Even if Zane hadn’t readily admitted it to himself, on some subconscious level he’d known from the moment he’d picked up the call from Lucy that she was upset. He’d known by the tone of her voice that something was off, but she said she was simply having one of those days and didn’t want to talk about it over the phone. She’d insisted that she was fine, but she needed to talk to him today and asked him if she could come over. He should’ve told her about the interview and asked if it could wait until he got back, but he didn’t. Instead, he’d told her to come over.
She’d promised she wouldn’t stay long. He certainly wasn’t bringing out any bourbon and he wouldn’t let himself be seduced by kung pao beef.
He used the word seduced lightly, though. It wasn’t as if he was blameless when it came to their night together. He’d been weak, and he’d given in to his basest urges. He was perfectly willing to take full responsibility for what had happened between them. And along with that, he was fully prepared to make sure it never happened again. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Lucy, or toy with her emotions. Even though he hadn’t been cognizant of that the night of the bourbon, he was well aware now and it wouldn’t happen again.
He knew he couldn’t change the past and beating himself up over things he couldn’t change was pointless. However, he could help them move forward.
In the past, if Lucy had called saying she needed to talk, he’d always made time. Now was no different.
And when he heard her arrive, he thought he was being authentic to their friendship when he answered the door, got a good look at Lucy and said, “You look like hell.”
He instantly regretted it when she glowered at him.
“Gee, thanks.”
“I mean, you’re always beautiful,” he countered. “You just don’t look like yourself. Are you okay?”
She made a sound that was somewhere between a squeak and a harrumph. When she didn’t come back with one of her usual quick-witted responses, he knew something wasn’t right. Then again, telling a woman, whether she was a friend or lover—or both—that she looked like hell was a boneheaded thing to do. He never had been good with words. He should just shut up before he dug himself in deeper.
“Come in. It’s hot out there.” He stepped back and held open the door, letting her pass into the living room.
They hadn’t been alone like this in weeks—since that night. It hadn’t been a conscious decision not to be alone together, at least not something they’d discussed. It was as if they’d mutually decided to stay in safe territory.
They’d seen each other in the company of others and had gone on as if nothing had changed. And it hadn’t...had it? Or had he been so damn determined to make things normal again that he hadn’t let himself see it any other way?
As Lucy stepped inside and he closed the door behind her, memories of the last time they’d been alone flooded back and his body responded.
He was leaving within the half hour. His bags were packed and waiting by the door. He could exercise enough self-control to be alone with her. But judging from the look on her face, that wasn’t going to be a problem. Though she’d said she was fine when she’d called and asked if she could come over and talk to him, it was clear as the summer sky now that something was very wrong.
“Are you going somewhere?” Her face had softened to a look of concern, but the characteristic sparkle was still absent from her brown eyes.
“I am.” It was all he could manage to say before a look of dawning replaced her look of apprehension.
“Did you get the Ocala job?”
He shook his head.
“It’s just an interview.”
Over the past six weeks, he’d had several interviews at various ranches in the South—he’d even had a couple of offers that he’d turned down because they weren’t exactly right. There was always something amiss—either the salary had been less than what he was making now or some aspect of the job wasn’t right. Actually, he’d been holding out for the job at Hidden Rock in Ocala, Florida. It was the real deal. The one he’d been waiting for. A chance to work with champion horses; potential for great salary; opportunity to do the kind of work he’d been itching to do. While he’d mentioned the Ocala prospect to Lucy in passing—that the ranch was looking for a general manager—he hadn’t told her that he’d finally gotten a call for an interview. The stakes seemed so high and he was enough of a realist to know he shouldn’t get his hopes up. It was a coveted position. He hadn’t wanted to say anything to anyone, especially not to Lucy, until he had something more substantial to report.
A first-round interview, especially since it had taken them nearly two months to respond to his résumé, was not substantial.
But in typical Lucy fashion, she seemed to zero in on what he wasn’t saying as if she was reading his mind. The thought was simultaneously comforting and unnerving, since everywhere he looked in his small living room, he saw reminders of the night that they had made love.
The window across the room, where it had all started. The couch that was right in front of them, where they had made love the first time. The hallway to his right, where they had somehow managed to walk while staying tangled up in each other on their way to the bedroom, where they had spent the rest of the night.
Reflexively his gaze fell to Lucy’s lips and his groin tightened as he remembered how sweet she had tasted and how it had felt to explore her body.
No. He wasn’t going to fall down that rabbit hole again, despite the way he was dying to reach out and pull her into his arms. It wasn’t because things between them hadn’t been good. Hell, they’d been great. Off-the-effing-charts great. And he had spent the past six weeks cursing himself for being so weak that night. He hadn’t been himself. He had been out of sorts and overwhelmed by the magnitude of everything that was happening around him that he’d taken comfort in her when she’d told him she wanted him.
It wasn’t an excuse, but it was a reminder that Lucy Campbell was his kryptonite.
That was why he needed to have a will of steel when he was with her.
He did not want to hurt her and he knew damn good and well that was what would happen if he lost control again. She deserved better than he could offer. Besides, if he got the job in Ocala, he would be moving. He wasn’t about to try a long-distance romance. She deserved someone who had his life together, someone who could take care of her the way she deserved to be cared for. As far as he was concerned, Lucy was a princess and he was about the furthest thing from a prince anyone could imagine.
The truth sobered him.
Plus, given the mood she was in, she would probably slap the crap out of him if he did try to touch her again, and he would deserve it.
Yeah, it was a good thing that the car that Hidden Rock had hired to take him to the airport would be here any minute. He glanced at his watch to remind himself of that.
“Why didn’t you tell me about the interview?” Lucy demanded, sounding more like herself.
He shrugged. “It’s just a first-round thing. I’ll be back the day after tomorrow. You wouldn’t even have missed me in that short time span. In fact, you wouldn’t even have noticed I was gone.”
She frowned again and said in a small voice, “I would’ve noticed.”
Of course she would have. If anybody in this town would’ve noticed he was gone, it would’ve been Lucy. And that was the perfect example of just how deeply in denial he’d been since he’d done the morning-after, let’s-be-friends walk back, when he’d tried to explain it wasn’t that he didn’t want her. His life was a hot mess right now and the uphill climb he was facing to get himself back on track required all of his focus. There were the job interviews, plus his itch to get out of Celebration and start over. All of that added up to the fact that she just deserved so much more than he could offer her right now.
Things were starting to happen for Lucy. She was having success with the wedding barn. The last thing she needed was dead weight to drag her away from what was important in her life.
“Depending on how things went,” he said, “you were going to be the first person I told when I got back.”
Her mouth tilted up into a Mona Lisa smile and she looked sad for a split second. But then she lifted her chin and gave her head a quick shake. Again, the Lucy he knew and adored came shining through.
“So, tell me what they said,” she demanded.
“They haven’t said anything yet. That’s why I’m going. To get the scoop. We’re going to talk about all the details when I’m there.”
She rolled her eyes, clearly exasperated with his reluctance to share what he knew. “Well, surely they gave you some indication of what the job entails. Didn’t they? I mean, if not, you could be walking into a situation where they are looking for someone to muck out the stables. It would be a shame to go all that way only to find out you’re highly overqualified.”
“I’ll take my chances,” he said. “Especially since I’m certain mucking out stables isn’t part of the general manager’s job description.”
“What? Are you too good to muck out stables?” She smiled.
“Of course not. I have vast experience with that. So, let’s just say I’ve already paid my dues.”
They were quiet for a moment, looking at each other, and for a few seconds it felt as if nothing had changed between them.
“So, this is the one, isn’t it?” she asked. “The job you really want.”
It was. At least he thought so, but he hated to say too much, because it was a long shot. Anyone who was anyone in the equestrian industry wanted this job.
But who was he kidding? Lucy knew him well enough that if he said no, she would see right through him to the truth.
“Yeah,” he said. “I’d love this job.”
She drew in a deep breath and nodded. “Well, good. Since you’d been turning down offers left and right, I was beginning to worry that you were being too picky.” She shrugged. “Or that you had finally decided you didn’t want to leave me after all. Hey, how are you getting to the airport?”
“They’ve hired a car to transport me to and from Dallas,” he said. “But thanks for offering.”
“Who said I was offering?” Her smile was a little bit too bright and the dullness that had stolen the shine from her eyes didn’t match it.
He wanted to ask if they were okay. Instead, he said, “If they weren’t transporting me, I would’ve asked you to take me.”
“Yeah, well, good thing, then,” she quipped, her smile still in place. “I would’ve probably been busy.”
The sound of the air-conditioning kicking on filled the vortex of weirdness swirling between them. Okay, so he’d screwed up by sleeping with her. This was too complicated. He could tell she didn’t believe him when he said he cared too much about her for it to happen again. But he didn’t want to hurt her, and if things were this weird after only one time, it was bound to only get more difficult if they did it again.
“What brings you all the way over here?” he asked. “Surely you didn’t come here just to see me off.”
“Sorry, Charlie. Given the fact that I didn’t know you were going anywhere, that’s not why I came over. But since you are leaving, it can wait.”
“That sounds ominous,” he said. “The car’s not here yet, so what’s on your mind?”
She bit her bottom lip and looked at him as if she was forming her words, then she shook her head. “No, it can wait until you get back. We don’t have enough time to get into it.”
“Get into it? Are you mad at me? Is this about what happened? Because, Lucy, I really do care about you. I’m so mad at myself. I don’t want you to feel like I took advantage of you—”
“No, Zane. Stop. It’s not about that—”
“You are perfectly within your rights to be mad at me. And that’s okay. You can punch me if you want to. You can be mad at me for as long as you need to. But I hope it won’t be too long because what’s not okay is for us not to be okay—”
The sound of a honking horn cut him off.
“Your car is here. You need to go.”
Dammit.
“I don’t want to leave you like this. Will you please just talk to me for a moment? Tell me what’s on your mind.”
She had that look on her face again. The look that made him uncertain whether she was upset or maybe she really wasn’t feeling well. Only this time, she put her hand up to her mouth as she closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. She really did look like she was going to be sick.
“Lucy? Are you okay?”
“I—I’m sorry. I’ll be right back.”
She dashed off down the hall. He saw her close the bathroom door behind her, heard her turn on the water.
For a moment he wasn’t sure what to do. He wondered if he should ask her if she needed anything. But suddenly he had a sickening realization of what she’d wanted to talk to him about. He understood perfectly.
He stood there for a moment, seeing stars and cursing under his breath as reality sank in.
Someone knocked on his front door. Zane answered, knowing it would be the driver. He steeled himself before speaking. It wasn’t the driver’s fault that this day had become a huge cluster of bad timing.
“Hey, man, sorry to keep you waiting,” Zane said, to the guy. “I’ll be out in a minute. Just as soon as I take care of something.”
“Not a problem,” the driver said. “I just wanted to make sure you knew I was here. The name’s Raymond. May I carry your bags out to the car?”
Zane cast a quick glance over his shoulder to see if Lucy had emerged from the bathroom yet. Then his gaze fell to the time, which was displayed in glowing green numbers on the front of his DVR. It was already after four o’clock. His plane was supposed to take off at just before seven o’clock and he still had a half-hour ride to the airport.
“Thanks, but no. I’ll bring them when I come out.”
A moment after Raymond left, Lucy emerged from the bathroom, clutching a wad of toilet paper. Tears trailed down her cheeks and she shudder-sobbed when she looked at Zane.
He finally gathered his senses enough to go to her and put an arm around her and walk her to the sofa.
“Lucy, did you come over here to tell me you’re pregnant?”
* * *
“The bride wants to drape every single wall in the barn in gossamer tulle,” said Juliette Lowell. “From floor to ceiling. The ceilings are so high. I don’t know if that’s even possible. Is it?”
Juliette was Lucy’s friend and neighbor. Her family had owned the property to the south of the Campbell ranch for generations. Now she was the owner of a wedding-planning business called Weddings by Juliette and was sending a lot of brides and grooms to the Campbell Wedding Barn.
Lucy shrugged. “We haven’t tried anything like that before, but I suppose anything is possible.”
By the grace of God, she managed not to snort. Because, yeah, after the turn of events in her life, anything could happen. Proof of that was that she was pregnant with Zane Phillips’s baby. So, yeah, anything was possible. Well, maybe not anything. Not the good things—not that this baby wasn’t good. She just hadn’t had a chance to wrap her mind around it yet. And she had to do that and find out if Zane had gotten the job in Ocala before she could find the good in anything these days.
After Zane guessed her news, he hadn’t exactly fallen to one knee and professed his undying love. Not that she’d expected that. Well, okay, she wouldn’t lie. It would’ve been nice if he’d declared that his eyes had been suddenly opened and he realized he couldn’t live without her. But he hadn’t. Zane had reacted like a man in shock, and then he had gone to Ocala to interview for his dream job.
In all fairness, he’d offered to skip the trip. She’d insisted he go. Basically, she’d pushed him into the hired car that had been waiting to take him to the airport. And how about that—a hired car. As if paying for overnight parking wasn’t more than adequate, Hidden Rock Equestrian had actually sent a car and driver. This ranch was no rinky-dink outfit. No wonder Zane wanted the job so badly.
A wave of nausea crested. She inhaled and rode out the feeling. She wasn’t sure if it was caused by the pregnancy or the reality that Zane might really be leaving. But she couldn’t think about that now because Juliette was saying something to her.
“What?” Lucy asked, feeling dazed.
Juliette was staring up at the apex of the pitched ceiling.
“I asked you what the ceiling measures at its highest point.”
Lucy followed Juliette’s upward gaze. “Oh. Umm... I have no idea. I mean, I could take a guess, but I don’t know exactly.”
It was a long way up, that was for sure. Tall enough to accommodate a second story, which was planned in another phase of the renovations Lucy would do to the place once she had generated enough capital. She’d already implemented phase one, which turned the formerly ramshackle barn into a place suitable for fairy-tale weddings. It had cost a lot of money to make a place hospitable while keeping the rustic integrity that was so popular with brides these days. She was taking the renovations slowly, keeping an eye on her margin so that she didn’t get in over her head. With the way things were going, the steady stream of bookings would allow her to pay cash for the next phase of renovations sooner rather than later.
But now that she was pregnant, she might have to rethink things. She might have to use some of the money she was allocating for renovations for hiring extra help.
She was pregnant.
The reality kept washing over her in waves. Each time it hit, the force of it threatened to knock her down.
Juliette was frowning at her. “Are you okay?”
Again, Lucy wanted to snort. Because she was so far from okay right now she didn’t even know where she stood. But the only thing she could do was say she was fine, because she and Zane hadn’t had a chance to discuss matters fully. There was no way she could confide in anyone else about it right now. Not that she didn’t trust Juliette. In fact, Juliette was one of the most trustworthy people she’d ever met.
But talking to anyone about it before she and Zane came up with a plan just wouldn’t be right.
“I’m fine.”
“You just don’t seem as if you’re all here today.”
Oh, she was all here—plus some. Literally.
Since none of life’s usual rules seemed to apply anymore, they might as well try something they’d never attempted before and cover the barn’s walls in shimmery gossamer. At least it would be pretty.
“Is your client supplying the tulle or are we?” Lucy asked.
“I’ll have to confirm with her,” said Juliette. “But judging from how hands-off this bride has been, I’d wager that she’ll want us to provide it. That’s been her MO so far. She wants a miracle and expects us to make it happen. You know, no biggie.”
Juliette laughed and Lucy forced herself to laugh right along with her.
Lucy could’ve used a couple of miracles herself.
Zane had nearly missed his plane to Florida because after he had guessed what was going on—that she was pregnant—he had insisted he couldn’t leave her. That was why she hadn’t wanted to tell him after she saw his bags sitting by the door and learned that he had gotten the interview. The only way she had been able to convince him to go was by pointing out that nothing would change while he was gone, she would still be pregnant when he returned and they would talk about it then.
Reluctantly, he’d gotten in the car, and he’d texted her an hour later to let her know he was at the gate and his plane was boarding. At least he hadn’t missed it. But Lucy would’ve been lying if she said she wasn’t a little worried about this job interview. This was the big one. Nothing had fit until now, and at the rate he’d been refusing offers, she was beginning to hope that maybe he really didn’t want to leave. But just looking at his face as he told her about the Hidden Rock job, she knew this one was different.
After he’d arrived in Ocala, he’d texted her pictures: the Hidden Rock grounds, with lush, rolling green hills surrounded by miles of white horse fencing; the quaint downtown with shops that looked like something out of a European village. The occasional palm tree in the background added a bit of whimsy. Ocala looked regal and horsey. It looked like everything he wanted.
She felt terrible because a selfish part of her didn’t want him to go, didn’t want him to move on to a new life in Ocala without her. But even as she let the thought take shape in her head, she regretted it. Another part of her only wanted him to be happy, wanted him to get everything he wanted.
It nearly broke her heart to think that she would never be the one to make him that happy.
“Earth to Lucy.” The words shook Lucy out of her reverie. Juliette was staring at her as if she’d missed something.
“Sorry, what?” Lucy asked.
“How are we going to get gossamer tulle all the way up to the apex of the roof?”
As both women looked toward the barn’s ceiling, it was uncomfortably quiet. Lucy could feel Juliette’s irritation. She needed to give her full attention.
“I don’t know how we can do it unless we bring in scaffolding,” Juliette said. She felt her friend’s eyes on her, studying her. “Are you okay? You just don’t seem like yourself today.”
“I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind,” Lucy said, crossing her arms.
Juliette’s scrutiny made Lucy want to squirm and after another too-long stretch of silence, Juliette said, “I know what’s wrong with you. I mean, come on, honey, it’s obvious.”
Lucy froze. What was obvious? How was it obvious? She wasn’t even three months pregnant. How could Juliette know?
“Luce, you can confide in me,” Juliette said. “I’m one of your best friends.”
That was true. In fact, many moons ago, Juliette was almost family. She had been nearly engaged to Lucy’s brother Jude. But that was a lifetime ago. Jude and Juliette hadn’t seen each other in ages. Still, Juliette was her friend and she was one of the most intuitive people she knew. But Lucy wasn’t about to tip her hand without being darn sure they were talking about the same thing.
“What do you mean, it’s obvious?” She made her best are-you-crazy? face.
“Look at you. You’re exhausted. You’re a wreck. I know you well enough to see the signs.”
Okay, there was intuitive and then there was freaking mind reading. This was whacked.
Had she let something slip? She’d been careful to confine all of her pregnancy research to her home computer. Even then, she’d searched incognito. She’d written the obstetrician’s name, number and the date of her appointment on a piece of paper and had tucked it inside her wallet. She’d written only the time on her calendar, without explanation, so as not to double-book. However, she knew she hadn’t been herself. Maybe she’d let something perfectly obvious slip.
Lucy decided to test the water. “You can’t tell anyone, Jules.”
A look of compassion spread over Juliette’s pretty face. “Of course not, but, Lucy, this is a huge commitment. You need to know there’s no shame in asking for help. No one is going to judge you.”
Lucy didn’t know whether to run or stand there and let Juliette see her burst into tears. Her eyes were already beginning to sting. She wasn’t sure if it was from relief that she would finally be able to talk to someone about it, or because she wasn’t sure how she was going to tell Zane that Juliette had guessed their situation.
“I mean, if they do judge, let them. Who needs them?” Juliette said. “I don’t see anyone else raising their hands to help you with Picnic in the Park. They want to make suggestions and leave all the work to you.”
Wait. What? She’s talking about Picnic in the Park?
It was the annual Fourth of July event in Celebration’s Central Park. It was a big, labor-intensive deal.
“When you volunteered to chair, I was afraid it was going to be too much for you to handle on top of everything else. Not that you’re not perfectly capable. I just know how all-consuming a new business can be, and even though getting involved can be good exposure for your business, chairing the event is another level altogether. Not to be smug, but when you raised your hand, I saw this coming.”
Lucy saw stars. She had nearly spilled the beans to Juliette when Juliette had been talking about something totally different. She stood there unable to speak, unable to breathe, because of the close call.
But it didn’t matter, because Juliette continued, “That’s why, if you’ll have me, I would love to be your cochair. I was going to talk to you about it later, but since you brought it up, there’s no time like the present, right? So what do you think? Want some help? May I be your cochair?”
Cochair?
Cochair. Holy...
That was when Lucy realized she was shaking. Her head was spinning and before she could stop herself, she enfolded Juliette into a hug that was laced with equal parts gratitude and numb relief. Relief for obvious reasons; gratitude because she was right that she had bitten off a little more than she could chew. Throwing a pregnancy into the Picnic in the Park/fledgling-business mix was going to add a whole new level to the challenge. But the event would be over in a few weeks and she’d cross that bridge when she came to it. For now, she would focus on how fortunate she was to have such a selfless friend in Jules. Her brother Jude had been an idiot to let her get away. But that was between Jude and Juliette.
When she and Zane did decide to share the news of the baby, Juliette would be one of the first people she told.
As Juliette pulled free from the embrace, Lucy realized she had been holding on a little tighter than she should have.
Juliette frowned. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Lucy needed to get herself together—and fast.
“Yes. I’m fine. I’m great. I’m so happy that you offered to help me. It will make things so much better and it’ll be so much more fun to work together.”
“Luce, one of the first and most important rules of being in business for yourself is to know when to ask for help. You don’t have to go this alone. Okay?”
The lump returned to Lucy’s throat. She nodded, afraid that if she opened her mouth she might give herself away. She was already acting way too emotional for Picnic in the Park turmoil.
“Good, then,” Juliette said. “I am going to get quotes on how much this gossamer-tulle endeavor is going to set back our client. I’ll call John Rogers and see what he’ll charge us to rent scaffolding. By the way, what are the dimensions of the barn?”
“About forty-eight by sixty feet,” Lucy said, happy to ground herself in business talk.
Juliette pulled a notepad from her purse and scribbled down the information. “I’ll call Maude’s Fabrics and see if she can give us a deal on the tulle. I’m thinking wholesale. I’ll let you know what I find out.”
Lucy walked with her toward the doors.
“Let me know what I can do to help lighten your load with Picnic in the Park,” Juliette said.
“Since you’re offering, do you want to be in charge of herding Judy Roberts or Mary Irvine?” The women were longtime committee members who loved to make suggestions but never wanted to do the work.
Juliette’s nose wrinkled. “Yikes, that’s like choosing between bamboo shoots under the nails or eating an entire casserole of Mrs. Radley’s tuna-noodle surprise. Let me ruminate on it and I’ll get back to you. Maybe if I take long enough, you’ll forget you asked me.”
“Don’t count on it.”
After Juliette left, Lucy stood in the middle of the barn watching dust motes dance in a ray of sun streaming in from the skylight overhead. She put her hand on her flat stomach. This baby was going to change everything, but she was already attached to the tiny being growing inside her. They were going to be okay. No matter what Zane had to say, no matter where Zane ended up working and living, she and her baby would be fine.
* * *
During the two days that Zane was in Ocala, Lucy learned that she was much better off if she stayed busy. It gave her less time to dwell and obsess over the photos Zane had been texting her. She’d nearly driven herself crazy trying to decipher whether Hidden Rock was a good fit for him by looking at the photos and the level of his enthusiasm in his brief messages. It was like trying to read tea leaves. Since her to-do list was a mile-and-a-half long, she actually did need to stay busy so that she didn’t fall behind.
The following night, she was in her office, a small nook toward the back of the barn, which she’d had built as part of the first phase of renovation, when her cell phone rang, startling her out of her zone. She glanced at the crystal clock on her desk. It was nearly eleven o’clock. She’d lost track of time. But who in the world would be calling at this hour on a weeknight?
She muted Harry Connick Jr. singing “It Had to Be You,” which was streaming from her computer—her favorite music was old standards, and ’60s and ’80s retro tunes; tonight she was in a Harry mood—and fished her phone out of her purse.
A photo of Zane mugging for the camera, the default picture for his phone number, showed on the screen.
“Hey,” she said. “What’s going on?”
“Hey, yourself. I’m home from Ocala. Where are you?”
She leaned back in her chair and savored the butterflies incited by the sound of his voice. He must’ve just gotten in. And he was calling her.
She hadn’t expected to hear from him tonight...tomorrow, maybe.
“I am in my office working. I didn’t realize it was so late.”
There was a pause on the other end of the line. “I didn’t even think about the time. I’m glad I didn’t wake you up. I’m actually outside the barn, can I come in and talk to you?”
Lucy sat up in her chair and looked around as if she might be able to see him, which was silly because the lone window in her office was covered by shutters. No one could see in or out.
“You’re outside the barn?” she asked, smoothing her hair into place and licking her dry lips, then biting them to create some color.
“Well, I’m sort of in between your house and the barn. I’m in my truck. I knocked on the front door of your house and then I tried the barn door, but it’s locked. I know it’s late, but I really need to see you.”
He needed to see her? Needed to?
An entire troop of butterflies swarmed in her stomach in formation.
Common sense warned her not to get carried away. It was doubtful that Zane had come to profess his love. But the hopeful side of her, the romantic in her who had been in love with Zane since she was old enough to know what love was, wanted to believe he had finally realized the love he needed—the love of his life—had been in front of him all these years.
Her old daydream suddenly played out in her head: Zane taking her hands, getting down on one knee and saying, “It’s you, Lucy. It’s always been you.”
“Okay” was all she could muster and the word sounded more like a squeak than an invitation.
Okay? Ugh. Way to woo him with your quick wit and charm. No wonder it’s never been you, Lucy.
She squeezed her eyes shut. The phone was still pressed to her ear.
“Meet me at the door,” she said. “I’ll be there in a sec.”
She ended the call and gave herself a good mental shake before she got up and started toward the front door. This was Zane. Zane. The same guy who had always been so easy to talk to...before she’d slept with him. Now he seemed out of reach. Even though everything had changed, at heart they were both still the same people. Weren’t they? Because of that, there was no need to get all goofy and moony and shy around him now.
After all, he’d seen her naked. She’d seen him, too, and gawd, he was beautiful.
The memory generated a slow heat that started at her breastbone and worked its way upward. She wished she could blame it on her pregnancy hormones, but she was experiencing a one-hundred-percent Zane-induced moment.
When she opened the door, he was standing an arm’s length away from the threshold, a safe distance, in the outer reaches of the carriage lights’ amber glow. The scent of jasmine from the bushes that grew in reckless abundance on the ranch loomed heavy in the humid air. Off in the inky distance a nocturnal creature hooted mournfully. She understood the feeling.
“Come in,” she said.
He stayed rooted to the spot, looking stiff, with his hands folded one on top of the other in front of him.
Lucy shooed away a mosquito that buzzed between them. She was just opening her mouth to say “Come inside so the bugs don’t get in,” but Zane spoke first.
“I’ve decided we should get married.”
* * *
Zane realized he could have proposed in a different way. Maybe he could’ve tried to make it more romantic, but this wasn’t about romance and it wasn’t really a proposal, in the traditional sense of the word. It was a partnership.
Didn’t most marriages end up as partnerships anyway? The good ones did—the marriages that lasted involved two people who may have thought they were in love at one time, but they managed to hang on after the fireworks died and enter into something more permanent and lasting.
He’d never had that with anyone he’d dated. That was why he’d never considered getting married, but now that there was a child on the way, everything was different.
While he was in Ocala, he’d had a lot of time to think. He realized that he and Lucy were just skipping the doomed romance and diving straight into real life.
Too bad she didn’t see it that way. She stood there in the doorway blinking at him, as if he had just suggested they put soap bubbles in Celebration’s Central Park fountain. Or go swimming in the water tower on the outskirts of town. Both of which they had done when they were teenagers.
As they stood there in silence staring at each other, it dawned on him that his asking her to get married really was just as outlandish as soap bubbles in the fountain and water-tower swimming. Only, their situation deemed it necessary.
While he was away, he’d come to the conclusion that if pregnancy had to happen, he was glad it happened with Lucy. He liked her. He enjoyed spending time with her. Didn’t it say something that not even sex could screw up their friendship? This could work.
Really, settling down wasn’t such a bad thing. While he was away, he kept having a crazy thought that his past dating life had been like a big game of musical chairs: when the music stopped, you grabbed a chair. But it was almost a given that sometime in the course of things the song would end and you’d be without a chair. The pregnancy had left him without a chair. Or maybe another way to look at it was that he had been the one to claim the last chair.
Lucy was his prize. He cared about her more than anyone he’d dated. That was probably because they’d never dated.
“Just hear me out, Lucy. Please, can we talk about this?”
She stepped back, clearing his path, but still looked as if she smelled something bad.
“I know this isn’t what either one of us wants, but it’s logical,” Zane said.
He heard her shut the door behind them. It echoed in the cavernous belly of the empty barn, which was empty of chairs and props because it wasn’t set up for an event. He walked straight through to her office.
When she joined him in the office, he repeated the question. “Don’t you think that’s the logical thing to do?”
“I’m not going to marry you, Zane.”
“What? Why not?”
He lowered himself onto one of the chairs across from her desk. She walked behind the desk and sat down.
“How was Ocala?” she asked.
“It was great. Pretty darn near perfect. Exactly what I’ve been looking for. But don’t change the subject. You didn’t answer my question. Why won’t you marry me?”
She winced. She actually winced at the thought of marrying him. Ouch.
He knew he was no prize, but he was trying to do the right thing. He wasn’t going to flake out on his child like his own father had. His dad had ignored his sons—at least the ones he’d had with Dorothy—and he’d treated her like crap. He never took responsibility, always blamed someone else, and had so many excuses for his shortcomings that Zane couldn’t even keep track. Then the bastard had had the nerve to show up at his ex-wife’s funeral.
Zane was going to be different. Different started by marrying the mother of his child and sticking around for the kid.
“Did they offer you the job?” Lucy asked.
“Not yet.”
Lucy raised an eyebrow at him.
“I mean, it seemed to go well and I’m hopeful that they’ll make me an offer. We talked money, I spent time with the staff, they showed me the cottage that comes with the job as a benefit.”
She was still looking at him in that way that was so un-Lucy-like. The Lucy he knew and cared about would’ve cracked a joke by now. This Lucy was way too serious. But then again, he had just suggested they get married. It was a sobering thought. Obviously, she found the idea pretty unpalatable.
“So you’re going to take the job if they offer it to you?” Lucy asked.
“Well, yeah. Especially now with circumstances being as they are.” He put a hand on his stomach. “The money is good. A baby is expensive.”
She nodded. “I’ve heard. Do you want something to drink? I have water and there’s some soda in the refrigerator left over from an event we had last week.”
He really could use a beer right about now, but she wasn’t drinking alcohol and it just didn’t seem right to drink in front of her. “No, thanks, I’m good.”
Lucy stood up. “Well, I need some water.”
She grabbed a glass off her desk and left the office. Zane followed her into the barn’s kitchen. It was a functional space, a working kitchen with ovens and an industrial-size stainless-steel refrigerator that could accommodate food for wedding receptions and other catered events. He’d lent a hand with the construction to help save Lucy money. He got a boost of pride every time he entered the room.
He planned on helping her with phase two of the renovations—the second-story loft area she planned to build in the near future. Well, if he got the job in Ocala, he would help as much as he could whenever he was in Celebration. But they would cross that bridge when they came to it.
The humming of the fluorescent lights and the splash of Lucy pouring water into a glass from a pitcher she’d taken from the refrigerator were the only sounds in the room.
“I didn’t expect you to do cartwheels at the suggestion of getting married, but I had hoped you’d be a little more enthusiastic.”
She glared at him and he felt like an idiot. Of course—
“You probably need time to digest this,” he said. “I’ve had a couple of days to think about this—about what we should do. I’m sure you’ve been thinking about it, too. But don’t you think we owe it to our child to be a traditional family? That’s the conclusion I keep coming back to.”
“I think we owe it to our child to be the best parents we can be,” she said.
“Exactly.” He smiled at her. Now they were getting somewhere. “How do you feel about having the ceremony right here?”
She set down the glass on the counter with a thud. “You’re either not hearing me or you’re completely misunderstanding me. So let me make myself perfectly clear. I am not marrying you, Zane.”
He really didn’t think this would be so hard. When she stormed out of the kitchen, her rejection made him feel...empty. This wasn’t a game, obviously. It didn’t have anything to do with the thrill of the chase, but he had ended things with more women than he could count after they’d started pressing him for commitment. Now that he was willing to take the ultimate leap, Lucy couldn’t get away from him fast enough. If he didn’t know better, he’d think she hated him.
Maybe that was the problem. Maybe she did. He had let her down in a big way. They had both been weak that night. He should’ve been strong for both of them and stopped things.
That night came pushing back with a sensual punch that had his primal instincts warring with what he knew was right—what he knew he needed to do... Or not do.
Damn it all to hell.
He took a deep breath. Then he opened the cabinet, took down a glass and poured himself some water from the pitcher. He guzzled it down, the coldness of it giving him brain freeze.
There.
That was better.
He set the glass on the counter and walked back to her office.
She was sitting at her desk with her head in her hands and he hated himself for being the cause of her pain. “I know this is a lot to spring on you all at once. Why don’t you take a few days to think about it—”
“I don’t need time to think about it, Zane. I appreciate the sentiment of what you’re trying to do. But I’m not going to marry you. It’s not personal, but—”
“Of course it’s personal. Everything about this is personal.”
“Okay, so it is personal. What I meant was it’s not you. I am not rejecting you.”
“You just won’t marry me. I see. No, I don’t see. That makes absolutely no sense at all.”
She swiveled in her chair to face him. “Yeah, that sort of has the same tones of your telling me our night together was the best sex you’d ever had, but it could never happen again.” She clamped her mouth shut for a moment. “But that’s beside the point. When I get married, it’s going to be for love—mutual love—and it’s going to last forever. It’s not going to be a forced situation—like one of those fake Hollywood back-lot sets, where it’s all show on the side, but really there’s no heart or substance to it.”
“I understand that you don’t love me, but I can live with that, Lucy.”
She laughed. She actually laughed out loud and he had no idea what the hell was so funny.
“You don’t understand anything at all, Zane. At least not when it comes to you and me.”
Now she was just talking in riddles. And even though this conversation was one-hundred-and-eighty-degrees different than any of the other conversations he’d had about marriage with anyone else, it did have one thing in common—it always seemed to come down to women speaking a different language, which was something he was obviously supposed to understand, but he didn’t.
Another way that it was different was that this was the point when he usually exited. When it got too complicated or too heated or too heavy, he simply called it quits. It didn’t take a genius to see the similarities between him and his old man, but now there was a baby in the mix and he wasn’t going to take the easy way out like Nathaniel had.
“Obviously, I don’t understand,” he said, taking care to keep his voice calm and steady. “I asked you to marry me—you said no. I asked you to think about it—you said no.”
“That’s right.” She looked so small sitting in her chair. She wasn’t wearing any makeup and her hair hung loose around her shoulders. He could see shades of the girl he’d grown up with, but he couldn’t sense in her the friend that she’d become. Right now she seemed like a stranger. And it was killing him.
“What I don’t understand,” he said, “is how you can just close your mind to the possibility. Lucy, we are good together, we’ve known each other forever. We would make such good partners. Most people get married because they think they’re in love, when actually they’re just hot for each other. That never lasts, and when it fades, some couples realize they don’t even like each other very much. You and I, we like each other. We don’t have to mess this up by complicating it with love and all that other emotional stuff. So think about it, okay? Would you do that for me?”
The look on her face was heartbreaking and for a few moments he thought he’d actually gotten through to her.
“Is that what you think of love? Is that all it is to you—just some hot-and-heavy sex, and when the sex isn’t good anymore, it’s all over?”
This was one of those trick questions. He knew it.
“I stand by what I said, Lucy. I believe the best foundation for marriage is friendship.”
“So do I, Zane. But I also believe in love. You have obviously never been in love, have you?”
Okay. This was probably a good time to wind things down. It was late. They were probably both tired. She was getting into territory that he didn’t want to touch.
“So let’s back up here for a minute,” she said. “You want us to get married. Let’s say we did. Let’s say you get the Ocala job. Of course you should take it. That means you’ll be in Florida. My business that I’ve worked so hard for is here. Someone’s going to lose and I have a sneaking suspicion you will expect me to pack up and go with you. So that we can live out our pretend marriage and be a pretend traditional family. Is that how your version of the story goes, Zane?”
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Lucy, we should probably call it a night. My offer still stands. But let’s discuss it when we’re fresh. I probably shouldn’t have come over here tonight. I just wanted you to know that you don’t have to worry. That I plan on taking responsibility—for you and for our baby.”
She stood up suddenly and slammed both of her palms on her desk. Her eyes glistened with tears. “You just don’t get it, do you, Zane? Can’t you see? All this baby and I are to you is a responsibility. I can’t marry you simply to appease your sense of guilt.”
Now she was full-on crying. He wanted to go to her, but he was frozen, rooted to the place he was standing.
“This isn’t the way things were supposed to turn out.” She was sobbing. “You really can’t see it? You really have no idea?”
“Lucy?”
“Well, since we’re laying it all out on the table, you might as well know. For as far back as I can remember I have dreamed of marrying you. Yes, Zane, I have dreamed of being your wife and having your babies. But not like this. I am in love with you. I always have been and unfortunately I probably always will be. I thought going away, leaving Celebration, expanding my horizons and all that crap would help me get over you. That maybe I’d meet someone who would make me forget about you, but I didn’t. I didn’t quit loving you because that’s the way I’m wired. And it really sucks that you don’t love me. I get that, you can’t just turn it on like a light switch. But what you need to understand is that’s why I won’t marry you. Because no matter how good of friends we are, a one-sided marriage, a marriage where I’m in love with you, but you’re only there out of obligation, will never work.
“That’s why I won’t marry you, Zane.”