Chapter 11
Building Relationships

Today versus Tomorrow: How Long Is the Long Run?

Who is the real dealmaker: (a) The hit-and-run Hollywood producer who scores a fast profit on a script he options on Tuesday and resells to another studio on Thursday? or (b) The development executive who, instead of turning a fast buck, invests in a writer-director's idea, gathers funding, puts together a crew and stars, negotiates foreign distribution and streaming video rights, and has an option on the writer-director's next two ideas as well? The answer is, both. One is in it for the moment (the deal on the table) while the other is counting on the future (all the deals that may emanate from the deal on the table). Neither is right or wrong. But even if you successfully make several one-time deals, you have to start over each time.

If you pursue deals that have the potential to lead to more deals, your return-on-effort will pay out longer with larger rewards. Studies by Bain & Company, a Boston-based consulting firm, have suggested that a 5 percent increase in customer retention rate could double the profits of a small to midsized business. Bain also found that the average Fortune 500 company could double its revenue growth rate with that same 5 percent increase in customer retention.

If you deal as if there's no tomorrow—classic win–lose—your deals won't lead to more deals. If you burn bridges, destroy the other side, squeeze the last buck out, “take no prisoners,” you can't expect the other party to want to do business with you again. They'll run from the negotiating table, let alone consider returning to it. That's why so many hit-and-run negotiators have conveniently adopted the philosophy that each deal is a one-time event. Go in, score, get out.

On the other hand, if you follow the principles of WIN–win—if you set out to get most of what you want by helping the other side get some of what they want—you'll build relationships that can spawn additional deals, ad infinitum. As a matter of fact, people are willing to work through more difficult negotiations and even pay more where there is an existing relationship and trust. That's getting the highest return on effort. That's getting the most from the Power of Nice.

From the Pennant in 1979 to the World Series in 1983 (With Help from the Power of Nice)

The Orioles fell one game short of winning the World Series in 1979. It was a team that had all the makings of a World Series winner, if the players could be retained. But keeping a team of that caliber together, during the dawning of free agency, was a real challenge. Hometown heroes were leaving daily for big bucks in other markets. It so happened that, in the rarest of situations, I represented 15 members of that team. We had negotiated very hard on behalf of every one of them, but we and our clients also tried to understand the other side, the team.

So, when it came time to renegotiate contracts, how many of the players opted to leave Baltimore for greener pastures? How many did the Orioles decide just weren't worth the price? None. Eddie Murray, Ken Singleton, Rich Dauer, Scott McGregor, Doug DeCinces, Rick Dempsey, Dennis Martinez, among others, all stayed. They each achieved WIN–win. They stayed with the team and in the town they wanted and got paid market or near-market value. That was and is, unprecedented in modern sports. It wasn't because one side caved in to the other. It was because bonds had been forged, relationships had been built, and deals had been made that led to more deals.

In 1983, the heart of the 1979 team was still there and went on to win the 1983 World Series. It was a long-term dividend of the Power of Nice.

Coincidentally, 20 years later, I, along with our team at SNI, had the pleasure of forming a partnership with another franchise that was impacted by the Power of Nice philosophy and systematic approach and reaped its benefits. This time, we were involved from the team side. The San Antonio Spurs management, whom we have trained and consulted for over a decade, had the good fortune of drafting Tim Duncan in the 1997 draft. They have fully capitalized on Tim and their other talent by winning five championships from 1999 to 2014. Most importantly, the Spurs were able to draft and retain Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, and Manu Ginobli—their core players—throughout their unprecedented streak of playoff appearances. The Spurs are a small market club that has been successful by negotiating with the 3 Ps and doing WIN–win deals, which take into account the interests of the other side.

A Relationship Tool: Bonding

Every negotiation takes place in an environment. That doesn't just mean the physical setting, the conference room, or the office. It means the feelings, sensitivities, tensions, fears, and hopes that comprise the atmosphere of the negotiation. They make up the environment as much, or more so, than the four walls, table, and chairs. Bonding—finding what you have in common with the other party, rather than where you're at odds—can create a more positive negotiating environment and help build a relationship where there has been none previously.

Just as negotiation is a process, not an event, so is bonding. Bonds are built. You find a link that leads to conversation, that leads to another link, and more conversation. Pretty soon, you have a chain that stretches from one party to the other, like a bridge. The more you travel it, the more familiar with it you become. After enough travel, your bond becomes a shared set of experiences—a relationship.

When you reach an impasse with someone you don't like or simply don't know, you're more likely to let the impasse stand. When the same situation occurs with someone you've come to know, understand, and even like, you're going to look for ways to get past the deadlock. It's just human nature. A good negotiating environment can carry you past bad negotiating moments.

The value of relationships is immeasurable. Ask a manufacturer who's been under the gun to deliver by a date certain, who turned to the supplier they can always count on to help meet that delivery deadline. Ask the giant developer who gets three bids on every set of drawings but one bid is always from the builder that took a chance on his company when it was starting up. Ask the stockbroker whose clients swear her word is the Dow Jones gospel.

Relationships can accomplish what acquaintances can't. Relationships make for not just one deal, but deals that lead to deals, repeated deals, subdeals, offshoot deals, renewing deals. Why make only one deal when you can make several?

The Meet-and-Bond Style

The opposite of the hit-and-run style is meet-and-bond. When you encounter the party with whom you'll be negotiating, instead of focusing on your differences, look for connectors…and you are bonding. Purposely search for things you may have in common, shared interests. After all, you already have a pretty good idea of where the two of you will be opposed. Whatever your asking price, they're likely to want a lower one. If you want cash terms, chances are good they'll want to stretch out the payments. The deal itself is bound to be full of push and pull. To minimize animosity and to appreciate each of your points of view, it helps to see each other as people, not just positions.

Bonding is finding links between two parties. The link may be familial, social, business, political, or recreational. It's anything you and the other person share, from the most common ones such as both having young children, to the most specific, such as being collectors of vintage French wines. The bonds you discover may have to do with the deal directly, indirectly, or, seemingly, not at all. Both of you may have been charged by your respective CEOs to come back with deals that will impress the board of directors, not cost much, have low risk, and high return—all goals in which you can sympathize with each other's pressures. The bond may appear to have nothing to do with the deal and yet everything to do with getting it done. Perhaps you both do have young children and you've both promised your families a vacation if you can get the deal done by spring break. In either case, if you don't bond, you'll never know what you might share.

Start the Bonding Process

Gather Information

Remember the Prepare phase of negotiation? Before you actually meet with the other side, look back at the research you did on them. Chances are, within that data are cues about the background, interests, and habits of the person or people you're facing. Look through social media profiles, biographies on company websites, interviews, articles or blog entries, or countless other resources available online. Chances are, you have something in common. Where did they grow up? Where did they go to college? Were they part of a fraternity or sorority? What are their hobbies? When you do come face to face, you already have a base of bonding information on which to build.

Observe

Bonding clues will be all around you. If you meet in the other side's office, look at what's on the desk, floor, and walls: vacation pictures, inspirational quotations, those yarn-wrapped pencil holders made by a kid in arts and crafts, running shoes tucked under a credenza, a paperweight made from a sailboat pulley, celebrity photos, family pictures, a doubles team trophy. If you meet in neutral territory, study the other person: style of dress—conservative or bold; jewelry—lots, little, flashy, crafty, or antique; shoes—Italian, sensible, or beat-up boaters; college ring; diver's watch; body type—jock or couch potato.

Talk

Ask questions. Make the first gesture. Bonding is the difference between “Hello, here are my five key issues. What are yours?” and “Hi. It looks like you do a little practice putting on the carpet. Are you a golfer too?”

Use the cues and clues you observe to start the conversation that creates bonds:

“I have a pencil holder like that only mine is in green and orange yarn. How old is your artist?”
“What island are you on in this photo? I'm looking for a getaway this winter.”
“I couldn't help but notice your watch. Do you scuba dive?”

Once you make the gesture of building the bond, it's likely to build on itself. Ask about a vacation, a child, a college, or a hobby, and you'll get a response. After all, the other person put that picture on their office wall because it's a favorite. You're asking them to tell you about something they like. If you have similar interests, you two may not be archrivals after all. You may be two people who could be friends and just happen to have a job to do. You now have something negotiators need but rarely recognize, empathy. You understand the other person and their personal interests, and they, yours. Once you do, you're both bound to be more open to understanding each other's interests in the deal.

It's easier for strangers to practice win–lose negotiation. Once you've bonded, you have a better chance to achieve WIN–win results.

Here's a bond I built at the eleventh hour, just in time to turn the deal around.

School Ties

I had been working long and hard on a deal to get multimillion-dollar funding for a biotech project. We had found our investor. We had a commitment for the money. We had gotten to the last step, drafting of the contract. At that point, the chairman of the board of the investing company told me to deal directly with their lawyer. “You're a lawyer. He's a lawyer. You two get it done.”

It sounded good to me. After all, the hard part was done. We had the funding committed. Then I got the first draft of the contract. It was 95 pages. I got on the phone with the lawyer. We talked about the preambles for almost three hours. That was not the first real page of substance, just the “whereas” clauses that precede the substance. He was rock-hard, immovable, mechanical, and anything but human. Three hours later, I knew his position. He knew ours. We had gotten nowhere.

I hung up and sat there thinking. I have to find a way to bond with this guy. If there's a way. There's bound to be a way. Maybe not this time. Everybody has something. Maybe not this guy.

We had another telephone call scheduled for the next day. Instead, I got up early and drove two hours to Philadelphia to meet with him face to face. I figured if we're going to bond, we're going to do it in person.

I walked into his office and it was as if the connection between us jumped off his wall. There was a framed diploma from a small, Eastern college. It just so happened to be the same small, Eastern college from which I had graduated. I said, “You went to Haverford?”

He said, “Yes, I did. Where did you go to school?”

I said, “Haverford.”

There we were, two Haverford grads. We'd had nothing in common the day before and today we had four years in common.

I enjoyed my years at Haverford, but activities on its behalf didn't occupy much of my life. But they were very important to his. He lived not far away, so he could visit often, support the school, and he could volunteer. He was involved with the Alumni Association and annual giving. He asked for my donation on the spot. I gave. The hard, immovable, mechanical, anything-but-human lawyer was human when it came to his alma mater. He even smiled when he said, “Haverford.”

We finished the negotiation in less than a week. Bonding didn't change the basic issues. It changed the tone with which we approached the issues. It enabled us to find solutions to problems.

Rebonding

Bonds are like muscles. If you don't keep them active, they weaken. Often people do a great job of bonding right up to the time they close the deal. Once the deal is done and the check has cleared, many people forget the power of bonding. Several years later, when it's time to renew the contract, the customer can't tell the incumbent vendor from the rest of the competition. Bonding was allowed to disintegrate—a true relationship was not established.

Even long-term relationships need to rebond from time to time. Remember, “It's not the sale, it's the relationship that counts.” We make it a practice to keep track of the people with whom we negotiate during the times when we aren't negotiating. A phone call to say hello. A holiday card. An e-mail congratulations on a promotion. The Internet has made maintaining bonds easier than ever. Today, there are countless, simple, and sincere ways to bond once the relationship has been established.

When negotiations break down, or appear that they might, look for opportunities to rebond. Get away from the negotiation table. Do something social. Bring in new parties, spouses, other partners, people who share personal interests, not just business interests. Of course, the best approach is to keep bonds active and they will be strong when you need them most.

Here's a situation where I literally went out of my way to rebond with the other party.

Double Delight

For several years, there was a general manager of a ball club located in the Midwest with whom I'd had dealings from time to time. However, to say we had any kind of relationship would go beyond the bounds of exaggeration. I knew where his office was. He had my phone number in his Outlook. That was the extent of our rapport. He had a reputation as a pretty cool customer and he was living up to it.

I figured it was time to try to build a relationship. Did this just occur to me like a bolt out of the blue? Hardly. I had an ulterior motive. Someday, perhaps soon, I was going to have a major transaction with him. When “someday” came, and it always does, I didn't want to deal with an adversary or a stranger. I wanted to deal with someone I already knew, someone I could talk to, someone with whom I shared something other than a contract we would be shoving back and forth at each other.

So even though, at that moment, we had absolutely nothing to negotiate, I decided to go see him. Like everyone else in business, the one thing I don't have to spare is time. But I felt this was an investment worth making. To use my time as economically as possible, when my next trip to the West Coast came up, I booked a stop in his city.

I called the general manager and asked to see him. I flew out, got in a cab, went to the stadium and showed up for my appointment with nothing on my agenda. Why did I have to be there in person? Why didn't I do it over the phone? Because I wanted to see him, see him in his habitat, see him when he talked to me, see how he talked, when he smiled, if he smiled.

I wanted him to see me, as well. I wanted to meet face to face. You can't do that over the phone, by an e-mail, or text. But once you have done it in person, phone calls and e-mails can be much more effective.

I walked into his office. I looked around. I was searching for links, human connectives between him, the cool general manager and me, the client advocate. I scanned the room and saw: Autographed baseballs. Baseball books. Game day programs. A team jersey. A couple of team hats. Photos of him with players, past and present. Photos of him with the team owner. Endless baseball paraphernalia. Basically, I disregarded all the baseball-related items in the room. We'd known each other through baseball and so far had never really bonded that way. It wasn't as if he grew up in my hometown of Philadelphia and we shared fond memories of watching the Phillies from the bleachers. We hadn't each played minor league baseball, collected baseball cards, or had the same baseball heroes. For both of us, baseball was business.

So, I looked further: More photos. Pictures of his family. Pictures of his wife. Pictures of his children. I stopped. I have kids, love kids. That's a link. But, lots of people have kids. Some people are close to theirs, some aren't. Some people are proud, some aren't.

Then I noticed two more photos, one on either side of a family shot. Pretty prominent placement, I thought. Only these weren't pictures of children or even pets. These were roses. A light bulb went on in my head. This man has pictures of roses on his desk in front of him all day long. He loves roses.

I said, “That's the most beautiful Double Delight I've ever seen.”

He looked at me and said, “How'd you know it was a Double Delight?”

I said, “Do you grow roses?”

He said, “Yeah, I grow roses. Do you?”

I said, “Yeah.”

We both grew roses! That was our link. Outside of baseball, it's his passion. And it's mine, too.

For the next hour and a half, we discussed organic fungicides, pesticides—pro and con, weather, colors, varieties, how many leaves to cut under to make them regenerate. We traded problems and we swapped secrets. We didn't talk baseball or business but the whole tenor of our relationship changed then and there.

I called him during the winter when it got unseasonably warm and asked him what he does for his roses when that happens. He did the same with me during a cold snap. We talked about special diseases that threaten roses, particularly in the East. He told me that, if he was in Baltimore to see a game, he would love to see my rose garden.

When “someday” came and it was time for us to make a deal, we knew each other. That doesn't mean he collapsed and gave in to every request I made, or that I acquiesced to his demands. It means we listened and talked and heard each other. It means hurdles didn't turn into stonewalls.

Did we become friends? Yes. Is he my best friend in the world? No. But we've bonded. We're two parties who negotiate as people, not just positions. As a result, we make better deals, and I stress, deals, plural, not singular. Because just as “someday” always comes, so does the day after, and the deal that goes with it.

No Faux Bonding

There's a very important point to make about bonding. It's not a ploy. It's real. You can't pretend to share something with the other person. First of all, it's likely to blow up in your face. If you don't really love Persian cats, don't know the first thing about Greek cooking, or never hiked the north face of the Rockies, you're bound to give yourself away. Secondly, the whole idea of bonding is to genuinely invest in the relationship. Find the link, don't fake it.

There's a sequence in the movie Used Car, where a salesman attempts to bond with every customer. It goes something like this: A shopper walks onto the lot and the salesman strides over, sticks his hand out and says, “What's your name?”

The innocent shopper says, “Mr. Polanski. I'm looking for a Buick.”

The salesman breaks into a mile-wide smile and says, “Really? My name is Kowalski and I sell Buicks.” Wow! They're both Polish. Who says you can't trust a used car salesman? Coincidentally, when the next customer is Swedish, Spanish, Irish, Scottish, or Jewish, the salesman will be whatever “ish” is called for.

Don't pretend to be what you aren't, like what you don't like, or play what you don't play. Look for the real link. Look for the true common interest. And, if you don't do it early in the negotiation, which is better, do it late, which is better than never.

Three Bonding Rules to Keep in Mind

Meet face to face. You can't bond with a stranger. If you cannot meet in person, try a videoconference before resorting to phone and then e-mail, in that order. The richer the communication medium, the better the ability to form relationships.
Go to their turf. You can learn more about someone in his or her own lair than in neutral territory. Don't be afraid to play an away game. On their own terrain, their office, their club, they'll be comfortable, just comfortable enough to let you see them, know them, connect with them.
If negotiation breaks down, rebond. Have another bonding session. Get away from the negotiation table. Do something social. Bring in new parties, spouses, other partners, people who share your interests, not your business.

Practice Makes Bonding

A participant in one of our seminars came up to us during a break to talk to my cofacilitator. She was in business in the United States, but wasn't American, and most of her customers were younger. She was older and she was Spanish. Therefore, she didn't know American television shows or movies, didn't follow American sports, couldn't share growing up stories, had no family here, and would seem to have no connections with any of her customers except business. She asked how she could bond with customers with virtually no links available. The facilitator and she engaged in a bonding exercise right then and there.

Bingo! We Bonded!

He said to her, “You're from Spain?”

She said, “Yes.”

He asked her, “What part?”

She replied, “Barcelona.”

He said, “I love Barcelona.”

Interested, she said, “You've been there?” Right away, she softened. He liked her hometown.

He explained, “Yes, after I graduated from law school, I traveled all around Europe. I spent three days in Barcelona. It's a beautiful city.”

As soon as he said it was beautiful, she got a nostalgic look in her eyes. “Ah, yes, I grew up there. It's so beautiful.”

He asked her, “What do you remember doing there when you were growing up?”

“Well,” she said, a little sheepish but willing to share this with a fellow Barcelona-lover, “one of my fondest memories is playing bingo.”

He smiled knowingly, as it seemed he had a connection to bingo.

She went on, “They had bingo parlors everywhere. You see, after the regime fell, the government allowed the bingo parlors that had been closed to reopen. So I remember my mother taking me to play bingo when I was a little girl.” He could see in her eyes, she was reliving those times with her mother.

That got him thinking back, “You know, you may not believe this but here in Baltimore, my mother used to take me to play bingo all the time at the local Catholic schools. They all had bingo parlors to raise money for the parish. You see, my mother took me, too.”

She smiled at him. Memories of bingo in Barcelona. Memories of bingo in Baltimore. Bingo, they had bonded.

A Bonding Exercise

First, pick a bonding partner

It can be anyone you don't know, a stranger. A worker in your office from another department, number 63 when you're number 62 at the deli counter, somebody else in the dentist's waiting room, the passenger next to you on a plane.

Next, observe

Check out your co-bonder. Look for cues. What's she reading? E-reader or book? How is he dressed? What's in the shopping bag? Short hair or long? Manicured nails. Serious face or ready smile? Looking at her watch. In a hurry? Carrying a briefcase or backpack? Constantly checking his iPhone? Or does she prefer a Samsung Galaxy? Ear buds in her ears? Pens in pocket? Something in his contact lens?

Now, find a link

That magazine article on fishing. You fish, too. Nice necktie. What time is it? I'm a big book reader, and I just switched to an e-reader. What'd you get at the outlet stores? Need any contact solution?

Add links to your links

Keep going until it's time to go back to work, the deli man asks for your order, the nurse calls your name, or the plane lands.

A Quick Guide to Bonding

Start with Interests, cued by something they say or have—that is, the picture on their desk, the college on their LinkedIn profile, and so on. These start the bonding process but are not too intrusive.

Once you feel it is appropriate, dig a little deeper into their Goals, Struggles, or Stressors. Start professionally first and move into personal life if it fits the flow of the conversation.

According to UCLA professor and human communication expert, Albert Mehrabian, only 7 percent of communication is verbal—so how you say it should receive as much thought as what you say.

Do not try to move too quickly. Bonding is not a race. Only dig into topics that make sense.

Make sure that the communication is two way. Most people love to talk, so the conversation doesn't have to be exactly even. But people do not like to be interrogated. Be prepared to answer the same questions you are asking of the other person.

Don't only call or contact when you need something. A relationship is a balance. Every favor does not have to be counted and returned, but people do keep a general tally in their minds. Try to reach out at least as often to check in, share news, or do a favor for someone, as you do to ask for something.

The Value of Relationships

I can't stress enough the values, both measurable and intangible, of building relationships (instead of just making deals one at a time). Nor can I overemphasize that you never know what the long-term benefit of a relationship will be. Few stories drive home the importance of building relationships more poignantly than this one. Trust, grounded in a relationship, encourages new deal opportunities and helps overcome seemingly intractable obstacles.

The Deal of a Lifetime: How Kirby Puckett Bonded with Carl Pohlad, the Minnesota Twins, and the Twin Cities

Passing up instant gratification isn't an easy choice to make, but it is one that's often worth it. Back in 1992, Kirby Puckett, the superstar of the Minnesota Twins, was about to become a free agent. He had built his career with the Twins and he wanted to stay with them. With us as his agent, Kirby had a history of negotiating WIN–win deals with the team. At this point, we knew that Kirby might have to make some sacrifices to stay since Minnesota is a small revenue market.

Large, medium, small, or minuscule market, we were miles apart when the negotiations began. To use the baseball cliché, we weren't in the same ballpark. We felt Kirby's value was in the range of $35 million over five years. The Twins first offer was $12 million over three years. Worse than the dollars per year—our $7 million versus their $4 million—was the discrepancy in contract length—our five years to three. We were $23 million and two years apart.

Still, Kirby and his family wanted to remain in the Twin Cities. Throughout the summer, I kept going back and forth with the team's general manager, Andy MacPhail. Finally, in August, Andy MacPhail brought us a five-year offer of $28 million. This brought them up to $5.6 million per year. The dollars weren't as high as we had hoped, or as high as we believed Kirby's market value to be, but we knew enough about the Twins' finances to know the club was close to the limits of its resources.

I didn't tell Kirby to take it. I didn't tell him to turn it down. I said, “Kirby, how do you feel about the offer?” Kirby did what he always does with a major decision. He talked it over with his wife, Tonya. After a lot of soul-searching, they concluded they'd take the offer.

But before Kirby accepted, we put in a call to Donald Fehr, the then-leader of the Major League Players Association. Don had been criticized by some for wanting to squeeze every last dime from every team owner. It so happens, that criticism was undeserved. Don Fehr was determined that each ballplayer be in the best situation for that player. When we called and told Don the Twins offer, he asked only one question. “Kirby, are you happy with it?”

Kirby said, “Yes, I am.”

Don said, “Then you should take it.”

Then, Carl Pohlad overruled Andy MacPhail and retracted the offer. Kirby was greatly disappointed. I was discouraged. Andy was disheartened that the deal he had worked so hard to make had fallen apart. Negotiations were stalled. Throughout the fall, nothing occurred to encourage us.

Finally, reluctantly, we went into the free-agent market. Remember, win–win (and certainly WIN–win) isn't lose–win, where you give up everything just to make some kind of a deal. We explored other cities but kept the door open to the Twins' front office in case they should have a change of heart. I followed a personal axiom, “Be hard on issues, soft on people.” We went to Boston and Philadelphia and learned from the Red Sox and the Phillies what we suspected. Kirby Puckett could get a lot more as a free agent, well into the mid-$30 million range for five years, maybe higher.

Financially, things were looking up. However, Kirby and Tonya still wanted to live in Minneapolis. I called Andy MacPhail in late November and told him, “You're going to lose Kirby.” Standard negotiation was getting nowhere. To change the course of what now appeared to be almost inevitable would require a change of normal procedure. We suggested an informal meeting with Carl Pohlad, perhaps over a meal. The message came back that Carl and Eloise Pohlad would like to have Kirby and Tonya Puckett, me, my partner, Michael Maas, and Andy MacPhail to dinner at their home. We had no specific agenda and, frankly, we had no expectations.

It was a lovely evening, a great dinner of wine and good food, during which we discussed community involvement, family, priorities—everything but baseball. At the end of the night, Carl turned to Kirby and said, “What do I have to do to keep you here?” Kirby replied, “I just want to be treated fairly.” Carl nodded and saw us out.

I went back to the Pucketts' house with them. We talked past midnight, well into the morning. Could we work something out? Could we find a way to make a deal in the Twin Cities? Could we do it in time? At this point, we were facing deadlines from the other interested teams. At 3:30 a.m., I called Andy MacPhail at home. We talked about what kind of a deal would work: Something in the range of $30 million, five years, game tickets worth several hundred thousand dollars, and other support for Kirby's charitable endeavors. Clearly, Andy would have to talk to Carl Pohlad about those kinds of numbers. Somewhere between 4:00 and 5:00 a.m., Andy called back, “Deal.” Kirby got $30.5 million, tickets for the underprivileged kids he helped, and a pledge of further aid to Kirby's causes. The relationship between Kirby and Carl contributed to changing the owner's stance. Before Kirby formally accepted, I talked heart-to-heart with Kirby. “You know, in the next few weeks, someone is going to get $35 or maybe $40 million (and it happened). Think about that before you decide.”

Kirby looked at me and said, “You're probably right. But no matter how much they get, nobody will be happier than me.”

We told Andy MacPhail, “Deal.”

We had negotiated. We'd gotten stalled. We explored alternatives but didn't burn bridges. We tried an unconventional approach. We didn't jump at a deal; instead we opted to build a relationship. The Pohlads and the Pucketts had rebonded. The Twins kept their superstar. Kirby's family stayed in Minneapolis. If that amounted to the total result of building a relationship, it would've been more than worth the effort.

But, as it turned, out, there was more to the story. At the beginning of the 1996 baseball season, as Kirby entered the fourth year of his contract, he noticed a problem with his vision. The problem quickly evolved into a serious condition. The sight in Kirby's right eye was fading and fading fast. By July, his career as a major league ballplayer was over. The superstar who couldn't be stopped by 100 mph fastballs was stopped by the insidious disease glaucoma.

You have to know Kirby Puckett to appreciate the way he handled this tragic situation. I remember the news conference at which his retirement was announced. Hardened baseball players, callous reporters, and veteran team officials were all in tears. Kirby sat behind the microphone, flashed his big, broad smile and said, “Don't worry about me. It may be cloudy in my right eye, but the sun is always shining in my left eye.”

Although he maintained a confident, positive attitude, his life was now filled with agony and uncertainty. What would he do? How would they live? What did the future hold? Of course, the agony did not abate but the uncertainty did. Immediately, propositions came to Kirby for this next phase of his life. He was practically overwhelmed with offers, from individuals and businesses around the Twin Cities, as well as from far away. It seemed that everywhere and everyone with whom Kirby had “built relationships” reciprocated with opportunities. Among them was a proposal from Carl Pohlad. He wanted Kirby to work with the Twins. But beyond that, he asked Kirby if he would participate in other Pohlad business enterprises. That dinner in November of 1992 had not only sealed a baseball contract, it had strengthened a relationship between two people and two families that lasted through good times and challenging times. The bond transcended the deal. The relationship outlasted a baseball career. The Power of Nice paid off again.

Refresher

Chapter 11: Building Relationships

Negotiations that build relationships provide you with a return-on-effort by increasing the retention rate of current deals, as well as making more future deals, and, in turn, increasing revenues and profits.

No “faux bonding”: Pretending you have a shared interest when you don't will backfire.

Rules of Bonding

Meet face-to-face: Can't bond with a stranger.
Go to their turf: Learn more about someone in the comfort of their home/office.
If negotiation breaks down, rebond: Go back to what you have in common, not where you differ.

Practice Makes Bonding (Exercise)

Find a stranger.
Find links.
Use the Quick Guide to Bonding.

How to Bond

Start with Interests—Then move on to Goals, Struggles, and Stressors, if appropriate.
Body Language—Don't forget that more information is communicated nonverbally than verbally.
It's a Balance—Bonding requires two-way communication and should be beneficial for both parties.