, I’ll treat animals and charge a regular fee. As for the very few people I agree to work on, I’ll charge a carton of beer for Dad to keep it casual. No appointment, no human clients.’
‘That’s why you never put a money price on me?’
‘It keeps you from being a client, because I don’t and won’t have human clients again.’
‘I get it. Do you miss working on people?’
‘No. I get more personal satisfaction helping an animal than I ever did with another human being.’ Her head lowered and she whispered, ‘…except with you.’
‘Did your world tilt when you first saw me too?’
‘No.’ She giggled up at him.
‘It did for me. I had to grip my chair worried I’d fall. You sure you didn’t get that with me?’
‘No. First time we met I felt sorry for you.’
‘But we shared sparks when we first touched. You blamed the carpet and took off your boots and I copped a gander at your odd socks. That was all us, Z, electric.’ His nose nudged against the edge of her jaw below her ear and his warm breath sent prickles across her skin.
‘I tried to resist you.’
‘You’re still resisting, and now I understand why. I don’t want you to be scared of me, ever, Z. I’d never ever hurt you, and I’ll swear on that with everything I have.’
She tried to smile, but her jaw ached from clenching her teeth. Yet, she whispered, ‘I believe you.’
His eyes lit up brighter than a sunset reflecting off the ocean. ‘Thank you,’ he said, and kissed the tip of her nose.
‘Did you know, you’ve helped me too?’ She admitted.
‘How?’
‘Besides getting on a horse together, like we did,’ she said with their grins mirroring each other, ‘you helped me want to get past what Paul did, by challenging me to look at my own fears. I had all these gurus overseas who tried to help me, but I wasn’t ready then. I’d pushed it aside, buried it so deep and never let anyone in, until you came along. We’ve been helping each other the whole way through, Brendan.’
‘Am I in trouble?’ He lowered his head sharing a cheeky smirk.
Finally, she grinned wide. ‘No, quite the opposite.’
‘Good.’ He kissed her lips and held her, as the world around them became silent and still. ‘If you ever want to get back into working on people, I won’t get jealous.’
‘Nah, people are pricks, especially adults,’ she said, repeating her father’s mantra.
‘Even if I asked you to as a one-off favour for one of my teammates?’
‘Dunno,’ she murmured with a shrug. ‘I might, only casual though. I sort of give in if put under pressure because I want to help those in pain.’
‘It’s your nature, which is what I love about you.’ With his arms around her, he gave her a tender squeeze.
He loved her. Wow.
‘If I said it was okay for you to work on Sheldon, would you?’
‘Would you want me to, considering your history together?’
He screwed up his nose. ‘Not sure.’
At least he was telling the truth, and she respected that.
‘Right now, I think we deserve some sort of celebration feast where we can talk some more.’ He stood up and held out his hands.
She slid her hands into his. ‘Food sounds good.’
He pulled her to her feet. ‘There’s this great place near the sea where we can let Max go for a swim.’
‘I don’t know if Max has ever seen the ocean.’
Max sat up and whimpered at the mention of his name.
‘That’s where I was planning to tell you, a bit more romantically than this place, how much you mean to me.’
‘Huh?’ She looked around the stinky dark alley. ‘Sorry.’
‘Don’t be, as long as you got the message that’s all that matters.’
‘Message received.’ Was she ready to say it back?
Yet the way Ward looked at her, he wasn’t pressuring her to rush it either.
‘I can’t believe you used Max to track me down?’
‘Like a blood hound,’ said Ward with a grin. ‘Max almost reefed my arm out of my shoulder chasing you.’ He slipped his arm over her shoulders and tucked her into his side. ‘You know, you fit perfectly right there at my side.’
And she liked it there. She felt safe there.
Ward picked up Max’s lead and took their Sunday stroll away from the alley where they’d confessed all of their dark pasts. It was a step in the right direction where they headed into the light.