Depression and the Gods
Where are the gods?
One of the consequences of depression is a feeling of isolation, and that often extends to feeling cut off from the gods. I believe that even atheists suffer from this spiritual isolation; not knowing what you’re missing doesn’t mean that you’re lacking it. The gods sustain us not necessarily by their actions or their attention, but by their presence. Their existence is not dependent upon belief, and their presence has beneficial effects even if we do not worship them, or even if we do not believe that they exist at all. Not being aware of the gods can feel crushing if one is used to being sensitive to their presence, but this should not be interpreted as rejection. This withdrawal is a natural part of relationships with deities and varies for reasons we will not always understand. When it occurs during depression, though, it can feel personal because in depression it’s easier to jump to the worst conclusion—sometimes, even in the face of contrary evidence.
The typical depression mindset is as such: the gods have rejected me, or never cared about me in the first place, or do not actually exist. What’s actually going on is that seeing the world through depression-colored glasses makes it easy to filter out or distort evidence of the gods. Were those three crows watching silently from a branch a sign, a rebuke, or completely overlooked because you’ve taken to looking at your feet when you’re out walking instead of taking in the wonder of the world?
Depression derailed my religion for a time. When you’re a member of a big church, people will notice when you skip services. If you practice on your own, no one asks about it. For those among us in that position—including me—it’s easy to have religion derailed by depression. I wasn’t sure how to honor the gods, and I wasn’t sure if they cared. However, the gods exist whether or not we sense that they are near. Your depression cannot stymie the gods. There are times when they do not feel close, and depression can make that feel vindictive or personal, yet it is neither of these things. I eventually came to realize that the way to maintain a solitary religious practice is to do something every day.
One reason why a daily routine is important, no matter what one’s path, is that spiritual muscle memory of practice. Use that regular time to ask for guidance out of this dark period. Since I’m a polytheist and I have relationships with several gods, once I recognize that depression is trying to slide inside again, I might add an offering to Demeter, who knows a thing or two about emotional loss and suffering, or Apollon, the healer who brings the light of truth to bear on the lies whispered by depression. Having those relationships already established makes a big difference. It’s harder to begin a relationship than it is to maintain one under these conditions.
Where are the gods? They are where they were before, and where they will be after. It is not the gods who have changed, and being in depression does not make you any less worthy to give them honor or receive their blessings. It may make you less interested in the former, and less likely to notice the latter, and that’s the cruel truth.
Gods come and go in our lives for reasons that are not always clear. Some of these cycles are related to the greater world, with seasons and conditions signaling when a particular deity may become more or less present. There are other reasons that are tied to the gods themselves, and about which we can only speculate. Our own mental states also seem to impact how present a god may be in our lives. Depression is certainly a mental state that impacts how we experience the divine. Some gods seem to withdraw, while others become more present. This change in relationships can itself cause distress, because when one is experiencing depression it’s easy to assume that whatever is different is a form of punishment. The filters through which we perceive the world are bent in depression to make it easy to assume the worst.
Disconnection from natural cycles, such as through patriarchy and industrialization, have resulted in these wounds to our gods and their people by means of genocide direct and indirect. Paganism has a “special charge” in the face of this imbalance, which becomes evident in more ways almost with each passing day. By following those practices, Foxwood said, “We’re the people of the roots of human civilization, and those roots got left behind… you cannot curse the roots and bless the fruits.” Paganism often includes ancestral practices, and “taking on the wounds and sorrow necessary to have integrity in traditions like conjure, and others with strong ancestral currents, require us to do some redeeming in the great river of blood.”
Framed this way it can seem daunting, but Foxwood brings it home by speaking of the folk wisdom of his mother: “All they need to do is farm and hunt,” he recalled her saying, and get back in touch with the natural rhythms of life and death. This opens the door to normalizing grief and processing it in due course.
No matter the specific religious tradition that one practices, engaging in that religion can alleviate symptoms of depression. “I need my spiritual practices most when I am depressed, but that is when I am most likely to ignore them,” said Weber, who has an early start time to the work day in order to coordinate with coworkers three time zones away, and “it’s easy to roll out of bed and start working, but it’s not a good way to live. Even just five minutes at the altar, lighting the candle, makes me a better person.” She said she asks something to the effect of, “Let me be the best person I can be today, to take advantage of being awake and alive.” On one occasion, “I went to my altar and cried for awhile. I’m not okay, but going to the altar helped me name it when my husband asked. It reminded me this is temporary and we will be okay on the other side of it. The gods won’t cure it, but help me see what I need, the courage to say I feel like garbage and not okay, and to answer the question of what I need.”
Depression can undermine spiritual practice, Foxwood agrees, and that can build upon itself. “When a person feels an obligation to a practice and its ideals … and we fall short, did we betray those ideals? If we miss daily practices, did we betray those gods and spirits, and does it cause depression to go deeper?” Falling short of oaths can compound that cycle.
Advice that Weber has been given is to “meditate every day for thirty minutes unless you’re busy, then do it for an hour.” She applies this to her religious practice: “You should go to your altar every day, but if you’re in a bad place, go three times a day.”
“If I am doing quiet time, and focusing on that regularly, it really does help pull me out of a really shitty mood for a few hours,” Tenpenny said. “When it’s really bad, it’s hard to access that, but religion is a major solace in the depression,” a source of emotional comfort. He mentions his partner’s role with similar weight, saying that Raven is also a source of structure and discipline, prompting him to do the things that keep him healthy. Others might find structure in a regular job, but Tenpenny lacks that outlet.
“Whatever has that tendency in me gets commingled with spiritual disconnection or emptiness,” Sarah W. said. “I think other pagans and polytheists experience that, [and] they stop doing their devotions or magic. It’s a terrible feedback loop [that] makes everything worse. Doing that work brings me back to myself, gets me out of that pit.” To be clear, “the last thing I want to do is that work,” and that’s often what helps her realize she has slipped into that state, when doubts and negative self-talk “come to forefront” and “become more believable.” Sarah W. rejects the condition by reiterating "that work," even when not feeling it at the time.
“I tend to go back to the basics in spirit work when I need to,” Sarah W. continued. For her that means focusing “strongly to the devotional side, which for me is intertwined with magic and spirits,” with “Dionysos primarily and uniquely suited to that problem.” She even has a particular mantra for that god, which helps keep it simple. She recommends, “Say a prayer or even make the most basic offering, even if not feeling it, even when angry. Sometimes that does it. You don’t have to feel it. [The] physical, tangible things in our practice mean you can do the external stuff; you may not hear the gods but they can hear you, and that has an impact even if you’re not in the right mood for it.”
Here’s a list of deities who might have a particular interest in, or understanding of, depression. Keep in mind that all gods have their own personalities and preferences. If you are drawn to any of these deities, do some research to understand how best to make their acquaintance, and as Kaldera advises, “Make sure you divine on whether to ask someone before you propitiate them.”
Apollo or Apollon is connected with both Greek and Roman pantheons. A god of healing, truth, and light, Apollo also has an interest in creative pursuits such as music and poetry that might be dampened during depression. In some traditions Apollo is said to drive the chariot of the sun across the sky, as well.
Consecrating a divination system to Apollo may make it easier to use during a period of depression.
Ares is a Greek god of battle, carnage, and war. The myths about this god are not entirely noble, but in one the god kills Hallirhothios, who raped Ares’ child Alkippe, and was then acquitted by the other gods. Ares does not let anger fester, and instead acts. Ares is also difficult to ignore: during one battle, the god bellowed like nine thousand soldiers when wounded. During one particularly dark time when I felt isolated from the gods, Ares came to bellow at me like a holy drill sergeant, extolling me to stop being weak and instead to direct my anger at finding solutions. For me, those solutions included reorganizing my practice around Hellenic polytheism.
Offer your anger to Ares, especially if you do not know how to use it. Ares will help you hone and focus it, and thus release it rather than being consumed by it.
Blith is a Norse god of happiness and "head weather", as Kaldera explains: “In the shamanic healing system of [northern tradition shamanism], the body can be seen as a world unto itself, an ecosystem, and we are taught to journey inside someone’s body, visualizing it as an entire world, and interpreting the ecosystem. In the apple valley, which is the brain, chemical imbalance sometimes shows up in these shamanic journeys as ‘bad weather,’ thus Blith, a minor Norse healing goddess whose name literally means ‘happiness,’ and who is called upon for healing mental illness and mood disorders by my tradition, is referred to as ‘the goddess who calms the weather in the brain.’”
Ask Blith to calm the weather that rages in your own head. Try offering an apple to represent the apple valley, and ask the boon of a clear day of happiness.
Demeter is a Greek god of agriculture and the fertile earth. The abduction of Demeter’s child Persephone forms the basis of myth explaining the existence of winter, and was the focus of one of the longest-running mystery cults in history. After that disappearance, Demeter lost hope and was inconsolable, resulting in the first winter.
Pray to Demeter for guidance on how to endure feelings of hopelessness, and ask for a sign that new life will again burst forth in your own heart.
Dionysos is a Greek god who is closely associated with mental health, madness, and liberation. “Instead of trying to get happy, it’s about letting go of all that I feel,” recounted Sarah W., a devotee of the god. Also closely associated with wine, Dionysos understands the subtle difference between using and abusing alcohol and other drugs. In one myth, Dionysos is torn limb from limb by enemies, only to be reborn in a more powerful form. The fact that depression is reminiscent of an underworld journey means that this rebirth is a hopeful sign that we can return from this difficult journey.
When life feels overwhelming and everything seems like it is spinning out of control, recite these words from Aelius Aristides: “nothing can be so firmly bound by illness, by wrath, or by fortune that cannot be released by Dionysos.”
Frey or Freyr is a norse god of grain and agriculture, called the “golden one.” As such, Frey is connected with the cycle of death feeding life that is systematized in agriculture. As with other gods on this list, Frey knows something of the mystery of death, but it seems that it’s Frey’s connection with light that makes this god a strong ally during periods of depression. Tenpenny shared an experience in which Frey placed a spark of light in Tenpenny’s heart. “He told me this was light in the darkness, and I could build this into a fire to keep me warm in the dark times.”
Call upon Frey to rekindle your own light and teach you to find your own way in the darkness.
Freya or Freyja is a Norse god of love and fertility, which in this case has an unambiguously sexual quality. Kaldera advises that while Freya may bless any sort of fertility, it’s wise to set clear boundaries around pregnancy in any case. The body is the first place Freya will turn, and the body is often the repository for the accumulated emotions left to build up and stagnate during a period of depression.
Ask Freya to help you remember your love of life, and to use the gifts of your own body to feed your creativity, imagination, and passion.
Hekate is a Greek god who is described as "welcome in all the worlds": the living earth, starry heaven, and the underworld as well. It was Hekate who helped Demeter search the world for the missing Persephone, carrying a torch to light the way to the dark places. The dark of the moon, called deipnon in Hellenic practice, is a time when Hekate is asked to help clear out the old month to make way for the new.
Wiccans associate Hekate with the dark of the moon. In writing a book on Hekate, Weber found herself coming to terms with what it means to be the witch, who like that deity is “completely revered or evil and wicked, all of the above; she is a dangerous goddess. I walked through that process and understood that, and toward the end she said, ‘This is who you are: the witch, the weird girl.’” Weber identified with being regarded in many different and powerful ways. “Like Hekate, people didn’t like the way I look or talked, or idolized me as a savior. No, I’m just someone holding rituals. I’m not the perfect person.”
Ask Hekate to light the way as you undertake shadow work and explore the darkness of depression. In the alternative, when the moon is dark, bring Hekate your doubts and fears and ask for them to be taken from you.
Hel or Hela is a Norse god of death, traditionally depicted with a body that is half alive and half expired. Hel is charged with caring for those who die of sickness and old age. Some devotees of Hela, such as Joshua Tenpenny, find themselves closer to this deity during periods of depression, when the god is experienced as a “loving, compassionate mother.” Tenpenny reports that during such deep devotion, “the depression is irrelevant to that [relationship]. Maybe it’s the key to access the experience.”
Call upon Hel when you feel lost and near the point of breaking. In your prayer, make it clear that you do not know where to turn and that you seek solace.
Helios is the god who first directed the chariot of the sun across the sky each day, according to Greek mythology, and continues to be honored as a sun god by some devotees. This all-seeing god was the sole witness to the abduction of Persephone, for even the darkness of the underworld is thick enough to banish the light of day.
If you feel darkness encroaching, making it difficult for you to see the way forward or be willing to act, ask Helios to cast light upon your situation and allow you to see clearly.
Herne is a god of the hunt who is most strongly connected with Wicca. Herne is depicted as an antlered human man hunting to feed the people, and also as a stag who dies so that the people
might eat. The cycle of predator and prey here serves as a reminder of how rare and precious life can be.
Call on Herne to remind you that others depend upon your skills and your presence in community, and that you are an important part of what makes your community thrive.
Himinglaeva is a Norse god, one of the nine daughters of Ægir and Rán who are described as mermaids or waves. Kaldera refers to Himinglaeva as the “ninth mermaid” and a bringer of light. The name has been taken to mean “transparent on top” in English, suggesting the light shining through a wave of emotion.
Pray that Himinglaeva will bring light when your emotions are roiled and you fear you may drown in your own feelings.
Inanna or Ishtar is a Mesopotamian deity with a great many associations. The most relevant myth here is of Inanna’s descent into the underworld in an attempt to conquer it, which is a humbling experience that is characterized by giving up all that was precious to the god.
Ask Inanna for the resolve to see your journey through without ever forgetting who you are.
The Morrigan is a Celtic god of battle who models inner strength. Weber recalled that the process of writing The Morrigan: Celtic Goddess of Magick and Might was one of “coming to terms with places I’d failed myself,” said Weber, when she had “given more away than I should through no one’s fault but my own.” While in the old myths the Morrigan is depicted mostly in the carnage of war, devotees who are experiencing an inner battle like one with depression also derive comfort from this god’s strength.
Offer the Morrigan your pain and your suffering. This is an offering that may be readily accepted.
Persephone is a Greek god best known for being kidnapped, but who is also a god of flowers and springtime. Persephone was taken to the underworld to marry Hades, and ultimately adopted a routine of spending part of the year in the land of the dead and the remainder in that of the living. Persephone epitomizes the hope that even death is not forever, and that there is always some form of rebirth in the future. “When I was in the depths of bad depression and had no skills to manage it, I identified with Persephone in a metaphorical way,” said Sarah W. “Her descent into darkness and return was important to me.”
Ask Persephone for a sign that your own period of darkness will end, and because it’s hard to see in the dark, ask too that the scales fall from your eyes so that you can see that sign in the first place.
Poseidon is the Greek god of the moving world, whether that’s the storms and tides of the oceans or the world-wrenching power of earthquakes. This makes Poseidon a manifestation of the emotions that are buried so deeply that no one can predict when they will next erupt. The depths of the ocean are places of incredible darkness and unimaginable pressure. This same pressure that births devastating tsunamis can also bring forth new land.
Give Poseidon your grief and your sadness and ask that the salt of the ocean carry away your pain if you are unable to shed tears.
EXERCISE 
The gods listed here are a very limited assortment, and the descriptions do not do any of them justice. The gods you should be turning to during depression may be in these pages, or entirely absent from them.
What you’ll need:
- stories about gods, be they in books, on the internet, or from the lips of friends and co-religionists.
What you’ll do:
- Review the above list and see if any of the listed gods sparks some interest. If so, start digging into the stories from myth, and seek out any modern devotees you can find to see how the practice has evolved.
- If this list is too limited, research the stories of gods your ancestors may have worshiped.
- Continue your research, if needed, by asking other people online or in person about their experience with gods unfamiliar to you.
- When you have found a deity that speaks to your spiritual condition, use divination to determine if the interest is mutual, and then meditate on how you should start your relationship. You may need to find a human teacher. A relationship with a god may be a long-term commitment; make sure you set clear boundaries at the outset and do not make any promises you are not entirely certain you can keep.
No matter the cosmology, it’s common to see a cycle that feeds upon itself to grow stronger. This should be seen as not about blame, because it’s no different than a feedback loop. The reaction is not subconscious, I would say, but unconscious. There’s no blame to assign. It would be easy to conclude, upon reading this, that it is hopeless and there is no way to stop this experience. This is also false. Depression can be managed, it can be treated, and it is possible to forget what it feels like to be depressed. The toll may be huge, but with help it can be borne, and there is always help to be had even if it’s hard to recognize.
JOURNAL EXERCISE 
Set a timer for eight minutes.
Write a thank-you note to a god. You may name a god to whom you already pray or give offerings, or you may not know which god watches over you—in which case, you might ask to know that name. Include a list of blessings in your life. You don’t need solid proof that the god you’re writing to made those good things happen; just list them and say thank you. Every person receives blessings, but it can be easy to overlook them during a period of depression. If this exercise is a struggle, set it aside for now and return to try again tomorrow. Your subconscious will help pick out the blessings you’re receiving, and it will be much easier on the second try.
If you find that you cannot list all of your blessings before time runs out, return tomorrow and write another thank-you note because you are blessed indeed.