Sixty seconds until the kickoff, and I’ve tried every trick in the book to get my head straight. I did visualizations of calming streams, I thought about how the people in my life are depending on me, and I reminded myself how much I want this. I’ve pushed on every possible angle, but the weight is still there, suffocating me.
Come on, Norland. Get it together. But the loud cheers of the fans fill my ears to a point where I can hardly hear myself think. I don’t dare look at anything other than the green grass below my feet. God forbid I see a fan smiling in my direction, hoping great things for me tonight.
I get into position, one fist planted in the soft moist turf. You can do this, Norland. Focus. Focus. The sweat accumulates on the small of my back. My stomach knots into a painful ball.
I hear the slap of a foot against the ball, and play starts. I run and try to think of my training, of the plays, of my team.
Suddenly, I’m running and have no idea where the ball is. One of my teammates calls my name, and when I turn my head, I’m greeted with a three-hundred-pound tank rolling over me.
I fly back, and the ref blows the whistle. I don’t know why that guy sacked me, but I’m guessing it was an accident. I got in his way because I’m not paying attention.
“Choo okay?” Igor holds out a hand and pulls me up.
“Yeah.” I shake my head. “I just got a little turned around.”
He slaps my helmet. “Geet chor head out of your ass, Norland.”
We get into formation. My team is still in possession of the ball, which means I have to be ready. If the ball is passed to me, I have to catch it. There’re no more chances after this.
Our quarterback makes the call, and I run through the Turkeys’ defenses. I can’t believe it was so easy. The rush of a wide-open field takes over. I pump my legs and fly like the wind. I glance over my shoulder and spot the quarterback exactly where he should be. We make eye contact, and his arm winds back and then snaps.
I see the ball coming straight toward me.
And then…fuck. I’m out of the zone. Just like that, I’m hyperaware of the crowd yelling my name, cheering me on. The pain seeps into my chest, and I can’t breathe.
Wake up, Norland. Catch the damned ball. Catch it. I slow my pace and adjust my trajectory to make the catch and then—
Ooph! My body flies left, and I land with a thump on the grass. The pain shoots through my shoulder, ribs, and hip. I’m seeing stars, and in the back of my mind I hear the ref call the incomplete pass.
A large guy from the other team looms over me and holds out his hand to help me up. “You still breathing, dirtbag?”
“Yeah,” I groan, noting how I absolutely hate being run over by men who outweigh me by a hundred pounds. That fucking hurt.
He helps me up, and I thank him accordingly. “Dick.”
He chuckles and walks away. Meanwhile, my teammates are making nervous side glances. I think they know I was about to screw up that pass either way.
The coach blows his whistle for a timeout, which is highly unusual this early in the game. He calls me over.
Shit. He’s taking me out already? No. No. No. This is my dream. I’ve worked hard for this. I know I’m capable of spinning this plate.
I pop off my helmet and jog over, knowing the entire world is watching. An exaggeration. It’s probably only a million people if you count the cable subscribers.
“Hey, Coach.”
“Norland, I gotta pull you out.”
If I were him, I’d be making the same call. But I’m not him. I’m me. And this is my dream. I’ve got to fight. “Just give me one more shot, please. I can do this. I can get my head in the game.”
“Son, this isn’t about you. The team—”
“That’s why I’m begging to stay in. For them. They’ve stepped up for me, and I can’t go out failing them.” I mean it, too. “This is my dream, but that dream is helping my team go as far as it can.”
I look over Coach’s shoulder and spot Lara standing there with Fia in her arms. Lara looks worried. Fia looks like she always has—adorable. My heart melts. My two girls, I think proudly, feeling overcome with emotion. I love them. And they love me. I think? I’m not sure if babies can actually love.
“Coach, one more play, and if I screw up, I’ll take myself out of the game. No questions asked.”
Coach shakes his head. “Fine. Go.”
“One second.” I run past him toward the first row of bleachers.
“Dean, what are you doing?” Lara asks. The entire stadium is staring.
“I need Fia. Just for a second.” I set down my helmet and hold out my arms.
“But you’re in the middle of the game and—”
“Baby, please,” I command, flicking my hands so Lara will hand her over.
“Uh, okay…” Lara carefully lowers Fia in her pink onesie over the railing.
I take Fia’s warm tiny frame into my arms and instantly feel it: that wave of peacefulness and calm. This is what I needed. She’s the cure to my anxiety. She’s my reason for not giving up.
I kiss her sweet little cheek. “I love you, baby girl. Daddy’s going to make you proud and keep you safe. Always.” I hand her back to Lara, who’s all teary-eyed.
I grab my helmet and look over my shoulder. The entire stadium is silent.
“Sorry, I just needed to hold my daughter.” Why is everyone sniffling? Even Coach is wiping under his eyes.
I walk to my spot on the field, the crowd staring as if I were an alien.
“What?” I mutter under my breath, getting into position for the next play. “Haven’t you ever seen a dad kiss his baby?”
Igor slaps me on the back. “Man, that was really cute.”
I frown. “Can we play? The clock is ticking.”
Both teams get into formation. My chest has never felt lighter. My life has never been better. Tonight, this moment, is perfect. Well, except for the psycho killer after me, but besides that…perfect. I don’t even care if we win the game. I’m just in love with being here. Playing the game I love with a team I love. My daughter in the stadium, being held by the woman I love.
Life doesn’t get any better, and I’m going to savor all five hundred miles around the track.
“Good game, Norland!” My teammates take the time to clap me on the back as we enter the locker room. Not only did we win tonight, but I brought in three touchdowns. Our rival team, the Turkeys, is going home in total defeat.
I pull off my helmet and shove it into my locker.
“Norland,” Coach comes up behind me, “now that was some game. Good job.”
“Thanks.” I smile proudly. It feels incredible to help the team start out the season with a win. It’ll set the pace for us. “I appreciate you giving me my shot.”
“Glad I did. I’m even going to forgive that stunt you pulled.”
“Stunt?” I ask.
“The baby kissing. You planning to run for office or something?”
I laugh. “Sorry. I just needed a second to reset.”
“Well, it worked. But next time, get your smoochies in before the game starts.”
“Yes, Coach.”
He walks away, and I strip off my uniform. I wrap my towel around my waist and am about to hit the showers when my cell rings. I’m eager to get washed up and go find Lara and Fia, but I check it anyway. It’s Hector.
“Hey, Hector. What’s up?”
“Saw the game! Just calling to congratulate you, Dean. You really looked like you were in the zone tonight. That was some win.”
“I focused on enjoying the ride. Just like you said.”
“I’m proud of you. Also, the Ranch’s sale is complete, and I’m leaving early tomorrow, so this is also goodbye. By the way, I made sure you’ve got a position here after you graduate—if you want it.”
“That’s, uh, really nice of you, Hector.”
“Just be sure to give the new owner a chance. Jed’s young, but he’s smart and ambitious like you. He’s also a little rough around the edges, but what can you expect from a Texas cowboy?”
I met Jed for a brief second this week when I stopped by to collect my paycheck. He seemed okay. “Thanks, Hector. For everything. I hope you find what you’re looking for on that yacht.”
He laughs. “Bye, Dean. And congratulations again.”
We end the call, and I know in the back of my mind why Hector said what he did about the job. His goal in life has never been about obtaining wealth or power. It’s about love, like he said. I think he saw me playing tonight, and he knows I have some tough choices ahead.
If I play the rest of the season like I played tonight, I’ll be drafted. But where does that leave Fia? I can’t take a baby on the road. And what about Lara? I can’t expect her to become a full-time single mom while I’m away for weeks. Then there’s Flip. Who’ll look after him? And what about college? I can’t play football forever, and finishing my education is the rational choice.
Yet I can’t stop thinking about how much I want this. My passion is football, and if I’m lucky enough to play in the NFL, I can’t pass it up.
There has to be a solution.
And I think I just figured it out. It’s the perfect solution for everyone.
Filled with happiness, I puff out my chest. Damn, I’m good. I walk through the middle of the locker room toward the showers and yank off my towel.
Time to fuck with my teammates.
“See it and weep, guys.” I smile, letting my big dick swing in the air.
“Fuck you, Norland,” one of my teammates calls out, followed by me being pegged in the back with wads of towels and sweaty jerseys.
“Just showing off my dad bod.” I chuckle and hit the showers. I’m back, bitches.